But I do wish they _would_ marry--Father and Cousin Grace, I mean. And I"m not talking now entirely for the sake of the book. It"s for their sakes--especially for Father"s sake. I"ve been thinking what Mother used to say about him, when she was talking about my being Mary--how he was lonely, and needed a good, kind woman to make a home for him.
And while I"ve been thinking of it, I"ve been watching him; and I think he does need a good, kind woman to make a home for him. I"d be _willing_ to have a new mother for his sake!
Oh, yes, I know he"s got Cousin Grace, but he may not have her always.
Maybe she"ll be sent for same as Aunt Jane was. _Then_ what"s he going to do, I should like to know?
CHAPTER VIII
WHICH IS THE REAL LOVE STORY
BOSTON. _Four days later_.
Well, here I am again in Boston. Mother and the rest met me at the station, and everybody seemed glad to see me, just as they did before.
And I was glad to see them. But I didn"t feel anywhere near so excited, and sort of crazy, as I did last year. I tried to, but I couldn"t. I don"t know why. Maybe it was because I"d been Marie all summer, anyway, so I wasn"t so crazy to be Marie now, not needing any rest from being Mary. Maybe it was "cause I sort of hated to leave Father.
And I did hate to leave him, especially when I found he hated to have me leave him. And he did. He told me so at the junction. You see, our train was late, and we had to wait for it; and there was where he told me.
He had come all the way down there with me, just as he had before. But he hadn"t acted the same at all. He didn"t fidget this time, nor walk over to look at maps and time-tables, nor flip out his watch every other minute with such a bored air that everybody knew he was seeing me off just as a duty. And he didn"t ask if I was warmly clad, and had I left anything, either. He just sat and talked to me, and he asked me had I been a little happier there with him this year than last; and he said he hoped I had.
And I told him, of course, I had; that it had been perfectly beautiful there, even if there had been such a mix-up of him getting ready for Marie, and Mother sending Mary. And he laughed and looked queer--sort of half glad and half sorry; and said he shouldn"t worry about that.
Then the train came, and we got on and rode down to the junction. And there, while we were waiting for the other train, he told me how sorry he was to have me go.
He said I would never know how he missed me after I went last year. He said you never knew how you missed things--and people--till they were gone. And I wondered if, by the way he said it, he wasn"t thinking of Mother more than he was of me, and of her going long ago. And he looked so sort of sad and sorry and n.o.ble and handsome, sitting there beside me, that suddenly I "most wanted to cry. And I told him I _did_ love him, I loved him dearly, and I had loved to be with him this summer, and that I"d stay his whole six months with him next year if he wanted me to.
He shook his head at that; but he did look happy and pleased, and said I"d never know how glad he was that I"d said that, and that he should prize it very highly--the love of his little daughter. He said you never knew how to prize love, either, till you"d lost it; and he said he"d learned his lesson, and learned it well. I knew then, of course, that he was thinking of Mother and the long ago. And I felt so sorry for him.
"But I"ll stay--I"ll stay the whole six months next year!" I cried again.
But again he shook his head.
"No, no, my dear; I thank you, and I"d love to have you; but it is much better for you that you stay in Boston through the school year, and I want you to do it. It"ll just make the three months I do have you all the dearer, because of the long nine months that I do not,"
he went on very cheerfully and briskly; "and don"t look so solemn and long-faced. You"re not to blame--for this wretched situation."
The train came then, and he put me on board, and he kissed me again--but I was expecting it this time, of course. Then I whizzed off, and he was left standing all alone on the platform. And I felt so sorry for him; and all the way down to Boston I kept thinking of him--what he said, and how he looked, and how fine and splendid and any-woman-would-be-proud-of-him he was as he stood on the platform waving good-bye.
And so I guess I was still thinking of him and being sorry for him when I got to Boston. That"s why I couldn"t be so crazy and hilariously glad when the folks met me, I suspect. Some way, all of a sudden, I found myself wishing _he_ could be there, too.
Of course, I knew that that was bad and wicked and unkind to Mother, and she"d feel so grieved not to have me satisfied with her. And I wouldn"t have told her of it for the world. So I tried just as hard as I could to forget him--on account of Mother, so as to be loyal to her.
And I did "most forget him by the time I"d got home. But it all came back again a little later when we were unpacking my trunk.
You see, Mother found the two new white dresses, and the dear little shoes. I knew then, of course, that she"d have to know all--I mean, how she hadn"t pleased Father, even after all her pains trying to have me go as Mary.
"Why, Marie, what in the world is this?" she demanded, holding up one of the new dresses.
I could have cried.
I suppose she saw by my face how awfully I felt "cause she"d found it.
And, of course, she saw something was the matter; and she thought it was--
Well, the first thing _I_ knew she was looking at me in her very sternest, sorriest way, and saying:
"Oh, Marie, how could you? I"m ashamed of you! Couldn"t you wear the Mary dresses one little three months to please your father?"
I did cry, then. After all I"d been through, to have her accuse _me_ of getting those dresses! Well, I just couldn"t stand it. And I told her so as well as I could, only I was crying so by now that I could hardly speak. I told her how it was hard enough to be Mary part of the time, and Marie part of the time, when I _knew_ what they wanted me to be. But when she tried to have me Mary while he wanted me Marie, and he tried to have me Marie while she wanted me Mary--I did not know what they wanted; and I wished I had never been born unless I could have been born a plain Susie or Bessie, or Annabelle, and not a Mary Marie that was all mixed up till I didn"t know what I was.
And then I cried some more.
Mother dropped the dress then, and took me in her arms over on the couch, and she said, "There, there," and that I was tired and nervous, and all wrought up, and to cry all I wanted to. And by and by, when I was calmer I could tell Mother all about it.
And I did.
I told her how hard I tried to be Mary all the way up to Andersonville and after I got there; and how then I found out, all of a sudden one day, that father had got ready for _Marie_, and he didn"t want me to be Mary, and that was why he had got Cousin Grace and the automobile and the geraniums in the window, and, oh, everything that made it nice and comfy and homey. And then is when they bought me the new white dresses and the little white shoes. And I told Mother, of course, it was lovely to be Marie, and I liked it, only I knew _she_ would feel bad to think, after all _her_ pains to make me Mary, Father didn"t want me Mary at all.
"I don"t think you need to worry--about that," stammered Mother. And when I looked at her, her face was all flushed, and sort of queer, but not a bit angry. And she went on in the same odd little shaky voice: "But, tell me, why--why did--your father want you to be Marie and not Mary?"
And then I told her how he said he"d remembered what I"d said to him in the parlor that day--how tired I got being Mary, and how I"d put on Marie"s things just to get a little vacation from her; and he said he"d never forgotten. And so when it came near time for me to come again, he determined to fix it so I wouldn"t have to be Mary at all.
And so that was why. And I told Mother it was all right, and of course I liked it; only it _did_ mix me up awfully, not knowing which wanted me to be Mary now, and which Marie, when they were both telling me different from what they ever had before. And that it was hard, when you were trying just the best you knew how.
And I began to cry again.
And she said there, there, once more, and patted me on my shoulder, and told me I needn"t worry any more. And that _she_ understood it, if I didn"t. In fact, she was beginning to understand a lot of things that she"d never understood before. And she said it was very, very dear of Father to do what he did, and that I needn"t worry about her being displeased at it. That she was pleased, and that she believed he meant her to be. And she said I needn"t think any more whether to be Mary or Marie; but to be just a good, loving little daughter to both of them; and that was all she asked, and she was very sure it was all Father would ask, too.
I told her then how I thought he _did_ care a little about having me there, and that I knew he was going to miss me. And I told her why--what he"d said that morning in the junction--about appreciating love, and not missing things or people until you didn"t have them; and how he"d learned his lesson, and all that.
And Mother grew all flushed and rosy again, but she was pleased. I knew she was. And she said some beautiful things about making other people happy, instead of looking to ourselves all the time, just as she had talked once, before I went away. And I felt again that hushed, stained-window, soft-music, everybody-kneeling kind of a way; and I was so happy! And it lasted all the rest of that evening till I went to sleep.
And for the first time a beautiful idea came to me, when I thought how Mother was trying to please Father, and he was trying to please her.
Wouldn"t it be perfectly lovely and wonderful if Father and Mother should fall in love with each other all over again, and get married? I guess _then_ this would be a love story all right, all right!
_October._
Oh, how I wish that stained-window, everybody-kneeling feeling _would_ last. But it never does. Just the next morning, when I woke up, it rained. And I didn"t feel pleased a bit. Still I remembered what had happened the night before, and a real glow came over me at the beautiful idea I had gone to sleep with.
I wanted to tell Mother, and ask her if it couldn"t be, and wouldn"t she let it be, if Father would. So, without waiting to dress me, I hurried across the hall to her room and told her all about it--my idea, and everything.
But she said, "Nonsense," and, "Hush, hush," when I asked her if she and Father couldn"t fall in love all over again and get married. And she said not to get silly notions into my head. And she wasn"t a bit flushed and teary, as she had been the night before, and she didn"t talk at all as she had then, either. And it"s been that way ever since. Things have gone along in just the usual humdrum way, and she"s never been the same as she was that night I came.
Something--a little something--_did_ happen yesterday, though. There"s going to be another big astronomy meeting here in Boston this month, just as there was when Father found Mother years ago; and Grandfather brought home word that Father was going to be one of the chief speakers. And he told Mother he supposed she"d go and hear him.
I couldn"t make out whether he was joking or not. (I never can tell when Grandfather"s joking.) But Aunt Hattie took it right up in earnest, and said, "Pooh, pooh," she guessed not. She could _see_ Madge going down to that hall to hear Dr. Anderson speak!
And then a funny thing happened. I looked at Mother, and I saw her head come up with a queer little jerk.
"Well, yes, I am thinking of going," she said, just as calm and cool as could be. "When does he speak, Father?"