After counting to 100 on the spot, she felt like she"d calmed down a little bit.
Just a little bit.
While her boiling blood had gradually cooled, the waves of anger, sadness, disillusionment and despair that had accompanied it did not also disappear.
The thing she hated most was pity.
So she couldn"t stand the thought of becoming a pet.i.t soeur due to pity. How could someone who didn"t understand that ever think of being her onee-sama? It was unbelievable.
She"d reached 100 a while ago. But still Touko remained rooted to the spot.
Touko looked towards the school gate, where Yumi-sama would probably have disappeared to. She saw a group of university students walking together.
She could follow along behind them. Then get on a bus, then a train, and arrive home.
But once she arrived home, she"d have to deal with the fact she had nowhere to go. Her only option would be to crawl into bed and cry.
Rejecting that, Touko turned towards the school buildings. The way things were, she wouldn"t be able to contain her anger.
Even if it didn"t change the situation, there was something she had to say.
(I wonder if she"s still here.)
Touko looked at her watch. 1:30.
Her target may have already left a long time ago. In that case, all Touko could do was confirm that and head home. She retraced her footsteps.
Touko walked back alone along the path she had earlier taken with Yumi-sama. She pa.s.sed some girls that looked like third-years, but none of them were the girl she was looking for.
She made her way to the third-year shoe-box area and had a look inside one of the lockers. Sure enough, there was a pair of outdoors shoes in there. This was proof that her target was still at school.
(Noriko said there wasn"t a meeting at the Rose Mansion today.)
Touko headed for the third-year cla.s.srooms.
She heard voices coming from inside the third-year pine cla.s.sroom. It seemed as though there were a few students still there.
"Pardon me."
Touko flung the door open, not waiting for a response to her knock.
Five girls turned to look at her simultaneously. Her target was one of them.
"Touko-chan &h.e.l.lip; "
The third-years inside were puzzled by this younger girl who had thrown open the door and then stopped moving, like a toy with its batteries removed. One of them came forward and stood in front of her. Ogasawara Sachiko-sama.
"Whatever is the matter?"
"We have to talk."
That was all she said, but Sachiko-sama obviously inferred something and gave a small nod. Then she briefly returned to the group of students, gathered her belongings, said, "I"ll leave you here," and exited the cla.s.sroom.
"Yeah. Gokigenyou."
"Thanks for helping us out."
Sachiko-onee-sama"s cla.s.smates said their various farewells.
"Is that alright?"
Touko asked, worried that she"d interrupted something. There had been sheets of paper spread across the desks, like they"d been working on something.
"Yeah, it was just the non-entrance-exam cleaning group. We"d already finished and were reading magazines."
As she said this, she shifted her school bag to the side and fastened her coat b.u.t.tons.
"I don"t know what you want to talk about, but this doesn"t seem like the right place, wouldn"t you agree?"
Touko nodded slightly.
In winter, after most of the students had gone home for the day, the halls echoed more than expected. That said, they weren"t about to go back to the third-year pine cla.s.sroom, and the specialty cla.s.srooms were either locked or had people in them.
They walked out into the courtyard.
The air was cold, but with a coat it wasn"t too cold to bear. More importantly, their voices wouldn"t bounce off the walls or windows or ceilings, so they didn"t have to worry about being overheard. The words they spoke here would be picked up by the wind and carried off into the sky.
"Have you been talking to Yumi-sama?"
Touko started by asking this question.
"About what?"
Sachiko-sama asked, sounding confused. But Touko ignored this and continued.
"Didn"t you say something about how you weren"t going to interfere in Yumi-sama"s choice of a pet.i.t soeur?"
"Certainly, I may have said something along those lines."
Sachiko-onee-sama smiled as her long hair flowed in the breeze.
"And? What do you think I"ve been saying to Yumi?"
She asked quietly, as though she had no idea whatsoever.
"Well."
Touko was struggling for words. Even though it related to herself, she had considerable resistance to saying it out loud.
"Just say it. It"s obvious you"ve come to complain to me about something, but Yumi and I have all sorts of conversations every day. I won"t know which one of those has apparently offended you if you don"t tell me."
Now that she"d said this there was no other option. Touko firmed her resolve and began to speak.
"About my birth."
"Your birth?"
For a moment, Sachiko-onee-sama"s expression changed. It was the look of someone who had just remembered something.
"There, I knew you"d remember it."
Touko was convinced. Sachiko-onee-sama"s failure to respond didn"t change that at all.
"So? When did you tell Yumi-sama?"
Was it just before Christmas, or even earlier than that? It probably wouldn"t change the current situation, but Touko desperately wanted to know.
When did Yumi-sama start looking at her with pity? That was a very important question to Touko.
But Sachiko-onee-sama made no allusion to that. Instead, she repeated her question.
"What would I even tell Yumi about your birth?"
Acting like that at this point in the game? Annoyed, Touko spat it out.
"Don"t play dumb. Obviously that I"m not the Matsudaira"s child!"
The moment she heard this, Sachiko-onee-sama"s expression froze. Touko knew. This was surprise.
"Touko-chan &h.e.l.lip; you"re not the baby that Mrs Matsudaira gave birth to?"
Those black pupils started back at her, unblinking. Touko put herself on guard.
"No way."
"I"m afraid to say, this is the first I"ve heard about this."
"There"s no way that"s true."
She found it hard to believe that Sachiko-onee-sama hadn"t heard about it.
Saionji or Ayanokouji or whoever knew about it three years ago. So how could the heiress to the Ogasawara family, who held the most power among their relatives and lived in Tokyo to boot, make it to this age without knowing about it?
But Touko had felt it earlier. Sachiko-onee-sama had been shocked by Touko"s words. There was no way that was an act.
"Then why did you look like you"d just remembered something before?"
Wasn"t it strange? It was her first time hearing it, but she remembered something.
"I simply remembered Suguru-san asking some leading questions."
"Suguru-onii-sama &h.e.l.lip; ?"
Touko asked, and Sachiko-onee-sama looked up at the sky and laughed.
"I"m sure he was trying to determine whether or not I knew. He asked me if I remembered anything from when you were born."
"And you said?"
"I told him I didn"t remember. That"s the truth. I couldn"t answer any more than that."
Her story was too concrete for an on-the-spot lie. Plus Suguru-onii-sama was given to asking leading questions.
"So then who was it?"
Suguru-onii-sama hadn"t been talking to Yumi-sama. That much was obvious from their conversation the other day.
"Honestly, acting so high and mighty."
Sachiko-onee-sama muttered.
"My deepest apologies."
Touko humbly apologized. It had been a misunderstanding to think that Sachiko-onee-sama had leaked the details of her birth to Yumi-sama.
"Not to me. To Yumi."
Her muttered words were ice cold.
"I don"t know what"s happened between you and Yumi, but I"m certain that Yumi knows nothing about your family situation. Even if she somehow found out, that wouldn"t change her opinion of you one iota. As her onee-sama, I know that better than anyone."
Touko couldn"t respond to that. No, at that moment, she couldn"t even think.
She stood frozen to the spot, still unable to find any words. Sachiko-onee-sama looked straight into Touko"s eyes for a short while, but then she finally looked away.
Perhaps she couldn"t stand to look at Touko any longer. Or maybe she just caught sight of her own reflection in one of the school building windows.
Eventually, the corners of her lips crept upwards and she said:
"Even so, how sad for Yumi, who"s only ever been thinking of you."
Unable to bear the weight of those words, Touko fell to her knees on the gra.s.s.
Just suppose that it had all been a misunderstanding - what should she do?
How could she take back those words that she"d repeatedly hurled at Yumi-sama?
Sachiko-onee-sama"s indoor shoes departed from Touko"s side. She could hear the crunching of the dry gra.s.s carried on the wind.
Sachiko-onee-sama had entered the school building. This was happening behind her so she couldn"t confirm it with her eyes, but she could still tell.
Left all alone, Touko remained crouched in the courtyard.
Sachiko-onee-sama"s anger was understandable. Touko had wounded Yumi-sama"s pride, and that of her onee-sama.
So, obviously, she wouldn"t want to stay with Touko.
But, at that moment, it pained Touko to be alone. She wanted someone, anyone, by her side.
On her own, she had no idea what she should do.
"One, two, three &h.e.l.lip; "
For now, she tried counting. That was the good luck charm that Yumi-sama had taught her, to calm herself.
"Eleven, twelve."
Maybe once she"d counted to one hundred, she"d have regained some composure.
She didn"t know. So she thought she"d give it a try.
Maybe "it" wouldn"t find those hiding, when it opened its eyes after counting to one hundred.
(Eventually they"ll get tired and no-one will chase after you.)
The words of Suguru-onii-sama intruded upon her counting.
She"d lashed out at anyone and everyone once she started suspecting them, so maybe no-one would ever want to be around her again.
"Thirty-eight &h.e.l.lip; thirty-nine."
At that moment, Touko was completely isolated.
Everyone came into the world alone. So she believed that humans were supposed to live on their own.
Soon after she was born, she was put in the care of her adoptive parents. As a result, she"d made it to here. Humans were surprisingly tough.
"Forty-five."
But maybe she really was an incredibly weak creature.
Even as she tore apart the bonds tying her to others, one after the other, she found it intolerably lonely.
It was exactly like Suguru-onii-sama had said.
Even as she said she didn"t believe it, she really wanted to believe - making light of those that chased her as she ran from one place to another.
So now that she was completely and utterly alone, that was just her paying for her own mistakes.
"Fifty-six."
n.o.body would complain if all the friends they"d been playing with had disappeared when they opened their eyes.
"Sixty-four."
Even so, she wouldn"t know until she"d finished counting. Until she opened her eyes, she wouldn"t know if everyone had really vanished.
"Seventy."
As the numbers grew, Touko became scared of counting. When she reached one hundred, she"d have to open her eyes.
When she opened her eyes, she would no doubt find that she was all alone in the school courtyard.
She was scared of counting.
But since she"d started, she had to finish counting to 100.
"Eighty-one."
At that moment, Touko felt something on her shoulder.
A gentle warmth. Touko knew it was a human hand and she instinctively opened her eyes.
"Ah, sorry."
The owner of that hand was someone quite unexpected.
"I thought I shouldn"t interfere, but I didn"t know how long you were going to keep going and it was kind of an accident &h.e.l.lip; So, what happened?"
Smiling innocently at her was Noriko.
"How?"
Hadn"t she gone home a while ago? She"d said there was a Buddhist TV show she wanted to watch, then happily left.
"It kept bugging me after we said goodbye. I got on the bus, but then got off after two stops and came back here. It felt like there was something you were going to say to me."
"What about your show?"
Touko looked at her watch and saw it was 2:05. There was no way Noriko could make it in time now.
"Don"t worry about it. It"s just TV."
Noriko said crisply.
"Talking to you is much more important."
Touko timidly touched her smiling friend"s hand.
"Noriko &h.e.l.lip; "
"Huh?"
"Noriko! Noriko! Noriko! Noriko!"
As she repeatedly called her name, Touko grasped Noriko"s hand tightly. After confirming it wasn"t an illusion, the tears of relief came flooding out.
"Wh-what happened to you?"
Noriko was bewildered.
From her point of view, all she"d done was call out to her friend who was crouched in the courtyard and apparently talking to herself. So she would have had no idea why Touko was crying.
Touko thanked Maria-sama for bringing Noriko back to her.
"Geez, Touko."
Astonishingly, Noriko squeezed back on Touko"s hand. Touko redoubled her grip.
Indeed, she couldn"t let go of that hand.
Noriko was hope.
As long as that hand was there, she could crawl her way back from the depths of despair.
She could still believe.
The cold wind whistled.
It would be okay.
She might still be able to fix things.
Yeah, that was it.
As she accepted the help of her friend and stood up, the soft sound of rustling came from within Touko"s right pocket.