"And did you fall in love with her right away?" I just couldn"t help asking that question. Oh, I do so adore love stories!
A queer little smile came to Father"s lips.
"Well, yes, I think I did, Mary. There"d been dozens and dozens of young ladies that had flitted by in their airy frocks--and I never looked twice at them. I never looked twice at your mother, for that matter, Mary." (A funny little twinkle came into Father"s eyes. I _love_ him with that twinkle!) "I just looked at her once--and then kept on looking till it seemed as if I just couldn"t take my eyes off her. And after a little her glance met mine--and the whole throng melted away, and there wasn"t another soul in the room but just us two. Then she looked away, and the throng came back. But I still looked at her."
"Was she so awfully pretty, Father?" I could feel the little thrills tingling all over me. _Now_ I was getting a love story!
"She was, my dear. She was very lovely. But it wasn"t just that--it was a joyous something that I could not describe. It was as if she were a bird, poised for flight. I know it now for what it was--the very incarnation of the spirit of youth. And she _was_ young. Why, Mary, she was not so many years older than you yourself, now."
I nodded, and I guess I sighed.
"I know--where the brook and river meet," I said; "only they won"t let _me_ have any lovers at all."
"Eh? What?" Father had turned and was looking at me so funny. "Well, no, I should say not," he said then. "You aren"t sixteen yet. And your mother--I suspect _she_ was too young. If she hadn"t been quite so young--"
He stopped, and stared again straight ahead at the dancers--without seeing one of them, I knew. Then he drew a great deep sigh that seemed to come from the very bottom of his boots.
"But it was my fault, my fault, every bit of it," he muttered, still staring straight ahead. "If I hadn"t been so thoughtless--As if I could imprison that bright spirit of youth in a great dull cage of conventionality, and not expect it to bruise its wings by fluttering against the bars!"
I thought that was perfectly beautiful--that sentence. I said it right over to myself two or three times so I wouldn"t forget how to write it down here. So I didn"t quite hear the next things that Father said.
But when I did notice, I found he was still talking--and it was about Mother, and him, and their marriage, and their first days at the old house. I knew it was that, even if he did mix it all up about the spirit of youth beating its wings against the bars. And over and over again he kept repeating that it was his fault, it was his fault; and if he could only live it over again he"d do differently.
And right there and then it came to me that Mother said it was her fault, too; and that if only she could live it over again, _she"d_ do differently. And here was Father saying the same thing. And all of a sudden I thought, well, why can"t they try it over again, if they both want to, and if each says it, was their--no, his, no, hers--well, his and her fault. (How does the thing go? I hate grammar!) But I mean, if she says it"s her fault, and he says it"s his. That"s what I thought, anyway. And I determined right then and there to give them the chance to try again, if speaking would do it.
I looked up at Father. He was still talking half under his breath, his eyes looking straight ahead. He had forgotten all about me. That was plain to be seen. If I"d been a cup of coffee without any coffee in it, he"d have been stirring me. I know he would. He was like that.
"Father. _Father!_" I had to speak twice, before he heard me. "Do you really mean that you would like to try again?" I asked.
"Eh? What?" And just the way he turned and looked at me showed how many _miles_ he"d been away from me.
"Try it again, you know--what you said," I reminded him.
"Oh, that!" Such a funny look came to his face, half ashamed, half vexed. "I"m afraid I _have_ been--talking, my dear."
"Yes, but would you?" I persisted.
He shook his head; then, with such an oh-that-it-could-be! smile, he said:
"Of course;--we all wish that we could go back and do it over again--differently. But we never can."
"I know; like the cloth that"s been cut up into the dress," I nodded.
"Cloth? Dress?" frowned Father.
"Yes, that Mother told me about," I explained. Then I told him the story that Mother had told me--how you couldn"t go back and be unmarried, just as you were before, any more than you could put the cloth back on the shelf, all neatly folded in a great long web after it had been cut up into a dress.
"Did your mother say--that?" asked Father. His voice was husky, and his eyes were turned away, but they were not looking at the dancers.
He was listening to me now. I knew that, and so I spoke quick, before he could get absent-minded again.
"Yes, but, Father, you can go back, in this case, and so can Mother, "cause you both want to," I hurried on, almost choking in my anxiety to get it all out quickly. "And Mother said it was _her_ fault. I heard her."
"_Her_ fault!" I could see that Father did not quite understand, even yet.
"Yes, yes, just as you said it was yours--about all those things at the first, you know, when--when she was a spirit of youth beating against the bars."
Father turned square around and faced me.
"Mary, what are you talking about?" he asked then. And I"d have been scared of his voice if it hadn"t been for the great light that was shining in his eyes.
But I looked into his eyes, and wasn"t scared; and I told him everything, every single thing--all about how Mother had cried over the little blue dress that day in the trunk-room, and how she had shown the tarnished lace and said that _she_ had tarnished the happiness of him and of herself and of me; and that it was all her fault; that she was thoughtless and willful and exacting and a spoiled child; and, oh, if she could only try it over again, how differently she would do! And there was a lot more. I told everything--everything I could remember. Some way, I didn"t believe that Mother would mind _now_, after what Father had said. And I just knew she wouldn"t mind if she could see the look in Father"s eyes as I talked.
He didn"t interrupt me--not long interruptions. He did speak out a quick little word now and then, at some of the parts; and once I know I saw him wipe a tear from his eyes. After that he put up his hand and sat with his eyes covered all the rest of the time I was talking. And he didn"t take it down till I said:
"And so, Father, that"s why I told you; "cause it seemed to me if _you_ wanted to try again, and _she_ wanted to try again, why can"t you do it? Oh, Father, think how perfectly lovely "twould be if you did, and if it worked! Why, I wouldn"t care whether I was Mary or Marie, or what I was. I"d have you and Mother both together, and, oh, how I should love it!"
It was just here that Father"s arm came out and slipped around me in a great big hug.
"Bless your heart! But, Mary, my dear, how are we going to--to bring this about?" And he actually stammered and blushed, and he looked almost young with his eyes so shining and his lips so smiling. And then is when my second great idea came to me.
"Oh, Father!" I cried, "couldn"t you come courting her again--calls and flowers and candy, and all the rest? Oh, Father, couldn"t you?
Why, Father, of course, you could!"
This last I added in my most persuasive voice, for I could see the "no" on his face even before he began to shake his head.
"I"m afraid not, my dear," he said then. "It would take more than a flower or a bonbon to to win your mother back now, I fear."
"But you could try," I urged.
He shook his head again.
"She wouldn"t see me--if I called, my dear," he answered.
He sighed as he said it, and I sighed, too. And for a minute I didn"t say anything. Of course, if she wouldn"t _see_ him--
Then another idea came to me.
"But, Father, if she _would_ see you--I mean, if you got a chance, you _would_ tell her what you told me just now; about--about its being your fault, I mean, and the spirit of youth beating against the bars, and all that. You would, wouldn"t you?"
He didn"t say anything, not anything, for such a long time I thought he hadn"t heard me. Then, with a queer, quick drawing-in of his breath, he said:
"I think--little girl--if--if I ever got the chance I would say--a great deal more than I said to you to-night."
"Good!" I just crowed the word, and I think I clapped my hands; but right away I straightened up and was very fine and dignified, for I saw Aunt Hattie looking at me from across the room, as I said:
"Very good, then. You shall have the chance."
He turned and smiled a little, but he shook his head.
"Thank you, child; but I don"t think you know quite what you"re promising," he said.