But here, in our chronicle, the early morning hours are already over.
The inward conquest which was sealed by the sunbeam of that "sallow"
November day becomes the prelude to an outward struggle with difficulties which tasked to the utmost the strength acquired by our neophyte through prayer and study.
In the spring of 1833 Margaret found herself obliged to leave the academic shades of Cambridge for the country retirement of Groton. Her father, wearied with a long practice of the law, had removed his residence to the latter place, intending to devote his later years to literary labor and the education of his younger children. To Margaret this change was unwelcome, and the result showed it, at a later day, to have been unfortunate for the family. She did not, however, take here the position of a malcontent, but that of one who, finding herself removed from congenial surroundings, knows how to summon to her aid the hosts of n.o.ble minds with which study has made her familiar. Her German books go with her, and Goethe, Schiller, and Jean Paul solace her lonely hours. She reads works on architecture, and books of travel in Italy, while sympathy with her father"s pursuits leads her to interest herself in American history, concerning which he had collected much information with a view to historical composition.
We find her also engaged in tuition. She has four pupils, probably the younger children of the family, and gives lessons in three languages five days in the week, besides teaching geography and history. She has much needlework to do, and the ill-health of her mother and grandmother brings additional cares. The course of study which she has marked out for herself can only be pursued, she says, on three evenings in the week, and at chance hours in the day. It includes a careful perusal of Alfieri"s writings and an examination into the evidences of the Christian religion. To this she is impelled by "distressing sceptical notions" of her own, and by the doubts awakened in her mind by the arguments of infidels and of deists, some of whom are numbered among her friends.
The following letter, addressed by Margaret to a much-admired friend, will give us some idea of the playful mood which relieved her days of serious application.
"GROTON, 1834.
"TO MRS. ALMIRA B.
"Are you not ashamed, O most friendshipless clergywoman! not to have enlivened my long seclusion by one line? Does the author of the "lecture delivered with much applause before the Brooklyn Lyceum" despise and wish to cast off the author of "essays contumeliously rejected by that respected publication, the "Christian Examiner"?" That a little success should have such power to steel the female heart to base ingrat.i.tude! O Ally! Ally! wilt thou forget that it was I (in happier hours thou hast full oft averred it) who first fanned the spark of thy ambition into flame?
Think"st thou that thou owest naught to those long sweeps over the inexpressive realities of literature, when thou wast obliged to trust to my support, thy own opinions as yet scarce budding from thy heels or shoulders? Dost thou forget--but my emotions will not permit me to pursue the subject; surely I must have jogged your conscience sufficiently. I shall follow the instructions of the great Goethe, and, having in some degree vented my feelings, address you as if you were what you ought to be. Still remains enveloped in mystery the reason why neither you nor my reverend friend came to bid me good-by before I left your city, according to promise. I suspected the waiter at the time of having intercepted your card; but your long venomous silence has obliged me to acquit him. I had treasured up sundry little anecdotes touching my journey homeward, which, if related with dramatic skill, might excite a smile on your face, O laughter-loving blue-stocking! I returned home under the protection of a Mr. Fullerton, fresh from London and Paris, who gave me an entirely new view of continental affairs. He a.s.sured me that the German Prince[A] was an ignorant pretender, in the face of my a.s.surances that I had read and greatly admired his writings, and gave me a contemptuous description of Waldo Emerson _dining in boots_ at Timothy Wiggin"s, _absolument a faire mourir_!
All his sayings were exquisite. And then a _sui generis mother_ whom I met with on board the steamboat. All my pretty pictures are blotted out by the rude hand of Time: verily this checking of speech is dangerous. If all the matter I have been preserving for various persons is in my head, packed away, distributed among the various organs, how immensely will my head be developed when I return to the world. This is the first time in my life that I have known what it is to have n.o.body to speak to, _c"est a dire_, of my own peculiar little fancies. I bear it with strange philosophy, but I do wish to be written to. I will tell you how I pa.s.s my time without society or exercise. Even till two o"clock, sometimes later, I pour ideas into the heads of the little Fullers; much runs out--indeed, I am often reminded of the chapter on home education, in the "New Monthly." But the few drops which remain mightily gladden the sight of my father. Then I go down-stairs and ask for my letters from the post; this is my only pleasure, according to the ideas most people entertain of pleasure. Do you write me an excellent epistle by return of mail, or I will make your head ache by a minute account of the way in which the remaining hours are spent. I have only lately read the "Female Sovereigns" of your beloved Mrs. Jameson, and like them better than any of her works.
Her opinions are clearly expressed, sufficiently discriminating, and her manner unusually simple. I was not dazzled by excess of artificial light, nor cloyed by spiced and sweetened sentiments. My love to your revered husband, and four kisses to Edward, two on your account, one for his beauty, and one abstract kiss, symbol of my love for all little children in general. Write of him, of Mr. ----"s sermons, of your likes and dislikes, of any new characters, sublime or droll, you may have unearthed, and of all other things I should like.
"Affectionately your country friend, poor and humble
"MARGARET."
In the summer of 1835 a great pleasure and refreshment came to Margaret in the acquaintance of Miss Martineau, whom she met while on a visit to her friend, Mrs. Farrar, in Cambridge. In speaking of this first meeting Margaret says: "I wished to give myself wholly up to receive an impression of her.... What shrewdness in detecting various shades of character! Yet what she said of Hannah More and Miss Edgeworth grated upon my feelings." In a later conversation "the barrier that separates acquaintance from friendship" was pa.s.sed, and Margaret felt, beneath the sharpness of her companion"s criticism, the presence of a truly human heart.
The two ladies went to church together, and the minister prayed "for our friends." Margaret was moved by this to offer a special prayer for Miss Martineau, which so impressed itself upon her mind that she was able to write it down. We quote the part of it which most particularly refers to her new friend:--
"May her path be guarded, and blessed. May her n.o.ble mind be kept firmly poised in its native truth, unsullied by prejudice or error, and strong to resist whatever outwardly or inwardly shall war against its high vocation. May each day bring to this generous seeker new riches of true philosophy and of Divine love. And, amidst all trials, give her to know and feel that thou, the All-sufficing, art with her, leading her on through eternity to likeness of thyself."
The change of base which, years after this time, transformed Miss Martineau into an enthusiastic disbeliever would certainly not have seemed to Margaret an answer to her prayer. But as the doctrine that "G.o.d reveals himself in many ways" was not new to her, and as her pet.i.tion includes the Eternities, we may believe that she appreciated the sincerity of her friend"s negations, and antic.i.p.ated for her, as for herself, a later vision of the Celestial City, whose brightness should rise victorious above the mists of speculative doubt.
A serious illness intervened at this time, brought on, one might think, by the intense action of Margaret"s brain, stimulated by her manifold and unremitting labors. For nine days and nights she suffered from fever, accompanied by agonizing pain in her head. Her beloved mother was at her bedside day and night. Her father, usually so reserved in expressions of affection, was moved by the near prospect of her death to say to her: "My dear, I have been thinking of you in the night, and I cannot remember that you have any _faults_. You have defects, of course, as all mortals have, but I do not know that you have a single fault."
These words were intended by him as a _viatic.u.m_ for her, but they were really to be a legacy of love to his favorite child.
Margaret herself antic.i.p.ated death with calmness, and, in view of the struggles and disappointments of life, with willingness. But the threatened bolt was to fall upon a head dearer to her than her own. In the early autumn of the same year her father, after a two days" illness, fell a victim to cholera.
Margaret"s record of the grief which this affliction brought her is very deep and tender. Her father"s image was ever present to her, and seemed even to follow her to her room, and to look in upon her there. Her most poignant sorrow was in the thought, suggested to many by similar afflictions, that she might have kept herself nearer to him in sympathy and in duty. The altered circ.u.mstances of the family, indeed, soon aroused her to new activities. Mr. Fuller had left no will, and had somewhat diminished his property by unproductive investments. Margaret now found new reason to wish that she belonged to the sterner s.e.x, since, had she been eldest son instead of eldest daughter, she might have become the administrator of her father"s estate and the guardian of her sister and brothers. She regretted her ignorance of such details of business as are involved in the care of property, and determined to acquaint herself with them, reflecting that "the same mind which has made other attainments can in time compa.s.s these." In this hour of trial she seeks and finds relief and support in prayer.
"May G.o.d enable me to see the way clear, and not to let down the intellectual in raising the moral tone of my mind. Difficulties and duties became distinct the very night after my father"s death, and a solemn prayer was offered then that I might combine what is due to others with what is due to myself. The spirit of that prayer I shall constantly endeavor to maintain."
This death, besides the sorrow and perplexity which followed it, brought to Margaret a disappointment which seemed to her to bar the fulfilment of her highest hopes. She had for two years been contemplating a visit to Europe, with a view to the better prosecution of her studies. She had earned the right to this indulgence beforehand, by a.s.sisting in the education of the younger children of the family. An opportunity now offered itself of making this journey under the most auspicious circ.u.mstances. Her friends, Mr. and Mrs. Farrar, were about to cross the ocean, and had invited her to accompany them. Miss Martineau was to be of the party, and Margaret now saw before her, not only this beloved companionship, but also the open door which would give her an easy access to literary society in England, and to the atmosphere of old-world culture which she so pa.s.sionately longed to breathe.
With this brilliant vision before her, and with her whole literary future trembling, as she thought, in the scale, Margaret prayed only that she might make the right decision. This soon became clear to her, and she determined, in spite of the entreaties of her family, to remain with her careworn mother, and not to risk the possibility of encroaching upon the fund necessary for the education of her brothers and sister.
Of all the crownings of Margaret"s life, shall we not most envy her that of this act of sacrifice? So near to the feast of the G.o.ds, she prefers the fast of duty, and recognizes the claims of family affection as more imperative than the gratification of any personal taste or ambition.
Margaret does not seem to have been supported in this trial by any sense of its heroism. Her decision was to her simply a following of the right, in which she must be content, as she says, to forget herself and act for the sake of others.
We may all be glad to remember this example, and to refer to it those who find themselves in a maze of doubt between what they owe to the cultivation of their own gifts, what to the need and advantage of those to whom they stand in near relation. Had Margaret at this time forsaken her darkened household, the difference to its members would have been very great, and she herself would have added to the number of those doubting or mistaken souls who have been carried far from the scene of their true and appointed service by some dream of distinction never to be fulfilled. In the sequel she was not only justified, but rewarded.
The sacrifice she had made secured the blessings of education to the younger members of her family. Her prayer that the lifting of her moral nature might not lower the tone of her intellect was answered, as it was sure to be, and she found near at hand a field of honor and usefulness which the brilliant capitals of Europe would not have offered her.
Margaret"s remaining days in Groton were pa.s.sed in a.s.siduous reading, and her letters and journals make suggestive comments on Goethe, Sh.e.l.ley, Sir James Mackintosh, Herschel, Wordsworth, and others. Her scheme of culture was what we should now call encyclopedic, and embraced most, if not all, departments of human knowledge. If she was at all mistaken in her scope, it was in this, that she did not sufficiently appreciate the inevitable limitations of brain power and of bodily strength. Her impatience of such considerations led her to an habitual over-use of her brilliant faculties which resulted in an impaired state of health.
In the autumn of 1836 Margaret left Groton, not without acknowledgment of "many precious lessons given there in faith, fort.i.tude, self-command, and unselfish love.
"There, too, in solitude, the mind acquired more power of concentration, and discerned the beauty of strict method; there, too, more than all, the heart was awakened to sympathize with the ignorant, to pity the vulgar, to hope for the seemingly worthless, and to commune with the Divine Spirit of Creation."
CHAPTER V.
WINTER IN BOSTON.--A SEASON OF SEVERE LABOR.--CONNECTION WITH GREENE STREET SCHOOL, PROVIDENCE, R. I.--EDITORSHIP OF THE "DIAL."--MARGARET"S ESTIMATE OF ALLSTON"S PICTURES.
Margaret"s removal was to Boston, where a twofold labor was before her.
She was engaged to teach Latin and French in Mr. Alcott"s school, then at the height of its prosperity, and intended also to form cla.s.ses of young ladies who should study with her French, German, and Italian.
Mr. Alcott"s educational theories did not altogether commend themselves to Margaret"s judgment. They had in them, indeed, the germ of much that is to-day recognized as true and important. But Margaret considered him to be too much possessed with the idea of the unity of knowledge, too little aware of the complexities of instruction.
He, on the other hand, describes her "as a person clearly given to the boldest speculation, and of liberal and varied acquirements. Not wanting in imaginative power, she has the rarest good sense and discretion. The blending of sentiment and of wisdom in her is most remarkable, and her taste is as fine as her prudence. I think her the most brilliant talker of her day."
Margaret now pa.s.sed through twenty-five weeks of incessant labor, suffering the while from her head, which she calls "a bad head," but which we should consider a most abused one. Her retrospect of this period of toil is interesting, and with its severity she remembers also its value to her. Meeting with many disappointments at the outset, and feeling painfully the new circ.u.mstances which obliged her to make merchandise of her gifts and acquirements, she yet says that she rejoices over it all, "and would not have undertaken an iota less."
Besides fulfilling her intention of self-support, she feels that she has gained in the power of attention, in self-command, and in the knowledge of methods of instruction, without in the least losing sight of the aims which had made hitherto the happiness and enthusiasm of her life.
Here is, in brief, the tale of her winter"s work.
To one cla.s.s she gave elementary instruction in German, and that so efficiently that her pupils were able to read the language with ease at the end of three months. With another cla.s.s she read, in twenty-four weeks, Schiller"s "Don Carlos," "Artists," and "Song of the Bell;"
Goethe"s "Herman und Dorothea," "Gotz von Berlichingen," "Iphigenia,"
first part of "Faust," and "Clavigo;" Lessing"s "Nathan der Weise,"
"Minna," and "Emilia Galotti;" parts of Tieck"s "Phantasus," and nearly all of the first volume of Richter"s "t.i.tan."
With the Italian cla.s.s she read parts of Ta.s.so, Petrarch, Ariosto, Alfieri, and the whole hundred cantos of Dante"s "Divina Commedia."
Besides these cla.s.ses she had also three private pupils, one of them a boy unable to use his eyes in study. She gave this child oral instruction in Latin, and read to him the History of England and Shakespeare"s plays in connection. The lessons given by her in Mr.
Alcott"s school were, she says, valuable to her, but also very fatiguing.
Though already so much overtasked, Margaret found time and strength to devote one evening every week to the _viva voce_ translation of German authors for Dr. Channing"s benefit, reading to him mostly from De Wette and Herder. Much conversation accompanied these readings, and Margaret confesses that she finds therein much food for thought, while the Doctor"s judgments appear to her deliberate, and his sympathies somewhat slow. She speaks of him as entirely without any a.s.sumption of superiority towards her, and as trusting "to the elevation of his thoughts to keep him in his place." She also greatly enjoyed his preaching, the force and earnestness of which seemed to her "to purge as by fire."
If Margaret was able to review her winter"s work with pleasure, we must regard it with mingled wonder and dismay. The range and extent of her labors were indeed admirable, combining such extremes as enabled her to minister to the needs of the children in Mr. Alcott"s school, and to a.s.sist the studies of the most eminent divine of the day. If we look only at her cla.s.ses in literature, we shall find it wonderful that a woman of twenty-six should have been able to give available instruction in directions so many and various.
On the other hand, we must think that the immense extent of ground gone over involved too rapid a study of the separate works comprised in it.
Here was given a synopsis of literary work which, properly performed, would fill a lifetime. It was no doubt valuable to her pupils through the vivifying influence of her enthusiastic imagination, which may have enabled some of them, in after years, to fill out the sketch of culture so boldly and broadly drawn before their eyes. Yet, considered as instruction, it must, from its very extent, have been somewhat superficial.
Our dismay would regard the remorseless degree in which Margaret, at this time, must have encroached upon the reserves of her bodily strength. Some physicists of to-day ascribe to women a peculiar power of concentrating upon one short effort an amount of vital force which should carry them through long years, and which, once expended, cannot be restored. Margaret"s case would certainly justify this view; for, while a mind so vigorous necessarily presupposes a body of uncommon vigor, she was after this time always a sufferer, and never enjoyed that perfect equipoise of function and of power which we call health.
In the spring of the year 1837 Margaret was invited to fill an important post in the Greene Street School, at Providence, R. I. It was proposed that she should teach the elder girls four hours daily, arranging studies and courses at her own discretion, and receiving a salary of one thousand dollars per annum.