Chapter 110
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ED: LonelyMatter
Chapter 110 – Self-Hatred
“…Vessel?”
Ain went to school and followed his daily routine as usual. Two weeks pa.s.sed in the blink of an eye, and finally, it was his predecessor’s death anniversary. After preparing the offerings, Ain and Sylvird went to the royal cemetery together.
Although the servants escorted them to the cemetery, Ain and Sylvird were the only two people who entered the cemetery as planned.
——What is a king’s vessel?
This was one of the questions Ain had been pondering the other day. Of course, Ain also had some ideas. But he still wanted to know Sylvird’s thoughts about it.
“You’ve reached the age where you think about such things, haven’t you, Ain?”
“No, well. Uh… that, yes…”
His cheeks cracked, and he patted Ain’s head gently. Ain was doing a fine job as Crown Prince, but his willingness to learn these things by putting them into words was a delightful story for Sylvird.
“But it takes time to speak about such things. Let’s do what needs to be done first… and then we can talk slowly. Is that all right?”
“Of course. Then we will go to the grave of our predecessor…”
The weather was a bit bad today, with a fine misty rain falling. It was just before noon, and although the weather was changing for the better as it was pouring when Ain woke up early this morning, the sky still seemed to have not calmed down.
The gravestones in the cemetery were also wet from the rain, giving Ain and Sylvird a different look than the last time.
“But you have grown up. It’s not strange to equip yourself with such a long sword.”
The crest of the Ishtalika Royal Family was on Ain’s chest. He wore white gloves made of smooth cloth on his hands and a new partner made by Mouton on his hip.
Ain was taller than average, and even with a long sword at his waist, he had a physique that would not look out of place.
Sylvird also wore formal clothing, including a white and silver formal dress and a cloak with gold threads. And just like Ain, he also wore a sword at his waist.
“I have grown up well thanks to you.”
“That is the most important thing. …Then, Ain, come with me, follow me, and greet our predecessor in the same way.”
“Yes, I will watch from behind.”
They arrived at the grave. First, Sylvird stood in front and showed Ain the procedures.
First, he bowed, and then he placed the offerings he had brought in front of the grave. There was a designated place for it, so he just placed it carefully.
There was no congratulatory speech, just a solemn series of steps.
“…..”
Sylvird continued to do this without speaking. Ain, at the back, watched the gesture carefully and continued to learn so that he would not be rude when it was his turn. Although he had confirmed the etiquette in advance, it was a little different when it was his turn.
After completing certain tasks, Sylvird raised his sword and held it at his chest for the last time.
“That’s it. You watched closely, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I learned a lot.”
“Then greet your predecessor as well. …However, Ain will have to do the rest in the future. Hahahaha!
“It is not a mistake, but such carelessness…”
Praying for Sylvird’s long life in his heart, Ain straightened up and headed to the grave.
“Phew…”
The other party, though deceased, was the former King of Ishtalika… and Sylvird’s father.
Even though it was a graveside ceremony, Ain felt a little nervous, as expected. He carefully recalled Sylvird’s appearance one by one and proceeded with great care to avoid making any mistakes.
“…Umu.”
The occasional sound of Sylvird’s voice told Ain that everything was fine. This must also be his grandfather’s concern, and Ain thanked him for it.
With Sylvird’s small but significant gestures, Ain was calmly able to continue the sequence of steps.
And when it reached the final stage, there was only one thing left to do.
“(Pick up the sword…)”
He picked up his sword and held it in front of his chest as if he wanted to press it against his chest. Then, a last bow, and that was it. With that, everything was over, and he just had to talk to Sylvird… That was Ain’s intention.
“…..?”
The sword in his hand, which was made by Mouton using the living armor as the material began to glow. The light was so bright that it could be noticed leaking from the base of the sword because it was wrapped in a scabbard. However, the light was clearly visible to Sylvird, who was standing behind Ain.
A gasp could be heard from Sylvird standing behind him, but Ain managed to keep his composure.
——He could see that this was the ability Mouton had been talking about. Ain was convinced of it.
“I am sorry, Grandfather. I forgot to explain to you…”
Ain finished what he had to do with a final bow. Quietly, he turned around and apologized to Sylvird first.
“What was that light before…?”
“It is the material of the powerful undead that makes these swords. I should have explained before; I am sorry.”
Sylvird must have had some knowledge about such swords. After a moment of thought, he looked at Ain and said, “So that’s what you mean.”
“I have heard of such weapons. We don’t have them in the castle, but I understand the circ.u.mstances. …But next time, you have to explain about it first. Is that clear?”
“Understood. I will make sure that this will not happen again.”
Ain was relieved to hear that the matter would apparently be put to rest. Sylvird did not think it necessary to punish him for it.
“If I remember correctly, it reacts to bones, right?”
“That’s right. It’s an ability that seems to be of no use…”
“Hmm… there are a few if you think about it, but it doesn’t seem to be of much use with Ain, right?”
Exactly. Even if the crown prince had such a weapon, it would be difficult to ask if he could use it.
“But I know one thing. My father’s remains are safely buried here, and that’s a good thing.”
It was hard to believe that grave robbers would come all the way in here since the place was so well-guarded. But having found his father’s resting place this way, Sylvird was more than a little sentimental.
“Ain. Are you cold?”
“No, not particularly. It’s rather hot in formal clothing.”
This formal clothing had some protection against the cold because it was made of several layers of thick fabric. No matter how foggy or rainy it was, you would never get cold just standing there.
“It’s okay. It’s not something to talk about in public, so I think it’s better to talk about it here.”
“Well… is this about what I asked you?”
“Yes. Now that we’ve done what we had to do, let me answer Ain’s question.”
The wind was strong for a moment, and drops of water hit both of their cheeks.
“The king’s vessel. This is not something you want other people to hear. But Ain is the crown prince… and the future king. So I will tell you what I think.”
“Thank you, Grandfather.”
“No problem, no problem. Because Ain is the only one who can talk about such things… And Ain, what I am about to tell you is just my opinion. I don’t think that you will come to the same conclusion.”
“Yes… I know.”
Did the kings of the past have the same idea? If you thought about it, the answer would certainly be ‘no.’ They all had different philosophies and ruled according to their own times. Different philosophies did not mean that they were wrong.
“I believe that the king vessel is… the one who can ‘control the life and death of all people."”
“The life and death… of all people?”
“Yes. There are many meanings to that, such as the Royal Guard. The life they can take with their swords and the life they can take with my words. Do you know what that means?”
“…To condemn, you need the name of the king. And if, for example, should war break out, many will go to war on Grandfather’s word.”
Sylvird looked into Ain’s eyes as he said this.
“You are right. If my words are wrong, they will only die. …There will be no meaning to their lives.”
“Yes. I think you are right.”
“And one more thing. Ignorance is a sin, but it is not a sin not to be wise. A king is never a minister, a general, a merchant, or a blacksmith.”
Sylvird spoke these words with an imposing face. Ain continues to listen intently to the king’s thoughts, which he heard for the first time.
“…Just do what a king should do. A king is nothing more, nothing less, just ‘the king."”
The words were abstract and hard to understand. However, there were some parts that he could somehow understand by feeling. It was a strange feeling, but the words penetrated deeply into Ain’s consciousness as a king.
“It is necessary to be worried. You must worry, but you must not forget to solve this worry, Ain.”
“I will keep that in mind. And I’ll remember what Grandfather just said… so I won’t forget.”
“Hahaha! As a grandfather, it is a pleasure for me to hear you say that. Come on, Ain… let’s go back inside before we catch a cold.”
During this conversation, Ain kept trying to gather his own thoughts. But it was not to be, and the thoughts just kept swirling around in his head.
While he was glad to hear Sylvird’s thoughts, Ain confirmed that it was still difficult. He realized how hard it was to be a king.
＊＊＊
Ain took a light bath because he got wet. Since he has no plans for today, he could go back to his room to rest. But ever since he came to his desk, he has been playing with his pen, remembering his conversation with Sylvird.
“What do I want to do with myself…”
He had been thinking a lot about his future lately….The trigger was the Krone affair, which made him think about a lot of things. In the future, he would surely become a king. As long as there was no contingency, this was a given, and it would most likely be the future that would arrive.
When he thought about that future, he often thought back to his time in Roundheart.
He was born the eldest son and was treated fairly well at first. His father, Logas, taught him the sword and often praised him for his good sense.
But a few triggers put an end to that. His younger brother, Grint, was loved even more than he was, and he eventually became the next head of the family.
The result. He remembered his mother, Olivia, being treated worse by the day, and he just felt so sorry for her.
Perhaps because of this desire to somehow change things, he dedicated himself to training, and from that time on, he was so good that no one else in his age group could match him.
After that, he became the person he was today. After all that happened, he came to Ishtalika on the night of the unveiling party at Augusto’s mansion. It was a shocking series of events, but he was always glad that it turned out that way.
“It’s kind of tricky… Hmm…”
Why did Roundheart appear when he was thinking about his future?
There was no love at all, and he didn’t particularly care about it, so why did he do it? That’s what stuck with him.
“Being king and Roundheart have nothing to do with each other…
He hated Roundheart for making him feel that way, but he had no place to put his hateful thoughts. Lately, he had been thinking about why Roundheart was bothering him so much.
…With Krone and about the future. More to the point, what was the reason why Roundheart… was connected to this? At first glance, nothing seemed to be connected.
He swallowed the cold tea he had personally prepared, cooling his throat and stomach.
“Oh, I don’t get it… gosh!”
It wasn’t getting any better, but he couldn’t just sit there either.
The only sound was the rain hitting the window pane, echoing silently throughout the room.
“I can’t seem to make up my mind…”
Lack of decisiveness? Or was it worry? He was aware that he had a naive personality, but with a problem like this, he couldn’t help but feel that he lacked the ability to make a decision. Like a great person, he wanted to make decisions with vigor and momentum.
Without thinking about other things. Even though he thought about the future with this in mind, the thought of Heim still came to his mind.
He knew this, but it was something he had done many times in the recent past.
“Oh, I’m out of tea.”
He tried to relax with another cup of tea but could not.
“Enough of that. Let’s go outside for a while.”
He couldn’t put this feeling into words. Finally, Ain couldn’t stand it anymore and decided to go outside and distract himself.
——But when he stood up so forcefully, the cup he was using fell to the ground and broke.
“Oh… what did I do…”
He suppressed a further drop in his mood and thought about calling the servant to clean the room, but he felt somewhat embarra.s.sed, so he started to clean the room by himself.
“Ouch… Hah… It’s too much of a misstep to laugh at.”
When things don’t go well, things tend to go very wrong. After all this trouble, even Ain didn’t know what to do with this feeling.
Picking up the pieces while protecting his wounded finger, he laid them on a piece of unwanted cloth.
“It hurts so much…”
So he spent his time alone, enjoying the pain. He hadn’t felt it for a long time. Then he remembered the old days… the memories of his childhood.
There were many times when he got a small injury while training while Logas was taking care of Grint… This situation was similar.
“It sucks… this situation is bad.”
No matter what happened, his mood kept getting worse, and he started to feel like he didn’t want to do anything. He wanted to just lie down, read a book in silence, enjoy a good meal in the castle, and relax in the big bath. Finally, he wanted to sleep in his own big bed.
“Hah, I never thought that even the cup would betray me…”
It was Ain’s fault that the cup fell, but unusually, he blamed things. It was the only way he could distract himself from his sinking mood. The word “betrayal” was a word Ain suddenly noticed.
“Betrayal…? Betrayal, huh?”
He recited the word several times. He couldn’t help but feel that he was getting closer to something when he heard the word “betrayal.”
He sucked on his injured finger to stop the blood, and Ain began to sit still on the ground and think.
…And after a few minutes, he was finally able to realize a new fact.
“Oh, I see. I know why this story is connected.
It really was a blessing in disguise. Thanks to his injury, he now knew the reason for… his recent troubles.
“I am afraid of being loved and expected to be loved. I remember being betrayed… and I ran from it.”
When he was born, he was expected to be loved. But as a result, he was betrayed.
“That’s what this is all about. I said I didn’t care, but I cared enough. So I guess that’s why the Roundheart thing bothered me.”
When he became king of Ishtalika, the people’s expectations were disappointed, and he was betrayed. …Or what if something similar had happened?
Or be betrayed again by those who love him. …Would he be able to stand it the next time? It made perfect sense to him.
“That means… I was just a coward; that’s what I’m saying.”
Covered with a lot of emptiness, Ain quickly got up quickly and went to the sofa. He stayed there until daylight when he was finally able to get up again.
All the while, he sat quietly on the sofa, his mind still filled with an uncomfortable emptiness.