But I was surprised that night to have Mother say I could go, for I"d about given up hope, after all that talk at the breakfast-table. And she said something else that surprised me, too. She said she"d like to know Paul Mayhew herself; that she always wanted to know the friends of her little girl. And she told me to ask him to call the next evening and play checkers or chess with me.
Happy? I could scarcely contain myself for joy. And when the next evening came bringing Paul, and Mother, all prettily dressed as if he were really truly company, came into the room and talked so beautifully to him, I was even more entranced. To be sure, it did bother me a little that Paul laughed so much, and so loudly, and that he couldn"t seem to find anything to talk about only himself, and what he was doing, and what he was going to do. Some way, he had never seemed like that at school. And I was afraid Mother wouldn"t like that.
All the evening I was watching and listening with her eyes and her ears everything he did, everything he said. I so wanted Mother to like him! I so wanted Mother to see how really fine and splendid and n.o.ble he was. But that evening--Why _couldn"t_ he stop talking about the prizes he"d won, and the big racing car he"d just ordered for next summer? There was nothing fine and splendid and n.o.ble about that. And _were_ his finger nails always so dirty?
Why, Mother would think--
Mother did not stay in the room all the time; but she was in more or less often to watch the game; and at half-past nine she brought in some little cakes and lemonade as a surprise. I thought it was lovely; but I could have shaken Paul when he pretended to be afraid of it, and asked Mother if there was a stick in it.
The idea--Mother! A stick!
I just knew Mother wouldn"t like that. But if she didn"t, she never showed a thing in her face. She just smiled, and said no, there wasn"t any stick in it; and pa.s.sed the cakes.
When he had gone I remember I didn"t like to meet Mother"s eyes, and I didn"t ask her how she liked Paul Mayhew. I kept right on talking fast about something else. Some way, I didn"t want Mother to talk then, for fear of what she would say.
And Mother didn"t say anything about Paul Mayhew--then. But only a few days later she told me to invite him again to the house (this time to a chafing-dish supper), and to ask Carrie Heywood and Fred Small, too.
We had a beautiful time, only again Paul Mayhew didn"t "show off" at all in the way I wanted him to--though he most emphatically "showed off" in _his_ way! It seemed to me that he bragged even more about himself and his belongings than he had before. And I didn"t like at all the way he ate his food. Why, Father didn"t eat like that--with such a noisy mouth, and such a rattling of the silverware!
And so it went--wise mother that she was! Far from prohibiting me to have anything to do with Paul Mayhew, she let me see all I wanted to of him, particularly in my own home. She let me go out with him, properly chaperoned, and she never, by word or manner, hinted that she didn"t admire his conceit and braggadocio.
And it all came out exactly as I suspect she had planned from the beginning. When Paul Mayhew asked to be my escort to the cla.s.s reception in June, I declined with thanks, and immediately afterwards told Fred Small I would go with _him_. But even when I told Mother nonchalantly, and with carefully averted eyes, that I was going to the reception with Fred Small--even then her pleasant "Well, that"s good!"
conveyed only cheery mother interest; nor did a hasty glance into her face discover so much as a lifted eyebrow to hint, "I thought you"d come to your senses _sometime_!"
Wise little mother that she was!
In the days and weeks that followed (though nothing was said) I detected a subtle change in certain matters, however. And as I look back at it now, I am sure I can trace its origin to my "affair" with Paul Mayhew. Evidently Mother had no intention of running the risk of any more block-away courtships; also evidently she intended to know who my friends were. At all events, the old Anderson mansion soon became the rendezvous of all the boys and girls of my acquaintance.
And such good times as we had, with Mother always one of us, and ever proposing something new and interesting!
And because boys--not _a_ boy, but boys--were as free to come to the house as were girls, they soon seemed to me as commonplace and matter-of-course and free from sentimental interest as were the girls.
Again wise little mother!
But, of course, even this did not prevent my falling in love with some one older than myself, some one quite outside of my own circle of intimates. Almost every girl in her teens at some time falls violently in love with some remote being almost old enough to be her father--a being whom she endows with all the graces and perfections of her dream Adonis. For, after all, it isn"t that she is in love with _him_, this man of flesh and blood before her; it is that she is in love with _love_. A very different matter.
My especial attack of this kind came to me when I was barely eighteen, the spring I was being graduated from the Andersonville High School.
And the visible embodiment of my adoration was the head master, Mr.
Harold Hartshorn, a handsome, clean-shaven, well-set-up man of (I should judge) thirty-five years of age, rather grave, a little stern, and very dignified.
But how I adored him! How I hung upon his every word, his every glance! How I maneuvered to win from him a few minutes" conversation on a Latin verb or a French translation! How I thrilled if he bestowed upon me one of his infrequent smiles! How I grieved over his stern aloofness!
By the end of a month I had evolved this: his stern aloofness meant that he had been disappointed in love; his melancholy was loneliness--his heart was breaking. How I longed to help, to heal, to cure! How I thrilled at the thought of the love and companionship _I_ could give him somewhere in a rose-embowered cottage far from the madding crowd! (He boarded at the Andersonville Hotel alone now.) What n.o.bler career could I have than the blotting out of his stricken heart the memory of that faithless woman who had so wounded him and blighted his youth? What, indeed? If only he could see it as I saw it. If only by some sign or token he could know of the warm love that was his but for the asking! Could he not see that no longer need he pine alone and unappreciated in the Andersonville Hotel? Why, in just a few weeks I was to be through school. And then--
On the night before commencement Mr. Harold Hartshorn ascended our front steps, rang the bell, and called for my father. I knew because I was upstairs in my room over the front door; and I saw him come up the walk and heard him ask for Father.
Oh, joy! Oh, happy day! He knew. He had seen it as I saw it. He had come to gain Father"s permission, that he might be a duly accredited suitor for my hand!
During the next ecstatic ten minutes, with my hand pressed against my wildly beating heart, I planned my wedding dress, selected with care and discrimination my trousseau, furnished the rose-embowered cottage far from the madding crowd--and wondered _why_ Father did not send for me. Then the slam of the screen door downstairs sent me to the window, a sickening terror within me,
Was he _going_--without seeing me, his future bride? Impossible!
Father and Mr. Harold Hartshorn stood on the front steps below, talking. In another minute Mr. Harold Hartshorn had walked away, and Father had turned back on to the piazza.
As soon as I could control my shaking knees, I went downstairs.
Father was in his favorite rocking-chair. I advanced slowly. I did not sit down.
"Was that Mr. Hartshorn?" I asked, trying to keep the shake out of my voice.
"Yes."
"Mr. H-Hartshorn," I repeated stupidly.
"Yes. He came to see me about the Downer place," nodded Father. "He wants to rent it for next year."
"To rent it--the Downer place!" (The Downer place was no rose-embowered cottage far from the madding crowd! Why, it was big, and brick, and _right next_ to the hotel! I didn"t want to live there.)
"Yes--for his wife and family. He"s going to bring them back with him next year," explained Father.
"His wife and family!" I can imagine about how I gasped out those four words.
"Yes. He has five children, I believe, and--"
But I had fled to my room.
After all, my recovery was rapid. I was in love with love, you see; not with Mr. Harold Hartshorn. Besides, the next year I went to college. And it was while I was at college that I met Jerry.
Jerry was the brother of my college friend, Helen Weston. Helen"s elder sister was a senior in that same college, and was graduated at the close of my freshman year. The father, mother, and brother came on to the graduation. And that is where I met Jerry.
If it might be called meeting him. He lifted his hat, bowed, said a polite nothing with his lips, and an indifferent "Oh, some friend of Helen"s," with his eyes, and turned to a radiant blonde senior at my side.
And that was all--for him. But for me--
All that day I watched him whenever opportunity offered; and I suspect that I took care that opportunity offered frequently. I was fascinated. I had never seen any one like him before. Tall, handsome, brilliant, at perfect ease, he plainly dominated every group of which he was a part. Toward him every face was turned--yet he never seemed to know it. (Whatever his faults, Jerry is _not_ conceited. I will give him credit for that!) To me he did not speak again that day. I am not sure that he even looked at me. If he did there must still have been in his eyes only the "Oh, some friend of Helen"s," that I had seen at the morning introduction.
I did not meet Jerry Weston again for nearly a year; but that did not mean that I did not hear of him. I wonder if Helen ever noticed how often I used to get her to talk of her home and her family life; and how interested I was in her gallery of portraits on the mantel--there were two fine ones of her brother there.
Helen was very fond of her brother. I soon found that she loved to talk about him--if she had a good listener. Needless to say she had a very good one in me.
Jerry was an artist, it seemed. He was twenty-eight years old, and already he had won no small distinction. Prizes, medals, honorable mention, and a special course abroad--all these Helen told me about.
She told me, too, about the wonderful success he had just had with the portrait of a certain New York society woman. She said that it was just going to "make" Jerry; that he could have anything he wanted now--anything. Then she told me how popular he always was with everybody. Helen was not only very fond of her brother, but very proud of him. That was plain to be seen. In her opinion, evidently, there was none to be compared with him.
And apparently, in my own mind, I agreed with her--there was none to be compared with him. At all events, all the other boys that used to call and bring me candy and send me flowers at about this time suffered woefully in comparison with him! I remember that. So tame they were--so crude and young and unpolished!
I saw Jerry myself during the Easter vacation of my second year in college. Helen invited me to go home with her, and Mother wrote that I might go. Helen had been home with me for the Christmas vacation, and Mother and Father liked her very much. There was no hesitation, therefore, in their consent that I should visit Helen at Easter-time.
So I went.
Helen lived in New York. Their home was a Fifth-Avenue mansion with nine servants, four automobiles, and two chauffeurs. Naturally such a scale of living was entirely new to me, and correspondingly fascinating. From the elaborately uniformed footman that opened the door for me to the awesome French maid who "did" my hair, I adored them all, and moved as in a dream of enchantment. Then came Jerry home from a week-end"s trip--and I forgot everything else.