Mrs. Roden, as she had come across from her own house, had known that her mission would fail. To persuade another against one"s own belief is difficult in any case, but to persuade Marion Fay on such a matter as this was a task beyond the eloquence of man or woman. She had made up her mind that she must fail utterly when the knock came at the door. She took the girl in her arms and kissed her without further attempt. She would not even bid her think of it once again, as might have been so easy at parting. "I will go into your room while he pa.s.ses," she said. As she did so Lord Hampstead"s voice was heard at the door.
CHAPTER VI.
MARION"S OBSTINACY.
Lord Hampstead drove himself very fast from Hendon Hall to the "d.u.c.h.ess of Edinburgh" at Holloway, and then, jumping out of his trap, left it without saying a word to his servant, and walked quickly up Paradise Row till he came to No. 17. There, without pausing a moment, he knocked sharply at the door. Going on such a business as this, he did not care who saw him. There was an idea present to him that he would be doing honour to Marion Fay if he made it known to all the world of Holloway that he had come there to ask her to be his wife. It was this feeling which had made him declare his purpose to his sister, and which restrained him from any concealment as to his going and coming.
Marion was standing alone in the middle of the room, with her two hands clasped together, but with a smile on her face. She had considered much as to this moment, determining even the very words that she would use. The words probably were forgotten, but the purpose was all there. He had resolved upon nothing, had considered nothing,--except that she should be made to understand that, because of his exceeding love, he required her to come to him as his wife.
"Marion," he said, "Marion, you know why I am here!" And he advanced to her, as though he would at once have taken her in his arms.
"Yes, my lord, I know."
"You know that I love you. I think, surely, that never love was stronger than mine. If you can love me say but the one word, and you will make me absolutely happy. To have you for my wife is all that the world can give me now. Why do you go from me? Is it to tell me that you cannot love me, Marion? Do not say that, or I think my heart will break."
She could not say that, but as he paused for her answer it was necessary that she should say something. And the first word spoken must tell the whole truth, even though it might be that the word must be repeated often before he could be got to believe that it was an earnest word. "My lord," she began.
"Oh, I do hate that form of address. My name is John. Because of certain conventional arrangements the outside people call me Lord Hampstead."
"It is because I can be to you no more than one of the outside people that I call you--my lord."
"Marion!"
"Only one of the outside people;--no more, though my grat.i.tude to you, my appreciation, my friendship for you may be ever so strong.
My father"s daughter must be just one of the outside people to Lord Hampstead,--and no more."
"Why so? Why do you say it? Why do you torment me? Why do you banish me at once, and tell me that I must go home a wretched, miserable man? Why?--why?--why?
"Because, my lord--"
"I can give a reason,--a good reason,--a reason which I cannot oppose, though it must be fatal to me unless I can remove it; a reason to which I must succ.u.mb if necessary, but to which, Marion, I will not succ.u.mb at once. If you say that you cannot love me that will be a reason."
If it were necessary that she should tell him a lie, she must do so.
It would have been pleasant if she could have made him understand that she would be content to love him on condition that he would be content to leave her. That she should continue to love him, and that he should cease to love her,--unless, perhaps, just a little,--that had been a scheme for the future which had recommended itself to her.
There should be a something left which should give a romance to her life, but which should leave him free in all things. It had been a dream, in which she had much trusted, but which, while she listened to the violence of his words, she acknowledged to herself to be almost impossible. She must tell the lie;--but at the moment it seemed to her that there might be a middle course. "I dare not love you," she said.
"Dare not love me, Marion? Who hinders you? Who tells you that you may not? Is it your father?"
"No, my lord, no."
"It is Mrs. Roden."
"No, my lord. This is a matter in which I could obey no friend, no father. I have had to ask myself, and I have told myself that I do not dare to love above my station in life."
"I am to have that bugbear again between me and my happiness?"
"Between that and your immediate wishes;--yes. Is it not so in all things? If I,--even I,--had set my heart upon some one below me, would not you, as my friend, have bade me conquer the feeling?"
"I have set my heart on one whom in the things of the world I regard as my equal,--in all other things as infinitely my superior."
"The compliment is very sweet to me, but I have trained myself to resist sweetness. It may not be, Lord Hampstead. It may not be. You do not know as yet how obstinate such a girl as I may become when she has to think of another"s welfare,--and a little, perhaps, of her own."
"Are you afraid of me?"
"Yes."
"That I should not love you?"
"Even of that. When you should come to see in me that which is not lovable you would cease to love me. You would be good to me because your nature is good; kind to me because your nature is kind. You would not ill-treat me because you are gentle, n.o.ble, and forgiving.
But that would not suffice for me. I should see it in your eye, despite yourself,--and hear it in your voice, even though you tried to hide it by occasional softness. I should eat my own heart when I came to see that you despised your Quaker wife."
"All that is nonsense, Marion."
"My lord!"
"Say the word at once if it has to be said,--so that I may know what it is that I have to contend with. For you my heart is so full of love that it seems to be impossible that I should live without you.
If there could be any sympathy I should at once be happy. If there be none, say so."
"There is none."
"No spark of sympathy in you for me,--for one who loves you so truly?" When the question was put to her in that guise she could not quite tell so monstrous a lie as would be needed for an answer fit for her purpose. "This is a matter, Marion, in which a man has a right to demand an answer,--to demand a true answer."
"Lord Hampstead, it may be that you should perplex me sorely. It may be that you should drive me away from you, and to beg you never to trouble me any further. It may be that you should force me to remain dumb before you, because that I cannot reply to you in proper words. But you will never alter my purpose. If you think well of Marion Fay, take her word when she gives it you. I can never become your lordship"s wife."
"Never?"
"Never! Certainly never!"
"Have you told me why;--all the reason why?"
"I have told you enough, Lord Hampstead."
"By heavens, no! You have not answered me the one question that I have asked you. You have not given me the only reason which I would take,--even for a while. Can you love me, Marion?"
"If you loved me you would spare me," she said. Then feeling that such words utterly betrayed her, she recovered herself, and went to work with what best eloquence was at her command to cheat him out of the direct answer which he required. "I think," she said, "you do not understand the workings of a girl"s heart in such a matter. She does not dare to ask herself about her love, when she knows that loving would avail her nothing. For what purpose should I inquire into myself when the object of such inquiry has already been obtained? Why should I trouble myself to know whether this thing would be a gain to me or not, when I am well aware that I can never have the gain?"
"Marion, I think you love me." She looked at him and tried to smile,--tried to utter some half-joking word; and then as she felt that she could no longer repress her tears, she turned her face from him, and made no attempt at a reply. "Marion," he said again, "I think that you love me."
"If you loved me, my lord, you would not torture me." She had seated herself now on the sofa, turning her face away from him over her shoulder so that she might in some degree hide her tears. He sat himself at her side, and for a moment or two got possession of her hand.
"Marion," he said, pleading his case with all the strength of words which was at his command, "you know, do you not, that no moment of life can be of more importance to me than this?"
"Is it so, my lord?"
"None can be so important. I am striving to get her for my companion in life, who to me is the sweetest of all human beings. To touch you as I do now is a joy to me, even though you have made my heart so sad." At the moment she struggled to get her hand away from him, but the struggle was not at first successful. "You answer me with arguments which are to me of no avail at all. They are, to my thinking, simply a repet.i.tion of prejudices to which I have been all my life opposed. You will not be angry because I say so?"