A visit to a specialist--eighteen crowns. A new prescription; he must ask for sick leave at once, take riding exercise every morning and have steak and a gla.s.s of port for breakfast.
Riding exercise and port!
But the worst feature of the whole business was a feeling of alienation from his wife which had sprung up in his heart--he did not know whence it came. He was afraid to go near her and at the same time he longed for her presence. He loved her, loved her still, but a certain bitterness was mingled with his love.
"You are growing thin," said a friend.
"Yes, I believe I"ve grown thinner," said the poor husband.
"You are playing a dangerous game, old boy!"
"I don"t know what you mean!"
"A married man in half mourning! Take care, my friend!"
"I really don"t know what you"re driving at.".
"It"s impossible to go against the wind for any length of time. Set all sails and run, old chap, and you will see that everything will come right. Believe me, I know what I"m talking about. You understand me."
He took no notice of the advice for a time, fully aware of the fact that a man"s income does not increase in proportion to his family; at the same time he had no longer any doubt about the cause of his malady.
It was summer again. The family had gone into the country. On a beautiful evening husband and wife were strolling along the steep sh.o.r.e, in the shade of the alder trees, resplendent in their young green. They sat down on the turf, silent and depressed. He was morose and disheartened; gloomy thoughts revolved behind his aching brow.
Life seemed a great chasm which had opened to engulf all he loved.
They talked of the probable loss of his appointment; his chief had been annoyed at his second application for sick leave. He complained of the conduct of his colleagues, he felt himself deserted by everyone; but the fact which hurt him more than anything else was the knowledge that she, too, had grown tired of him.
"Oh! but she hadn"t! She loved him every bit as much as she did in those happy days when they were first engaged. How could he doubt it?"
"No, he didn"t doubt it; but he had suffered so much, he wasn"t master of his own thoughts."
He pressed his burning cheek against hers, put his arm round her and covered her eyes with pa.s.sionate kisses.
The gnats danced their nuptial dance above the birch tree without a thought of the thousands of young ones which their ecstasy would call into being; the carp laid their eggs in the reed gra.s.s, careless of the millions of their kind to which they gave birth; the swallow made love in broad daylight, not in the least afraid of the consequences of their irregular liaisons.
All of a sudden he sprang to his feet and stretched himself like a sleeper awakening from a long sleep, which had been haunted by evil dreams, he drank in the balmy air in deep draughts.
"What"s the matter?" whispered his wife, while a crimson blush spread over her face.
"I don"t know. All I know is that I live, that I breathe again."
And radiant, with laughing face and shining eyes, he held out his arms to her, picked her up as if she were a baby and pressed his lips to her forehead. The muscles of his legs swelled until they looked like the muscles of the leg of an antique G.o.d, he held his body erect like a young tree and intoxicated with strength and happiness, he carried his beloved burden as far as the footpath where he put her down.
"You will strain yourself, sweetheart," she said, making a vain attempt to free herself from his encircling arms.
"Never, you darling! I could carry you to the end of the earth, and I shall carry you, all of you, no matter how many you are now, or how many you may yet become."
And they returned home, arm in arm, their hearts singing with gladness.
"If the worst comes to the worst, sweet love, one must admit that it is very easy to jump that abyss which separates body and soul!"
"What a thing to say!"
"If I had only realised it before, I should have been less unhappy.
Oh! those idealists!"
And they entered their cottage.
The good old times had returned and had, apparently, come to stay. The husband went to work to his office as before. They lived again through love"s spring time. No doctor was required and the high spirits never flagged.
After the third christening, however, he came to the conclusion that matters were serious and started playing his old game with the inevitable results: doctor, sick-leave, riding-exercise, port! But there must be an end of it, at all costs. Every time the balance-sheet showed a deficit.
But when, finally, his whole nervous system went out of joint, he let nature have her own way. Immediately expenses went up and he was beset with difficulties.
He was not a poor man, it is true, but on the other hand he was not blest with too many of this world"s riches.
"To tell you the truth, old girl," he said to his wife, "it will be the same old story over again."
"I am afraid it will, my dear," replied the poor woman, who, in addition to her duties as a mother, had to do the whole work of the house now.
After the birth of her fourth child, the work grew too hard for her and a nursemaid had to be engaged.
"Now it must stop," avowed the disconsolate husband. "This must be the last."
Poverty looked in at the door. The foundations on which the house was built were tottering.
And thus, at the age of thirty, in the very prime of their life, the young husband and wife found themselves condemned to celibacy. He grew moody, his complexion became grey and his eyes lost their l.u.s.tre. Her rich beauty faded, her fine figure wasted away, and she suffered all the sorrows of a mother who sees her children growing up in poverty and rags.
One day, as she was standing in the kitchen, frying herrings, a neighbour called in for a friendly chat.
"How are you?" she began.
"Thank you, I"m not up to very much. How are you?"
"Oh! I"m not at all well. Married life is a misery if one has to be constantly on one"s guard."
"Do you think you are the only one?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you know what my husband said to me the other day? One ought to spare the draught cattle! And I suffer under it all, I can tell you.
No, there"s no happiness in marriage. Either husband or wife is bound to suffer. It"s one or the other!"
"Or both!"
"But what about the men of science who grow fat at the expense of the Government?"
"They have to think of so many things, and moreover, it is improper to write about such problems; they must not be discussed openly."
"But that would be the first necessity!" And the two women fell to discussing their bitter experiences.