I remember some one telling me how my grandfather had said that he could not understand any man of sense bringing his son up as a gentleman. In those days as in these, gentlemen were found and not made, but the expression "bringing a man up as a gentleman" meant bringing him up to be idle.
When my father gambled in the City, he took risks with his own rather than other people"s money. I heard him say to a South African millionaire:
"You did not make your money out of mines, but out of mugs like me, my dear fellow!"
A whole chapter might be devoted to stories about his adventures in speculation, but I will give only one. As a young man he was put by my grandfather into a firm in Liverpool and made L30,000 on the French Bourse before he was twenty-four. On hearing of this, his father wrote and apologised to the head of the firm, saying he was willing to withdraw his son Charles if he had in any way shocked them by risking a loss which he could never have paid. The answer was a request that the said "son Charles" should become a partner in the firm.
Born a little quicker, more punctual and more alive than other people, he suffered fools not at all. He could not modify himself in any way; he was the same man in his nursery, his school and his office, the same man in church, club, city or suburbs.
[Footnote: My mother, Emma Winsloe, came of quite a different cla.s.s from my father. His ancestor of earliest memory was factor to Lord Bute, whose ploughman was Robert Burns, the poet. His grandson was my grandfather Tennant of St. Rollox. My mother"s family were of gentle blood. Richard Winsloe (b. 1770, d. 1842) was rector of Minster Forrabury in Cornwall and of Ruishton, near Taunton. He married Catherine Walter, daughter of the founder of the Times. Their son, Richard Winsloe, was sent to Oxford to study for the Church. He ran away with Charlotte Monkton, aged 17. They were caught at Evesham and brought back to be married next day at Taunton, where Admiral Monkton was living. They had two children: Emma, our mother, and Richard, my uncle.]
My mother was more unlike my father than can easily be imagined.
She was as timid, as he was bold, as controlled as he was spontaneous and as refined, courteous and una.s.suming as he was vibrant, sheer and adventurous.
Fond as we were of each other and intimate over all my love- affairs, my mother never really understood me; my vitality, independent happiness and physical energies filled her with fatigue. She never enjoyed her prosperity and suffered from all the apprehension, fussiness and love of economy that should by rights belong to the poor, but by a curious perversion almost always blight the rich.
Her preachings on economy were a constant source of amus.e.m.e.nt to my father. I made up my mind at an early age, after listening to his chaff, that money was the most overrated of all anxieties; and not only has nothing occurred in my long experience to make me alter this opinion but everything has tended to reinforce it.
In discussing matrimony my father would say:
"I"m sure I hope, girls, you"ll not marry penniless men; men should not marry at all unless they can keep their wives," etc.
To this my mother would retort:
"Do not listen to your father, children! Marrying for money has never yet made any one happy; it is not blessed."
Mamma had no illusions about her children nor about anything else; her mild criticisms of the family balanced my father"s obsessions.
When Charty"s looks were praised, she would answer with a fine smile:
"Tant soit peu mouton!"
She thought us all very plain, how plain I only discovered by overhearing the following conversation.
I was seventeen and, a few days after my return from Dresden, I was writing behind the drawing room screen in London, when an elderly Scotch lady came to see my mother; she was shown into the room by the footman and after shaking hands said:
"What a handsome house this is. ..."
MY MOTHER (IRRELEVANTLY): "I always think your place is so nice.
Did your garden do well this year?"
ELDERLY LADY: "Oh, I"m not a gardener and we spend very little time at Auchnagarroch; I took Alison to the Hydro at Crieff for a change. She"s just a growing girl, you know, and not at all clever like yours."
MY MOTHER: "My girls never grow! I am sure I wish they would!"
ELDERLY LADY: "But they are so pretty! My Marion has a homely face!"
MY MOTHER: "How old is she?"
ELDERLY LADY: "Sixteen."
MY MOTHER: "L"AGE INGRAT! I would not trouble myself, if I were you, about her looks; with young people one never can tell; Margot, for instance (with a resigned sigh), a few years ago promised to be so pretty; and just look at her now!"
When some one suggested that we should be painted it was almost more than my mother could bear. The poorness of the subject and the richness of the price shocked her profoundly. Luckily my father--who had begun to buy fine pictures--entirely agreed with her, though not for the same reasons:
"I am sure I don"t know where I could hang the girls, even if I were fool enough to have them painted!" he would say.
I cannot ever remember kissing my mother without her tapping me on the back and saying, "Hold yourself up!" or kissing my father without his saying, "Don"t frown!" And I shall never cease being grateful for this, as a l"heure qu"il est I have not a line in my forehead and my figure has not changed since my marriage.
My mother"s indifference to--I might almost say suspicion of-- other people always amused me:
"I am sure I don"t know why they should come here! unless it is to see the garden!" Or, "I cannot help wondering what was at the back of her mind."
When I suggested that perhaps the lady she referred to had no mind, my mother would say, "I don"t like people with ARRIERE-- PENSEES"; and ended most of her criticisms by saying, "It looks to me as if she had a poor circulation."
My mother had an excellent sense of humour. Doll Liddell [Footnote: The late A.G.C. Lidell.] said: "Lucy has a touch of mild genius." And this is exactly what my mother had.
People thought her a calm, serene person, satisfied with pinching green flies off plants and incapable of deep feeling, but my mother"s heart had been broken by the death of her first four children, and she dreaded emotion. Any attempt on my part to discuss old days or her own sensations was resolutely discouraged.
There was a lot of fun and affection but a tepid intimacy between us, except about my flirtations; and over these we saw eye to eye.
My mother, who had been a great flirt herself, thoroughly enjoyed all love-affairs and was absolutely unshockable. Little words of wisdom would drop from her mouth:
MY MOTHER: "Men don"t like being run after ..."
MARGOT: "Oh, don"t you believe it, mamma!"
MY MOTHER: "You can do what you like in life if you can hold your tongue, but the world is relentless to people who are found out."
She told my father that if he interfered with my love-affairs I should very likely marry a groom.
She did me a good turn here, for, though I would not have married a groom, I might have married the wrong man and, in any case, interference would have been cramping to me.
I have copied out of my diary what I wrote about my mother when she died.
"January 21st, 1895.
"Mamma is dead. She died this morning and Glen isn"t my home any more: I feel as if I should be "received" here in future, instead of finding my own darling, tender little mother, who wanted arranging for and caring for and to whom my gossipy trivialities were precious and all my love-stories a trust. How I WISH I could say sincerely that I had understood her nature and sympathised with her and never felt hurt by anything she could say and had EAGERLY shown my love and sought hers. ... Lucky Lucy! She CAN say this, but I do not think that I can.
"Mamma"s life and death have taught me several things. Her sincerity and absence of vanity and worldliness were her really striking qualities. Her power of suffering pa.s.sively, without letting any one into her secret, was carried to a fault. We who longed to share some part, however small, of the burden of her emotion were not allowed to do so. This reserve to the last hour of her life remained her inexorable rule and habit. It arose from a wish to spare other people and fear of herself and her own feelings. To spare others was her ideal. Another characteristic was her pity for the obscure, the dull and the poor. The postman in winter ought to have fur-lined gloves; and we must send our Christmas letters and parcels before or after the busy days. Lord Napier"s [Footnote: Lord Napier and Ettrick, father of Mark Napier.] coachman had never seen a comet; she would write and tell him what day it was prophesied. The lame girl at the lodge must be picked up in the brougham and taken for a drive, etc. ...
"She despised any one who was afraid of infection and was singularly ignorant on questions of health; she knew little or nothing of medicine and never believed in doctors; she made an exception of Sir James Simpson, who was her friend. She told me that he had said there was a great deal of nonsense talked about health and diet:
""If the fire is low, it does not matter whether you stir it with the poker or the tongs."
"She believed firmly in cold water and thought that most illnesses came from "checked perspiration."
"She loved happy people--people with courage and go and what she called "nature"--and said many good things. Of Mark Napier: "He had so much nature, I am sure he had a Neapolitan wet-nurse" (here she was right). Of Charty: "She has so much social courage." Of Aunt Marion [Footnote: My father"s sister, Mrs. Wallace.]: "She is unfortunately inferior." Of Lucy"s early friends: "Lucy"s trumpery girls."
"Mamma was not at all spiritual, nor had she much intellectual imagination, but she believed firmly in G.o.d and was profoundly sorry for those who did not. She was full of admiration for religious people. Laura"s prayer against high spirits she thought so wonderful that she kept it in a book near her bed.