But here she burst into tears; and then got up and walked impatiently about the room; and finally dried her eyes, with shame and mortification visible on her face.
"What have _you_ to say to me, papa? I am a fool to mind what a schoolgirl says."
"I don"t know that I have anything to say," he observed, calmly. "You know your own feelings best."
And then he regarded her attentively.
"I suppose when you marry you will give up the stage."
"I suppose so," she said, in a low voice.
"I should doubt," he said, with quite a dispa.s.sionate air, "your being able to play one part for a lifetime. You might get tired--and that would be awkward for your husband and yourself. I don"t say anything about your giving up all your prospects, although I had great pride in you and a still greater hope. That is for your own consideration. If you think you will be happier--if you are sure you will have no regret--if, as I say, you think you can play the one part for a lifetime--well and good."
"And you are right," she said, bitterly, "to speak of me as an actress, and not as a human being. I must be playing a part to the end, I suppose. Perhaps so. Well, I hope I shall please my smaller audience as well as I seem to have pleased the bigger one."
Then she altered her tone.
"I told you, papa, the other day of my having seen that child run over and brought back to the woman who was standing on the pavement."
"Yes," said he; but wondering why this incident should be referred to at such a moment.
"I did not tell you the truth--at least the whole truth. When I walked away, what was I thinking of? I caught myself trying to recall the way in which the woman threw her arms up when she saw the dead body of her child, and I was wondering whether I could repeat it. And then I began to wonder whether I was a devil--or a woman."
"Bah!" said he. "That is a craze you have at present. You have had fifty others before. What I am afraid of is that, at the instigation of some such temporary fad, you will take a step that you will find irrevocable.
Just think it over, Gerty. If you leave the stage, you will destroy many a hope I had formed; but that doesn"t matter. Whatever is most for your happiness--that is the only point."
"And so you have given me your congratulations, papa," she said, rising.
"I have been so thoroughly trained to be an actress that, when I marry, I shall only go from one stage to another."
"That was only a figure of speech," said he.
"At all events," she said, "I shall not be vexed by petty jealousies of other actresses, and I shall cease to be worried and humiliated by what they say about me in the provincial newspapers."
"As for the newspapers," he retorted, "you have little to complain of.
They have treated _you_ very well. And even if they annoyed you by a phrase here or there, surely the remedy is simple. You need not read them. You don"t require any recommendation to the public now. As for your jealousy of other actresses--that was always an unreasonable vexation on your part--"
"Yes, and that only made it the more humiliating to myself," said she, quickly.
"But think of this," said he. "You are married. You have been long away from the scene of your former triumphs. Some day you go to the theatre; and you find as the favorite of the public a woman who, you can see, cannot come near to what you used to do. And I suppose you won"t be jealous of her, and anxious to defeat her on the old ground."
"I can do with that as you suggested about the newspapers: I need not go to the theatre."
"Very well, Gerty. I hope all will be for the best. But do not be in a hurry; take time and consider."
She saw clearly enough that this calm acquiescence was all the congratulation or advice she was likely to get; and she went to the door.
"Papa," said she, diffidently, "Sir Keith Macleod is coming up to-morrow morning--to go to church with us."
"Yes?" said he, indifferently.
"He may speak to you before we go."
"Very well. Of course I have nothing to say in the matter. You are mistress of your own actions."
She went to her own room, and locked herself in, feeling very lonely, and disheartened, and miserable. There was more to alarm her in her father"s faintly expressed doubts than in all Carry"s vehement opposition and taunts. Why had Macleod left her alone?--if only she could see him laugh, her courage would be rea.s.sured.
Then she bethought her that this was not a fit mood for one who had promised to be the wife of a Macleod. She went to the mirror and regarded herself; and almost unconsciously an expression of pride and resolve appeared about the lines of her mouth. And she would show to herself that she had still a woman"s feelings by going out and doing some actual work of charity; she would prove to herself that the constant simulation of n.o.ble emotions had not deadened them in her own nature. She put on her hat and shawl, and went downstairs, and went out into the free air and the sunlight--without a word to either Carry or her father. She was trying to imagine herself as having already left the stage and all its fict.i.tious allurements. She was now Lady Bountiful: having looked after the simple cares of her household she was now ready to cast her eyes abroad, and relieve in so far as she might the distress around her. The first object of charity she encountered was an old crossing-sweeper. She addressed him in a matter-of-fact way which was intended to conceal her fluttering self-consciousness. She inquired whether he had a wife; whether he had any children; whether they were not rather poor. And having been answered in the affirmative on all these points, she surprised the old man by giving him five shillings and telling him to go home and get a good warm dinner for his family. She pa.s.sed on, and did not observe that, as soon as her back was turned, the old wretch made straight for the nearest public-house.
But her heart was happy; and her courage rose. It was not for nothing, then, that she had entertained the bold resolve of casting aside forever the one great ambition of her life--with all its intoxicating successes, and hopes, and struggles--for the homely and simple duties of an ordinary woman"s existence. It was not in vain that she had read and dreamed of the far romantic land, and had ventured to think of herself as the proud wife of Macleod of Dare. Those fierce deeds of valor and vengeance that had terrified and thrilled her would now become part of her own inheritance: why, she could tell her friends, when they came to see her, of all the old legends and fairy stories that belonged to her own home. And the part of Lady Bountiful--surely, if she must play some part that was the one she would most dearly like to play. And the years would go by; and she would grow silver-haired too; and when she lay on her deathbed she would take her husband"s hand and say, "Have I lived the life you wished me to live?" Her cheerfulness grew apace; and the walking, and the sunshine, and the fresh air brought a fine light and color to her eyes and cheeks. There was a song singing through her head; and it was all about the brave Glenogie who rode up the king"s ha".
But as she turned the corner of a street, her eye rested on a huge colored placard--rested but for a moment, for she would not look on the great, gaudy thing. Just at this time a n.o.ble lord had shown his interest in the British drama by spending an enormous amount of money in producing, at a theatre of his own building, a spectacular burlesque, the gorgeousness of which surpa.s.sed anything that had ever been done in that way. And the lady who appeared to be playing (in silence mostly) the chief part in this hash of glaring color and roaring music and clashing armor had gained a great celebrity by reason of her handsome figure, and the splendor of her costume, and the magnificence of the real diamonds that she wore. All London was talking of her; and the vast theatre--even in November--was nightly crammed to overflowing. As Gertrude White walked back to her home her heart was filled with bitterness. She had caught sight of the ostentatious placard; and she knew that the photograph of the creature who was figuring there was in every stationer"s shop in the Strand. And that which galled her was not that the theatre should be so taken and so used, but that the stage heroine of the hour should be a woman who could act no more than any baboon in the Zoological Gardens.
CHAPTER XXV.
IN SUSs.e.x.
But as for him, there was no moderation at all in the vehemence of his joy. In the surprise and bewilderment of it, the world around him underwent transfiguration; London in November was glorified into an earthly paradise. The very people in the streets seemed to have kindly faces; Bury Street, St. James"s--which is usually a somewhat misty thoroughfare--was more beautiful than the rose-garden of an Eastern king. And on this Sat.u.r.day afternoon the blue skies did, indeed, continue to shine over the great city; and the air seemed sweet and clear enough, as it generally does to any one whose every heart-beat is only another throb of conscious gladness.
In this first intoxication of wonder, and pride, and grat.i.tude, he had forgotten all about these ingenious theories which, in former days, he had constructed to promise to himself that Gertrude White should give up her present way of life. Was it true, then, that he had rescued the white slave? Was it once and forever that Nature, encountering the subtle demon of Art, had closed and wrestled with the insidious thing, had seized it by the throat, and choked it, and flung it aside from the fair roadway of life? He had forgotten about these things now. All that he was conscious of was this eager joy, with now and again a wild wonder that he should indeed have acquired so priceless a possession. Was it possible that she would really withdraw herself from the eyes of all the world and give herself to him alone?--that some day, in the beautiful and laughing future, the glory of her presence would light up the dull halls of Castle Dare?
Of course he poured all his pent-up confidence into the ear of the astonished major, and again and again expressed his grat.i.tude to his companion for having given him the opportunity of securing this transcendent happiness. The major was somewhat frightened. He did not know in what measure he might be regarded as an accomplice by the silver-haired lady of Castle Dare. And in any case he was alarmed by the vehemence of the young man.
"My dear Macleod," said he, with an oracular air, "you never have any hold on yourself. You fling the reins on the horse"s neck, and gallop down hill; a very slight check would send you whirling to the bottom.
Now, you should take the advice of a man of the world, who is older than you, and who--if I may say so--has kept his eyes open. I don"t want to discourage you; but you should take it for granted that accidents may happen. I would feel the reins a little bit, if I were you. Once you"ve got her into the church, and see her with a white veil over her head, then you may be as perfervid as you like--"
And so the simple-minded major prattled on, Macleod paying but little heed. There had been nothing about Major Stuart"s courtship and marriage to shake the world: why, he said to himself, when the lady was pleased to lend a favoring ear, was there any reason for making such a fuss?
"Your happiness will all depend on one thing," said he to Macleod, with a complacent wisdom in the round and jovial face. "Take my word for it.
I hear of people studying the character, the compatibilities, and what not, of other people; but I never knew of a young man thinking of such things when he was in love. He plunges in, and finds out afterward. Now it all comes this--is she likely, or not likely, to prove a sigher?"
"A what?" said Macleod, apparently awakening from a trance.
"A sigher. A woman who goes about the house all day sighing, whether over your sins or her own, she won"t tell you."
"Indeed, I cannot say," Macleod said, laughing. "I should hope not. I think she has excellent spirits."
"Ah!" said the major, thoughtfully; and he himself sighed. Perhaps he was thinking of a certain house far away in Mull, to which he had shortly to return.
Macleod did not know how to show his grat.i.tude toward this good-natured friend. He would have given him half a dozen banquets a day; and Major Stuart liked a London dinner. But what he did offer as a great reward was this: that Major Stuart should go up the next morning to a particular church, and take up a particular position in the church, and then--then he would get a glimpse of the most wonderful creature the world had seen. Oddly enough, the major did not eagerly accept this munificent offer. To another proposal--that he should go up to Mr.
White"s, on the first day after their return from Suss.e.x, and meet the young lady at luncheon--he seemed better inclined.
"But why shouldn"t we go to the theatre to-night?" said he, in his simple way.
Macleod looked embarra.s.sed.