for instance!
A year ago it would not have smitten or troubled her. After her first inevitable reaction against the evangelical training of her school years, the rebellious cleverness of youth had easily decided that religion was played out, that Socialism and Science were enough for mankind.
But n.o.body could live in hospital--n.o.body could go among the poor--n.o.body could share the thoughts and hopes of people like Edward Hallin and his sister, without understanding that it is still here in the world--this "grace" that "sustaineth"--however variously interpreted, still living and working, as it worked of old, among the little Galilean towns, in Jerusalem, in Corinth. To Edward Hallin it did not mean the same, perhaps, as it meant to the hard-worked clergymen she knew, or to Mrs. Jervis. But to all it meant the motive power of life--something subduing, transforming, delivering--something that to-night she envied with a pa.s.sion and a yearning that amazed herself.
How many things she craved, as an eager child craves them! First some moral change, she knew not what--then Aldous Raeburn"s pardon and friendship--then and above all, the power to lose herself--the power to _love_.
Dangerous significant moment in a woman"s life--moment at once of despair and of illusion!
CHAPTER VIII.
Wharton was sitting in a secluded corner of the library of the House of Commons. He had a number of loose sheets of paper on a chair beside him, and others in his hand and on his knee. It was Friday afternoon; questions were going on in the House; and he was running rapidly for the last time through the notes of his speech, pencilling here and there, and every now and then taking up a volume of Hansard that lay near that he might verify a quotation.
An old county member, with a rugged face and eye-gla.s.ses, who had been in Parliament for a generation, came to the same corner to look up a speech. He glanced curiously at Wharton, with whom he had a familiar House-of-Commons acquaintance.
"Nervous, eh?" he said, as he put on his eye-gla.s.ses to inspect first Wharton, then the dates on the backs of the Reports.
Wharton put his papers finally together, and gave a long stretch.
"Not particularly."
"Well, it"s a beastly audience!" said the other, carrying off his book.
Wharton, lost apparently in contemplation of the ceiling, fell into a dreamy att.i.tude. But his eye saw nothing of the ceiling, and was not at all dreamy. He was not thinking of his speech, nor of the other man"s remark. He was thinking of Marcella Boyce.
When he left her the other day he had been conscious, only more vividly and intensely, more possessively as it were, than she, of the same general impression that had been left upon her. A new opening for pleasure--their meeting presented itself to him, too, in the same way.
What had he been about all this time? _Forget_?--such a creature? Why, it was the merest wantonness! As if such women--with such a brow, such vitality, such a gait--pa.s.sed in every street!
What possessed him now was an imperious eagerness to push the matter, to recover the old intimacy--and as to what might come out of it, let the G.o.ds decide! He could have had but a very raw appreciation of her at Mellor. It seemed to him that she had never forced him to think of her then in absence, as he had thought of her since the last meeting.
As for the nursing business, and the settlement in Brown"s Buildings, it was, of course, mere play-acting. No doubt when she emerged she would be all the more of a personage for having done it. But she must emerge soon. To rule and shine was as much her _metier_ as it was the _metier_ of a bricklayer"s labourer to carry hods. By George! what would not Lady Selina give for beauty of such degree and kind as that! They must be brought together. He already foresaw that the man who should launch Marcella Boyce in London would play a stroke for himself as well as for her. And she must be launched in London. Let other people nurse, and pitch their tents in little workmen"s flats, and _live_ democracy instead of preaching it. Her fate was fixed for her by her physique. _Il ne faut pas sortir de son caractere_.
The sight of Bennett approaching distracted him.
Bennett"s good face showed obvious vexation.
"He sticks to it," he said, as Wharton jumped up to meet him. "Talks of his conscience--and a lot of windy stuff. He seems to have arranged it with the Whips. I dare say he won"t do much harm."
"Except to himself," said Wharton, with dry bitterness. "Goodness! let"s leave him alone!"
He and Bennett lingered a few minutes discussing points of tactics.
Wilkins had, of course, once more declared himself the _enfant terrible_ of a party which, though still undefined, was drawing nearer day by day to organised existence and separate leadership. The effect of to-night"s debate might be of far-reaching importance. Wharton"s Resolution, pledging the House to a Legal Eight Hours" Day for all trades, came at the end of a long and varied agitation, was at the moment in clear practical relation to labour movements all over the country, and had in fact gained greatly in significance and interest since it was first heard of in public, owing to events of current history. Workable proposals--a moderate tone--and the appearance, at any rate, of harmony and a united front among the representatives of labour--if so much at least could be attained to-night, both Wharton and Bennett believed that not only the cause itself, but the importance of the Labour party in the House would be found to have gained enormously.
"I hope I shall get my turn before dinner," said Bennett, as he was going; "I want badly to get off for an hour or so. The division won"t be till half-past ten at earliest."
Wharton stood for a moment in a brown study, with his hands in his pockets, after Bennett left him. It was by no means wholly clear to him what line Bennett would take--with regard to one or two points. After a long acquaintance with the little man, Wharton was not always, nor indeed generally, at his ease with him. Bennett had curious reserves. As to his hour off, Wharton felt tolerably certain that he meant to go and hear a famous Revivalist preacher hold forth at a public hall not far from the House. The streets were full of placards.
Well!--to every man his own excitements! What time? He looked first at his watch, then at the marked question paper Bennett had left behind him. The next minute he was hurrying along pa.s.sages and stairs, with his springing, boyish step, to the Ladies" Gallery.
The magnificent doorkeeper saluted him with particular deference.
Wharton was in general a favourite with officials.
"The two ladies are come, sir. You"ll find them in the front--oh! not very full yet, sir--will be directly."
Wharton drew aside the curtain of the Gallery, and looked in.
Yes!--there was the dark head bent forward, pressed indeed against the grating which closes the front of the den into which the House of Commons puts its ladies--as though its owner were already absorbed in what was pa.s.sing before her.
She looked up with an eager start, as she heard his voice in her ear.
"Oh! now, come and tell us everything--and who everybody is. Why don"t we see the Speaker?--and which is the Government side?--oh, yes, I see.
And who"s this speaking now?"
"Why, I thought you knew everything," said Wharton as, with a greeting to Miss Craven, he slipped in beside them and took a still vacant chair for an instant. "How shall I instruct a Speaker"s great-niece?"
"Why, of course I feel as if the place belonged to me!" said Marcella, impatiently; "but that somehow doesn"t seem to help me to people"s names. Where"s Mr. Gladstone? Oh, I see. Look, look, Edith!--he"s just come in!--oh, don"t be so superior, though you _have_ been here before--you couldn"t tell me heaps of people!"
Her voice had a note of joyous excitement like a child"s.
"That"s because I"m short-sighted," said Edith Craven, calmly; "but it"s no reason why you should show me Mr. Gladstone."
"Oh, my dear, my dear!--do be quiet! Now, Mr. Wharton, where are the Irishmen? Oh! I wish we could have an Irish row! And where do you sit?--I see--and there"s Mr. Bennett--and that black-faced man, Mr.
Wilkins, I met at the Hallins--you don"t like him, do you?" she said, drawing back and looking at him sharply.
"Who? Wilkins? Perhaps you"d better ask me that question later on!" said Wharton, with a twist of the lip; "he"s going to do his best to make a fool of himself and us to-night--we shall see! It"s kind of you to wish us an Irish row!--considering that if I miss my chance to-night I shall never get another!"
"Then for heaven"s sake don"t let"s wish it!" she said decidedly. "Oh, that"s the Irish Secretary answering now, is it?"--a pause--"Dear me, how civil everybody is. I don"t think this is a good place for a Democrat, Mr. Wharton--I find myself terribly in love with the Government. But who"s that?"
She craned her neck. Wharton was silent. The next instant she drew hurriedly back.
"I didn"t see," she murmured; "it"s so confusing."
A tall man had risen from the end of the Government bench, and was giving an answer connected with the Home Secretary"s department. For the first time since their parting in the Mellor drawing-room Marcella saw Aldous Raeburn.
She fell very silent, and leant back in her chair. Yet Wharton"s quick glance perceived that she both looked and listened intently, so long as the somewhat high-pitched voice was speaking.
"He does those things very well," he said carelessly, judging it best to take the bull by the horns. "Never a word too much--they don"t get any change out of him. Do you see that old fellow in the white beard under the gallery? He is one of the chartered bores. When he gets up to-night the House will dine. I shall come up and look for you, and hand you over to a friend if I may--a Staffordshire member, who has his wife here--Mrs. Lane. I have engaged a table, and I can start with you.
Unfortunately I mustn"t be long out of the House, as it"s my motion; but they will look after you."
The girls glanced a little shyly at each other. Nothing had been said about dining; but Wharton took it for granted; and they yielded. It was Marcella"s "day off," and she was a free woman.
"Good-bye, then," he said, getting up. "I shall be on in about twenty minutes. Wish me well through!"
Marcella looked round and smiled. But her vivacity had been quenched for the moment; and Wharton departed not quite so well heartened for the fray as he could have wished to be. It was hard luck that the Raeburn ghost should walk this particular evening.
Marcella bent forward again when he had gone, and remained for long silent, looking down into the rapidly filling House. Aldous Raeburn was lying back on the Treasury bench, his face upturned. She knew very well that it was impossible he should see her; yet every now and then she shrank a little away as though he must. The face looked to her older and singularly blanched; but she supposed that must be the effect of the light; for she noticed the same pallor in many others.