"To you, then, my goal is as much a chimera as perpetual motion?" he demanded.
He read her answer in the pressure of her hand on his--the pitying mother- hand for the hurt child. And to her, just then, he was the hurt child, the infatuated man striving to achieve the impossible.
Toward the close of their talk she warned him again of the antagonism of her father and mother.
"But you love me?" he asked.
"I do! I do!" she cried.
"And I love you, not them, and nothing they do can hurt me." Triumph sounded in his voice. "For I have faith in your love, not fear of their enmity. All things may go astray in this world, but not love. Love cannot go wrong unless it be a weakling that faints and stumbles by the way."
CHAPTER x.x.xI
Martin had encountered his sister Gertrude by chance on Broadway--as it proved, a most propitious yet disconcerting chance. Waiting on the corner for a car, she had seen him first, and noted the eager, hungry lines of his face and the desperate, worried look of his eyes. In truth, he was desperate and worried. He had just come from a fruitless interview with the p.a.w.nbroker, from whom he had tried to wring an additional loan on his wheel. The muddy fall weather having come on, Martin had pledged his wheel some time since and retained his black suit.
"There"s the black suit," the p.a.w.nbroker, who knew his every a.s.set, had answered. "You needn"t tell me you"ve gone and pledged it with that Jew, Lipka. Because if you have--"
The man had looked the threat, and Martin hastened to cry:-
"No, no; I"ve got it. But I want to wear it on a matter of business."
"All right," the mollified usurer had replied. "And I want it on a matter of business before I can let you have any more money. You don"t think I"m in it for my health?"
"But it"s a forty-dollar wheel, in good condition," Martin had argued.
"And you"ve only let me have seven dollars on it. No, not even seven.
Six and a quarter; you took the interest in advance."
"If you want some more, bring the suit," had been the reply that sent Martin out of the stuffy little den, so desperate at heart as to reflect it in his face and touch his sister to pity.
Scarcely had they met when the Telegraph Avenue car came along and stopped to take on a crowd of afternoon shoppers. Mrs. Higginbotham divined from the grip on her arm as he helped her on, that he was not going to follow her. She turned on the step and looked down upon him.
His haggard face smote her to the heart again.
"Ain"t you comin"?" she asked
The next moment she had descended to his side.
"I"m walking--exercise, you know," he explained.
"Then I"ll go along for a few blocks," she announced. "Mebbe it"ll do me good. I ain"t ben feelin" any too spry these last few days."
Martin glanced at her and verified her statement in her general slovenly appearance, in the unhealthy fat, in the drooping shoulders, the tired face with the sagging lines, and in the heavy fall of her feet, without elasticity--a very caricature of the walk that belongs to a free and happy body.
"You"d better stop here," he said, though she had already come to a halt at the first corner, "and take the next car."
"My goodness!--if I ain"t all tired a"ready!" she panted. "But I"m just as able to walk as you in them soles. They"re that thin they"ll bu"st long before you git out to North Oakland."
"I"ve a better pair at home," was the answer.
"Come out to dinner to-morrow," she invited irrelevantly. "Mr.
Higginbotham won"t be there. He"s goin" to San Leandro on business."
Martin shook his head, but he had failed to keep back the wolfish, hungry look that leapt into his eyes at the suggestion of dinner.
"You haven"t a penny, Mart, and that"s why you"re walkin". Exercise!"
She tried to sniff contemptuously, but succeeded in producing only a sniffle. "Here, lemme see."
And, fumbling in her satchel, she pressed a five-dollar piece into his hand. "I guess I forgot your last birthday, Mart," she mumbled lamely.
Martin"s hand instinctively closed on the piece of gold. In the same instant he knew he ought not to accept, and found himself struggling in the throes of indecision. That bit of gold meant food, life, and light in his body and brain, power to go on writing, and--who was to say?--maybe to write something that would bring in many pieces of gold. Clear on his vision burned the ma.n.u.scripts of two essays he had just completed. He saw them under the table on top of the heap of returned ma.n.u.scripts for which he had no stamps, and he saw their t.i.tles, just as he had typed them--"The High Priests of Mystery," and "The Cradle of Beauty." He had never submitted them anywhere. They were as good as anything he had done in that line. If only he had stamps for them! Then the cert.i.tude of his ultimate success rose up in him, an able ally of hunger, and with a quick movement he slipped the coin into his pocket.
"I"ll pay you back, Gertrude, a hundred times over," he gulped out, his throat painfully contracted and in his eyes a swift hint of moisture.
"Mark my words!" he cried with abrupt positiveness. "Before the year is out I"ll put an even hundred of those little yellow-boys into your hand.
I don"t ask you to believe me. All you have to do is wait and see."
Nor did she believe. Her incredulity made her uncomfortable, and failing of other expedient, she said:-
"I know you"re hungry, Mart. It"s sticking out all over you. Come in to meals any time. I"ll send one of the children to tell you when Mr.
Higginbotham ain"t to be there. An" Mart--"
He waited, though he knew in his secret heart what she was about to say, so visible was her thought process to him.
"Don"t you think it"s about time you got a job?"
"You don"t think I"ll win out?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"n.o.body has faith in me, Gertrude, except myself." His voice was pa.s.sionately rebellious. "I"ve done good work already, plenty of it, and sooner or later it will sell."
"How do you know it is good?"
"Because--" He faltered as the whole vast field of literature and the history of literature stirred in his brain and pointed the futility of his attempting to convey to her the reasons for his faith. "Well, because it"s better than ninety-nine per cent of what is published in the magazines."
"I wish"t you"d listen to reason," she answered feebly, but with unwavering belief in the correctness of her diagnosis of what was ailing him. "I wish"t you"d listen to reason," she repeated, "an" come to dinner to-morrow."
After Martin had helped her on the car, he hurried to the post-office and invested three of the five dollars in stamps; and when, later in the day, on the way to the Morse home, he stopped in at the post-office to weigh a large number of long, bulky envelopes, he affixed to them all the stamps save three of the two-cent denomination.
It proved a momentous night for Martin, for after dinner he met Russ Brissenden. How he chanced to come there, whose friend he was or what acquaintance brought him, Martin did not know. Nor had he the curiosity to inquire about him of Ruth. In short, Brissenden struck Martin as anaemic and feather-brained, and was promptly dismissed from his mind. An hour later he decided that Brissenden was a boor as well, what of the way he prowled about from one room to another, staring at the pictures or poking his nose into books and magazines he picked up from the table or drew from the shelves. Though a stranger in the house he finally isolated himself in the midst of the company, huddling into a capacious Morris chair and reading steadily from a thin volume he had drawn from his pocket. As he read, he abstractedly ran his fingers, with a caressing movement, through his hair. Martin noticed him no more that evening, except once when he observed him chaffing with great apparent success with several of the young women.
It chanced that when Martin was leaving, he overtook Brissenden already half down the walk to the street.
"h.e.l.lo, is that you?" Martin said.
The other replied with an ungracious grunt, but swung alongside. Martin made no further attempt at conversation, and for several blocks unbroken silence lay upon them.