"While I was making some alteration in my dress, Mr. Venables peeped in, and, begging my pardon for interrupting me, disappeared. I took up some work (I could not read), and two or three messages were sent to me, probably for no other purpose, but to enable Mr. Venables to ascertain what I was about.
"I listened whenever I heard the street-door open; at last I imagined I could distinguish Mr. Venables" step, going out. I laid aside my work; my heart palpitated; still I was afraid hastily to enquire; and I waited a long half hour, before I ventured to ask the boy whether his master was in the counting-house?
"Being answered in the negative, I bade him call me a coach, and collecting a few necessaries hastily together, with a little parcel of letters and papers which I had collected the preceding evening, I hurried into it, desiring the coachman to drive to a distant part of the town.
"I almost feared that the coach would break down before I got out of the street; and, when I turned the corner, I seemed to breathe a freer air.
I was ready to imagine that I was rising above the thick atmosphere of earth; or I felt, as wearied souls might be supposed to feel on entering another state of existence.
"I stopped at one or two stands of coaches to elude pursuit, and then drove round the skirts of the town to seek for an obscure lodging, where I wished to remain concealed, till I could avail myself of my uncle"s protection. I had resolved to a.s.sume my own name immediately, and openly to avow my determination, without any formal vindication, the moment I had found a home, in which I could rest free from the daily alarm of expecting to see Mr. Venables enter.
"I looked at several lodgings; but finding that I could not, without a reference to some acquaintance, who might inform my tyrant, get admittance into a decent apartment--men have not all this trouble--I thought of a woman whom I had a.s.sisted to furnish a little haberdasher"s shop, and who I knew had a first floor to let.
"I went to her, and though I could not persuade her, that the quarrel between me and Mr. Venables would never be made up, still she agreed to conceal me for the present; yet a.s.suring me at the same time, shaking her head, that, when a woman was once married, she must bear every thing. Her pale face, on which appeared a thousand haggard lines and delving wrinkles, produced by what is emphatically termed fretting, inforced her remark; and I had afterwards an opportunity of observing the treatment she had to endure, which grizzled her into patience. She toiled from morning till night; yet her husband would rob the till, and take away the money reserved for paying bills; and, returning home drunk, he would beat her if she chanced to offend him, though she had a child at the breast.
"These scenes awoke me at night; and, in the morning, I heard her, as usual, talk to her dear Johnny--he, forsooth, was her master; no slave in the West Indies had one more despotic; but fortunately she was of the true Russian breed of wives.
"My mind, during the few past days, seemed, as it were, disengaged from my body; but, now the struggle was over, I felt very forcibly the effect which perturbation of spirits produces on a woman in my situation.
"The apprehension of a miscarriage, obliged me to confine myself to my apartment near a fortnight; but I wrote to my uncle"s friend for money, promising "to call on him, and explain my situation, when I was well enough to go out; mean time I earnestly intreated him, not to mention my place of abode to any one, lest my husband--such the law considered him--should disturb the mind he could not conquer. I mentioned my intention of setting out for Lisbon, to claim my uncle"s protection, the moment my health would permit."
"The tranquillity however, which I was recovering, was soon interrupted.
My landlady came up to me one day, with eyes swollen with weeping, unable to utter what she was commanded to say. She declared, "That she was never so miserable in her life; that she must appear an ungrateful monster; and that she would readily go down on her knees to me, to intreat me to forgive her, as she had done to her husband to spare her the cruel task." Sobs prevented her from proceeding, or answering my impatient enquiries, to know what she meant.
"When she became a little more composed, she took a newspaper out of her pocket, declaring, "that her heart smote her, but what could she do?--she must obey her husband." I s.n.a.t.c.hed the paper from her. An advertis.e.m.e.nt quickly met my eye, purporting, that "Maria Venables had, without any a.s.signable cause, absconded from her husband; and any person harbouring her, was menaced with the utmost severity of the law."
"Perfectly acquainted with Mr. Venables" meanness of soul, this step did not excite my surprise, and scarcely my contempt. Resentment in my breast, never survived love. I bade the poor woman, in a kind tone, wipe her eyes, and request her husband to come up, and speak to me himself.
"My manner awed him. He respected a lady, though not a woman; and began to mutter out an apology.
""Mr. Venables was a rich gentleman; he wished to oblige me, but he had suffered enough by the law already, to tremble at the thought; besides, for certain, we should come together again, and then even I should not thank him for being accessary to keeping us asunder.--A husband and wife were, G.o.d knows, just as one,--and all would come round at last." He uttered a drawling "Hem!" and then with an arch look, added--"Master might have had his little frolics--but--Lord bless your heart!--men would be men while the world stands."
"To argue with this privileged first-born of reason, I perceived, would be vain. I therefore only requested him to let me remain another day at his house, while I sought for a lodging; and not to inform Mr. Venables that I had ever been sheltered there.
"He consented, because he had not the courage to refuse a person for whom he had an habitual respect; but I heard the pent-up choler burst forth in curses, when he met his wife, who was waiting impatiently at the foot of the stairs, to know what effect my expostulations would have on him.
"Without wasting any time in the fruitless indulgence of vexation, I once more set out in search of an abode in which I could hide myself for a few weeks.
"Agreeing to pay an exorbitant price, I hired an apartment, without any reference being required relative to my character: indeed, a glance at my shape seemed to say, that my motive for concealment was sufficiently obvious. Thus was I obliged to shroud my head in infamy.
"To avoid all danger of detection--I use the appropriate word, my child, for I was hunted out like a felon--I determined to take possession of my new lodgings that very evening.
"I did not inform my landlady where I was going. I knew that she had a sincere affection for me, and would willingly have run any risk to show her grat.i.tude; yet I was fully convinced, that a few kind words from Johnny would have found the woman in her, and her dear benefactress, as she termed me in an agony of tears, would have been sacrificed, to recompense her tyrant for condescending to treat her like an equal. He could be kind-hearted, as she expressed it, when he pleased. And this thawed sternness, contrasted with his habitual brutality, was the more acceptable, and could not be purchased at too dear a rate.
"The sight of the advertis.e.m.e.nt made me desirous of taking refuge with my uncle, let what would be the consequence; and I repaired in a hackney coach (afraid of meeting some person who might chance to know me, had I walked) to the chambers of my uncle"s friend.
"He received me with great politeness (my uncle had already prepossessed him in my favour), and listened, with interest, to my explanation of the motives which had induced me to fly from home, and skulk in obscurity, with all the timidity of fear that ought only to be the companion of guilt. He lamented, with rather more gallantry than, in my situation, I thought delicate, that such a woman should be thrown away on a man insensible to the charms of beauty or grace. He seemed at a loss what to advise me to do, to evade my husband"s search, without hastening to my uncle, whom, he hesitating said, I might not find alive. He uttered this intelligence with visible regret; requested me, at least, to wait for the arrival of the next packet; offered me what money I wanted, and promised to visit me.
"He kept his word; still no letter arrived to put an end to my painful state of suspense. I procured some books and music, to beguile the tedious solitary days.
"Come, ever smiling Liberty, "And with thee bring thy jocund train:"
I sung--and sung till, saddened by the strain of joy, I bitterly lamented the fate that deprived me of all social pleasure. Comparative liberty indeed I had possessed myself of; but the jocund train lagged far behind!"
CHAPTER 13
"BY WATCHING my only visitor, my uncle"s friend, or by some other means, Mr. Venables discovered my residence, and came to enquire for me. The maid-servant a.s.sured him there was no such person in the house. A bustle ensued--I caught the alarm--listened--distinguished his voice, and immediately locked the door. They suddenly grew still; and I waited near a quarter of an hour, before I heard him open the parlour door, and mount the stairs with the mistress of the house, who obsequiously declared that she knew nothing of me.
"Finding my door locked, she requested me to open it, and prepare to go home with my husband, poor gentleman! to whom I had already occasioned sufficient vexation." I made no reply. Mr. Venables then, in an a.s.sumed tone of softness, intreated me, "to consider what he suffered, and my own reputation, and get the better of childish resentment." He ran on in the same strain, pretending to address me, but evidently adapting his discourse to the capacity of the landlady; who, at every pause, uttered an exclamation of pity; or "Yes, to be sure--Very true, sir."
"Sick of the farce, and perceiving that I could not avoid the hated interview, I opened the door, and he entered. Advancing with easy a.s.surance to take my hand, I shrunk from his touch, with an involuntary start, as I should have done from a noisome reptile, with more disgust than terror. His conductress was retiring, to give us, as she said, an opportunity to accommodate matters. But I bade her come in, or I would go out; and curiosity impelled her to obey me.
"Mr. Venables began to expostulate; and this woman, proud of his confidence, to second him. But I calmly silenced her, in the midst of a vulgar harangue, and turning to him, asked, "Why he vainly tormented me?
declaring that no power on earth should force me back to his house."
"After a long altercation, the particulars of which, it would be to no purpose to repeat, he left the room. Some time was spent in loud conversation in the parlour below, and I discovered that he had brought his friend, an attorney, with him.*
* In the original edition the paragraph following is preceded by three lines of asterisks [Publisher"s note].
"The tumult on the landing place, brought out a gentleman, who had recently taken apartments in the house; he enquired why I was thus a.s.sailed?* The voluble attorney instantly repeated the trite tale. The stranger turned to me, observing, with the most soothing politeness and manly interest, that "my countenance told a very different story." He added, "that I should not be insulted, or forced out of the house, by any body."
* The introduction of Darnford as the deliverer of Maria, in an early stage of the history, is already stated (Chap.
III.) to have been an after-thought of the author. This has probably caused the imperfectness of the ma.n.u.script in the above pa.s.sage; though, at the same time, it must be acknowledged to be somewhat uncertain, whether Darnford is the stranger intended in this place. It appears from Chap.
XVII, that an interference of a more decisive nature was designed to be attributed to him. EDITOR. [G.o.dwin"s note]
""Not by her husband?" asked the attorney.
""No, sir, not by her husband." Mr. Venables advanced towards him--But there was a decision in his att.i.tude, that so well seconded that of his voice, * They left the house: at the same time protesting, that any one that should dare to protect me, should be prosecuted with the utmost rigour.
* Two and a half lines of asterisks appear here in the original [Publisher"s note].
"They were scarcely out of the house, when my landlady came up to me again, and begged my pardon, in a very different tone. For, though Mr.
Venables had bid her, at her peril, harbour me, he had not attended, I found, to her broad hints, to discharge the lodging. I instantly promised to pay her, and make her a present to compensate for my abrupt departure, if she would procure me another lodging, at a sufficient distance; and she, in return, repeating Mr. Venables" plausible tale, I raised her indignation, and excited her sympathy, by telling her briefly the truth.
"She expressed her commiseration with such honest warmth, that I felt soothed; for I have none of that fastidious sensitiveness, which a vulgar accent or gesture can alarm to the disregard of real kindness. I was ever glad to perceive in others the humane feelings I delighted to exercise; and the recollection of some ridiculous characteristic circ.u.mstances, which have occurred in a moment of emotion, has convulsed me with laughter, though at the instant I should have thought it sacrilegious to have smiled. Your improvement, my dearest girl, being ever present to me while I write, I note these feelings, because women, more accustomed to observe manners than actions, are too much alive to ridicule. So much so, that their boasted sensibility is often stifled by false delicacy. True sensibility, the sensibility which is the auxiliary of virtue, and the soul of genius, is in society so occupied with the feelings of others, as scarcely to regard its own sensations. With what reverence have I looked up at my uncle, the dear parent of my mind! when I have seen the sense of his own sufferings, of mind and body, absorbed in a desire to comfort those, whose misfortunes were comparatively trivial. He would have been ashamed of being as indulgent to himself, as he was to others. "Genuine fort.i.tude," he would a.s.sert, "consisted in governing our own emotions, and making allowance for the weaknesses in our friends, that we would not tolerate in ourselves." But where is my fond regret leading me!
""Women must be submissive," said my landlady. "Indeed what could most women do? Who had they to maintain them, but their husbands? Every woman, and especially a lady, could not go through rough and smooth, as she had done, to earn a little bread."
"She was in a talking mood, and proceeded to inform me how she had been used in the world. "She knew what it was to have a bad husband, or she did not know who should." I perceived that she would be very much mortified, were I not to attend to her tale, and I did not attempt to interrupt her, though I wished her, as soon as possible, to go out in search of a new abode for me, where I could once more hide my head.
"She began by telling me, "That she had saved a little money in service; and was over-persuaded (we must all be in love once in our lives) to marry a likely man, a footman in the family, not worth a groat. My plan," she continued, "was to take a house, and let out lodgings; and all went on well, till my husband got acquainted with an impudent s.l.u.t, who chose to live on other people"s means--and then all went to rack and ruin. He ran in debt to buy her fine clothes, such clothes as I never thought of wearing myself, and--would you believe it?--he signed an execution on my very goods, bought with the money I worked so hard to get; and they came and took my bed from under me, before I heard a word of the matter. Aye, madam, these are misfortunes that you gentlefolks know nothing of,--but sorrow is sorrow, let it come which way it will.
""I sought for a service again--very hard, after having a house of my own!--but he used to follow me, and kick up such a riot when he was drunk, that I could not keep a place; nay, he even stole my clothes, and p.a.w.ned them; and when I went to the p.a.w.nbroker"s, and offered to take my oath that they were not bought with a farthing of his money, they said, "It was all as one, my husband had a right to whatever I had."
""At last he listed for a soldier, and I took a house, making an agreement to pay for the furniture by degrees; and I almost starved myself, till I once more got before-hand in the world.