"Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant."
Jim Cole Five weeks later, fatigued, anxious and terrified, Lily opened the brand new box-the tenth one-and hoped this would be the one to snap her out of this weird dream sequence. She sucked in a deep breath, exhaled and headed to the connected bathroom.
Even though she had been thorough with the others, for precision, she cautiously read the instructions, never mind the step-by-step guide didn"t vary much from the previous nine. At this point, she could recite each word with her eyes closed. The first three steps were qualifiers, meant to educate the user on the variances between manufactures. The length of time one needed to pee on the stick, the symbols used to indicate a positive or negative result, all the scientific information she needed to decide whether to invest in Gap maternity dresses or purchasing that fitted halter top she had been eyeing from Anthropologie.
Step four tensed her stomach, even on the tenth one. Bold, chilling letters stared at her- Prepare Yourself. Taking a home pregnancy test could be a nerve-wracking experience.
No s.h.i.t, Sherlock.
Ready to go, she chugged another gla.s.s of water, squared her shoulders and moved to the next act, the urine sample. After nine tests, she already knew what came next; she had to wait for the stated amount of time for the result. In this case, a whole three minutes, this meant eternity in pregnant or not-pregnant land. Anxiety curled in her stomach. Nerves tingling, Lily lowered her weight down to her knees and leaned against the wall for comfort.
She placed her phone on the floor, set the timer, and waited. The silver antique clock usually found on her nightstand now stood on the cream-colored tile floor, staring at her. Her gaze bounced between the two devices.
Tick. Tock.
The seconds faded away, determining her fate. Arms clutched to her chest, she had no choice but to abide by the rules of Father Time.
As she waited, Lily said a silent prayer to St. Jude, her mother"s favorite saint, the patron saint of the hopeless and the desperate, the saint for those who felt trapped in lost causes.
She met all the required criteria.
. While at it, she promised never to make another wisea.s.s comment about how ridiculous periods were. Never again would she joke about being punished once a month for not being pregnant. Besides, a woman"s monthly cycle was designed to rid the body of toxins. Technically, it was good. Now the stick just had to declare her not preggo and all would be well again.
Her phone vibrated and Minka"s name appeared.
Hey, you"re MIA. Call me.
Lily smiled sadly at the text. MIA was a strong word but fitting. The last two days, she"d avoided her family, Minka included. She was family; not all family was connected by blood. Hiding wasn"t a trait she was fond of, but at times necessary, especially when life threw her a curveball so traumatic she couldn"t even call her best friend of ten years.
They"d met in college and worked together until last year at an upscale private school in Princeton. Although Minka had moved to Martha"s Vineyard they still talked on a daily basis. Minka was her confidant, her other half, the sister she"d always wanted. When "What"s his name" had ditched her, Minka had been the first to know. Even with about five hundred miles between them, they still managed to talk as frequently as possible, whether by a quick text or a long conversation. No, the distance had not weakened their friendship. As close of a relationship she had with her brothers and parents, Minka was her confidant, the sister she always wanted.
So why wasn"t she confiding now?
Because if she told Minka, that meant what she"d been fearedthe positive she"d been denying on every tossed aside ePT would suddenly become very, scarily real. She couldn"t be that girl. The one with the accidental pregnancy whose life went to the s.h.i.tter. She was strong. Capable. Together. s.h.i.t like this only happened to other people.
She glanced at the screen. Still deciding.
And let"s say hypothetically she did turn out pregnant. Never mind what the other tests have already proven she was as pregnant as pregnant came, but those had been indicators, two little plus signs. h.e.l.l, a little tilt of the stick to the left or the right might have caused a tainted result, which was why she bought and tried one last thing. This time the word pregnant would appear on the screen. No signs. Those were not reliable, at least not to her. In either case, she"d unload her troubles on her friend. But it"d have to be face to face. Some things were better delivered that way. Also, Minka wouldn"t judge. That she was sure of.
Now her parents and brothers-yeah, nausea filled her just at the thought. She could see the disappointment in their eyes. Her family was tight, stable, but with all the love and warmth came expectations. She had done a good job meeting all of them until now. Graduate high school. Checked. Go to college. Checked. Do something you love. Checked. Fall in love. Checked, unchecked and now in denial mode. But there wasn"t a box for denial. Get married then have babies. Yeah, that"s where she failed.
In two days she would be on the quaint island of Martha"s Vineyard for her best friend"s wedding, scheduled to take place in two weeks. A smile settled on Lily"s lips, the gang was going to reunite once again. To think only a year ago she had been introduced to Claire, Forrest, Jason, and Adam. She made a mental note to call Minka or the very least send her a text.
Later.
She still had the dreaded stick to deal with at the moment. Make that ten dreaded sticks.
She glanced at the stick. A blank window stared back at her. Lily did a quick time check. Not even a minute had pa.s.sed. Time had a funny way of slowing down and moving at its own pace during urgency. Becoming more anxious with each pa.s.sing second and in desperate need of a diversion, Lily picked up her phone and sent her friend a text in an effort to distract herself.
How excited are you about marrying that s.e.xy fiance of yours?
As she typed the words, Lily realized her hands were trembling and wrapped them around her sunken stomach. Minka was quick to respond.
I"m in heaven. I am so in love.
You and Jason are good together.
So are you and Adam.
Minka the hopeful romantic. To think a year ago her friend thought she was in love with her twin sister"s fiance, now husband. Life was filled with wonderful surprises, well, at least surprises. The possibility of being pregnant with Adam"s baby was not something she could categorize as one of those wonderful surprises, more like a complete, earth-shattering shock.
The decision to have a child, even when consensual, was momentous. To find yourself in the situation totally unexpected, your heart ripped open to unconditional love, the responsibility of a life in your hands, now that was a cruel joke.
She texted back.
It"s just s.e.x Minka. Purely physical.
Once again, she was reminded her relationship with Adam was nothing but s.e.x. And the possibility of creating a life under such reckless abandonment made her throat tightened.
You both are so stubborn. Anyway, I can"t wait to see you.
Same here. Give Jason my love. Talk later.
Her phone vibrated again. This time it was from her brother Zander.
Hey, sis, where have you been the last two days? Call me.
She ignored her brother"s text. The last forty-eight hours, each one of them had called and texted. Each message had gone unanswered. They were a guarded bunch and would come knocking soon, but right now she needed to shut the world out until she could wake up from this nightmare.
Two days ago she woke up nauseous and headed straight to the bathroom. Initially she self-diagnosed a stomach bug and even mentioned it to Adam that night as they spoke. Only it didn"t seem to want to go away. It wasn"t until one of her colleagues casually mentioned that she might be pregnant did the possibility enter her mind. After work that day she went straight to the local supermarket and picked up a variety of pregnancy tests-ePT, First Response, and any other brand on display.
She glanced back to the thin plastic stick and realized while the instruction said to wait a certain amount of minutes, it had changed before time.
Pregnant.
The word greeted her in bold for the first time.
Blood rushed in her ears and her pulse skyrocketed. Panic and reality bubbled in her stomach, making her dizzy. This time there was no denial; not a positive sign but the actual word confirming what the other previous tests had tried to tell her. Her eyes slowly slid away from the evidence before her. There was no denying her reality any longer.
She"d created a baby with Adam.
How?
The question she had been asking over and over shuffled in her brain. She was on the pill; that was as baby-proof as one could get. Yes, there was that one- to two-percent chance but Lily always saw that disclaimer as a CYA-Cover Your a.s.s type of thing, a just-in-case legal move to avoid lawsuits.
In nine months, give or take, she was going to have a baby. She"d be a mother. A life was forming inside her this very second. Her well-managed life was about to become chaotic, topsy-turvy.
The reality struck hard and her hand instinctively came to rest on her flat belly.
She wanted to move, yell, cry, anything.
Questions swam through her head.
How would she work or raise a child as a single mother?
She blew out a breath.
Her parents, and her brothers; she"d have to tell them. She"d failed them. The only daughter, the baby sister, pregnant and unwed. Don"t forget single. Her Facebook status was Single. Maybe now she"d change it to It"s complicated.
A soft chuckle escaped her throat while visions of her parents" concerned eyes flashed before her. Her overly protective brothers would want to beat up the b.a.s.t.a.r.d, of course. And then maybe marry her off. Her parents had two golden rules-Don"t end up in jail and no babies out of wedlock. Her brothers had toyed but never broke the jail rule. She was the b.a.l.l.sy one. She broke one of the rules.
Lily continued to stare at the word for the rest of the allotted time until the buzzing of her phone pulled her attention away. Her eyes dragged to the printed screen.
Adam.
Back on the island. See you in a few days. We"ll stay in bed all weekend. I"ve missed that body of yours. Ciao.
In spite of the nervous b.u.t.terflies in her stomach, she smiled. Adam had been in Italy for two weeks for a race and visiting his parents. He didn"t have to return until next week but cut his visit short after the two agreed to extend her visit to two weeks.
f.u.c.k! She was pregnant with Adam"s child. A man who had nothing permanent in his life. A man whose ability to commit peaked at f.u.c.k buddy. A man with no home, no country.
Still, she"d have to tell him.
Tears welled up in her eyes. With her back pressed against the cool wall, she gasped, buried her face in her hands and wept. "I can"t do this," she choked, rocking her body back and forth. The hot, salty drops dripped down her chin to her arms.
Lily wasn"t sure how long she cried. She only knew by the time she entered her bedroom, night had fallen. She spotted the previous tests on the bed, each one with the plus sign. It crossed her mind to gather them and throw them away but drenched with fatigue, she shoved them aside and laid her tired body on the bed.
Just as she placed her phone on the nightstand, the tune I"m s.e.xy and I Know It by l.m.f.a.o echoed in the room. There was no need to look at the caller ID; she a.s.signed that ringtone to only one man.
Nonetheless, her eyes came to rest on the small screen and watched Adam"s name as the phone continued to ring until MISSED CALL appeared. He wouldn"t leave a voice mail; she already knew a text would follow. Adam was not known for his patience; leaving a message to call back was usually out of the question unless she was teaching.
Liliana, I"ve missed you. Call me.
Even with words, the man had the power to generate a physical reaction from her. Her already tender b.r.e.a.s.t.s swelled at the thought of his lips against her. "Seriously, Lily, that"s how you got here in the first place. Calm the f.u.c.k down."
While she didn"t want to talk at the moment, she knew better than to avoid his text. She didn"t want a repeat of five weeks ago when he appeared at her doorstep. No, she couldn"t handle that tonight. Picking up the phone, she scrolled to his name, the first name on her contact listsomething she blamed on the genius who decided to automatically alphabetize how names were entered and saved.
Hi, I"m okay. A bit under the weather so going to bed early. See you soon.
What"s wrong?
Leave it to Adam to try to get to the bottom of the problem right away. This one was a nine months problem.
Just a little tired and nauseous.
Oops, she slipped on the nauseous but her fingers had already hit the SEND b.u.t.ton.
Nauseous?
Might have eaten something bad.
Okay, that was a lie, but not really because until today, she had attributed the nausea to an upset stomach.
You need to rest. See you soon.
If she hadn"t discovered she was pregnant, she would be talking to him right now, laughing and flirting over the phone. Her fingers tapped on the screen of her iPhone.
I can"t wait to see you. Good night, Adam.
Sweet dreams, Liliana.
Lily studied the words for a few seconds, and smiled slightly with mixed emotions. Like it or not, she"d soon be someone"s mother. Maybe trade in her skinny jeans for high-waisted pants, drive a minivan to soccer games in last season"s clothes smeared with dirt.
She released a deep breath. There was no time to retreat and go somewhere quiet to think. She"d have to face this head on. In two days, she"d be on that ferry crossing the Atlantic Ocean from Woods Hole and come face to face with her baby daddy. Overwhelmed with emotions, she rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. And then closed her eyes with hope to shut the world out, at least until tomorrow.
Chapter Five.
"s.e.x is like math-You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don"t multiply."
Anonymous Lily fought back the nausea that bubbled up in her stomach and entered the quaint little house that doubled as a doctor"s office. As luck would have it, the waiting area was filled with pregnant women all sitting with hands on their round bellies. The men responsible for putting them there sat idle beside their significant other flipping blindly through magazines or playing whatever game on their smart phone.
She glanced around the room. Some of the women"s faces were br.i.m.m.i.n.g with happiness, but most looked uncomfortable, their eyes tired, b.r.e.a.s.t.s swollen, and stomach protruding in various sizes of growing b.u.mps. She took in their restless movement of tapping feet, tipping of water bottles, adjusting clothes. It seemed the bigger the b.u.mp, the more fidgety they appeared.
Women were supposed to glow; at least that was the myth. A lie. Instead, across from Lily sat a woman with her shirt falling in folds around the watermelon-sized b.u.mp where her stomach should be, her palms cradling the baby within. She looked as if she was ready to pop at any second. With the exception of one or two with clear, even-toned skin, the waiting room was filled with distressed-looking women sporting a nice case of acne or spotty skin.
Whatever happened to the contours of the body becoming more rounded and feminine with pregnancy? Another myth, she supposed. The pregnancy G.o.d had tricked all of these women to believe their bodies would gently swell and produce cute little babies. Instead, their skin stretched with a promissory note to never regain its elasticity.
Great, just great. This was what she had to look forward to. Swollen hands and feet and a watermelon for a stomach. One day, she"d have a conversation with the pregnancy G.o.d and confront him on the deception, that pregnancy was a beautiful phase in a woman"s life. Because so far, based on the nausea alone, it was all false advertis.e.m.e.nt.
The revolving door swung open and Paige, the pretty nurse with Lily"s chart in hand, greeted Lily with her usual welcoming smile. "Hi, Lily, good to see you again. Come in."
Lily returned the smile and quietly followed Paige down the hall where she was led to a patient room.
"Is everything okay? You said it was an emergency, so Dr. Mason will see you right away."
You better believe it. I got knocked up. Under normal circ.u.mstances, Lily would consider Paige a friend. Not on the same level as her friendship with Minka but close enough. Only one barrier stood between their friendships-Paige"s close relationship with her brothers. As the head nurse of the OB-GYN who prescribed her birth control and the unofficial fourth member of the three musketeers, Lily always maintained a level of distance so that her brothers would not interrogate the other woman. Too bad, because she always liked Paige.
"I appreciate it." The first thing she had done this morning was call the office for an appointment. After a long hold, Paige had asked her to be there within one hour.
"Minka"s wedding is coming up," Paige continued, her voice warm and pleasant as she took Lily"s blood pressure, a common practice during each visit. "Rafa said you are leaving for the wedding tomorrow."
Lily nodded. Rafa was the oldest of the three Musketeers, also known as Rafael, Lily"s older brother by five years.