CHAPTER THE FIFTY-FOURTH.
THE Ma.n.u.sCRIPT.
1.
"MY Confession: To be put into my coffin; and to be buried with me when I die.
"This is the history of what I did in the time of my married life.
Here--known to no other mortal creature, confessed to my Creator alone--is the truth.
"At the great day of the Resurrection, we shall all rise again in our bodies as we have lived. When I am called before the Judgment Seat I shall have this in my hand.
"Oh, just and merciful Judge, Thou knowest what I have suffered. My trust is in Thee."
2.
"I am the eldest of a large family, born of pious parents. We belonged to the congregation of the Primitive Methodists.
"My sisters were all married before me. I remained for some years the only one at home. At the latter part of the time my mother"s health failed; and I managed the house in her place. Our spiritual pastor, good Mr. Bapchild, used often to dine with us, on Sundays, between the services. He approved of my management of the house, and, in particular, of my cooking. This was not pleasant to my mother, who felt a jealousy of my being, as it were, set over her in her place. My unhappiness at home began in this way. My mother"s temper got worse as her health got worse. My father was much away from us, traveling for his business. I had to bear it all. About this time I began to think it would be well for me if I could marry as my sisters had done; and have good Mr.
Bapchild to dinner, between the services, in a house of my own.
"In this frame of mind I made acquaintance with a young man who attended service at our chapel.
"His name was Joel Dethridge. He had a beautiful voice. When we sang hymns, he sang off the same book with me. By trade he was a paper-hanger. We had much serious talk together. I walked with him on Sundays. He was a good ten years younger than I was; and, being only a journeyman, his worldly station was below mine. My mother found out the liking that had grown up between us. She told my father the next time he was at home. Also my married sisters and my brothers. They all joined together to stop things from going further between me and Joel Dethridge. I had a hard time of it. Mr. Bapchild expressed himself as feeling much grieved at the turn things were taking. He introduced me into a sermon--not by name, but I knew who it was meant for. Perhaps I might have given way if they had not done one thing. They made inquiries of my young man"s enemies, and brought wicked stories of him to me behind his back. This, after we had sung off the same hymn-book, and walked together, and agreed one with the other on religious subjects, was too much to bear. I was of age to judge for myself. And I married Joel Dethridge."
3.
"My relations all turned their backs on me. Not one of them was present at my marriage; my brother Reuben, in particular, who led the rest, saying that they had done with me from that time forth. Mr. Bapchild was much moved; shed tears, and said he would pray for me.
"I was married in London by a pastor who was a stranger; and we settled in London with fair prospects. I had a little fortune of my own--my share of some money left to us girls by our aunt Hester, whom I was named after. It was three hundred pounds. Nearly one hundred of this I spent in buying furniture to fit up the little house we took to live in.
The rest I gave to my husband to put into the bank against the time when he wanted it to set up in business for himself.
"For three months, more or less, we got on nicely--except in one particular. My husband never stirred in the matter of starting in business for himself.
"He was once or twice cross with me when I said it seemed a pity to be spending the money in the bank (which might be afterward wanted) instead of earning more in business. Good Mr. Bapchild, happening about this time to be in London, staid over Sunday, and came to dine with us between the services. He had tried to make my peace with my relations--but he had not succeeded. At my request he spoke to my husband about the necessity of exerting himself. My husband took it ill. I then saw him seriously out of temper for the first time. Good Mr.
Bapchild said no more. He appeared to be alarmed at what had happened, and he took his leave early.
"Shortly afterward my husband went out. I got tea ready for him--but he never came back. I got supper ready for him--but he never came back.
It was past twelve at night before I saw him again. I was very much startled by the state he came home in. He didn"t speak like himself, or look like himself: he didn"t seem to know me--wandered in his mind, and fell all in a lump like on our bed. I ran out and fetched the doctor to him.
"The doctor pulled him up to the light, and looked at him; smelled his breath, and dropped him down again on the bed; turned about, and stared at me. "What"s the matter, Sir?" I says. "Do you mean to tell me you don"t know?" says the doctor. "No, Sir," says I. "Why what sort of a woman are you," says he, "not to know a drunken man when you see him!"
With that he went away, and left me standing by the bedside, all in a tremble from head to foot.
"This was how I first found out that I was the wife of a drunken man."
4.
"I have omitted to say any thing about my husband"s family.
"While we were keeping company together he told me he was an orphan--with an uncle and aunt in Canada, and an only brother settled in Scotland. Before we were married he gave me a letter from this brother.
It was to say that he was sorry he was not able to come to England, and be present at my marriage, and to wish me joy and the rest of it. Good Mr. Bapchild (to whom, in my distress, I wrote word privately of what had happened) wrote back in return, telling me to wait a little, and see whether my husband did it again.
"I had not long to wait. He was in liquor again the next day, and the next. Hearing this, Mr. Bapchild instructed me to send him the letter from my husband"s brother. He reminded me of some of the stories about my husband which I had refused to believe in the time before I was married; and he said it might be well to make inquiries.
"The end of the inquiries was this. The brother, at that very time, was placed privately (by his own request) under a doctor"s care to get broken of habits of drinking. The craving for strong liquor (the doctor wrote) was in the family. They would be sober sometimes for months together, drinking nothing stronger than tea. Then the fit would seize them; and they would drink, drink, drink, for days together, like the mad and miserable wretches that they were.
"This was the husband I was married to. And I had offended all my relations, and estranged them from me, for his sake. Here was surely a sad prospect for a woman after only a few months of wedded life!
"In a year"s time the money in the bank was gone; and my husband was out of employment. He always got work--being a first-rate hand when he was sober--and always lost it again when the drinking-fit seized him. I was loth to leave our nice little house, and part with my pretty furniture; and I proposed to him to let me try for employment, by the day, as cook, and so keep things going while he was looking out again for work. He was sober and penitent at the time; and he agreed to what I proposed. And, more than that, he took the Total Abstinence Pledge, and promised to turn over a new leaf. Matters, as I thought, began to look fairly again.
We had n.o.body but our two selves to think of. I had borne no child, and had no prospect of bearing one. Unlike most women, I thought this a mercy instead of a misfortune. In my situation (as I soon grew to know) my becoming a mother would only have proved to be an aggravation of my hard lot.
"The sort of employment I wanted was not to be got in a day. Good Mr.
Bapchild gave me a character; and our landlord, a worthy man (belonging, I am sorry to say, to the Popish Church), spoke for me to the steward of a club. Still, it took time to persuade people that I was the thorough good cook I claimed to be. Nigh on a fortnight had pa.s.sed before I got the chance I had been looking out for. I went home in good spirits (for me) to report what had happened, and found the brokers in the house carrying off the furniture which I had bought with my own money for sale by auction. I asked them how they dared touch it without my leave. They answered, civilly enough I must own, that they were acting under my husband"s orders; and they went on removing it before my own eyes, to the cart outside. I ran up stairs, and found my husband on the landing.
He was in liquor again. It is useless to say what pa.s.sed between us. I shall only mention that this was the first occasion on which he lifted his fist, and struck me."
5.
"Having a spirit of my own, I was resolved not to endure it. I ran out to the Police Court, hard by.
"My money had not only bought the furniture--it had kept the house going as well; paying the taxes which the Queen and the Parliament asked for among other things. I now went to the magistrate to see what the Queen and the Parliament, in return for the taxes, would do for _me._
""Is your furniture settled on yourself?" he says, when I told him what had happened.
"I didn"t understand what he meant. He turned to some person who was sitting on the bench with him. "This is a hard case," he says. "Poor people in this condition of life don"t even know what a marriage settlement means. And, if they did, how many of them could afford to pay the lawyer"s charges?" Upon that he turned to me. "Yours is a common case," he said. "In the present state of the law I can do nothing for you."
"It was impossible to believe that. Common or not, I put my case to him over again.
""I have bought the furniture with my own money, Sir," I says. "It"s mine, honestly come by, with bill and receipt to prove it. They are taking it away from me by force, to sell it against my will. Don"t tell me that"s the law. This is a Christian country. It can"t be."
""My good creature," says he, "you are a married woman. The law doesn"t allow a married woman to call any thing her own--unless she has previously (with a lawyer"s help) made a bargain to that effect with her husband before marrying him. You have made no bargain. Your husband has a right to sell your furniture if he likes. I am sorry for you; I can"t hinder him."
"I was obstinate about it. "Please to answer me this, Sir," I says.
"I"ve been told by wiser heads than mine that we all pay our taxes to keep the Queen and the Parliament going; and that the Queen and the Parliament make laws to protect us in return. I have paid my taxes. Why, if you please, is there no law to protect me in return?"
""I can"t enter into that," says he. "I must take the law as I find it; and so must you. I see a mark there on the side of your face. Has your husband been beating you? If he has, summon him here I can punish him for _that._"
""How can you punish him, Sir?" says I.
""I can fine him," says he. "Or I can send him to prison."
""As to the fine," says I, "he can pay that out of the money he gets by selling my furniture. As to the prison, while he"s in it, what"s to become of me, with my money spent by him, and my possessions gone; and when he"s _out_ of it, what"s to become of me again, with a husband whom I have been the means of punishing, and who comes home to his wife knowing it? It"s bad enough as it is, Sir," says I. "There"s more that"s bruised in me than what shows in my face. I wish you good-morning.""
6.
"When I got back the furniture was gone, and my husband was gone. There was n.o.body but the landlord in the empty house. He said all that could be said--kindly enough toward me, so far as I was concerned. When he was gone I locked my trunk, and got away in a cab after dark, and found a lodging to lay my head in. If ever there was a lonely, broken-hearted creature in the world, I was that creature that night.
"There was but one chance of earning my bread--to go to the employment offered me (under a man cook, at a club). And there was but one hope--the hope that I had lost sight of my husband forever.