She turned a pale, startled face to his, and her hands fell upon discordant keys.
"I will," she said, rising hurriedly, "in a moment. But first let me show you such a strange, sad little poem I found among some of Mrs.
Butler"s clippings to-day. Once I could not have understood such a sentiment. To-day I do. I remember showing you a poem that I thought applicable to ourselves another time, Percy. This is very unlike it."
She placed the slip of paper in his hand, and sat down beside him while he read it: her elbows resting on his knees, her brow bent on her clasped hands.
This was what he read:
When your love begins to wane, Spare me from the cruel pain Of all speech that tells me so-- Spare me words, for I shall know.
By the half-averted eyes By the breast that no more sighs, By the rapture I shall miss From your strangely-altered kiss,
By the arms that still enfold But have lost their clinging hold, And, too willing, let me go, I shall know, love, I shall know.
Bitter will the knowledge be, Bitterer than death to me.
Yet, "twill come to me some day, For it is the sad world"s way.
Make no vows--vows cannot bind Changing hearts or wayward mind.
Men grow weary of a bliss Pa.s.sionate and fond as this.
Love will wane. But I shall know, If you do not tell me so.
Know it, tho" you smile and say That you love me more each day,
Know it by the inner sight That forever sees aright.
Words could but increase my woe, And without them, I shall know.
When he had finished the reading, he turned and drew Dolores" white, suffering face against his breast without a word.
She lay there weeping silently, and neither spoke. But both hearts were full of unutterable pain and despair.
She clung to him as he rose to go.
"You will come to-morrow?" she said.
"Not to-morrow," he answered, gently. "I am going out of town for the day. But I will come again soon."
At the door he turned and looked back, his eyes full of infinite pity.
Oh! how gladly he would have bestowed upon her the love that had so strangely gone out to Helena, had it been in his power.
"If G.o.d, among his gifts to mortals, had given us the ability to transfer an unwise love, how much misery we should be saved," he thought, as he went out.
CHAPTER XIX.
A STORY AND A REVELATION.
Percy found himself so ill the next morning, that he was obliged to send for his physician, Dr. Sydney.
Ever since his return from South America, he had been losing strength and flesh, and a dull ache in his side, and darting pains throughout his entire body had rendered his nights restless, and his days full of la.s.situde. His physician had answered him that it was a "touch of malaria, contracted in the beastly climate of South America," and Percy had relied on quinine and time to effect a cure.
(We all know how customary it is in these days for physicians to designate any puzzling ailment by the convenient and indefinable term of malaria.)
But this morning, when Dr. Sydney was called to his patient, he decided that something more serious, and tangible than a touch of malaria was imminent.
Percy had been suffering from a hard chill during the night, which was now succeeded by a high fever, and acute pain in his side. He was sitting in his chair by the window--dressed as if to go out.
"My dear fellow, this will never do!" Dr. Sydney cried. "You are on the eve of a serious sickness, I fear, and you must be put to bed, and place yourself under treatment."
"Pshaw--nothing of the kind!" Percy answered. "I have taken cold, and beside, I am worn out with worry over some matters. That is all."
"H"m! then why did you send for me, if you know so much better about it than I do!" growled the old physician.
"Simply, because I want you to brace me up, and get me in condition to take a short trip on business this afternoon."
"A trip, business!" echoed Dr. Sydney, gazing at Percy over his spectacles. "Why, if you are not _insane_ you will at once give up that idea. You will not be fit to leave your room under a week, if you do in that time: and you must have a good nurse, and keep perfectly quiet until you are out of this."
"But I tell you, I _must_ attend to some important business out of town to-day!" Percy answered, stubbornly. "It is the worry and anxiety over the matter which has caused my illness, mainly. And I want you to give me a tonic, or a stimulant, or something that will carry me through the day. Then, if to-morrow I find myself no better, I will promise to go to bed and follow your advice. For I want to get in condition to go abroad very soon."
Finding his patient incorrigible, Dr. Sydney grimly prepared some medicine for him to take during the forenoon, and left him with a last injunction to be very careful of himself if he desired to escape a long siege of illness.
"But he can"t escape it. It is coming, unless I greatly mistake symptoms!" he muttered, as he went out.
Percy remained in his room until the afternoon, then he set forth upon a visit to Centerville; and in the excitement of the hour, and under the stimulating effect of Dr. Sydney"s tonic, he felt himself wonderfully improved as he walked up the village street.
He went directly to Helena. He had resolved to tell her the whole story, and abide by her decision of what was right for him to do.
"She has no actual knowledge of the world," he said to himself; "but she is endowed with divine wisdom, broad sympathies, and a natural understanding of the human heart. She is my best adviser."
She held out her hand to him, when she came into the room, saying: "This is an unexpected pleasure, Mr. Durand."
But he did not take the proffered hand. He only answered: "Wait. I came here to make a confession to you, and to ask your advice. Perhaps, after you have heard my story, you will not want to clasp my hand."
She looked up at him, startled, wondering.
"Surely you have not committed murder!" she said. "You do not resemble an a.s.sa.s.sin, Mr. Durand."
"There are different degrees of murder," he replied, "and I think to murder a human heart is the cruelest of all."
"Have you done that willfully?" she asked, lifting her sombre eyes to his face. "Then, indeed, I will not offer you my hand in greeting."
"No, no!" he added hastily, "not willfully, but thoughtlessly! and thoughtlessness is the consort of selfishness, and the two are parents of crime. But now listen to my story, Miss Maxon. I will be brief."
"My father died when I was but a child, and left me the only heir to an independent fortune. I grew into early manhood with this knowledge--a sad knowledge for any youth, because it leaves him with the consciousness that he need not exert his own powers of brain or muscle to make a name and place in Society. My mother died when I was fifteen--just at the time I most needed her gentle counsels, and refining influence. I was selfish, proud, pa.s.sionate, strong-willed. But I tried to make a man of myself for the sake of my mother"s memory. I believed all women were saints, because she was one. At twenty I met a beautiful woman, two or three years my senior. She possessed a magnificent form, and a face of wonderful brunette beauty. Every man in my circle was raving over her, and I became madly infatuated. I asked her to be my wife and she consented. I reveled in dreams of a home--something I had not known since my mother died. A few days before the time set for our wedding, I discovered that the woman I worshiped was making sport of me, and that she had promised to be my wife only to secure my fortune. More shocking still, she was carrying on the most flagrant infidelities, which were the talk of the club-rooms, while I, poor dupe, only discovered the horrible truth at the last hour. I was but a youth, and this experience nearly wrecked my life.
"I lost faith in every thing, human and divine, for a time. As years pa.s.sed my wound healed, but all my views of life were changed. I looked upon women as vain, frivolous and deceitful, and whatever amus.e.m.e.nt they could afford me, I considered myself justified in taking. Marriage seemed to me a bondage, and love a dream sure to end in misery: a dream which could never disturb my heart again.