"I think so. Protecting myself and survival is second nature to me."
"If you need anything from me, from the guys, you know all you have to do is ask, right?"
"I know. Just keep an eye on my girl. I don"t want her to worry, not with the baby and not with her acting all twisted up over that e-mail from her ex."
I saw Rule"s pale eyes go diamond hard and his tattooed hands curled into fists on the top of the bar.
"That a.s.shole had the nerve to e-mail her after all this time?"
I dipped my chin in agreement and c.o.c.ked my elbows to lean back against the bar. I didn"t want to appear too eager to hear what he had to say about Cora"s ex, but information was power, and the more I had the more I could break through that shroud of fear I saw in her multihued gaze every time I brought up the L-word.
"I guess his old lady was stepping out on him with another one of the artists at the shop. He apparently had a revelation that all the c.r.a.p he shoveled Cora"s way might just have made him a douche bag, so now he"s all fired up to make amends. She says it"s all water under the bridge, but sometimes she shuts up and I can tell she"s somewhere else, but she doesn"t say anything to me about it."
He let loose a litany of swearwords and his hands clenched and unclenched.
"That guy did a number on her, Rome." He sighed and motioned for Asa to bring him another beer. "When Phil came back to the shop after going to New York and told us we were getting a new shop manager, none of us knew how to take it. But then Cora showed up and it was clear she needed someone to save her. She was wasting away. I mean she is tiny as it is, but she obviously wasn"t eating, wasn"t sleeping. She was quiet, withdrawn. We tried to joke with her, tried to shake her out of it, but nothing worked. She was heartbroken. I"ve never seen anything like it. She wasn"t just some chick that was sad because she got dumped ... she was dying from it." He blew out a breath and slowly shook his head from side to side.
"Rowdy always said she took it so hard because her dad was always gone and Jimmy was her only constant in life. I don"t know if that"s the case, but I do know that guy hurt her in a way I would like to skin him alive and let fire ants eat him from the inside out just to teach him a lesson. No man should do that to a woman that loves him, even if he isn"t in love with her anymore."
I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn"t like the sound of any of that at all.
"What snapped her out of it? What kept her from just fading away?"
His mouth turned into a wry grin and he bit down on his lip ring. "Remy died."
I blinked in surprise.
"Remy died and I went off the deep end and she waded in to save me. She was so focused on me and my mess I think she forgot that she was suffering herself. Day by day she got better and held on to me with both hands. I was operating from a really bad place, but I stayed just on this side of redeemable because of Cora. She"s more than a big-sister figure, she"s my voice of reason."
I barked out a laugh. "Tinker Bell."
"Definitely Tinker Bell, but a Tinker Bell that can flay you with her sharp-a.s.s tongue and put you in your place with a simple look. Don"t let that guy get his hooks back into her, Rome. That"s bad news all around."
I grunted. "You"ve met Cora, Rule. She"s going to do whatever it is she"s going to do. All I can do is hope what we have going for us is enough to make him getting anything into her an option that isn"t on the table."
We shared a knowing look.
"Sucks."
"Definitely sucks."
We lapsed into an uncomfortable silence as the jukebox shifted from the Rolling Stones to the Clash. I walked back behind the bar to help Asa with the dishes and to have something to do with my hands.
"You like it here, Rome? You want to stay here and run this place or are you just doing it because you don"t know what else to do?"
Rule"s question made me take a second and think of an answer that worked.
"A little bit of both. I like it here; I like the clientele and the regulars, I like that I get to make my own hours and that I put this place back together board by board. But I don"t have a clue what"s next for me, what I should or shouldn"t be doing with all the years of training I have. For now this feels right and I can"t ask for more than that."
"Whatever you do, whoever you want to be in the long run, Rome, I am so f.u.c.king glad you came back home in one piece. I missed you, we missed you. Even when you were being a royal pain in the a.s.s. Knowing you"re here, that I can call you, that you have my back even when you"re p.i.s.sed at me, you don"t understand how much I need that."
And there it was. My brother still needed me. Yes, he had Shaw to take care of him. Yes, he had become enough of a bada.s.s, and enough of an adult to protect himself from most things, but he still needed me to have his back. He needed me to be the guy who looked at him and always saw the guy who lived his life on his own terms, made his own rules, and didn"t judge him for it. That was a redefinition of my relationship with my brother I had no trouble filling. I was working my way toward that with my parents as well. I was starting to figure out I could just be Rome, nothing more and nothing less.
"I missed your punk a.s.s, too, and I am sincerely sorry it took me such a long time to get my head out of my a.s.s."
He nodded, finished his beer, and went home to his girl. It was an interesting evening, to say the least, and after the cryptic warning from Torch and the club, I stayed until closing with Asa and watched him leave with not one but two of the pretty coeds. I wanted to make sure everyone got out of the parking lot safe and sound and that no one was lurking around. The guy had game like I had never seen before and I probably would have felt a twinge of jealousy had I not been going to my house, where a very s.e.xy pixie was no doubt pa.s.sed out in my bed, where she waited for me to get home.
Nash"s muscle car was gone when I got to the Victorian, but the Cooper was parked in its spot. I was getting tired of playing ring-around-the-apartments with her. I wanted one place to call our own, but after Rule"s revelations about her and her ex tonight, I was starting to wonder if her inability to meet me in the middle on a place had more behind it. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and thought I would snag a shower and crawl into bed next to her, but when I pushed open the door to my room, I was surprised to find the light on the nightstand on and the bed empty. I frowned and set the beer down while kicking off my boots and pulling my shirt off over my head.
I was worried that maybe she wasn"t feeling so great. So far she had been lucky and morning sickness wasn"t something she really had to deal with unless she got superemotional. She was tired a lot and hadn"t asked me to go get her pickles and ice cream in the middle of the night or anything, so I just a.s.sumed it would be smooth sailing for the duration of her pregnancy. I tapped on the door with a knuckle and called her name.
"You all right, Half-Pint?"
The k.n.o.b turned easily under my hand and I walked in the bathroom. She was naked, all tattooed and bejeweled skin, staring in the big mirror that hung over the vanity. Her blond hair was sticking up all over her head like she had been woken from sleep by something and she was biting down on her lower lip. She was perfect. Everything about her was just absolutely f.u.c.king perfect. I braced my arms over my head on the doorframe and watched her watch me. Her eyes did that slow roll over my chest, across my stomach, and stopped on the front of my pants the way she liked to do. I needed to remember to always come home and take my shirt off ... it really did make it hard for her to think.
"Look." She turned to face me, and I think she wanted me to look at something besides her perky b.r.e.a.s.t.s and the delicate junction between her legs, but I was a guy and she was naked, so she was out of luck.
"Look at what?" I wanted to s.n.a.t.c.h her up and take her to bed. I wanted to lick every single one of those jewels that decorated her rib cage and trace the line of the lilies all the way up her side with my teeth.
"Look at our baby." She flattened both her hands on the very slight swell in her stomach. She was so tiny that the barest bulge did indeed have her looking more rounded out than she had a day or so ago. She was just too cute with those big eyes so full of wonder. "I pa.s.sed out a few hours ago and rolled over on my stomach, which sucks when you aren"t there to act as a pillow, by the way, when this woke me up. I"ve never had a belly in my life and now I do and there is a supersmall person in there. It"s unbelievable." She just sounded in awe, and I wouldn"t have traded this moment for all the a.s.suredness or foresight in the entire world.
I pushed off the doorway and stalked toward her. I got so close that I was towering over her, staring down at her, and she just continued to watch me. I saw her suck in a breath and let it out slowly as I sank to my knees in front of her. I put my hands on her hips and pulled her to my face so I could put my mouth on the soft skin right above her belly b.u.t.ton. I heard her gasp softly and twine her fingers loosely in my hair. I let my fingers dig into the sweet curve of her hips.
"I put that baby in there, Cora. Anytime you want to talk about it, you want to marvel at it, you let me know. Yeah?"
She let out a little laugh and dropped her cheek on the top of my head.
"Yeah, Rome."
I gave her a squeeze to let her know I was serious and decided while I was on my knees in front of her I might as well take advantage of the situation, so I stuck the tip of my tongue into the dip of her navel and felt her shudder against me.
"I love you, Half-Pint. Love that little baby. You understand where I"m at with all of that?" She nodded a little but I was working my way south with my tongue and I don"t think she had the ability to form words anymore. I breathed out a little puff of air against her cleft that I could see was getting slick and ready for me. "I know you aren"t on the same page as me just yet, Cora, and for right now I"m happy enough we"re reading the same book. Eventually you have to turn the page, though, you got me?"
Her fingers got tighter in my hair and I knew there was no one else on this planet I would willingly get on my knees for, but this girl with all her mouthy ways and swirling eyes, I would do it for her whenever she asked and even when she didn"t.
"I got you, Rome." And she did. She had me any d.a.m.n way she wanted me, and I was more than happy to show her since she was already naked and wet for me.
CHAPTER 15.
Cora
"Why don"t you just admit you"re changing the subject and that we aren"t going to find a house until our kid is walking?"
He sounded disgruntled and I couldn"t really blame him. We had looked at three houses this morning before I had to go to work, and none of them fit the bill. I was having a hard time explaining to him that I had an ideal idea of what a home should be, where I wanted to be with him and raise our kid. I spent so much time bouncing from relative to relative while Dad was deployed, I knew exactly what I wanted and I wasn"t going to settle, even if it made my guy all kinds of grumpy. It wasn"t just about finding a house, it was about finding a home and starting a family, and I had to fully let go of the fear that was still holding me back to do it.
"Just be patient, big guy. It"ll come along. Besides, that last place only had a one-car garage and we both know you don"t want to leave the Harley parked on the street."
He grunted at me and scowled. I was glad he finally had the truck back because he didn"t want me on the back of the bike in my current condition and it was like pulling teeth to get him in the Cooper. At least having him drop me off at the shop on his way to the bar didn"t result in an argument.
"I leave it on the street now."
"But you b.i.t.c.h about it all the time and it hasn"t even started snowing yet."
He knew I was right, so he just grunted again and tapped his long fingers on the steering wheel. He had been getting impatient with me lately. Not outwardly, but I could tell every time he told me he loved me that it did something to him when I didn"t just say it back. I just couldn"t. I wanted to. I was sure I did in fact love him more than I had loved anyone else ever, but giving him that ... I simply couldn"t do it. Seeing this man, this warrior, on his knees in front of me, ready to give me anything and everything I ever wanted, I knew I had to get over it. Kick the fear to the curb and just know Rome Archer would never undo me the way Jimmy did. I couldn"t say it to him, but I knew I could show him how I felt, which was why I had asked him if I could borrow his dog tags for a couple days.
I was changing the subject because I was tired of fighting about the house even if I thought he was s.e.xy as h.e.l.l when he was disgruntled.
"So can I have them or not?"
"I don"t understand what you want them for."
I was surprised he didn"t still wear them since they had been a part of his uniform for so long. I figured since he kept the hair and the strenuous workout routine, he would have kept the tags as well. Plus I thought they would look hot around that thick neck. Maybe I would ask him to put them on for me sometime and nothing else.
"It"s a secret. I promise not to lose them and to treat them with all the respect and reverence they deserve. Stop being Captain No-Fun because we didn"t agree on a place and hand them over." I tried to keep my voice light and teasing, but I couldn"t shake his black mood.
He cut me a look out of the corner of his eye and pulled the big truck to a stop in front of the shop. I could already see people milling around in the waiting room and Nash waved at us since he was out front smoking.
"They"re in a box in my underwear drawer. Grab them the next time you"re over at the apartment. Just put them back whenever you"re done with them."
I giggled a little and leaned across the seats so that I could wrap my arm around his neck and pulled him down so I could kiss him. Even when he wasn"t overly happy with me, he never stopped me from loving all up on him. He was pretty much a gentle giant, not that I would ever dare tell him that to his face.
"Why do you even have an underwear drawer? You don"t ever wear underwear."
He shrugged a broad shoulder and kissed me back.
"Right, so I have to have a place to keep it all in because I never use it."
"You are so weird." I pushed open the door and hopped down onto the curb. I was going to blow him a kiss or maybe flip him off just to be ornery, but since I forgot my purse and he was nice enough to get out and bring it around to me, I decided I would just kiss his face off some more instead. I heard Nash chuckle at the spectacle I was making, heard Rome groan against my mouth while he curled a hand around my a.s.s, and heard a voice I never thought I was ever going to hear again say my name.
"Cora?"
I slid back to my feet from the tip of my toes and peeked around the solid wall that was my guy to see the last person on earth I ever wanted or expected to see again. I felt Rome"s arms tighten reflexively around me and Nash moved from his spot by the front window to come stand next to us. I turned in Rome"s rapidly stiffening grip to face my ultimate worst mistake. I felt that big body go absolutely rigid behind me, but thankfully Rome didn"t say anything. His irritation was like a lash in the air as Jimmy took a hesitant step toward us.
The years had been kind to Jimmy. He was less skinny and more filled out. He had way more ink curling over his arms and neck than I remembered and he wore it well. His sandy-brown hair was artfully tousled and topped by a cool, plaid skully-cap. He was the epitome of Brooklyn cool and I hated to see that he had genuine regret shining out of his dark brown eyes.
"Jimmy. What are you doing here?"
"Uh ... you didn"t answer any of the e-mails I sent you and your dad refused to give me a number to reach you. I just ..." He trailed off and I realized he was staring at Rome and not really looking at me. He sighed deeply and shook his head. "I wanted to see you. To get some kind of closure and tell you how very sorry I am for what I put you through. I know it"s too little too late, but I just had to do it now that I understand how wrong it was."
If Rome was stiff before, he turned into a statue behind me now. I pulled out of his grip and walked toward my ex. The blood that was rushing to my head was making me deaf and the shining light of my past staring me in the face was making me blind. I think Nash said something to me, think Rome called my name, but all I could see was Jimmy and all I could feel was everything I had wanted to do to him, all the things I had wanted to make him realize five years ago. Seeing him thrust me back in time even if I had strong hands trying to hold me in place in the present.
Operating on ancient rage and embarra.s.sment, I pulled back a hand and socked him in the gut as hard as I could. I owed it to him, but it didn"t do anything to make me feel any better. In fact all the old feelings of betrayal and hurt were starting to fade simply because they were irrelevant in the face of how ridiculous it was that he thought I would want to hear anything he had to say. I was still mad, but for other reasons. He let out an "oof" and doubled over. I contemplated smacking him across the face as well, but Nash got to me first and handed me off to my chuckling guy, who locked down my flailing arms and cut off the steam that I felt was pouring out of my ears. I should be overwhelmed with joy that I had escaped the life I would have had if I had stuck with a guy like Jimmy. But all that old duplicity and sting had greatly affected my ability to give everything over to the man I now considered my life, and I was all kinds of newly furious at Jimmy for that.
"f.u.c.k you, Jimmy. I don"t need an apology from you. I don"t need anything from you. As far as I"m concerned, you got exactly what you deserved. You"re wasting your time here."
Rome growled behind me, which was all kinds of alpha s.e.xy, and ran a soothing hand over my arm. I was shaking, and it made me mad that Jimmy could affect me in any way still. Apologizing for shattering my young heart into a million pieces was just laughable, like any words could go back in time and undo the damage he had done, could fix the current predicament I found myself in with Rome.
"You actually deserve a s.h.i.t ton more, but considering her condition, I"m not going to let her at you." Rome sounded gruff and even less happy than he had been originally.
Jimmy"s gaze widened and then flicked over my now slightly extended belly. I wasn"t huge but I was obviously rounded out more than normal and clearly pregnant. I wanted to hit him again when he looked at Nash and asked: "You"re knocked up?"
Nash choked on a laugh and hooked a thumb at Rome.
"You might wanna look at the guy holding on to her, genius. Not mine."
Jimmy"s eyes got huge when he took in the protective stance Rome had taken behind me. He looked at me, at my belly, and then back up to the thunderous expression of the man standing behind me. It irritated me to no end that he automatically a.s.sumed Nash would be the dad just because of his outward appearance. Why hadn"t I ever realized how shallow and awful he was before I had fallen in love with him? Gross.
"Seriously, Cora? What the h.e.l.l happened to you? This isn"t like you. You used to be nice and funny. The old you would have forgiven me in a heartbeat, and we could have gone and had a beer and a few laughs for old times" sake. You loved me."
Oh, the nerve of him. How did I ever think anyone that stupid was my Mr. Right? I could read between his lines. The old me would have been head over heels to have another shot at being with him and he could have used me for a quick hookup to soothe his battered ego. Uh, no thank you.
"You happened to me, Jimmy. You have the nerve to talk about how I loved you? How about because of you I can"t love someone else? Where is the apology, the regret for that?"
I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me. I knew I needed to stop-that I was risking ruining the thing that mattered-but in my fury I was stuck in a cycle of past and future, anger and remorse, and there was no turning back.
"Cora." Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck and looked at his feet. "We were young. I was immature. I never meant to hurt you that way. You were the first girl I ever loved. Can"t we just grab a coffee or something and mend some fences. I really am sorry."
"No. Just because you"re sorry doesn"t mean I"m obligated to accept your apology. It sucks you came all this way in search of absolution, but it"s not my job to offer it to you. I don"t owe you anything. I never did. You were just too stupid to see that I was offering you the world and then you decided to toss it away. Never again, Jimmy. I"ll never do that again." My voice dropped an octave and my chest heaved up and down. "The embarra.s.sment, the loss of the only family I thought I had, it made me lost, made me search and search for some kind of perfect I"m never going to find. You ruined my idea of happy-ever-after."
When my words. .h.i.t Jimmy they made him shudder, and they made me feel free. But any satisfaction was brief, disintegrating as what I had just said hit me square in the chest. It was too late, I couldn"t force the words back in. I turned to look at Rome, and those blue eyes had gone dull, distant, his face like stone.
For five years I had needed this moment to let go. But now that the anger was starting to bleed out, I knew the harsh words I had thrown out in a blind rage had hit the wrong target.
Rome had offered me everything over and over again, and still I"d held back. I"d never been absolutely clear to him why I was so hesitant to just hand my heart over, and here I was laying it all out there to the last guy who deserved any consideration. Jimmy might have damaged my ability to freely offer my love, but I had to be accountable for my part in being scared to give everything over to Rome. I knew we were meant to be and holding back fell entirely on my cowardly shoulders.
"Cora ..." Jimmy didn"t get the chance to add anything else because Rome"s tolerance ran out. He moved around me faster than a guy that big should be able to move and grabbed Jimmy by the collar of his trendy pearl-snap shirt. The toes of his hip boots dragged across the sidewalk and his eyes popped wide. I saw Jimmy gulp and heard Nash chuckle.
"Not helping, Nashville."
"No plans to, Tink. Let him wrestle with the bear. He deserves it."
"She said she doesn"t have anything else to say to you. That ends the conversation. You want to continue it, you continue it with me. A lot of time has pa.s.sed for you, but I"m brand-new. I know what I got with her, and I"m not going to let you dirty it up or twist her up anymore." He shook Jimmy like he was a rag doll and I had to bite back a grin. "She"s having my baby. I love her. There is no room in any of that for you to show up and try to make her responsible for your bruised ego and hurt feelings. Maybe if you weren"t a d.i.c.k to begin with, you wouldn"t have ended up getting f.u.c.ked over in the long run. Are we clear?"
I had never seen this side of Rome. He was always kind of dangerous, always kind of coiled tight like he could take care of business at any minute. I had to admit it was fascinating to watch, and I wasn"t surprised that Jimmy couldn"t hold up under the threat of the kind of guy Rome was. I doubted many could. He nodded and Rome shoved him away. Jimmy stumbled off the curb and looked at me one more time.
"For what it"s worth, I do really understand now how bad what I did to you hurt. You always deserved better."