Sidney nodded.
"Do you think her so very handsome, Sidney?" I said. I had never mentioned Mrs. Rennie to him since the day we were coasting, and I didn"t mean to now. The question just asked itself.
"Yes, very; but not as handsome as you will be ten years from now, Nic," said Sidney lightly.
"Do you think I"m handsome, Sidney?" I cried.
"You will be when you"re grown up," he answered, looking at me critically.
"Will you be going to Mrs. Greaves" reception after the dinner?" I asked.
"Yes, I suppose so," said Sidney absently. I could see he wasn"t thinking of me at all. I wondered if he were thinking of Mrs. Rennie.
April Sixth.
Oh, something so wonderful has happened. I can hardly believe it.
There are moments when I quake with the fear that it is all a dream. I wonder if I can really be the same Cornelia Marshall I was yesterday.
No, I"m _not_ the same ... and the difference is so blessed.
Oh, I"m so happy! My heart bubbles over with happiness and song. It"s so wonderful and lovely to be a woman and know it and know that other people know it.
You dear diary, you were made for this moment ... I shall write all about it in you and so fulfil your destiny. And then I shall put you away and never write anything more in you, because I shall not need you ... I shall have Sidney.
Last night I was all alone in the house ... and I was so lonely and miserable. I put my chin on my hands and I thought ... and thought ...
and thought. I imagined Sidney at the Greaves", talking to Mrs. Rennie with that velvety smile in his eyes. I could see her, graceful and white, in her trailing, clinging gown, with diamonds about her smooth neck and in her hair. I suddenly wondered what I would look like in evening dress with my hair up. I wondered if Sidney would like me in it.
All at once I got up and rushed to Sue"s room. I lighted the gas, rummaged, and went to work. I piled my hair on top of my head, pinned it there, and thrust a long silver dagger through it to hold a couple of pale white roses she had left on her table. Then I put on her last winter"s party dress. It was such a pretty pale yellow thing, with touches of black lace, and it didn"t matter about its being a little old-fashioned, since it fitted me like a glove. Finally I stepped back and looked at myself.
I saw a woman in that gla.s.s ... a tall, straight creature with crimson cheeks and glowing eyes ... and the thought in my mind was so insistent that it said itself aloud: "Oh, I wish Sidney could see me now!"
At that very moment the maid knocked at the door to tell me that Mr.
Elliot was downstairs asking for me. I did not hesitate a second. With my heart beating wildly I trailed downstairs to Sidney.
He was standing by the fireplace when I went in, and looked very tired. When he heard me he turned his head and our eyes met.
All at once a terrible thing happened ... at least, I thought it a terrible thing then. _I knew why I had wanted Sidney to realize that I was no longer a child._ It was because I loved him! I knew it the moment I saw that strange, new expression leap into his eyes.
"Cornelia," he said in a stunned sort of voice. "Why ... Nic ... why, little girl ... you"re a woman! How blind I"ve been! And now I"ve lost my little chum."
"Oh, no, no," I said wildly. I was so miserable and confused I didn"t know what I said. "Never, Sidney. I"d rather be a little girl and have you for a friend ... I"ll always be a little girl! It"s all this hateful dress. I"ll go and take it off ... I"ll...."
And then I just put my hands up to my burning face and the tears that would never come before came in a flood.
All at once I felt Sidney"s arms about me and felt my head drawn to his shoulder.
"Don"t cry, dearest," I heard him say softly. "You can never be a little girl to me again ... my eyes are opened ... but I didn"t want you to be. I want you to be my big girl ... mine, all mine, forever."
What happened after that isn"t to be written in a diary. I won"t even write down the things he said about how I looked, because it would seem so terribly vain, but I can"t help thinking of them, for I am so happy.
The Old Fellow"s Letter
Ruggles and I were down on the Old Fellow. It doesn"t matter why and, since in a story of this kind we must tell the truth no matter what happens--or else where is the use of writing a story at all?--I"ll have to confess that we had deserved all we got and that the Old Fellow did no more than his duty by us. Both Ruggles and I see that now, since we have had time to cool off, but at the moment we were in a fearful wax at the Old Fellow and were bound to hatch up something to get even with him.
Of course, the Old Fellow had another name, just as Ruggles has another name. He is princ.i.p.al of the Frampton Academy--the Old Fellow, not Ruggles--and his name is George Osborne. We have to call him Mr.
Osborne to his face, but he is the Old Fellow everywhere else. He is quite old--thirty-six if he"s a day, and whatever possessed Sylvia Grant--but there, I"m getting ahead of my story.
Most of the Cads like the Old Fellow. Even Ruggles and I like him on the average. The girls are always a little provoked at him because he is so shy and absent-minded, but when it comes to the point, they like him too. I heard Emma White say once that he was "so handsome"; I nearly whooped. Ruggles was mad because he"s gone on Em. For the idea of calling a thin, pale, dark, dreamy-looking chap like the Old Fellow "handsome" was more than I could stand without guffawing. Em probably said it to provoke Ruggles; she couldn"t really have thought it.
"Micky," the English professor, now--if she had called him handsome there would have been some sense in it. He is splendid: big six-footer with magnificent muscles, red cheeks, and curly yellow hair. I can"t see how he can be contented to sit down and teach mushy English literature and poetry and that sort of thing. It would have been more in keeping with the Old Fellow. There was a rumour running at large in the Academy that the Old Fellow wrote poetry, but he ran the mathematics and didn"t make such a foozle of it as you might suppose, either.
Ruggles and I meant to get square with the Old Fellow, if it took all the term; at least, we said so. But if Providence hadn"t sent Sylvia Grant walking down the street past our boarding house that afternoon, we should probably have cooled off before we thought of any working plan of revenge.
Sylvia Grant did go down the street, however. Ruggles, hanging halfway out of the window as usual, saw her, and called me to go and look. Of course I went. Sylvia Grant was always worth looking at. There was no girl in Frampton who could hold a candle to her when it came to beauty. As for brains, that is another thing altogether. My private opinion is that Sylvia hadn"t any, or she would never have preferred--but there, I"m getting on too fast again. Ruggles should have written this story; he can concentrate better.
Sylvia was the Latin professor"s daughter; she wasn"t a Cad girl, of course. She was over twenty and had graduated from it two years ago, but she was in all the social things that went on in the Academy; and all the unmarried professors, except the Old Fellow, were in love with her. Micky had it the worst, and we had all made up our minds that Sylvia would marry Micky. He was so handsome, we didn"t see how she could help it. I tell you, they made a dandy-looking couple when they were together.
Well, as I said before, I toddled to the window to have a look at the fair Sylvia. She was all togged out in some new fall duds, and I guess she"d come out to show them off. They were brownish, kind of, and she"d a spanking hat on with feathers and things in it. Her hair was shining under it, all purply-black, and she looked sweet enough to eat. Then she saw Ruggles and me and she waved her hand and laughed, and her big blackish-blue eyes sparkled; but she hadn"t been laughing before, or sparkling either.
I"d thought she looked kind of glum, and I wondered if she and Micky had had a falling out. I rather suspected it, for at the Senior Prom, three nights before, she had hardly looked at Micky, but had sat in a corner and talked to the Old Fellow. He didn"t do much talking; he was too shy, and he looked mighty uncomfortable. I thought it kind of mean of Sylvia to torment him so, when she knew he hated to have to talk to girls, but when I saw Micky scowling at the corner, I knew she was doing it to make him jealous. Girls won"t stick at anything when they want to provoke a chap; I know it to my cost, for Jennie Price--but that has nothing to do with this story.
Just across the square Sylvia met the Old Fellow and bowed. He lifted his hat and pa.s.sed on, but after a few steps he turned and looked back; he caught Sylvia doing the same thing, so he wheeled and came on, looking mighty foolish. As he pa.s.sed beneath our window Ruggles chuckled fiendishly.
"I"ve thought of something, Polly," he said--my name is Paul. "Bet you it will make the Old Fellow squirm. Let"s write a letter to Sylvia Grant--a love letter--and sign the Old Fellow"s name to it. She"ll give him a fearful snubbing, and we"ll be revenged."
"But who"ll write it?" I said doubtfully. "I can"t. You"ll have to, Ruggles. You"ve had more practice."
Ruggles turned red. I know he writes to Em White in vacations.
"I"ll do my best," he said, quite meekly. "That is, I"ll compose it.
But you"ll have to copy it. You can imitate the Old Fellow"s handwriting so well."
"But look here," I said, an uncomfortable idea striking me, "what about Sylvia? Won"t she feel kind of flattish when she finds out he didn"t write it? For of course he"ll tell her. We haven"t anything against her, you know."
"Oh, Sylvia won"t care," said Ruggles serenely. "She"s the sort of girl who can take a joke. I"ve seen her eyes shine over tricks we"ve played on the professors before now. She"ll just laugh. Besides, she doesn"t like the Old Fellow a bit. I know from the way she acts with him. She"s always so cool and stiff when he"s about, not a bit like she is with the other professors."
Well, Ruggles wrote the letter. At first he tried to pa.s.s it off on me as his own composition. But I know a few little things, and one of them is that Ruggles couldn"t have made up that letter any more than he could have written a sonnet. I told him so, and made him own up. He had a copy of an old letter that had been written to his sister by her young man. I suppose Ruggles had stolen it, but there is no use inquiring too closely into these things. Anyhow, that letter just filled the bill. It was beautifully expressed. Ruggles"s sister"s young man must have possessed lots of ability. He was an English professor, something like Micky, so I suppose he was extra good at it.
He started in by telling her how much he loved her, and what an angel of beauty and goodness he had always thought her; how unworthy he felt himself of her and how little hope he had that she could ever care for him; and he wound up by imploring her to tell him if she could possibly love him a little bit and all that sort of thing.
I copied the letter out on heliotrope paper in my best imitation of the Old Fellow"s handwriting and signed it, "Yours devotedly and imploringly, George Osborne." Then we mailed it that very evening.
The next evening the Cad girls gave a big reception in the a.s.sembly Hall to an Academy alumna who was visiting the Greek professor"s wife.
It was the smartest event of the term and everybody was there--students and faculty and, of course, Sylvia Grant. Sylvia looked stunning. She was all in white, with a string of pearls about her pretty round throat and a couple of little pink roses in her black hair. I never saw her so smiling and bright; but she seemed quieter than usual, and avoided poor Micky so skilfully that it was really a pleasure to watch her. The Old Fellow came in late, with his tie all crooked, as it always was; I saw Sylvia blush and nudged Ruggles to look.
"She"s thinking of the letter," he said.