But we didn"t stay at the play. It started out all right, but pretty soon a man and a woman on the stage began to quarrel. They were married (not really, but in the play, I mean), and I guess it was some more of that incompatibility stuff. Anyhow, as they began to talk more and more, Mother began to fidget, and pretty soon I saw she was gathering up our things; and the minute the curtain went down after the first act, she says:
"Come, dear, we"re going home. It--it isn"t very warm here."
As if I didn"t know what she was really leaving for! Do old folks honestly think they are fooling us all the time, I wonder? But even if I hadn"t known then, I"d have known it later, for that evening I heard Mother and Aunt Hattie talking in the library.
No, I didn"t listen. I _heard_. And that"s a very different matter.
You listen when you mean to, and that"s sneaking. You hear when you can"t help yourself, and that you can"t be blamed for. Sometimes it"s your good luck, and sometimes it"s your bad luck--just according to what you hear!
Well, I was in the window-seat in the library reading when Mother and Aunt Hattie came in; and Mother was saying:
"Of course I came out! Do you suppose I"d have had that child see that play, after I realized what it was? As if she hasn"t had enough of such wretched stuff already in her short life! Oh, Hattie, Hattie, I want that child to laugh, to sing, to fairly tingle with the joy of living every minute that she is with me. I know so well what she _has_ had, and what she will have--in that--tomb. You know in six months she goes back--"
Mother saw me then, I know; for she stopped right off short, and after a moment began to talk of something else, very fast. And pretty quick they went out into the hall again.
Dear little Mother! Bless her old heart! Isn"t she the ducky dear to want me to have all the good times possible now so as to make up for the six months I"ve got to be with Father? You see, she knows what it is to live with Father even better than I do.
Well, I guess she doesn"t dread it for me any more than I do for myself. Still, I"ll have the girls there, and I"m dying to see them again--and I won"t have to stay home much, only nights and meals, of course, and Father"s always pretty busy with his stars and comets and things. Besides, it"s only for six months, then I can come back to Boston. I can keep thinking of that.
But I know now why I"ve been having such a perfectly beautiful time all this week, and why Mother has been filling every minute so full of fun and good times. Why, even when we"re at home here, she"s always hunting up little Lester and getting him to have a romp with us.
But of course next week I"ve got to go to school, and it can"t be quite so jolly then. Well, I guess that"s all for this time.
_About a month later_.
I didn"t make a chapter of that last. It wasn"t long enough. And, really, I don"t know as I"ve got much to add to it now. There"s nothing much happened.
I go to school now, and don"t have so much time for fun. School is pretty good, and there are two or three girls "most as nice as the ones at Andersonville. But not quite. Out of school Mother keeps things just as lively as ever, and we have beautiful times. Mother is having a lovely time with her own friends, too. Seems as if there is always some one here when I get home, and lots of times there are teas and parties, and people to dinner.
There are gentlemen, too. I suppose one of them will be Mother"s lover by and by; but of course I don"t know which one yet. I"m awfully interested in them, though. And of course it"s perfectly natural that I should be. Wouldn"t _you_ be interested in the man that was going to be your new father? Well, I just guess you would! Anybody would. Why, most folks have only one father, you know, and they have to take that one just as he is; and it"s all a matter of chance whether they get one that"s cross or pleasant; or homely or fine and grand-looking; or the common kind you can hug and kiss and hang round his neck, or the stand-off-don"t-touch-me-I-mustn"t-be-disturbed kind like mine. I mean the one I _did_ have. But, there! that doesn"t sound right, either; for of course he"s still my father just the same, only--well, he isn"t Mother"s husband any more, so I suppose he"s only my father by order of the court, same as I"m his daughter.
Well, anyhow, he"s the father I"ve grown up with, and of course I"m used to him now. And it"s an altogether different matter to think of having a brand-new father thrust upon you, all ready-made, as you might say, and of course I _am_ interested. There"s such a whole lot depends on the father. Why, only think how different things would have been at home if _my_ father had been different! There were such a lot of things I had to be careful not to do--and just as many I had to be careful _to_ do--on account of Father.
And so now, when I see all these nice young gentlemen (only they aren"t all young; some of them are quite old) coming to the house and talking to Mother, and hanging over the back of her chair, and handing her tea and little cakes, I can"t help wondering which, if any, is going to be her lover and my new father. And I am also wondering what I"ll have to do on account of him when I get him, if I get him.
There are quite a lot of them, and they"re all different. They"d make very different kinds of fathers, I"m sure, and I"m afraid I wouldn"t like some of them. But, after all, it"s Mother that ought to settle which to have--not me. _She"s_ the one to be pleased. "T would be such a pity to have to change again. Though she could, of course, same as she did Father, I suppose.
As I said, they"re all different. There are only two that are anywhere near alike, and they aren"t quite the same, for one"s a lawyer and the other"s in a bank. But they both carry canes and wear tall silk hats, and part their hair in the middle, and look at you through the kind of big round eyegla.s.ses with dark rims that would make you look awfully homely if they didn"t make you look so stylish. But I don"t think Mother cares very much for either the lawyer or the bank man, and I"m glad. I wouldn"t like to live with those gla.s.ses every day, even if they are stylish. I"d much rather have Father"s kind.
Then there"s the man that paints pictures. He"s tall and slim, and wears queer ties and long hair. He"s always standing back and looking at things with his head on one side, and exclaiming "Oh!" and "Ah!"
with a long breath. He says Mother"s coloring is wonderful. I heard him. And I didn"t like it very well, either. Why, it sounded as if she put it on herself out of a box on her bureau, same as some other ladies do! Still, he"s not so bad, maybe; though I"m not sure but what his paints and pictures would be just as tiresome to live with as Father"s stars, when it came right down to wanting a husband to live with you and talk to you every day in the year. You know you have to think of such things when it comes to choosing a new father--I mean a new husband. (I keep forgetting that it"s Mother and not me that"s doing the choosing.)
Well, to resume and go on. There"s the violinist. I mustn"t forget him. But, then, n.o.body could forget him. He"s lovely: so handsome and distinguished-looking with his perfectly beautiful dark eyes and white teeth. And he plays--well, I"m simply crazy over his playing. I only wish Carrie Heywood could hear him. She thinks her brother can play.
He"s a traveling violinist with a show; and he came home once to Andersonville. And I heard him. But he"s not the real thing at all.
Not a bit. Why, he might be anybody, our grocer, or the butcher, up there playing that violin. His eyes are little and blue, and his hair is red and very short. I wish she could hear _our_ violinist play!
And there"s another man that comes to the parties and teas;--oh, of course there are others, lots of them, married men with wives, and unmarried men with and without sisters. But I mean another man specially. His name is Harlow. He"s a little man with a brown pointed beard and big soft brown eyes. He"s really awfully good-looking, too.
I don"t know what he does do; but he"s married. I know that. He never brings his wife, though; but Mother"s always asking for her, clear and distinct, and she always smiles, and her voice kind of tinkles like little silver bells. But just the same he never brings her.
He never takes her anywhere. I heard Aunt Hattie tell Mother so at the very first, when he came. She said they weren"t a bit happy together, and that there"d probably be a divorce before long. But Mother asked for her just the same the very next time. And she"s done it ever since.
I think I know now why she does. I found out, and I was simply thrilled. It was so exciting! You see, they were lovers once themselves--Mother and this Mr. Harlow. Then something happened and they quarreled. That was just before Father came.
Of course Mother didn"t tell me this, nor Aunt Hattie. It was two ladies. I heard them talking at a tea one day. I was right behind them, and I couldn"t get away, so I just couldn"t help hearing what they said.
They were looking across the room at Mother. Mr. Harlow was talking to her. He was leaning forward in his chair and talking so earnestly to Mother; and he looked just as if he thought there wasn"t another soul in the room but just they two. But Mother--Mother was just listening to be polite to company. Anybody could see that. And the very first chance she got she turned and began to talk to a lady who was standing near. And she never so much as looked toward Mr. Harlow again.
The ladies in front of me laughed then, and one of them said, with a little nod of her head, "I guess Madge Desmond Anderson can look out for herself all right."
Then they got up and went away without seeing me. And all of a sudden I felt almost sorry, for I wanted them to see me. I wanted them to see that I knew my mother could take care of herself, too, and that I was proud of it. If they had turned I"d have said so. But they didn"t turn.
I shouldn"t like Mr. Harlow for a father. I know I shouldn"t. But then, there"s no danger, of course, even if he and Mother were lovers once. He"s got a wife now, and even if he got a divorce, I don"t believe Mother would choose him.
But of course there"s no telling which one she will take. As I said before, I don"t know. It"s too soon, anyway, to tell. I suspect it isn"t any more proper to hurry up about getting married again when you"ve been _un_married by a divorce than it is when you"ve been unmarried by your husband"s dying. I asked Peter one day how soon folks did get married after a divorce, but he didn"t seem to know.
Anyway, all he said was to stammer: "Er--yes, Miss--no, Miss. I mean, I don"t know, Miss."
Peter is awfully funny. But he"s nice. I like him, only I can"t find out much by him. He"s very good-looking, though he"s quite old. He"s almost thirty. He told me. I asked him. He takes me back and forth to school every day, so I see quite a lot of him. And, really, he"s about the only one I _can_ ask questions of here, anyway. There isn"t anybody like Nurse Sarah used to be. Olga, the cook, talks so funny I can"t understand a word she says, hardly. Besides, the only two times I"ve been down to the kitchen Aunt Hattie sent for me; and she told me the last time not to go any more. She didn"t say why. Aunt Hattie never says _why_ not to do things. She just says, "Don"t." Sometimes it seems to me as if my whole life had been made up of "don"ts."
If they"d only tell us part of the time things to "_do_," maybe we wouldn"t have so much time to do the "_don"ts_." (That sounds funny, but I guess folks"ll know what I mean.)
Well, what was I saying? Oh, I know--about asking questions. As I said, there isn"t anybody like Nurse Sarah here. I can"t understand Olga, and Theresa, the other maid, is just about as bad. Aunt Hattie"s lovely, but I can"t ask questions of her. She isn"t the kind. Besides, Lester"s always there, too; and you can"t discuss family affairs before children. Of course there"s Mother and Grandpa Desmond. But questions like when it"s proper for Mother to have lovers I can"t ask of _them_, of course. So there"s no one but Peter left to ask. Peter"s all right and very nice, but he doesn"t seem to know _anything_ that I want to know. So he doesn"t amount to so very much, after all.
I"m not sure, anyway, that Mother"ll want to get married again. From little things she says I rather guess she doesn"t think much of marriage, anyway. One day I heard her say to Aunt Hattie that it was a very pretty theory that marriages were made in heaven, but that the real facts of the case were that they were made on earth. And another day I heard her say that one trouble with marriage was that the husband and wife didn"t know how to play together and to rest together. And lots of times I"ve heard her say little things to Aunt Hattie that showed how unhappy _her_ marriage had been.
But last night a funny thing happened. We were all in the library reading after dinner, and Grandpa looked up from his paper and said something about a woman that was sentenced to be hanged and how a whole lot of men were writing letters protesting against having a woman hanged; but there were only one or two letters from women. And Grandpa said that only went to prove how much more lacking in a sense of fitness of things women were than men. And he was just going to say more when Aunt Hattie bristled up and tossed her chin, and said, real indignantly:
"A sense of fitness of things, indeed! Oh, yes, that"s all very well to say. There are plenty of men, no doubt, who are shocked beyond anything at the idea of hanging a woman; but those same men will think nothing of going straight home and making life for some other woman so absolutely miserable that she"d think hanging would be a lucky escape from something worse."
"Harriet!" exclaimed Grandpa in a shocked voice.
"Well, I mean it!" declared Aunt Hattie emphatically. "Look at poor Madge here, and that wretch of a husband of hers!"
And just here is where the funny thing happened. Mother bristled up--_Mother_--and even more than Aunt Hattie had. She turned red and then white, and her eyes blazed.
"That will do, Hattie, please, in my presence," she said, very cold, like ice. "Dr. Anderson is not a wretch at all. He is an honorable, scholarly gentleman. Without doubt he meant to be kind and considerate. He simply did not understand me. We weren"t suited to each other. That"s all."
And she got up and swept out of the room.
Now wasn"t that funny? But I just loved it, all the same. I always love Mother when she"s superb and haughty and disdainful.
Well, after she had gone Aunt Hattie looked at Grandpa and Grandpa looked at Aunt Hattie. Grandpa shrugged his shoulders, and gave his hands a funny little flourish; and Aunt Hattie lifted her eyebrows and said:
"Well, what do you know about that?" (Aunt Hattie forgot I was in the room, I know, or she"d never in the world have used slang like that!) "And after all the things she"s said about how unhappy she was!"
finished Aunt Hattie.
Grandpa didn"t say anything, but just gave his funny little shrug again.
And it was kind of queer, when you come to think of it--about Mother, I mean, wasn"t it?