"I"m Yaman.o.be Aki."
The young girl, having just been prompted by her father, introduces herself clearly.
"Of the violet cla.s.s at ladybug kindergarten. Six years old."
My, what a well raised young lady. And the way she speaks shows her intelligence.
"I"m Torii Eriko. Student at an arts college. Currently, I"m a first-year."
I"m about to stop there, but she told me her age, and since we"re both women it wouldn"t be fair to keep this from her, so I add, "Nineteen years old."
"She"s my friend."
The girl"s father, Yaman.o.be-san, explains his relationship with me.
Friend.
True, we"re still friends.
"It"s a pleasure to meet you, Aki-chan."
We"re neither more nor less than friends. We"ve known each other for six months now, but we"ve never kissed or even held hands.
Our courtship was prefaced by my marriage proposal to him, and his refusal and insistence that we should just be friends for now.
Although it"s still a mystery to me as to whether or not I should be calling it a courtship.
Yaman.o.be-san has a daughter, and I"m busy at college, so it"s unavoidable. As for dates, when we have a bit of time together midweek we go to the zoo and look at the elephants, or have tea at a cafe with an under-construction skysc.r.a.per visible through the windows. It makes me happy to see his face in profile, so I"m not particularly dissatisfied, but hearing my college cla.s.smates speaking fondly of their boyfriends or girlfriends makes me a bit uneasy about the discrepancies. Are we going to be like this for the rest of our lives?
Just as I was starting to feel that way, he jumped in with, "I"d like you to meet my daughter."
That was a step forward on the path from friends to lovers. No, with one leap I"d become a new candidate for mother. What would his daughter think of me? She"d probably be opposed to the idea.
So after a lot of worrying, sighs, outbursts of anger, and grumbling to my friends, the day has finally arrived.
It"s a sunny Sunday afternoon in October, and the cafe by the train station has a decent number of customers.
"Let"s get along together."
Hearing my words, Aki-chan looks down. Since I don"t really know her, I can"t tell if this is supposed to be a nod of agreement or if she"s averting her eyes. As I puzzle over this, she continues happily eating her pudding.
"Is there anything you"d like to ask Eriko-san?"
Yaman.o.be-san asks his daughter. Like a husband stuck in the middle of a quarrel between his mother and his wife. He really is a clumsy individual, although that"s not exactly news to me. I understand his desire to end this awkward silence, but how is his kindergarten aged daughter supposed to drive this conversation? It looks like it"s up to me to provide something interesting to talk about - or so I"m thinking, but Aki-chan turns to me and asks a single question:
"Can we go home now?"
It feels like I"ve suddenly been punched. So that"s how it is, you want to go home already. Meeting me has been a waste of time. These thoughts swirl around my head, and I"m unable to say anything in response.
"Aki, what are you saying?"
Yaman.o.be-san says, fl.u.s.tered.
"Dad, you said you wanted me to meet one of your friends, right? We"ve met, so that"s done."
Bright kid. Her theory may be sound, except in the adult world certain phrases have a hidden meaning to them.
"That may be true for you, Aki, but I still have things to discuss with Eriko-san. And I couldn"t let you go home on your own from here. So, you see."
A theory to rebut her theory. Yaman.o.be-san reveals his stalling tactic.
Fair enough. This is, in reality, an arranged marriage interview, and if it ends after a mere thirty minutes then I"ll probably be apologetically declined.
"Couldn"t she come too?"
Aki-chan glances at me.
"Huh?"
"If you want to talk to her, then couldn"t she come back home with us?"
Yaman.o.be-san and I instinctively look at each other.
It"s a mystery.
If Aki-chan was smiling, then it would be easy to understand. It was too hard to say goodbye to this wonderful older sister, so she wanted me to go home with her, that kind of thing. But, apart from her words, she isn"t being very welcoming towards me.
"Aki-chan, you know, I"m delighted that you"d ask me to visit your home, but to barge in so suddenly - "
I"m not one of her friends from kindergarten, so I can"t just rashly accept her offer. Adults have adult - , or so I"m thinking, until Yaman.o.be-san claps his hands together.
"Not at all, that would be great."
"Huh?"
"I"m not scrupulous about keeping the place clean, but if that doesn"t bother you then please come along, Eriko-san."
"Hah."
To refuse the offer I"d have to say that I am bothered. About going to Yaman.o.be-san"s house. Experiencing his everyday life. That doesn"t bother me. It intensely interests me.
"Well then, just for a little bit."
I agree, catching up to Yaman.o.be-san as he walks to the register with the bill from our table. Aki-chan has already left the cafe.
Now, when visiting someone else"s house it"s imperative that you bring them a gift. While Yaman.o.be-san and his daughter are off buying train tickets, I purchase a box of cookies from a nearby confectionery store. There would probably be a larger selection in the food section at the bottom of the department store, but I"m in a hurry and can"t do anything about that.
After arriving at the platform we don"t have to wait long for an outbound train, which we board and then disembark from two stations later.
Aki-chan was quiet on the train - she didn"t try to separate me from Yaman.o.be-san, instead sitting alone on a seat, looking at the floor.
"Are you sure it"s okay for me to be imposing like this?"
I checked, just once, with Yaman.o.be-san, who was standing, holding on to the strap next to mine.
"Don"t worry about it. Actually, I find it more interesting that Aki invited you."
I too am greatly intrigued by that.
Yaman.o.be-san"s house is about a ten minute walk from the train station. I had expected it to be an apartment, or something similar, but it"s an old, single-story bungalow.
"No running, Aki."
Just before we reach the house, Aki-chan breaks into a run. I"m conflicted by her apparent desire to get home, but am glad that I haven"t been outright rejected just yet.
"Isn"t it locked?"
"Aki has a key."
So that"s it. The small figure turns the key with practiced ease, and the door creaks open.
"I"m home, mom."
I"m stunned when she turns into the house and shouts this out.
"I"ve told her to say that when she goes into the house, even if there"s no-one there."
"Ah, right."
It"s probably so no-one would think she was all alone in the house. Still, it caught me off guard.
"Oh, it"s fine, don"t make that face. She"s hardly ever all alone anyway, her grandparents live about ten houses down."
So when Yaman.o.be-san has to leave for the day, they come around here or he takes her over to them. Apparently my distress at Aki-chan"s use of the word "mom" hasn"t registered on Yaman.o.be-san.
At any rate, it isn"t appropriate for me to say, "I"m home, mom," so instead I say, "Pardon me for intruding," bow, and remove my shoes.
"Have a seat wherever you want."
I walk through to a six tatami-mat sized living room that"s furnished and decorated in the traditional j.a.panese style. In the middle is a low tea table. Surrounding it are zabuton floor cushions. Tea cupboard, TV, &h.e.l.lip;
He"d said they weren"t scrupulous about tidying, but everything is neatly organized. The teapot itself is sparkling clean. Was this Yaman.o.be-san"s handiwork, or his mother"s?
Yaman.o.be-san boils some water in the kitchen. Even though he told me to sit wherever I liked, it looks like they probably have favorite cushions to sit on, so I hold back and kneel directly on the tatami-mats.
Just as I"m wondering where Aki-chan has disappeared to, she reappears in the living room.
"I had to wash my hands. And to pee."
- Right. For no particular reason, I"m reminded of something. Hmm, maybe.
"Aki-chan, I bought these sweets as a gift, what would you like to do with them?"
What I"d meant was, "Do you want to eat them now?" but Aki bows, says, "Thank-you very much," and accepts the candy. Instinctively, I sit up straighter and say, "You"re welcome."
Now that the first stage of the formal gift giving ceremony has been completed, Aki-chan stands up, still holding the candy. As I watch on, wondering what she"s doing, she looks back over her shoulder and beckons me. Since I"ve been ordered to follow her, I do so. Then she slides open the sliding screen and moves into the next room.
This room contains a butsudan, a household shrine. Aki-chan opens the doors of the shrine and places the candy in there as an offering. The bells tinkle as she closes her eyes and joins her hands together in prayer.
"Aki-chan, is it alright if I light an incense stick for your mother?"
I ask, after Aki-chan has moved away from the shrine. Then Aki-chan looks at me as though I was strange, and softly says:
"The candles can only be lit when there"s an adult present."
"Then can you ask your father? If it"s okay for Eriko-san to light the candles?"
Upon hearing this, Aki-chan nods and races off towards the kitchen. I consider myself an adult, but looking through Aki-chan"s eyes, perhaps there"s some confusion as to whether I"m an adult or a child.
"He said it was okay."
It isn"t long before Aki-chan returns and says those words, whereupon I light one of the candles with a match. Then Aki-chan and I both light an incense stick and pray.
"You"re strange, Eriko-san."
Aki-chan says as we stand up. Before I have a chance to ask, "Why so?" she provides the answer.
"All of my friends are scared of the shrine."
"Really?"
I don"t let on as I extinguish the candle"s flame, but I feel like I understand why she brought me over to the shrine.
After the three of us drink tea together and eat the cookies I brought, Aki-chan drags me over to her room.
"She must be overjoyed that we have a young woman in the house."
Yaman.o.be-san smiles optimistically as he watches us leave. Honestly, he doesn"t understand a woman"s heart at all.
"This is a photo from just after I was born."
Looking through the alb.u.m, I watch my reaction. The photo is of Yaman.o.be-san and Aki-chan"s mother encircling Aki-chan and smiling. A happy family photograph.
I don"t stay completely calm, but I"m not hurt by it either. It shows that, in the past, Yaman.o.be-san has been happy. In contrast, it seems to be more painful for Aki-chan to talk about her mother in front of me. She"s emphasizing that her mother is number one. And Aki-chan instinctively fears that I might take her mother"s place.
That"s why she invited me here, where she held the home ground advantage, before she started the fight. In the cafe she"d been as quiet as a mouse, but now she"s chatting away merrily, like a completely different person.
"Even my name, Aki, my mother gave me that name."
Aki-chan opens a sketch book, draws the characters for her name in red crayon, and shows it to me.
"Really?"
"My father wanted to call me Jura.s.sic."
"Jura.s.sic, like the Jura.s.sic era?"
Ever since I met the dinosaur loving Yaman.o.be-san, I"ve become acquainted with these terms.
"My mother was against that."
Yaman.o.be Jura.s.sic. There was a possibility that the little girl in front of me could have been called that. It might have been cute, but his wife was opposed to it. So Aki had been suggested as an alternate name.
"Ah, I get it."
The light-bulb flicked on inside my head.
"Aki-chan"s Aki comes from the characters for Hakuaki, the Cretaceous period, right?"
"Yep."
"That"s a nice name - "
Hearing this honest praise, Aki-chan"s stony facade crumples for just a moment. Her face is cute, but this momentary glimpse into her soul has grabbed at my heart.
"Say, Aki-chan. If you don"t want to, you don"t have to see me any more. But since I"m friends with your father, I"d like to meet with him to chat from time to time."
Even if Aki-chan opposes my friendship with Yaman.o.be-san, I wouldn"t like to sneak around and see him behind her back. Therefore, I made an open declaration. I have no intention of backing away.
"You"re friends with dad?"
Aki-chan asks, curious.
"That"s right."
"So then you"ve never kissed him?"
"I haven"t."
It"s the honest truth, so I look straight at Aki-chan as I answer. I"m glad, from the bottom of my heart. Perhaps the reason we haven"t kissed for the entire six months is just for this very moment.
"You haven"t married?"
"I"d like to, but."
I openly confess.
"I"m not sure what your father thinks."
"I don"t know."
"I guess not."
I wasn"t expecting her to reveal Yaman.o.be-san"s feelings. But Aki-chan is being honest. Since she"s only six, she could have got away with saying that her father didn"t like me, but she didn"t. Maybe she wants to prolong this conversation, since I"m being so foolishly open with her.
"Do you think you and I could become friends, Aki-chan?"
"Friends?"
Aki-chan raises her eyebrows.
"Yeah, friends. I mean, I love your father, right? And I"m sure you love him too. So you see, we have something in common."
"But doesn"t that make you my rival rather than my friend?"
"Rival?"
She must have been taught this by someone. That a friend of her father"s might try to become her new mother. To watch out, because they might try to steal her father. And that that person is her rival.
"You know, rival is written in kanji like this."
I borrow Aki-chan"s sketch book and write the kanji for rival, 好敵手, in black crayon. Then I point at the three kanji, one at a time, as I explain.
"This might be hard to understand, but the first character is the one for love (好き). As in, love and hate, that love. This one"s opponent (敵). The last character is the one for hand (手), but it can also mean person. You know the word for team member (選手), right? That"s a chosen (選ばれた) person. So a rival is a beloved opponent."
"A beloved opponent?"
Aki-chan looks at me in confusion.
"Right. If there"s no love, then they can"t be your rival. So if you think of me as your rival, Aki-chan, that makes me very happy."
Then, when I finish speaking:
"Okay."
Aki-chan mumbles.
"You can meet with dad. From time to time."
Maybe I"m just greedy to the core. But, pleased by this approval, I just have to ask for even more.
"And some of those times, maybe all three of us could meet?"
"Mmm."
Aki-chan"s response isn"t one of a.s.sent, but a noncommittal rebuff. Still, at the very least, she hasn"t said, "No way." In any case, it"s a restrained response.
"We could all go to the zoo or the amus.e.m.e.nt park together. I could go with you when you need to go the toilet."
Aki-chan looks at me in surprise.
"Am I wrong? I thought you didn"t like going into unfamiliar restrooms all alone."
In truth, it"s a leading question. I have a fair bit of confidence in that inference. Back when I was in kindergarten at Lillian"s, I had a cla.s.smate who was like that. She was fine at places she was familiar with, like school or at home, but she worried about going alone in unfamiliar places and hated it. So much so that her mother would come along whenever we had a school excursion. Even when she visited her friends house, she"d go home rather than using their toilet - or so I"d heard.
"You"re wrong."
Aki-chan denies this, her face turning bright red. I must have hurt her pride. Since she"s such a level-headed kid, she probably doesn"t want anyone to know that she doesn"t like going alone into unfamiliar restrooms.
"I must have been mistaken then. Please forgive my rudeness."
Apologies first, then I look through the drawings that Aki-chan has made in the sketch book. Triceratops, Tyrannosaurus Rex, Stegosaurus, Archeopteryx - . Another adult version of a dinosaur whose name escapes me watching over a child dinosaur that has just hatched from an egg. I really get the impression that she"s Yaman.o.be-san"s child.
As I turn the page, Aki-chan tugs at my sleeve and says, "Hey."
"Would you really come with me?"
"Huh? Ahh - "
I quickly grasp what she"s talking about, and nod.
"Of course. There"s a truce during toilet time."
"What"s a truce?"
I put my arm around the shoulder of my tiny, inquisitive rival.
"It"s a bit like a time-out."