She nodded again and hoped that covered everything he wanted to know. But she should have known better. Matt wasn"t the sort of man she could brush off or fool with a smile. He might be laid-back and easygoing, but he was sharp as a tack.
"Problem?" he asked.
She shook her head no while thinking yes. Big problem. Many problems. There was a secret between them, something that wouldn"t have bothered her in the past but was bothering her greatly now. She had no idea what she was doing with him, but the anxiety ratcheted up a notch now. "I"m just really bad with morning-after discussions," she said. "Even though technically, this is an afternoon after. Or evening after. Or-"
"Maybe you"d be less bad at them if you didn"t run off."
Yeah, maybe. Probably. But running off was what she did.
"Okay," he said with a shake of his head, as if he wasn"t sure how they"d gotten on this track. "Let"s start this conversation over. You really okay? And I mean that as a general how-are-you question."
"Yes," she said. "I"m really okay. You?"
"Better than okay."
She rolled her eyes, but felt a smile threaten. How he did that, coaxed the fun out of her when she"d been fresh out of fun, was a big mystery.
He nudged his chin toward where Riley had vanished. "Tell me about Riley."
Well if that didn"t wipe her smile right off. He thought Riley was staying with her, and he thought that because she"d told him so. By not correcting that a.s.sumption and telling him that Riley now would be back in the woods was as good as lying to him.
But she"d promised. She"d promised a teen who desperately needed to be able to trust. "Nothing to tell, really. I was feeding her."
Matt studied her for a long moment, eyes sharp and a.s.sessing. She could feel the heat of his body, the easy strength of him, and felt the utterly inexplicable urge to reach for him. It confused her. She"d spent most of her teens and early twenties doing her best to ruin her own life. This had involved some pretty stupid and ma.s.sively unsafe things, like hitchhiking across the country, accepting rides and places to stay with no concern for her own safety.
Not having family to call had only increased the sense of walking on a tightrope.
She"d gotten good at it.
She"d also gotten good at self-preservation. She"d managed to survive in spite of herself, and yet here she was at the ripe old age of twenty-eight, and all she wanted to do was turn and burrow her face in Matt"s chest and let him be the strong one.
He"d do it, too. If she made the first move, he"d absolutely wrap her in his arms and hold her close. He"d murmur something in that low, calming voice, something she might not even catch, but it wouldn"t matter. She"d know everything was going to be okay.
He"d given her that, a sense of security, and it terrified her.
Reaching for her hand, he turned her to face him. "Amy."
With a sigh, she let him tug her in against him, and when he kissed her, his mouth was warm and knowing, tasting both familiar and right. It was like coming home. That was her only excuse for letting him deepen the kiss, for wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him back until she had no air left. Finally she broke it off because this wasn"t like last time, when he"d been just getting off work and they could race to his house to get naked like two h.o.r.n.y idiots. She had a long shift ahead of her. "I have to get back inside before Jan kills me," she whispered against his mouth.
He let her unravel from him, but when she would have walked away, he tightened his grip on her hand. "Amy."
"Yeah?"
His gaze held hers, and she did her best to keep her thoughts to herself.
"You"d tell me if there was trouble," he said.
Some of her glow diminished. "What kind of trouble?" she asked cautiously.
"Any kind of trouble."
Maybe she wasn"t quite as good at lying as she thought. "I can take care of myself. You know that, right?"
"That"s the thing, Amy. You don"t have to. You have connections here. Friends. People who care. I care."
Hadn"t she just had this conversation in reverse with Riley? And now Matt was the one trying to be there, for Amy. h.e.l.l if that didn"t put a lump in her throat, which she ruthlessly swallowed. "There"s no trouble." Please don"t ask me to promise.
He didn"t. Without another word, he nodded and let go of her hand, and without much of a choice, she went back inside the diner.
Chapter 12.
G.o.d gave the angels wings and the humans chocolate.
Two days later, Matt found Amy at the ranger station, studying the big board of trails. She was wearing her hip-hugging skinny jeans tucked into her kick-a.s.s boots and a snug, thin tee with some Chinese symbols on it that he figured he didn"t want to know the meaning of. She was concentrating on the board, brow furrowed, lips moving as she read the names of the trails. Just the sight of her made him both smile and ache.
"Where to?" he asked.
She didn"t take her attention off the board. "I"m thinking of walking from the north rim to the south rim."
"For... your heart?"
"For my grandma"s heart."
He nodded agreeably. "You"re going to want to take the eastern trail to the top," he said, nursing the Dr. Pepper he"d picked up at the convenience store on his way in. "It"s the longest, but it"s the only easy-to-moderate way to the top. There"s a loop but don"t take it. Come back the same way."
She turned her head and looked at him, and he felt the same punch to the gut that he always felt when they were this close. He wanted to think she felt it too but it was hard to tell. She was d.a.m.n good at keeping her thoughts inside. "You planning on overnighting again?"
Her mouth curved slightly. "No. I don"t think overnighting in the wilds is for me."
He begged to disagree. He could remember, vividly, how she"d looked in his sweatshirt, in his sleeping bag, in his tent. Hot. "Then you want to make sure you turn around by three or four to get back before dark."
She saluted him, the smart-a.s.s, and made him smile. "We could meet up after," he said.
Again, her brow furrowed. "For?"
"To go out."
"Out," she repeated, like the word didn"t compute.
"On a date," he clarified.
"A date?"
"Yeah," he said, laughing ruefully at himself. At her. "Unless you"re allergic to dates. Then we could call it something else."
She opened her mouth, then hesitated.
He c.o.c.ked his head. "You"re afraid to see what happens next."
"There aren"t plans for what happens next, remember? No getting attached."
"Plans change."
She stared at him as if he wasn"t speaking her language. "Why? Why would you want to go out with me? I"m grumpy, and irritable, and frankly, not all that nice a person."
"I"ll give you the grumpy," he said. "But you"re off on the nice thing. You"re a better person than you give yourself credit for, Amy."
She was staring at him suspiciously, like maybe he had an ulterior motive for b.u.t.tering her up. "Not reason enough to want to go out," she said. "Why, Matt?"
The easy answer was because he wanted her again. That was also the hard answer. "Because I feel good when I"m with you," he said simply.
She let out a breath. "Matt, I-"
"No. Don"t say you can"t, because I know you"re not working tonight. And don"t say you don"t want to, because there were two of us in my bed the other night. I know what you felt, Amy. I saw it."
She just kept looking at him like he"d lost his mind. And h.e.l.l, maybe he had.
"You"re a hard guy to say no to," she finally said.
"So don"t say it. Say yes."
She shook her head, clearly thinking this was a bad idea, but then gave him the word he"d wanted. "Yes."
For Amy, the Rim Trail was much more "moderate" than "easy." But at least it was clearly marked and easy to follow, even if it was a straight-up climb of 2,500 vertical feet.
She"d gotten lucky finding the first two legs of her grandma"s journey. She was worried about this last leg.
In the end, she"d gone full circle. That"s what the journal had said.
Amy sighed. She could only hope that when it came to the end, she"d figure it out.
Halfway, she took a break at a natural plateau, behind a sheer rock face that was staggering. In front of her was a narrow creek running from pure snow melt. And far below, she could see the Pacific Ocean churning under a sky dotted with white puffy clouds. It looked so perfect and beautiful that it could have been a painting.
Needing to catch her breath, she sat with the creek at her feet and pulled out her sketch pad, wanting to draw this place, wondering, hoping, her grandma and Jonathon had sat somewhere nearby enjoying the view, three decades earlier.
It took an hour to sketch in the basics enough that she could finish it up later. As she"d been doing for some time now, she thought about Riley, and hoped the girl was okay. Amy wasn"t used to worrying about others, but she worried about Riley, big time.
Hungry, she grabbed the lunch she"d packed and ate the brownie first. Heaven, but even soft, gooey chocolate couldn"t keep her brain from going back to her shocking problem.
She was going out with Matt tonight.
A date.
She went for her sandwich next and pulled out her phone to call Mallory, who didn"t pick up. Probably working a shift at the ER or the health services clinic. She tried Grace next and got lucky. "I have a problem."
"Oh, thank G.o.d," Grace said with feeling. "I"ve filled out fifty job apps, and no one"s hiring. No one wants me except you. I need to feel useful. Tell me your problem. Tell me all your problems. Need a good girl lesson? What number are we up to now, seven? Always be available when your friend is feeling like a loser."
"I"m available," Amy promised. "And I"ve told you, if you"re desperate enough, we need a bus person at the diner. I offered the job to Riley but I don"t think she"s going to take it."
"Nothing personal, but I"d rather take a shift running the Ferris Wheel at the pier than work for Jan. If I worked for Jan, I might have to do something drastic."
"Like kill yourself?"
"Like kill Jan," Grace said. "Now talk to me."
"I"m going out tonight."
"Out?"
Amy sighed. "On a date."
There was a complete beat of silence. "Hang on," Grace said, and there was a click.
Two minutes later, Grace was back. "Okay," she said. "I"ve got Mallory on the line too. I wasn"t qualified to handle this problem alone."
"Hey," Mallory said, sounding breathless. "You just caught me. I"m on break. It"s going to be a full moon tonight, and we"ve already had two women in premature labor and a fight victim from the arcade. Better make this quick. What"s the emergency?"
"No emergency," Amy said. "I just-"
"It"s a complete emergency," Grace interrupted. "Amy has a date with Ranger Hot Buns."
Mallory squealed with delight so loudly that Amy had to pull the phone away from her ear. "Jeez!" Amy said. "Warn a girl. And how did you know it would be with Matt?" she asked Grace. "I hadn"t said."
Grace laughed. So did Mallory.
"What?"
"Well who else could it be?" Mallory asked. "Matt"s the only guy you"ve ever looked at twice. And good Lord, the way he looks at you is contributing to global warming."
Amy flashed to the look on Matt"s face when he"d been buried deep inside her and felt herself go damp. Yeah, the way he looked at her was pretty boggling. The way he did everything was boggling, especially the naked stuff. He was exceptional at the naked stuff, knowing when to be sweet and coaxing, knowing when to not be either of those things. And the things he"d whispered in her ear... He"d given her everything he had, until he"d been taut and quivering with his own need.
d.a.m.n. She wanted him again.
"So where"s he taking you on this date?" Mallory asked.
"And what are you wearing on this date?" Grace wanted to know.
"Okay, why do we have to keep saying date?" Amy asked. "I mean you eat, you talk, you get naked... we don"t have to label it."
"It"s supposed to be labeled," Mallory said calmly, the voice of reason. "It"s supposed to be a lovely time."