"She has suffered so much, Vane, through me--all through me. If I had but foregone my cruel vengeance, and when she came to me with doubt in her heart if I had but spoken one word, the chances are that by this time she would have been Lady Aynsley, and I should have been free to accompany you, my beloved; but I must suffer for my sin. I ought to suffer, and I ought to atone to her."
"Your life, my darling," he said, "your beautiful bright life, your love, your happiness, will all be sacrificed."
"They must be. You see, Vane, she clings to me in her sorrow. His name--Aubrey Langton"s name--never pa.s.ses her lips to any one else but me. She talks of him the night and the day through--it is the only comfort she has; and then she likes me to be with her, to talk to her, and soothe her, and she tires so soon of any one else. I cannot leave her, Vane--it would shorten her life, I am sure."
He made no answer. She looked up at him with tearful eyes.
"Speak to me, Vane. It is hard, I know--but tell me that I am right."
"You are cruelly right," he replied. "Oh, my darling, it is very hard!
Yet you make her a n.o.ble atonement for the wrong you have done--a n.o.ble reparation. My darling, is this how your vow of vengeance has ended--in the greatest sacrifice a woman could make."
"Your love has saved me," she said, gently--"has shown me what is right and what is wrong--has cleared the mist from my eyes. But for that--oh, Vane, I hate to think what I should have been!"
"I wish it were possible to give up the appointment," he remarked, musingly.
"I would not have you do it, Vane. Think of Lady St. Lawrence--how she has worked for it. Remember, it is your only chance of ever being what she wishes to see you. You must not give it up."
"But how can I leave you, Pauline?"
"If you remain in England, it will make but little difference," she said. "I can never leave Lady Darrell while she lives."
"But, Pauline, it may be four, five, or six years before I return, and all that time I shall never see you."
She wrung her hands, but no murmur pa.s.sed her lips, save that it was her fault--all her fault--the price of her sin.
"Vane," she said, "you must not tell Lady Darrell what you came to ask me. She must know that you are here only to say good-by. I would rather keep her in ignorance; she will be the happier for not knowing."
Was ever anything seen like that love and that sorrow--the love of two n.o.ble souls, two n.o.ble hearts, and the sorrow that parting more bitter than death brought upon them? Even Miss Hastings did not know until long after Sir Vane was gone of the sacrifice Pauline had made in the brave endeavor to atone for her sin.
She never forgot the agony of that parting--how Sir Vane stood before them, pale, worn, and sad, impressing one thing on them all--care for his darling. Even to Lady Darrell, the frail, delicate invalid, whose feeble stock of strength seemed to be derived from Pauline, he gave many charges.
"It will be so long before I see her again," he said; "but you will keep her safely for me."
"I almost wonder," said Lady Darrell, "why you do not ask Pauline to accompany you, Sir Vane. For my own sake, I am most selfishly glad that you have not done so--I should soon die without her."
They looked at each other, the two who were giving up so much for her, but spoke no word.
Sir Vane was obliged to return to London that same day. He spoke of seeing Pauline again, but she objected--it would only be a renewal of most bitter and hopeless sorrow. So they bade each other farewell under the lime trees. The bitter yet sweet memory of it lasted them for life.
Miss Hastings understood somewhat of the pain it would cause, but with her gentle consideration, she thought it best to leave Pauline for a time. Hours afterward she went in search of her, and found her under the limes, weeping and moaning for the atonement she had made for her sin.
CHAPTER XLIII.
LADY DARRELL"S WILL.
Two years pa.s.sed away, and Sir Vane St. Lawrence"s circ.u.mstances were rapidly improving; his letters were constant and cheerful--he spoke always of the time when he should come home and claim Pauline for his wife. She only sighed as she read the hopeful words, for she had resolved that duty should be her watchword while Lady Darrell lived--even should that frail, feeble life last for fifty years, she would never leave her.
There came to her chill doubts and fears, dim, vague forebodings that she should never see Vane again--that their last parting was for ever; not that she doubted him, but that it seemed hopeless to think he would wait until her hair was gray, and the light of her youth had left her.
Never mind--she had done her duty; she had sinned, but she had made the n.o.blest atonement possible for her sin.
Two years had pa.s.sed, and the summer was drawing to a close. To those who loved and tended her it seemed that Lady Darrell"s life was closing with it. Even Lady Hampton had ceased to speak hopefully, and Darrell Court was gloomy with the shadow of the angel of death.
There came an evening when earth was very lovely--when the gold of the setting sun, the breath of the western wind, the fragrance of the flowers, the ripple of the fountains, the song of the birds, were all beautiful beyond words to tell; and Lady Darrell, who had lain watching the smiling summer heavens, said:
"I should like once more to see the sun set, Pauline. I should like to sit at the window, and watch the moon rise."
"So you shall," responded Pauline. "You are a fairy queen. You have but to wish, and the wish is granted."
Lady Darrell smiled--no one ever made her smile except Pauline; but the fulfillment of the wish was not so easy after all. Lady Hampton"s foreboding was realized. Lady Darrell might have recovered from her long, serious illness but that her mother"s complaint, the deadly inheritance of consumption, had seized upon her, and was gradually destroying her.
It was no easy matter now to dress the wasted figure; but Pauline seemed to have the strength, the energy of twenty nurses. She was always willing, always cheerful, always ready; night and day seemed alike to her; she would look at her hands, and say:
"Oh! Elinor, I wish I could give you one-half my strength--one-half my life!"
"Do you? Pauline, if you could give me half your life, would you do so?"
"As willingly as I am now speaking to you," she would answer.
They dressed the poor lady, whose delicate beauty had faded like some summer flower. She sat at the window in a soft nest of cushions which Pauline had prepared for her, her wasted hands folded, her worn face brightened with the summer sunshine. She was very silent and thoughtful for some time, and then Pauline, fearing that she was dull, knelt in the fashion that was usual to her at Lady Darrell"s feet, and held the wasted hands in hers.
"What are you thinking about, Elinor?" Pauline asked. "Something as bright as the sunshine?"
Lady Darrell smiled.
"I was just fancying to myself that every blossom of that white magnolia seemed like a finger beckoning me away," she said; "and I was thinking also how full of mistakes life is, and how plainly they can be seen when we come to die."
Pauline kissed the thin fingers. Lady Darrell went on.
"I can see my own great mistake, Pauline. I should not have married Sir Oswald. I had no love for him--not the least in the world; I married him only for position and fortune. I should have taken your warning, and not have come between your uncle and you. His resentment would have died away, for I am quite sure that in his heart he loved you; he would have forgiven you, and I should have had a happier, longer life. That was my mistake--my one great mistake. Another was that I had a certain kind of doubt about poor Aubrey. I cannot explain it; but I know that I doubted him even when I loved him, and I should have waited some time before placing the whole happiness of my life in his hands. Yet it seems hard to pay for those mistakes with my life, does it not?"
And Pauline, to whom all sweet and womanly tenderness seemed to come by instinct, soothed Lady Darrell with loving words until she smiled again.
"Pauline," she said, suddenly, "I wish to communicate something to you.
I wish to tell you that I have made my will, and have left Darrell Court to you, together with all the fortune Sir Oswald left me. I took your inheritance from you once, dear; now I restore it to you. I have left my aunt, Lady Hampton, a thousand a year; you will not mind that--it comes back to you at her death."
"I do not deserve your kindness," said Pauline, gravely.
"Yes, you do; and you will do better with your uncle"s wealth than I have done. I have only been dead in life. My heart was broken--and I have had no strength, no energy. I have done literally nothing; but you will act differently, Pauline--you are a true Darrell, and you will keep up the true traditions of your race. In my poor, feeble hands they have all fallen through. If Sir Vane returns, you will marry him; and, oh! my darling, I wish you a happy life. As for me, I shall never see the sun set again."
The feeble voice died away in a tempest of tears; and Pauline, frightened, made haste to speak of something else to change the current of her thoughts.
But Lady Darrell was right. She never saw the sun set or the moon rise again--the frail life ended gently as a child falls asleep. She died the next day, when the sun was shining its brightest at noon; and her death was so calm that they thought it sleep.