A sharp pain struck her dead center in her chest. Had he left? Without saying anything?
No, he wouldn"t do that.
Would he?
She didn"t know him all that well. What she did know was that she felt safe with him.
And when he kissed her...
She definitely shouldn"t be thinking about that kiss. She had too many other things going on in her life. She should be thinking about what she was going to do with her life when she left the den. She"d have to get a job. She had no money. She owned absolutely nothing, not even the clothes on her back. They"d been bought by Grace.
She had a high school education only because Ettore had employed a tutor for her and Lia who helped her get her GED. She had no head for numbers, but she wasn"t stupid.
Still, she wouldn"t be able to survive without help. And that made her furious. And terrified. And embarra.s.sed.
"Mara. What"s wrong?"
She turned with a gasp, her hand going to her chest.
Race stood in the open front door, wearing a frown, a pair of jeans and not much else. He held a shirt in his hands but she had the almost overwhelming urge to grab it and stuff it in the disposal in the sink and grind it to tiny bits.
Blessed Mother G.o.ddess, the man had a body sculpted by the deities. She"d never felt this way about a guy. Not even the father of her son. That man-she refused to even think his name-had been the first man to show her simple affection. She"d been attracted to him, had soaked up his apparent kindness. She"d given him her virginity and never realized he"d been playing her the entire time.
All because Ettore had wanted her to be a breeding machine.
She lifted her hands. "Where were you?"
His eyes narrowed as he watched her hands before he nodded and lifted his gaze back to hers. "Out for a run. I wanted to check the forest, make sure everything"s okay."
Then he pulled his shirt over his head and she nearly asked him to take it off again.
"Something happen?"
He strode across the room to her, stopping only inches away and again she was struck by his size. He made her feel tiny. And as if nothing could get at her if he stood by her side. Or in front of her.
Looking up into those dark, dark eyes, she wondered if he knew how she felt about him. If he knew she wanted him to kiss her again. To take her out of herself for just a little while.
Was that so awful? Arin was safe and sound asleep in the little bedroom next to hers. Arin had outgrown the ba.s.sinet, and the queen-size bed in her room didn"t leave room for the crib.
She wasn"t sure Race would fit in her bed. And if he did, he"d take up most of it.
And that would be okay.
A muscle began to jump in his jaw and she reached out to run a finger along the rough stubble on his cheeks. He had perpetual five o"clock shadow. It added to the air of danger surrounding him.
With any other man, it would"ve turned her off, made her run the other way.
With Race...it drew her closer.
She took a step forward until only inches separated them. She wanted him to kiss her again but he seemed dead set against it. He held stock-still, his only movements that still-twitching muscle in his jaw and the increasingly labored rise and fall of his chest.
Was he as affected by her as she was by him? He"d kissed her last night then pushed her away. What would happen if she kissed him right now?
She wanted to ask him but she knew he wouldn"t be able to understand all of it and she didn"t want him to misunderstand her in any way.
So how did she show him what she wanted?
Should she rise onto her tiptoes and press her lips against his? Last night he"d kissed her. Maybe she needed to show him just how much she wanted him.
"Are you sure?"
His voice startled her and her gaze flew from his lips to his eyes.
"Just nod or shake your head. I don"t want any misunderstandings. If you don"t want to kiss me, shake your head. If you do, nod-"
Putting both hands on his cheeks, she pulled him down and kissed him. She wanted him to have no doubt that this was what she wanted. That he was who she wanted.
As her lips moved over his, she took her time, learning how best they fit together. How much better they meshed when she turned her head a certain way or how much deeper when she lifted onto her toes.
Race let her explore, let her kiss him instead of taking over.
She felt the tension in his body, as if he were holding himself back from grabbing her and pulling her against him.
She appreciated his control but it wasn"t what she wanted. She wanted him out of control. Wanted him to want her so much he couldn"t keep his hands off her.
Taking the final step forward, she pressed against him from b.r.e.a.s.t.s to thighs.
G.o.ds, the man threw off enough heat to warm an entire room.
She wanted to get closer. Wanted to feel his naked body against hers. Over her. Wrapped around her and moving in her.
Did he want the same?
She pulled back and opened her eyes, looking up. His were open, barely, and glittering.
"Are you absolutely sure?"
His voice sounded s.e.xy, dark and enticing. She wanted to hear him telling her how much he wanted her. Not constantly asking if she was okay or if she was certain she knew what she wanted.
She wanted him to know she was okay. Wanted him to trust that she knew what she wanted.
Prove to him she was as adult as she claimed to be.
Making sure she maintained eye contact, she nodded then smiled at him.
And watched desire flush his face.
"You want to stop at any time, all you have to do is push me away. I"ll understand. Okay?"
She nodded because he needed the confirmation. Then she took his hand and led him to her room.
She didn"t turn on any lights. Didn"t need them because she always left the curtains open. She couldn"t stand being shut in a room and having the windows covered. Another thing to lay at Ettore"s feet.
But she wasn"t about to let that madman invade this time with Race.
Not here. Not now.
Moonlight bounced off the snow and lit the room with a silver glow. It made her smile, added a hint of romance she hadn"t antic.i.p.ated.
Not that she expected Race to care about romance. Men didn"t really think about those things, did they? It seemed women were the only ones who cared about moonlight and candles and- "Turn around. I want to look at you."
The tone of his voice made it hard for her to swallow as she did as he asked. But before she could do more than glance at him, he wrapped his arms around her and settled his mouth over hers again.
This time, his kiss was more demanding, more like last night. She stretched against him, aching for more contact.
Why wouldn"t he rush? She wanted him to tear her clothes off. To show he truly wanted her.
Instead he slowed, drawing out the kiss. One hand cupped her jaw, the other splayed across her back, a warm, heavy weight that did weird and wonderful things to her.
She couldn"t imagine how she"d react when they were naked.
And they would be. Hopefully soon. She wanted that connection with Race. Needed it.
He"d become important to her and she believed she"d become the same to him.
She hoped she wasn"t wrong, that she could trust her judgment.
But after everything that"d happened to her...
No. No more.
She refused to live her life by others" expectations.
While Race kissed her with total control, she worked her hands under the t-shirt he"d pulled on only minutes ago.
Warm flesh against her skin. Hard muscles flexing beneath her hands as she spread them across his broad shoulders. Her lips parted and his tongue slid into her mouth to tangle with hers.
Gently. No heated, frantic rush.
She sensed he was holding back. Probably because he didn"t want to scare her.
Race didn"t scare her. How could she make him understand that?
Taking a step back, she maintained eye contact as she pointed to his shirt.
His gaze narrowed but he didn"t move. So she pointed again, this time touching her finger to his shirt and flicking at it.
His expression lightened the tiniest bit. "But I just put it on."
She c.o.c.ked one eyebrow at him, realizing he was playing with her. Knowing Race wasn"t known for his playful nature. She liked that he wanted to play with her.
He sighed. "All right. But only because you insist."
Biting back a smile, she knew she did insist. And when he reached behind him and pulled the shirt over his head, she wanted to insist he strip completely.
She"d seen what was under those clothes before. But this time, instead of simply admiring, she could touch. And she so wanted to touch.
She reached for him, letting her fingertips graze along the defined ridges of his abdomen. Her previous lover had been in shape but Race put him to shame. h.e.l.l, Race put most other men to shame. He was as beautiful as a piece of sculpture. But so alive.
He gave off heat like a furnace and she wanted to soak it in, skin-to-skin, until she was as warm as he was.
Lately she couldn"t get warm enough.
Right now, she was overheating.
She wanted him to strip off her clothes but she knew he wouldn"t unless she asked. And she didn"t want to have to use her hands for that. Her hands were busy exploring him.
He held still, let her fingertips glide over his pointed nipples, down to the muscles of his abs then lower, to trace the waistband of his jeans. She heard him suck in a quick breath as she slipped one finger into the front of his pants and almost brushed against the head of his erection.
His jeans strained against the thick length and she wanted to release his zipper so she could see him in all his glory.
Wanted to stroke him and tease him and torment him. All the things she"d never gotten to do at each previous fumbling, furtive time.
"Mara, look at me."
She responded to his voice immediately, tilting her head back so she could look into his eyes.
He"d sounded worried and she had a moment to stare up at him before he cupped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her again.
This time, it was more like being devoured. And so much more erotic than anything she"d ever experienced.
He held nothing back now and her body responded with a surge of desire, making her wet between her thighs, making her heart race and her blood pound.
Squirming against him, she wanted to be closer. As if he"d read her mind, he released her face and reached for her shirt. He reared back to pull it over her head, allowing her to suck in a quick breath before he kissed her again seconds later, not even long enough for her skin to register the change in temperature.
And then her senses went wild at the touch of so much of his skin against hers.
Firm yet soft. Hot.
Her hands spread across his back, fingers clenching so her nails dug into his skin. He groaned, low and deep, then kissed her harder.
She couldn"t get enough of him, of the feel of his skin, of his taste. Of the way he totally dominated the kiss but didn"t make her feel as if he were using her only for his pleasure.
He kissed her as if he were starving for her, as if he couldn"t get enough of her. And that set her free.
No more doubts. At least not now.
She pressed into his hands when he cupped her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. She didn"t have much there so she didn"t usually wear a bra. She hadn"t tonight so he had unimpeded access.