"A divorce is a knife that cuts a knot that hadn"t ought to ever been tied," said one.
"A divorce is a jump in the dark," said another.
"No, it ain"t. It"s a jump from the frying-pan into the fire," piped up Mr. Jones.
"A divorce is the comedy of the rich and the tragedy of the poor,"
said a little man who wore gla.s.ses.
"Divorce is a nice smushy poultice that may help but won"t heal," cut in a new voice.
"Divorce is a guidepost marked, "h.e.l.l to Heaven," but lots of folks miss the way, just the same, I notice," spoke up somebody with a chuckle.
"Divorce is a coward"s retreat from the battle of life." Captain Harris said this. He spoke slow and decided. Captain Harris is old and rich and not married. He"s the hotel"s star boarder, and what he says, goes, "most always. But it didn"t this time. I can remember just how old Mr. Carlton snapped out the next.
"Speak from your own experience, Tom Harris, an" I"m thinkin" you ain"t fit ter judge. I tell you divorce is what three fourths of the husbands an" wives in the world wish was waitin" for "em at home this very night. But it ain"t there." I knew, of course, he was thinking of his wife. She"s some cross, I guess, and has two warts on her nose.
There was more, quite a lot more, said. But I"ve forgotten the rest.
Besides, they weren"t talking to me then, anyway. So I picked up my thread and slipped out of the store, glad to escape. But, as I said before, I didn"t find many like them.
Of course I know now--what divorce is, I mean. And it"s all settled.
They granted us some kind of a decree or degree, and we"re going to Boston next Monday.
It"s been awful, though--this last year. First we had to go to that horrid place out West, and stay ages and ages. And I hated it. Mother did, too. I know she did. I went to school, and there were quite a lot of girls my age, and some boys; but I didn"t care much for them. I couldn"t even have the fun of surprising them with the divorce we were going to have. I found _they_ were going to have one, too--every last one of them. And when everybody has a thing, you know there"s no particular fun in having it yourself. Besides, they were very unkind and disagreeable, and bragged a lot about their divorces. They said mine was tame, and had no sort of snap to it, when they found Mother didn"t have a lover waiting in the next town, or Father hadn"t run off with his stenographer, or n.o.body had shot anybody, or anything.
That made me mad, and I let them see it, good and plain. I told them our divorce was perfectly all right and genteel and respectable; that Nurse Sarah said it was. Ours was going to be incompatibility, for one thing, which meant that you got on each other"s nerves, and just naturally didn"t care for each other any more. But they only laughed, and said even more disagreeable things, so that I didn"t want to go to school any longer, and I told Mother so, and the reason, too, of course.
But, dear me, I wished right off that I hadn"t. I supposed she was going to be superb and haughty and disdainful, and say things that would put those girls where they belonged. But, my stars! How could I know that she was going to burst into such a storm of sobs and clasp me to her bosom, and get my face all wet and cry out: "Oh, my baby, my baby--to think I have subjected you to this, my baby, my baby!"
And I couldn"t say a thing to comfort her, or make her stop, even when I told her over and over again that I wasn"t a baby. I was almost a young lady; and I wasn"t being subjected to anything bad. I _liked_ it--only I didn"t like to have those girls brag so, when our divorce was away ahead of theirs, anyway.
But she only cried more and more, and held me tighter and tighter, rocking back and forth in her chair. She took me out of school, though, and had a lady come to teach me all by myself, so I didn"t have to hear those girls brag any more, anyway. That was better. But she wasn"t any happier herself. I could see that.
There were lots of other ladies there--beautiful ladies--only she didn"t seem to like them any better than I did the girls. I wondered if maybe _they_ bragged, too, and I asked her; but she only began to cry again, and moan, "What have I done, what have I done?"--and I had to try all over again to comfort her. But I couldn"t.
She got so she just stayed in her room lots and lots. I tried to make her put on her pretty clothes, and do as the other ladies did, and go out and walk and sit on the big piazzas, and dance, and eat at the pretty little tables. She did, some, when we first came, and took me, and I just loved it. They were such beautiful ladies, with their bright eyes, and their red cheeks and jolly ways; and their dresses were so perfectly lovely, all silks and satins and sparkly spangles, and diamonds and rubies and emeralds, and silk stockings, and little bits of gold and silver slippers.
And once I saw two of them smoking. They had the cutest little cigarettes (Mother said they were) in gold holders, and I knew then that I was seeing life--real life; not the stupid kind you get back in a country town like Andersonville. And I said so to Mother; and I was going to ask her if Boston was like that. But I didn"t get the chance.
She jumped up so quick I thought something had hurt her, and cried, "Good Heavens, Baby!" (How I hate to be called "Baby"!) Then she just threw some money on to the table to pay the bill and hurried me away.
It was after that that she began to stay in her room so much, and not take me anywhere except for walks at the other end of the town where it was all quiet and stupid, and no music or lights, or anything. And though I teased and teased to go back to the pretty, jolly places, she wouldn"t ever take me; not once.
Then by and by, one day, we met a little black-haired woman with white cheeks and very big sad eyes. There weren"t any spangly dresses and gold slippers about _her_, I can tell you! She was crying on a bench in the park, and Mother told me to stay back and watch the swans while she went up and spoke to her. (Why do old folks always make us watch swans or read books or look into store windows or run and play all the time? Don"t they suppose we understand perfectly well what it means--that they"re going to say something they don"t want us to hear?) Well, Mother and the lady on the bench talked and talked ever so long, and then Mother called me up, and the lady cried a little over me, and said, "Now, perhaps, if I"d had a little girl like that--!" Then she stopped and cried some more.
We saw this lady real often after that. She was nice and pretty and sweet, and I liked her; but she was always awfully sad, and I don"t believe it was half so good for Mother to be with her as it would have been for her to be with those jolly, laughing ladies that were always having such good times. But I couldn"t make Mother see it that way at all. There are times when it seems as if Mother just _couldn"t_ see things the way I do. Honestly, it seems sometimes almost as if _she_ was the cross-current and contradiction instead of me. It does.
Well, as I said before, I didn"t like it very well out there, and I don"t believe Mother did, either. But it"s all over now, and we"re back home packing up to go to Boston.
Everything seems awfully queer. Maybe because Father isn"t here, for one thing. He wrote very polite and asked us to come to get our things, and he said he was going to New York on business for several days, so Mother need not fear he should annoy her with his presence.
Then, another thing, Mother"s queer. This morning she was singing away at the top of her voice and running all over the house picking up things she wanted; and seemed so happy. But this afternoon I found her down on the floor in the library crying as if her heart would break with her head in Father"s big chair before the fireplace. But she jumped up the minute I came in and said, no, no, she didn"t want anything. She was just tired; that"s all. And when I asked her if she was sorry, after all, that she was going to Boston to live, she said, no, no, no, indeed, she guessed she wasn"t. She was just as glad as glad could be that she was going, only she wished Monday would hurry up and come so we could be gone.
And that"s all. It"s Sat.u.r.day now, and we go just day after to-morrow.
Our trunks are "most packed, and Mother says she wishes she"d planned to go to-day. I"ve said good-bye to all the girls, and promised to write loads of letters about Boston and everything. They are almost as excited as I am; and I"ve promised, "cross my heart and hope to die,"
that I won"t love those Boston girls better than I do them--specially Carrie Heywood, of course, my dearest friend.
Nurse Sarah is hovering around everywhere, asking to help, and pretending she"s sorry we"re going. But she isn"t sorry. She"s glad.
I know she is. She never did appreciate Mother, and she thinks she"ll have everything her own way now. But she won"t. _I_ could tell her a thing or two if I wanted to. But I shan"t.
Father"s sister, Aunt Jane Anderson, from St. Paul, is coming to keep house for him, partly on account of Father, and partly on account of me. "If that child is going to be with her father six months of the time, she"s got to have some woman there beside a meddling old nurse and a nosey servant girl!" They didn"t know I heard that. But I did.
And now Aunt Jane is coming. My! how mad Nurse Sarah would be if she knew. But she doesn"t.
I guess I"ll end this chapter here and begin a fresh one down in Boston. Oh, I do so wonder what it"ll be like--Boston, Mother"s home, Grandpa Desmond, and all the rest. I"m so excited I can hardly wait.
You see, Mother never took me home with her but once, and then I was a very small child. I don"t know why, but I guess Father didn"t want me to go. It"s safe to say he didn"t, anyway. He never wants me to do anything, hardly. That"s why I suspect him of not wanting me to go down to Grandpa Desmond"s. And Mother didn"t go only once, in ages.
Now this will be the end. And when I begin again it will be in Boston.
Only think of it--really, truly Boston!
CHAPTER IV
WHEN I AM MARIE
BOSTON.
Yes, I"m here. I"ve been here a week. But this is the first minute I"ve had a chance to write a word. I"ve been so busy just being here.
And so has Mother. There"s been such a lot going on since we came. But I"ll try now to begin at the beginning and tell what happened.
Well, first we got into Boston at four o"clock Monday afternoon, and there was Grandpa Desmond to meet us. He"s lovely--tall and dignified, with grayish hair and merry eyes like Mother"s, only his are behind gla.s.ses. At the station he just kissed Mother and me and said he was glad to see us, and led us to the place where Peter was waiting with the car. (Peter drives Grandpa"s automobile, and _he"s_ lovely, too.)
Mother and Grandpa talked very fast and very lively all the way home, and Mother laughed quite a lot. But in the hall she cried a little, and Grandpa patted her shoulder, and said, "There, there!" and told her how glad he was to get his little girl back, and that they were going to be very happy now and forget the past. And Mother said, yes, yes, indeed, she knew she was; and she was _so_ glad to be there, and that everything _was_ going to be just the same, wasn"t it?
Only--then, all of a sudden she looked over at me and began to cry again--only, of course, things couldn"t be "just the same," she choked, hurrying over to me and putting both arms around me, and crying harder than ever.
Then Grandpa came and hugged us both, and patted us, and said, "There, there!" and pulled off his gla.s.ses and wiped them very fast and very hard.
But it wasn"t only a minute or two before Mother was laughing again, and saying, "Nonsense!" and "The idea!" and that this was a pretty way to introduce her little Marie to her new home! Then she hurried me to the dearest little room I ever saw, right out of hers, and took off my things. Then we went all over the house. And it"s just as lovely as can be--not at all like Father"s in Andersonville.
Oh, Father"s is fine and big and handsome, and all that, of course; but not like this. His is just a nice place to eat and sleep in, and go to when it rains. But this--this you just want to live in all the time. Here there are curtains "way up and sunshine, and flowers in pots, and magazines, and cozy nooks with cushions everywhere; and books that you"ve just been reading laid down. (_All_ Father"s books are in bookcases, _always_, except while one"s in your hands being read.)
Grandpa"s other daughter, Mother"s sister, Hattie, lives here and keeps house for Grandpa. She has a little boy named Lester, six years old; and her husband is dead. They were away for what they called a week-end when we came, but they got here a little after we did Monday afternoon; and they"re lovely, too.
The house is a straight-up-and-down one with a back and front, but no sides except the one snug up to you on the right and left. And there isn"t any yard except a little bit of a square brick one at the back where they have clothes and ash barrels, and a little gra.s.s spot in front at one side of the steps, not big enough for our old cat to take a nap in, hardly. But it"s perfectly lovely inside; and it"s the insides of houses that really count just as it is the insides of people--their hearts, I mean; whether they"re good and kind, or hateful and disagreeable.
We have dinner at night here, and I"ve been to the theater twice already in the afternoon. I"ve got to go to school next week, Mother says, but so far I"ve just been having a good time. And so"s Mother.
Honestly, it has just seemed as if Mother couldn"t crowd the days full enough. She hasn"t been still a minute.
Lots of her old friends have been to see her; and when there hasn"t been anybody else around she"s taken Peter and had him drive us all over Boston to see things;--all kinds of things; Bunker Hill and museums, and moving pictures, and one play.