Kelly was glad Sue hadn"t been there to overhear him, and her face was still flushed with anger when she walked into the bedroom.
"I"m sorry about this, " she apologised in a stilted fashion to Jake. " Jeremy"s idea of a joke. "
He recognised the bitterness in her voice and glanced thoughtfully at her.
"Meaning that since he never loses an opportunity of calling you " frigid" he thinks he"s punishing us both by telling Sue that we wanted to sleep together? You"ve been behaving rather strangely for a liberated and experienced lady."
"Meaning what exactly?" Kelly demanded, suspecting that he was mocking her.
"Merely that I thought every woman knew these days that feminine frigidity is a myth put about by incompetent male lovers."
His raised eyebrows invited her to comment and when she didn"t he mused thoughtfully, "Personally I"m still romantic enough to believe that s.e.x--no matter how excellent--lacks impact without the intensity of mutual desire-mutual love. "
Kelly stared at him in surprise. These were the last sentiments she had expected to hear him express.
"What"s wrong? You know," he added thoughtfully, "there"s something distinctly intriguing about you, Kelly. On the one hand we have the cool controlled career woman, who cuts emotion right out of her life; on the other we have the grieving widow who misses her husband so much that she can"t bear to let another man near her. Something tells me the real Kelly is neither of those women. You could represent an irresistible challenge to some man, Kelly. "
"But not to you," she parried dangerously, daring him to contradict her.
"Oh, I don"t know... But that"s not what you hired me for--or is it?" he asked softly.
"Is that what you wanted, Kelly? A man to share your bed without question or criticism; someone who you could simply pay to disappear when you"d grown bored with him..."
"That"s a disgusting suggestion!" Kelly choked.
"If I wanted someone to go to bed with, I wouldn"t have to resort to buying myself a man!"
"I wasn"t suggesting you would," Jake retorted quietly.
"I was merely implying that your inadequacies might prompt you to do as men do in similar circ.u.mstances--that is, you might prefer to pay for your pleasure; treat your partner as an object; a commodity who you could simply use and discard..."
Kelly wasn"t listening; she hadn"t heard more than the first few words.
"What inadequacies?" she demanded shakily.
"What do you mean?"
Jake shrugged.
"You know d.a.m.ned well what I mean, Kelly. You freeze every time anyone comes near you--you"ve been married; you"re not a child; I don"t know what it is that makes it impossible for you to react normally to men, but it"s definitely there."
Kelly didn"t dare to respond. Instead, she picked up her robe and bolted for the bathroom. Hateful creature! How dared he imply that she might feel inadequate! If she didn"t like being mauled and pawed by all and sundry that was only because she was choosy. She despised men . and she had every right to. She had proved that a woman could be every bit as successful, every bit as ruthless and determined. But what about the cost of proving it? Slowly she stopped undressing, shivering slightly. The cost had been high, she acknowledged. She trusted noone;shared her life with no one; neither lover nor family. She was completely and absolutely alone, and she was tired of telling herself that she preferred it that way.
She was glad that she had the privacy of the bathroom, and that she could run the water to drown out the sound of her tears. Not that there was much sound; they flowed silently and steadily, as though they had been dammed up for far too long,undl she was too exhausted to do more than shower briefly and get ready for bed.
When she opened the door, Jake was sitting in an armchair apparently engrossed in a book.
"Ah," he explained when she walked in.
"Bathroom free? What"s the plan for tomorrow?" he asked casually, picking up the pyjamas she had laid on the bed, and a to welling robe.
"What time do you plan to leave?"
"After lunch," Kelly told him expressionlessly, wondering why she should feel so affected by the fact that he had barely glanced at her.
That was what they had arranged before dinner, wasn"t it? That since they had to share a room, they would do so in a civilised and un fussing manner. At least, she amended, that was what she had arranged. Jake had merely listened grimly in a silence which she remembered now had been fraught with an odd sort of tension.
She heard the bathroom door close behind him as she unpinned her hair and started to brush it methodically. She hoped that before he emerged she would be in bed and feigning sleep. Not that she had any fears that he might attempt to touch her; his comments about her inadequacies had more than banished those, and her face burned fiercely as she remembered the look which had accompanied them! How dared he pity her! How dared he!
CHAPTER FOUR.
kellymoved restlessly in her sleep, tormented by the ghosts who pursued her. Colin . mocking her. Colin . hurting her. She cried out, twisting desperately to escape the clutching hands she knew from experience could cause such pain, suddenly jerked from her nightmare as a light snapped on and a husky voice growled sleepily, "For G.o.d"s sake, what"s going on?"
It took her several seconds to realise where she was, who the voice belonged to, by which time Jake too was fully awake, his face puzzled and concerned as he studied her.
"That was some nightmare," he commented briefly.
"Are you all right?"
She wanted to say "yes", but the word stuck in her throat. She sat up, shivering as she felt the chill night air striking her bare back and shoulders, unconscious of the terror trapped in her eyes as she glanced nervously round the room.
"Would you like a drink? A cup of tea?" A cup of tea! Oh, how she yearned for one.
"I"ll go down and make us one. You stay here."
"Us." How intimate the small word sounded! Kelly shivered when Jake left the room, without him it seemed alien and empty, her nightmares crowding back, dragging her back into the past. Why, tonight of all nights, did she have to relive the horror of her wedding night? She had stopped dreaming about it years ago, but tonight for some reason the old nightmare had surfaced in all its shocking intensity. She could almost imagine she saw the bruises forming on her smooth flesh where Colin had punished her. She moaned softly, her eyes going blank, and she was shivering with reaction and terror when Jake came back, frowning as he put the mug of steaming tea on the table beside her, the bed depressing under his weight as he sat down.
"Want to tell me about it?" His hand stroked her hair back off her hot face.
"Your hair"s lovely," he told her unexpectedly.
"Like silk, and your skin"s so pale." His glance lingered appreciatively on the outline of her b.r.e.a.s.t.s beneath the flimsy fabric of her nightgown, his eyes narrowing as she flushed darkly.
"You don"t have to say that," she told him jerkily, trying to draw away, but his arm round her waist constrained her.
"What?" He was frowning again.
"What don"t I have to say, Kelly?"
"You don"t have to flatter me," she retorted tightly.
"I wasn"t flattering you." His voice was pleasant but firm.
"Flattery implies that I was speaking with some ulterior motive. I was simply stating facts; that you have lovely skin and hair, which you do."
With his free hand he touched the shining length of her hair, his thumb tracing the line of her shoulder. Delicious tremors of sensation slid over her skin, and Kelly shivered again.
"You"re cold."
Before she could protest, she was drawn against him, her skin flushing heatedly as she realised that the smooth warmth she could feel against her back was his naked chest; for he had not worn the jacket of the pyjamas she had put out for him.
"Don"t panic." She could hear the amus.e.m.e.nt in his voice as it brushed her ear.
"I"m simply doing the gentlemanly thing and helping you to keep warm while you drink your tea. Here." He reached forward and handed her the mug, but Kelly had to hold it with both hands, she was trembling so much; and it wasn"t just her hands, her whole body was trembling, trembling so much that she was spilling the tea, and then suddenly weak tears were sliding down her face, and she was shivering and crying alternately, unable to understand what was happening to her.
"Kelly, for G.o.d"s sake!"
Jake didn"t sound amused now, and he didn"t sound angry either. He sounded . concerned. But why should he be concerned about her?
She felt his hands on her arms, turning her, holding her against the warmth of his chest, her face buried in the curve of his shoulder, his hands on her back, stroking, soothing, calming her overwrought emotions, the murmurs of comfort she could hear above her head, the soothing sound of waves against a beach. She felt lulled and safe, warm and protected, and it came to her on a jolting tide of awareness that she didn"t want to leave his arms. She wanted to stay there. She stilled, and lifted her head.
"Kelly!"
There was a raw note of warning in Jake"s voice, and she realised for the first time that her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were pressed against the exposed flesh of his chest, their only covering the fine satin of her nightgown.
"Kelly."
This time her name was a statement of intent, and although he gave her plenty of opportunity to do so, Kelly made no attempt to move away as he lowered his head, touching the stilled softness of her lips. Her eyes clung to his. This couldn"t be happening, Kelly thought heatedly.
She couldn"t be in this bedroom, in bed with this stranger, letting him kiss her, wanting him to make love to her, but she was and she did, and she couldn"t understand what was happening to her. Suddenly, she didn"t want to understand, she simply wanted to touch and be touched, to be close to and part of another human being.
Her small choked cry was lost beneath the heated pressure of Jake"s kiss, a potent, drugging kiss that blinded her to what shreds of reason she had left. Her arms crept round his neck, his smothered groan as the brief movement brought her b.r.e.a.s.t.s in closer contact with Jake"s chest, activating a response inside her that urged her to press her body closer to his, to exult in the hurried throb of his heart as his hands moved to the neck of her nightgown, unfastening the small bows that fastened it, his eyes darkening as he held her gently away, pushing aside the fabric to expose the swollen peaks that had wantonly incited him to do just exactly that. Kelly couldn"t believe her own behaviour. Her stomach muscles quivered in aching protest, not at what she was doing--no, what she ached for was Jake"s possession; his desire and the knowledge that she was desirable and capable of arousing such a man.
"Aren"t you going to take it off?" Her mouth was dry as she whispered the words, Jake"s eyes darkening in acknowledging response as he murmured huskily, "Just try and stop me." And then he was pushing aside the blue satin, and she should have felt embarra.s.sed about the way he was studying her body, but all she could do was to try and control the fierce tide of exultation that swept her as she saw the dark colour running up under his tan as he studied her, and then he was removing his pyjamas, and she closed her eyes, seeing for a moment Colin, but it was only for a moment, for Jake was nothing like Colin, and her eyes widened in appreciation of his muscular masculinity, her fingers touching the tanned skin with tentative hesitancy as she became lost in a voyage of tactile discovery.
"Kelly, Kelly, what are you trying to do to me?" Jake groaned, the sound m.u.f.fled against her throat as his tongue stroked over the sensitive skin, his hands exploring her body with a much surer touch than hers had on him.
She gasped as he pushed her down against the pillows, one hand tangling in the silky length of her hair while the other cupped one pale breast.
"I"ve been wanting to do this ever since you walked into that d.a.m.ned office," Jake muttered thickly against her skin, and then Kelly was incapable of thinking, of breathing almost as he lowered his head, his tongue stroking urgently against her nipple, her mind reeling with shock and excitement as he savoured the arousal of her flesh, teasing it until she was almostlightheaded with the pounding ache of desire in her body.
"Jake!" She moaned his name despairingly, touching the dark hair, gasping her shock aloud as his hand slid over her hip and stroked her stomach, the sensations he aroused inside her as he suckedlier throbbing breast spiralling wildly out of control until she couldn"t contain them any more and she was clutching anxiously at his shoulders, her body arching willing beneath him, eager for the pleasure he was giving her.
"So good," Jake muttered thickly as his lips caressed her breast.
"I"ve wanted you like this from the first moment I saw you." He sounded almost drugged, his voice roughened by a desire that Kelly felt too. His free hand slid down to her hips, holding her against him, his teeth nibbling seductively at her sensitised skin, his body unashamedly aroused, and incredibly she felt a heated response; a need that burned through her.
The nightmare which had originally woken her was completely forgotten--everything was forgotten apart from Jake and the sensations he was bringing to life in her pa.s.sion-drugged body. She responded to his touch with a feverish intensity that drove out everything else.
She didn"t know what subtle chemistry there was between them that made her react to him in the way she did, she only knew that it was there.
She moaned, every nerve-ending tingling erotically, her body crying out for his possession. His hand touched her thigh, his lips murmuring her name hoa.r.s.ely against her skin, and she shivered suddenly as the memories stormed back, and it was not Jake touching her, but Colin.
Colin who called her name and violated her body, her emotions.
She tensed instinctively, dimly aware of Jake lifting his body from hers, watching her, his eyes dark and hard.
"Kelly? What the h.e.l.l is this?" he demanded tersely.
"What sort of game do you think you"re playing?"
"Don"t touch me," Kelly moaned softly. She was shivering, tears filling her eyes, the past sweeping her inexorably backwards in time, and she shuddered in revulsion remembering how it had been; how Colin had hurt her.
"Don"t touch you? Don"t worry, I won"t," Jake bit out grimly.
"There"s only one excuse--one permissible explanation for what you"ve just done. If you were a virgin I might ... just might be able to understand, but we both know you"re not. So why?"
"Colin," Kelly muttered sickly barely aware of what she was saying.
"You reminded me of Colin and..."
The oath that ripped from Jake"s throat silenced her, and too late she realised he had misunderstood. He stood over her, pulling on his robe, his face like granite, as he reached for one of the blankets, wrenching it off the bed.
"I never play subst.i.tute," he told her icily.
"Never, Kelly. Got that?
Oh, there"s no need to look at me like that," he added silkily, " I don"t get my kicks from using force. You"re sick, Kelly. You"re looking for a man who"s prepared to play a part, who"s prepared to be "Colin" , but I"m not that man. The next time I touch you, Kelly, it will be because you ask me. Me . not Colin, not anyone else. Me! "
He was angry, furiously, bitterly angry. How could she tell him that he was wrong; that it wasn"t like that? That just for a moment she had remembered the brutality of Colin"s lovemaking, and the memory had turned her from awarm,responsive woman into a terrified numbed child? And what about him? He had wanted her right from the start, he had said, but wasn"t that just exactly the sort of polished line a man like him would use? How many lonely, defenceless women had hoped to find love in his arms? She shuddered again as realisation of what she had been about to do swept over her. She had wanted Jake with a physical compulsion totally outside her experience, and he had played on that, sensing her want, feeding it, but why? He was an attractive, experienced predatory male;hewas also, she suspected, a poor one. The conclusions were obvious--so obvious that she couldn"t understand why she herself hadn"t drawn them before!
Only another hour and then they could leave, Kelly decided thankfully, glancing surrept.i.tiously at her watch. The weekend had been a complete disaster in every way, and as for last night! She shuddered, unable to stop her memory from playing back for her a blow-by-blow repet.i.tion of the night"s events. What on earth had possessed her? There could only be one word for it--l.u.s.t! All the repressed desires of all those years since Colin, and she hated herself for what had happened. She would have preferred to pretend that it hadn"t happened, but the aching throb of her swollen b.r.e.a.s.t.s reminded her all too uncomfortably that it had.
"Kelly, you haven"t been listening to me," Sue reproached.
"I was just saying to Jake that it would be lovely if you could both join me at Easter."
"might be able to. Sue," Kelly told her, forcing herself to pay attention, "but I"m afraid it"s impossible as far as Jake is concerned, isn"t it, darling?"
"Oh, I don"t know."
She glared furiously at Jake, wondering what on earth he thought he was doing.
"I dare say something could be arranged," he said smoothly.
"It"s time I had a break."
"But you said you were far too busy," Kelly improvised wildly.