I opened my mouth, ready to deny that I had anyone I wanted to bring, ready to tease Mum about her unsubtle asking, ready to push those cows further out into the paddock. My mouth opened and I don"t know who was more surprised about the words that emerged. "I"m working on it, Mum. Hopefully next month."
I guess you could say Mum was gobsmacked, but I don"t like that word. I didn"t smack her and I did nothing to her mouth, so I guess I will have to say she was flummoxed. Yeah, I like that word, flummoxed. She was like a fish out of water, her mouth opening and closing but nothing much else happening. I had completely astounded her. She knew her lines, she knew my lines, but suddenly I was off-script and she was lost.
Alison was the one who replied, hooting and making fun of me. "Whoo-hoo! Look at lover boy here! Got a new fish to fry."
Candice was beaming at me. "Really? You"ve asked someone out? Who is it?"
Funnily enough, Dale didn"t say anything, just gave me a twisted smile and pa.s.sed me a beer. John arrived then and saved me from further grilling, although sly comments were dropped throughout the day.
Sunday Roast was refreshingly normal. Mum brought out the two roasts-one beef and one lamb as usual-while the other women dished out plates of roasted potato, pumpkin, sweet potato, and carrots. There were peas and corn, steamed broccoli, string beans, and of course, the required jug of homemade gravy. Dad carved the meat with one eye on the television, as it was a few minutes until the end of the first quarter of the football game. Soon, Mum"s serving platter was piled high with slices of steaming meat. We all pulled up our chairs and handed around the fresh bread rolls and vegetables.
Conversation was quiet and subdued, and I was reminded of Jay"s family dinner. I wondered what he would think of our meal? There was no shouting, unless you counted Ben"s yell for more bread rolls to be sent to his end of the table. Yeah, and okay, I got in trouble for chucking them to Ben instead of pa.s.sing the plate. And I think I saw John flick a pea at Dale, and Alison definitely had her hand on Ben"s thigh during the meal, and Anita pinched Cameron at least twice, and I saw Dad lick his knife-which Mum hated, but over all we were very polite and civil to each other.
Then the siren sounded to signal the start of the next quarter and Dad and Ben disappeared. The rest of us pretended not to notice and carried on our meal. Anita worked in Aged Care and told us some funny stories about her Alzheimer-stricken patients, and John managed to persuade Candice that he really didn"t need a blind date with her cousin.
It was extremely pleasant to be with my family-even though I mumble and groan about them all the time. After the West Coast Eagles lost (yes!), it was time to leave, and Ben and Alison gave me a ride home, even though it was out of their way.
"Okay, now dish, Liam," Alison demanded as we left the house behind. "What is she like?"
"Who?" I played dumb.
"This girl you are "working on." What did you mean by that? Are you dating?"
This was like high school all over again. "We"re not dating. We met up for lunch a couple of weeks back and we have another date this week. We haven"t mentioned anything about a permanent relationship, or exclusivity, or anything like that." s.h.i.t! We didn"t, did we? I"d better double-check that with Jay. And while I am at it I"d better check the expiry date on those condoms at home.
"But you like her, yes?"
I smiled at the thought of Jay. "Yeah. More than anyone I"ve liked for a long time." s.h.i.t! I should just get a whole new packet of condoms and be done with it.
"So it"s serious on your side? You"d like to make it long-term?"
"Yeah." I don"t think one packet is going to be enough. I should stock up.
"So do you want to bring her to the wedding? You can, you know. It is just a c.o.c.ktail party with no seating arrangements or anything. I can easily have one extra."
My happy little bubble burst as I pictured the scene. Alison, resplendent in a white poofy dress, Ben dressed up to the nines, the pink-clad bridesmaids, the friends and family in their Sunday best, Uncle Kenny, Aunt Rose, Grandad and Grandma Turner, Cousin Gary the Catholic priest... and then me and Jay. They would stare, they would sneer; we would totally ruin the wedding.
"I... ah... don"t think so, Alison. Thanks anyway. The day should be about you and Ben. If I bring someone to the wedding, people will be too busy gossiping about me and how I"d finally got a date. Besides, don"t you remember? The last date I brought to a family wedding ended up marrying Dale. I don"t want to tempt fate."
Ben and Alison laughed, and the subject was dropped. But I didn"t forget about it. I tossed and turned that night, my dreams a mixture of arousal and terror, as the attack on Jay got all mixed in with s.e.x, and on top of that, guilt and shame.
I felt angry-angry that I couldn"t ask whoever I wanted to a wedding without causing a scene. Why should it be different because I was gay? And why should it be different because it was Jay? I knew for certain that if I were in love with someone like Aaron, then my family could pretend that we were just friends and nothing would be said. We could be mates and even live together and no one would be any wiser unless we went around in public smooching or something.
But because Jay is like Jay is, there would be no way that people would see our being together as anything other than a gay relationship. Jay practically shouted his h.o.m.os.e.xuality from the way he acted and the way he dressed. Not that he should change, because I absolutely adored that about him, but it was true-it made others feel uncomfortable.
So not bringing Jay to the wedding was all about other people. It was nothing about my feelings, or Jay"s feelings, or even Ben and Alison"s feelings. It was the reaction of other people that made me have to act a different way. And that made me feel guilty, like I were ashamed of Jay or something.
My first taste of people"s feelings came on Wednesday night. Jay still owed me for two meals and insisted on taking me out. There was a new j.a.panese restaurant a couple of blocks from my apartment, so Jay drove to my place and we walked there together.
"So do you like j.a.panese food?" I asked him as we walked.
Jay was practically skipping next to me, excitement and excess energy making him jiggle and dance. "Oh, I adore it! There"s a place not too far from work that I go to all the time. It makes the best sushi! I tried to make it at home once, but Mum hated it so I don"t go to all that bother for just me. But it"s so nice. And you know the best thing? It"s a good environmental choice. We are not using up the planet"s resources on cooking because most of it is raw...."
He rattled on and didn"t require a response from me, which I loved because it gave me the chance to just watch him. He used his whole body when he talked, which made me think of other things he could use his whole body for, which then caused problems with my body, so I was eternally grateful Jay did not require an answer to be formulated in my suddenly empty brain. The blood in my body was otherwise occupied, thank you very much.
When we arrived at the restaurant, I held the door open for Jay to precede me, just like I would a woman, and then I spoke to the maitre d" to confirm our reservations. It was when I got to the table that I found I had a problem. With a woman, I would hold her chair for her and make sure she was seated before I sat down, but what was the rule with gay dating? I didn"t want to make Jay feel like a girl, because I certainly didn"t want him to treat me like that, but how far did you go with the courtesy? I wanted to show that I appreciated him and cared about him, but I didn"t want to dent his pride. I held the chair out for him, anyway.
Jay had hardly drawn breath since my question, so I didn"t think he noticed my problem. As usual, he needed a reminder that other things in life were happening around him. I snagged a hand as it flew past and squeezed. "Hey. How about we decide on drinks and food, and then you can tell me all about the whale-conservation movement?"
He stopped midsentence and looked around as if he were unsure how he had arrived at this place, then looked abashed. "Sorry. I just wish my mouth would turn off sometimes. I should sew my lips together like those protesting refugees so I can"t just blabber on all night!"
I didn"t want Jay to feel bad at all, so I captured his other hand, pulling them together in my clasp and shaking them slightly to get his attention. "Jay. I love your mouth and I definitely don"t want you doing anything like sewing it together. I love it doing crazy things to my body and I love it when all these ideas that I have never even considered come pouring forth out of it. I don"t want you to change, so stop apologizing for being you. If I didn"t like you I wouldn"t be out with you. I just need you to draw a breath and pick some food so that we can eat, and then maybe we can go back to my place and I can show you all the things I love about your mouth."
Jay"s eyes got really wide, and then a blush stole over his cheeks. He stared at my lips and muttered, "f.u.c.k the food. Let"s go home now."
I laughed out loud. "No way! You owe me two meals now. You are not getting out of this one. Besides, if we go home now I will never sleep because you haven"t finished your story about the whales and I"ll be up all night wondering."
He chuckled and we managed to order without too much trouble. We enjoyed a lovely meal together. It was only toward the end of the night that things got difficult.
I had been vaguely aware of my surroundings all night, but mostly completely entranced with Jay. The restaurant was crowded for a Wednesday night, and we were sitting against the wall. Seated at the table next to us was a party of four-two men and two women. I had distantly registered that the men were in their late forties and not exactly the most attractive specimens of manhood. The women were slightly younger and sisters by the looks of it. The men seemed to be friends, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and laughing loudly. I had briefly wondered if the men were brothers-in-law, married to sisters.
At some time during the night Jay leaned close, motioned to our neighbors, and giggled softly to me, "I don"t think the blind date is going all that well."
Surprised, I glanced over to see the woman closest to me was wearing almost a sneer of disgust at the man opposite her. The man was no one special with a beer gut forming, thinning hair, and a cheap suit that looked to be over twenty years old. I had snorted, laughing with Jay, and Mr. Cheap Suit had glared at us.
I had forgotten all about him until not long after. As Jay paid, and we were finishing our drinks, a young waitress stopped by their table and politely asked if they were enjoying their meal. Mr. Cheap Suit, with a couple of alcoholic beverages under his belt, replied loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear.
"Well, it would"ve been better if we weren"t seated next to these two b.u.t.t f.u.c.kers here."
Conversations died all around us as disbelief warred with embarra.s.sment inside me. In the end embarra.s.sment lost. I was embarra.s.sed to be on the receiving end of such a rude and inconsiderate comment, but he was insulting Jay as well, and that was something I couldn"t stand for. Jay had gone silent, his face and body losing all vivacity, and I had flashbacks to the attack. My anger rose inside of me. No one would treat Jay like that if I was around.
"Excuse me?" I had engaged his attention before I could think it through. It helped that the faces around me were all disbelief and disgust at Mr. Cheap Suit, not at Jay and me. I could see that his date had turned in her seat and was gathering her jacket and purse to flee the scene. Her sister was following her cue. The nice young waitress had gone bright red and I could see the manager desperately winding his way through the tables, hurrying to control the situation. Jay said my name, warning me against starting a fuss, but I simply grasped his hand in mine.
Mr. Cheap Suit turned toward me, his face flushed with alcohol and annoyance. "You f.u.c.king h.o.m.os make me sick. I shouldn"t have to see you two doing the repulsive things you do out in public. I can"t even imagine the sick things that happen between you at home."
The rage inside me calmed. This was just an ignorant drunk who was spouting off at the mouth. I had no ire against him anymore; he was obviously pathetic, sad, and lonely. I tugged Jay to his feet, pushed him out of Mr. Cheap Suit"s arm range, and headed toward the door before I stopped and turned.
"Sir, we have done nothing wrong, we simply ate our meal without interfering with anyone else"s lives. And the things that happen at home between us? I don"t want you imagining them either, thank you. You have no idea of what happens to us behind closed doors. Unlike me and everyone else in this room, we all know what will be happening to you tonight. It will involve just your hand, because if I am not mistaken, that is your date that just disappeared."
Several bursts of laughter came from all sides of me, along with t.i.tters from the women listening. I hurriedly pushed Jay out the door and left the bozo in the restaurant. He wasn"t my problem, and hopefully they would call him a taxi.
I snagged Jay"s hand and we walked hand in hand in silence to my apartment. Jay was staring at me as if the sun rose in my face, but I tried to ignore him so we could get home faster. If I so much as looked at him out here on the street, we would be making out up against the brick wall. I led him inside my place and closed the door after us. Throwing my keys onto the table, I sighed and turned to face him.
"Okay. Say it now. I was stupid. I should"ve just ignored the insult and let it go. I shouldn"t engage people like that because that"s how we get into fights and furniture gets broken. I should just learn to pay no heed to a.r.s.eholes like that. Turn the other cheek, and all that c.r.a.p."
Jay stepped up into my s.p.a.ce and cupped my cheeks. "You were magnificent. That"s the second time you"ve charged in to my rescue, but please be careful. I may just become addicted to it." He pressed his lips against mine and all thoughts of cheap suits and drunken a.r.s.eholes receded from my mind. All I cared about was Jay.
I backed him up to the wall, deepening the kiss and clutching at his waist. Jay moaned, and opened to me like a flower, allowing me to invade his mouth with my tongue. He widened his stance so I could move our pelvises together, and bring our rapidly hardening c.o.c.ks side by side.
"Liam. Oh, Liam."
I reached under his shirt to find naked skin. "Shut up. If you can talk, then I am not doing a good enough job at seducing you."
Jay"s hands gripped my head. "Yes, you are." He was breathless and his words were punctuated with kissing my jaw. "Doing a fantastic job. Totally seduced, I am."
I had not managed to see him naked during our last session, and intimately exploring his nude form was on the top of my agenda tonight. I reached for his belt and fumbled, then pulled at the strap and dragged it away before attacking the b.u.t.ton of his jeans. I cursed, unable to coordinate my fingers while kissing his wet mouth. He giggled.
"Jesus, Jay. Stop laughing at me and frickin" help!"
He kissed me again, which didn"t help my motor skills, and asked, "How about if we move into the bedroom? I have been dying to try out your quilt cover again."
Bedroom? G.o.d, yes! I practically sprinted for the room, dragging Jay along behind me. Once inside, I turned on the bedside lamp, which gave just enough light to see by without being harsh. Jay was watching me with hot eyes. I pointed a finger in his direction.
"You! Naked, now! I want to see you naked on my bed in ten seconds or else I may just have to rip the clothes from your body." My own fingers were already busy on my shirt, my feet shuffling to flick my shoes off. Jay"s eyes widened and he hurried to obey.
I was usually self-conscious about the scarring and wasted muscle on my thigh, but Jay knew all about it, so I knew it wouldn"t come as a huge shock to him. My other intimate experiences had been hookups with strangers, and I didn"t want them looking and asking questions instead of kissing and f.u.c.king. I shucked my jeans but left my cotton boxers on. Maybe they would help me from coming in thirty seconds like a kid with his first girlfriend.
Jay obeyed my instructions and I watched as his clothing fell to the floor, revealing his body to my most appreciative eyes. His blond body hair was spa.r.s.e, located mostly around his groin area, leaving his chest silky smooth. His nipples were a pale pink color, and I could see them already puckered in arousal, as if I couldn"t see his c.o.c.k and judge his excitement for myself. Jay kicked aside his jeans and briefs and crawled to the center of my bed, his firm a.r.s.e pointing straight up, giving me glimpses of darker pink flesh between his legs. I saw his ball sac for a moment as he crawled and the dark pink of his pucker. I reached out and caressed that beautiful a.r.s.e like I had dreamed of doing.
He almost fell, flopping on the bed and turning in one lithe move. His eyes fell to my groin and he groaned as he saw my boxers. "Hey! No fair! Why aren"t you naked, too?"
I crawled after him, making my way up and over his body, breathing in the scents of his intimate fragrance, blowing slightly on his skin but not touching him at all until I was crouched over him. "It"s my turn to drive tonight. You just need to lay there while I kiss...." I kissed his chin, "lick...." I moved down and licked at the cord of his neck, "and suck...." I paused, sucking lightly at his collarbone, "every single inch of this fine body." Jay was squirming with antic.i.p.ation as I dived in, starting with those diamond studs that drove me crazy.
I explored every inch of him with my mouth. His ears, his neck, his shoulders, his nipples, his breast bone, his ribs. I traced them with my tongue, kissing and sucking wherever I felt like. But I was called downward and I willingly followed the siren"s song. I paused to run my tongue around his bellyb.u.t.ton as he cried out my name, but my hands had become impatient at missing out on the feast. They tenderly touched and rubbed at the muscles of his thighs, before becoming bolder and moving in for the dessert.
I used my thumbs to brush his testes and heard Jay begin to curse. "s.h.i.t! You"d better get a move on, Liam or you"re going to miss the show!"
I smiled, not hurried in the least. The head of his c.o.c.k was right under my mouth now, and I dropped my lips to it, giving a quick kiss before replying. "Patience. Besides, if you come now I"ll just have to start all over again!"
I laughed as I heard him mutter something about torture and blue b.a.l.l.s, but the taste of him was on my lips now. I licked my lips, enjoying that first flavor, following up by using my tongue to run down the length of his shaft to draw in a deeper tang. He cried out and I took pity on the poor guy, kissing my way back to his c.o.c.k crown and, using my right hand to pull him up off his stomach, I plunged the length of his c.o.c.k as deep inside my mouth as I could. I felt the spongy head b.u.mp up against the back of my palate and the delicious flavor of his pre-e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.e exploded on my tongue.
I moaned, instinctively applying suction as I pulled back, enjoying the slight drag against my lips and tongue. It wasn"t enough, I had to go back for more, and I plunged downward again, creating a rhythm, using my hand to caress the length I couldn"t fit in my mouth.
"Yes! Liam! Oh, G.o.d! Yes!"
I dimly heard his cry over my own pleasure as I used my mouth on him again and again. My left hand came out and cupped his b.a.l.l.s like I had been wanting to for ages. I was in heaven-b.a.l.l.s in one hand, d.i.c.k in the other, and my mouth tasting the sweetest dessert G.o.d could provide.
"Liam! I"m close! Leeee-aaaamm!"
I suddenly realized what was about to happen, and as much as I couldn"t wait to have him e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.e into my mouth, there was another vision I wanted to fulfill tonight. My excitement was at fever pitch and I pulled off his c.o.c.k, pushing my boxers away as quickly as I could.
"Nooo!" Jay screeched, thinking I was leaving him hanging, but my brain couldn"t think enough to formulate a reply. At last my boxers were on the floor and I lunged for his body, lining his chest up with mine, our c.o.c.ks coming together like magnets.
My hand came up, surrounding both of us and pumping, my saliva and my own pre-e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.e providing enough lubrication that I was sliding quickly and roughly, bringing us both to the edge. Jay"s arms came around me as he panted and yelled at me, urging me to hurry. I looked down, transfixed by the sight of his paler c.o.c.k rubbing against mine.
"Come now," I instructed Jay. "Come on. I want to see you come." And like a champion, he did, white fluid gushing from the end of his c.o.c.k, coating my hand and providing extra lubrication to us both. He spurted once, and then again, and I milked him furiously until the sight of him coming like that was too much for me. I fell against his chest, my own climax overtaking my actions as I thrust furiously on his leg.
My heart pounded in my chest as I heaved like a racehorse, barely managing to roll to the side so I didn"t squash the poor guy. I flopped to my back, too tired to think, too tired to even feel. The minutes ticked past with excruciating slowness before I finally could catch my breath and turn my head toward Jay. He was lying on his back with a beatific smile, idly running his hand over his stomach. With surprise I realized he was swirling shapes in our combined e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.e, mixing them together. I had come on my stomach too, and I was unsure if it was mine or his, but I didn"t feel like finger painting with it.
"You okay?" I asked.
Jay didn"t bother to open his eyes. "Mmm-hmm."
I shook my head at him and swung my legs off the bed. In the bathroom I cleaned up and pulled on a fresh pair of boxers before running a cloth under the hot water for Jay. He was still touching the stuff when I returned.
"Hey, Pica.s.so! Do you want this cloth to clean up or are you planning on transferring that to canvas?"
Jay didn"t get embarra.s.sed; he just held his hand out for the cloth and smiled. "I was just thinking of what a child of ours would look like, if we could make one between the two of us. Could you imagine if we could rub our come together and get a child?"
All too easy. "Eh? I don"t think that"s what G.o.d had in mind when he created our bodies to work the way they do."
He sighed as he wiped himself down. "True. But a child of ours would be A-1 awesome! He would have my good looks and your ball-busting personality and he would take on the whole world!"
"What if he turned out to be a she?"
"Then she would have my good looks and I would teach her everything I know about style and fashion and then she would take on the whole world with your ball-busting att.i.tude."
I just laughed.
Chapter 11.
JAY AND I ended up getting together about three nights a week after that. We still had our own things to do-Jay had yoga twice a week, which I just rolled my eyes at, but I sure appreciated the flexibility and lithe body that came from the workouts-and I had friends to catch up with and swimming, which I did to keep up my fitness and as therapy for my leg. We caught a couple of meals together, then takeout at my place, before we settled for cooking for ourselves to save money. Jay cooked me his j.a.panese creations and I grilled a mean steak with boiled potatoes.
We tried to find things to do together on the weekend, but I insisted that Jay continue to see his friends and family as usual, just in case this thing between us didn"t work out. Or if I decided that I didn"t want to be gay after all.
He ended up picking me up on Sat.u.r.day mornings and taking me grocery shopping. He"d found out I was catching the bus to the local markets to buy my fresh foods and threw a mini-tantrum until I allowed Daisy to come and get me. I swallowed my pride (and my laughter) and we would zoom off in yellow-and-rust Daisy and hit the markets, chatting and having fun over tomatoes and apples.
We rubbed along together well. It wasn"t just about the s.e.x-which was fantastic and very important to me-but I liked being with Jay for other reasons too. He made me laugh and I loved that. It wasn"t all hearts and roses-we had our differences, but instead of letting them become an issue, we simply laughed and shrugged at our mutual pigheadedness and got on with life.
I introduced him to boutique microbrews; he introduced me to green tea. He allowed me to teach him to play Xbox; I allowed him to put green clay on my face. I laughed and declined to wax any part of my body; he laughed and declined to remove the plastic sunflower from Daisy"s aerial. I categorically refused to go to yoga with him; he categorically refused to sleep over at my place.
"But, daahling, I couldn"t possibly face you with puffy, red eyes and before I"ve shaved! Oh, shudder!"
Our biggest disagreement, however, was over something that I refused to do. a.n.a.l s.e.x.
I emphatically refused to talk about it and firmly rejected doing it. I knew Jay wanted to, but I couldn"t bring myself to entertain the notion. I had psyched myself up and bought the condoms and everything, but in the end couldn"t go through with it.
"But, why, Liam? Can you at least tell me?" Since Jay had not been able to make me talk about it while we were fooling around, he decided he"d tackle the issue over dinner.
"I don"t want to talk about it."