I felt him along my back. His hands were between us and curved around my b.r.e.a.s.t.s. My nipples were already extra-sensitive due to the pregnancy, but with him tugging on them and rolling them between his thumb and index finger, I was pretty sure I could come just from that alone. I groaned and peeked over my shoulder at him. He was a sight I would never forget.
He was all straining muscles, sweat-slicked skin, contracting abs, flaming blue eyes ... he was a picture of pure male intensity and there was no way I would complain about being the focus of all of it. I liked how he was all hard lines and planes where I was all soft and round, now more so than ever before. I also liked the way his hands looked against the parts of my skin that were stained with color. It was a beautiful contrast, one he seemed fascinated by as well. It would also be hard to erase the image of him driving, thrusting, pounding into me like he was chasing down his release or else he was going to suffer some kind of unexplainable loss. That was a whole lot of Rome Archer to take in; lucky for me I was up to the task. Even if my head wasn"t a hundred percent sure I could take all he was forcing on me at one time, my body was more than up to the challenge. My inner muscles were squeezing him in time to his thrusts, my nipples were puckering and begging for his touch, and there was no denying the flood of moisture where we were joined that was easing his way. I tilted my head back to the side and braced for the inevitable explosion and collapse; only that wasn"t what I got. Once he ruthlessly shoved me back into mindless oblivion, he seemed to come back from whatever brink he was on. I was practically in tears, worn out from pleasure and the wealth of sensation he"d foisted on me, but he flipped me back over on my back, kissed me hard on the mouth, and sank back into me.
He was slow, the drag and pull of that erection a rough torture on over-sensitized skin. He kissed my eyelids, the corners of my mouth, the edge of my collarbone. He whispered my name over and over again, and when he finally shuddered and growled his release into my throat, I felt like there had never been a time in my life where I knew what it meant to be so fully and completely needed by another person. I just wrapped my arms around his thick neck and let him cuddle into me while he caught his breath and settled back down.
I thought I was going to have to poke and prod at him in order to get him to divulge what had set him off, but after five long minutes of silence where all we did was hold on to each other, he finally started to lay it all out for me. The accident. How he thought he was going to die. How he lived every day with the guilt of being the only one to survive. How he was mad that the accident was one of the main causes of not only his physical limitations but had been the precursor to a lot of the mental ones as well. It sounded like he put a lot of the blame on the accident for ending his military career. It was sad. My heart broke for him a hundred times, but when he was done telling me about it, he turned his face to mine and kissed me so sweetly on the cheek I thought I might cry.
He went to pull out of me, to roll over, but I wouldn"t let him. I locked my arms and legs around him and held him in place. If he was going to bare his soul to me, not because he wanted to but because I asked him to let me in, I had to do the same. He deserved nothing less. If he was going to give me his all, I had to stop being scared and be willing to do the same. Baby steps.
I licked the sh.e.l.l of his ear and whispered, "I got an e-mail from my ex today. It totally threw me off my game. That"s why I was acting so weird earlier tonight."
That big body went stiff all over mine, and he pushed himself up so that he was scowling down at me. We were still joined intimately together, so I thought it should be impossible for him to be annoyed with me, but I was wrong. His eyes narrowed and flared with something that wasn"t very pretty, and the scar that decorated his forehead started to throb an angry tempo.
"The guy you were engaged to?"
I ran my hands up and down his ribs like I was trying to soothe a wild animal and gave a little nod. "Yeah. Apparently the girl he was engaged to turned the tables on him and did the exact same thing to him that he did to me. I guess he was just looking for someone to commiserate with."
"Why are you just telling me this now?" I didn"t like the note of accusation in his tone, so I dug the edge of my fingernails into his flesh.
"Because I deleted it. I don"t care about him or anything he has to say to me. It was a long time ago, and at one point in time all I wanted was for him to apologize and realize how badly he hurt me. Now I don"t need it. Now I have you."
I narrowed my eyes right back at him.
"Plus you didn"t tell me about the truck or the fact that you have some p.i.s.sed-off biker all over your a.s.s looking for retribution because you didn"t want me to worry about it. It"s the same thing, big guy."
"No, Cora, it sure the h.e.l.l is not." He rolled us over so that I was sitting upright on him. He crossed his arms behind his head and continued to glower up at me. This was the weirdest position I had ever been in while having an argument in my life. I was annoyed at him, but apparently all my lady parts were tired of being full of all that delightful flesh and not doing anything productive with it. I could feel my inner walls start to ripple along his c.o.c.k. And of course Rome being the superhero that he was had no problem turning around and getting hard again.
"I wasn"t in love with that little biker punk. I didn"t agree to marry him. He didn"t break my heart into a million pieces, making it hard for me to see what is right in front of me. This guy isn"t just your ex, Cora. He changed your life."
I frowned at him because I didn"t like that he could read between the lines that easily.
"I see you, Rome." I grabbed one of his hands and put it on my belly. "It"s kind of impossible not to. And when it comes to life-changing, you win. Hands down."
He took his other hand from behind his head and put it on the other side of the gentle swell so that the little b.u.mp was framed in his palms.
"I know you see me, Cora. But do you just see me as this kid"s dad? Do you just see me as a guy with a s.h.i.t ton of problems slowly trying to figure it out? Do you see me as someone that is just okay for now because you know how much I care for you and that baby and something better might come along? Or do you see me as yours, as someone you are going to be with for the long haul? Because if you are just riding this out until your Mr. Perfect comes along, I got news for you ... he"s going to have a h.e.l.l of a fight on his hands getting through me."
I just stared at him because I couldn"t think of anything to say. All I wanted was for a guy to be one hundred percent in it with me, and here this amazing man was demanding the same thing from me. Like I said, Rome won in the game of life-changing every time.
"I see all of it, Rome, and whatever it ends up looking like is already perfect. This"-I put my hand over his heart and made sure he could feel me squeeze him from the inside-"is as perfect as it gets. You"re my guy, no one else does to me or for me what you do, and that"s all there is to it. I didn"t know what perfect meant until you."
I couldn"t tell him I loved him yet. I still wasn"t ready to take that leap, but I sure could show him and hope he understood the message I was trying to say with my body. I saw Rome Archer as clearly I saw my own face in the mirror. He was just simply the best of all the imperfect things I could ever have asked for. I could only hope that he wouldn"t get sick of waiting for me to put my fear to rest and tell him exactly how I felt.
CHAPTER 14.
Rome
The digital jukebox I just paid a mint for was playing the Eagles and my brother was acting more twitchy and irritable than normal. He had an untouched beer in front of him, and every time I asked him if he was all right, he just glared at me. I don"t know why he was down here when the bar he usually hit up with the guys was right outside the shop on the Hill, but I could see that he wanted to talk about something; he just needed to get there in his own time.
Asa was busy chatting up a really pretty coed at the other end of the bar, and Dixie, the very s.e.xy redhead he had convinced me to hire not just to help him out, but to c.o.c.ktail the floor because it was getting that busy, was taking care of the rest of the customers. I poured myself a soda, checked to make sure Darcy was doing okay in the kitchen with the dinnertime rush, and went to plop down next to my little brother. His pale eyes flashed up to me and his mouth pulled down in a frown.
"You and Tink have any luck finding a place you both like?"
"No." I wanted to stay on the Hill and she wanted to stay in Wash Park. We both agreed we needed to find a house to rent with a backyard and a garage, but that was about all we agreed on.
"Aren"t you worried about taking such a big step with someone you haven"t really known that long?"
I snorted and looked at him out of the corner of my eye.
"I think having a kid is a little bit more of a major step than just moving in together. It"s what needs to happen. I love her, Rule."
He nodded his head and wrapped his hands around his beer.
"I"ve been thinking a lot about that lately."
I lifted my eyebrow. "The fact that I love Cora?"
He made a face and elbowed me in the side, which caused me to grunt.
"No. The fact that I love Shaw. I never thought I would feel about anyone the way I feel about her, ya know. She is just ... my whole f.u.c.king world."
I clapped a hand on his shoulder. "I know. I can see it. I"m superproud of you for figuring it out. I know I was hard on you when I got back and that wasn"t fair. You"re amazing together."
He gulped and the frost in his eyes thawed just the barest fraction.
"I want her forever."
"Pretty sure you got her."
"I want to ask her to marry me."
I almost fell off my stool. Not because I didn"t think he loved Shaw, or that he would make an awesome husband, but because he was my impulsive, wild, unhinged little brother. Rule was not a guy that I ever thought would settle into the role of responsible homeowner and faithful husband. I just stared at him until he got mad and snapped.
"What?"
"Nothing. I just never thought I would hear you say that. Has she been hinting that she wants you to ask her?"
He shook his head and took a healthy slug of beer. The beer signs were making his typically wild hair even more outrageous with the neon lights shining on the white strands.
"No. She"s perfect. She doesn"t fuss, doesn"t nag, she trusts me absolutely no matter how dumb I act, and she never, ever holds the past against me. Which, come on, it would be really easy for her to do. On top of it, she"s mind-blowing in bed and I can"t keep my hands off of her. She"s too good to be true, so why would she want to spend the rest of her life with me?"
I thought the answer was easy. Shaw had loved Rule forever. For longer than he probably really knew. He was it for her and always had been. I had never seen Rule self-conscious or in doubt like this. It was eye-opening. He really did love that little girl as much as she loved him.
"Just ask her. She"s going to say yes. She loves you. She has always been in love with you and she will always be in love with you. For her, you were too good to be true as well. You"re both lucky to have each other."
He dropped his head in his hands and sighed. The knuckles of his hand that had Shaw"s name inked across them caught my eye. I pointed to them.
"You have her with you forever already, a ring isn"t going to make that much of a difference, bro."
"I need to wait until she"s done with school next semester. She needs to graduate and focus on starting med school. I don"t want her worrying about me or a wedding while she does it. Honestly, talking to Lando made me start thinking about it. G.o.d forbid something happened to me or to her. I want everyone on the planet to know how much she means to me. How she changed my life and made me want to be a better man for her and her alone."
I shook my head in the negative when Asa lined up a round of shots on the bar rail and lifted an eyebrow to ask if I wanted one. I was doing pretty well with the no-drinking thing. I had a beer here and there, did a shot with Asa at the end of the night occasionally, but for the most part I was too busy with the actual running of the bar and keeping an eye on the customers to get tempted. Plus having easy access to my pixie and her particular brand of help with my stress management was so much more fun-and a much more healing balm for my soul-that vodka and the inevitable hangover held zero appeal.
"Rule, she"s always been an Archer. Putting a rock on her finger is just a formality. No one doubts how much you care about her, or that you are committed to her and her alone. Screw her obnoxious family and whatever headache Mom and Dad might want to cause, you want her forever, ask her."
He looked up at me and lifted both of his eyebrows in question. The barbells that decorated them looked like they were winking at me.
"So you don"t think you want to marry Cora? You"re just gonna knock her up and live in sin?" Coming from anyone else, that would"ve p.i.s.sed me off. Coming from him and hearing the humor underlying his tone, I was able to take it for what it was worth. I shoved him hard, which made him laugh at me.
"I don"t know. Maybe. It"s hard enough trying to make a new relationship work with an unexpected baby on the way."
"Yeah. How exactly did that happen? You used to shove condoms in my pockets before I snuck out of the house at night. You drilled safe s.e.x into me before I ever even saw a girl topless. It seems pretty against character for you to have an accident of that kind of proportion."
I crossed my arms on the newly finished bar and leaned on the rail. I looked at my hands, the scars that dotted them.
"Sometimes things are just meant to be. I never thought about having kids, never thought about the kind of girl I would want to settle down with, never thought much beyond the next mission, and then when I got home it was beyond the next endless day. Everything was all shades of gray and I was just disappearing into the fog. I thought I needed direction, needed something to define me. I didn"t. I don"t. I can just be a guy, a guy that messes up, but as long as I"m accountable, that"s okay."
Rule finished his beer and put his hands on my shoulders so that we were eye to eye.
"You will NEVER just be a guy, Rome. You"re the best brother a guy could have. You"re a f.u.c.king hero. No one, and I mean no one, has ever had my back the way you have. You are an incredible person, be it in the army fighting a war or sitting on the G.o.dd.a.m.n couch watching the game. Don"t forget it."
He was serious and that was important to me. We had always been close, but after learning about Remy and trying to navigate how I fit into his life now that he had Shaw, I had let distance and my own pride come between us.
I clicked the edge of my gla.s.s against the edge of his beer mug.
"I lucked out in the brother department as well. Not only do I think you will make a rocking husband, but I think you"ll be that baby"s favorite uncle."
He laughed and turned around so that he was looking out into the bar. "Won"t I be the only uncle? Cora is an only child."
"Semantics." I copied his pose and was going to see if I could work any info out of him about Cora"s ex when the door to the bar opened and we both went stiff and on high alert. Now that I wasn"t under the pool table, I had no problem recognizing Torch and his lieutenants from the motorcycle club. Not that there was any missing those cuts or the bada.s.s biker vibe that rolled right in with them.
"Brite said he sold you the bar, kid. Congrats."
I shook his hand because really, what else was I supposed to do? I introduced Rule and c.o.c.ked my head to the side.
"Why do I think this isn"t just a friendly social visit?"
"Because it"s not." The prez tilted his head toward the back of the bar where the pool tables were. I nodded and asked Dixie to go make sure the area was cleared out for just a few minutes. Rule put his hand on my arm and gave me a concerned look.
"Do you know what you"re doing? Those guys put Asa in a coma and left him for dead."
"Not those guys in particular, and as I understand it, Asa messed up good in order to get to that point. Torch, the chapter president, has history with Brite. He kicked the guy that trashed the Dodge and robbed the place out of the club. I need to see what he has to say."
He didn"t look happy but he didn"t stop me when I followed the herd of bikers into the back room.
"The place looks brand-new, kid."
"I worked hard to make it that way."
"I had a feeling about what that old goat had in mind the minute he mentioned you. The Bar is a Sons" place; that means you got us at your back, kid. This s.h.i.t with the rogue prospect isn"t how we do business."
"You don"t mess with a man"s ride."
"No, you don"t. You need to know he"s gone to ground. I"ve had eyes out for him since Brite called about the robbery, but we haven"t seen or heard anything. His old man was patched into a club for years, went to the pen for some heavy s.h.i.t, so the kid knows some people. Not hard for him to lay low or get his hands on all kinds of stuff that can make trouble for you and yours. You read me, kid?"
Yeah, I totally read him. The scrawny punk was not only p.i.s.sed but he was p.i.s.sed and probably armed to the teeth. It sounded like Asa was lucky he just took the cash.
"I hear about the people in the Sons" circle. I know you"re a good one, kid. I also know you got some heavy baggage you"re carrying around from the desert. You okay to deal with that and keep an eye on your six?"
I don"t think I wanted to know how this guy, this MC club leader, knew anything about what was going on in my head, but I couldn"t deny that he looked more understanding than most people who tried to talk to me about it. I cleared my throat and leaned a hip on the pool table. I met his gaze because that"s what you did when you were trying to be on the level with a man that not only offered you his respect, but also his protection and approval. The gray wasn"t going to suck me under, not when I had so much color in me because of Cora.
"Most of the time I"m straight. Had a few bad months, almost blew it with the best thing to ever happen to me, pre- or postwar. Brite made me feel like s.h.i.t, gave me Neil"s number, and told me to go talk to him. When I can"t get out from under it on my own, I do. Otherwise that best thing takes all kinds of care of me and nothing in this world could matter more for me to keep an eye on my back."
Torch laughed and nodded in agreement.
"I had one of those once. Was too much of a stubborn idiot to hold on to it. You got a girl that stays by you when you wake up in the middle of the night shaking, covered in sweat, and not knowing where you are, that"s a girl you don"t ever let go of."
I could do him one better and say that I had a girl who not only stayed but generally put me back to bed by sucking me off or riding me until I couldn"t see straight, but I doubted Cora would appreciate the baddest-of-the-bad biker club in the union having that much info on our s.e.x life.
"I have no intention of letting her go, or of letting some little punk with a grudge get anywhere near her, or me, for that matter. It all needs to be put to bed, and the sooner the better."
"We are on the same page. Anything else comes up, you call me not the cops."
I wasn"t sure how I felt about having his number in my phone, but I also didn"t think telling him that was a good idea. I programmed it in and pushed off the table, when he stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.
"We were all you at one point in time, kid. Dismissed, lost, and trying to figure out what was next. For some of us, what was next came out of the blue. The open road, the brotherhood, the family, it was like being back in but on our own terms and fighting for things that mattered here." He thumped a hand over his chest where his biker heart was covered by a leather cut. "Some of us found it in the love of a good woman and making a family; others, like Brite, found what was next by helping the most lost of us onto a better path. Whatever your next is, kid, it"ll find you or you"ll find it. Don"t beat yourself up about it."
With that profound bit of advice, he and all his seriously threatening and intimidating cohorts made their way back out of the bar. I took a minute to gather my thoughts, to ponder the dramatic ways my life had turned on its head in the last few months, and made my way back to where my brother was waiting nervously at the bar.
"Everything okay?"
Typically I would have just brushed it off, told him it was my problem and that I would handle it. I was the big brother, the protector, but I was starting to see that all the things I had used to define myself for so long needed to be tweaked, needed to be redefined, as life moved forward, as I wasn"t the same guy I had been when we were kids.
"n.o.body seems to know where the punk with the grudge is at. Torch and the club said he has connections, could be armed, and he is good and p.i.s.sed that picking that fight with me got him eighty-sixed. They want me to watch my back, and Torch was concerned that with all the stuff going on up here, I might not be able to give the situation the attention it deserves." I tapped my temple with two fingers and he frowned at me.
"Are you? Okay to keep an eye on yourself, I mean?"