Rosemary"s eyes filled with mist and she bit her lips.
"She was wearin" grey," continued Aunt Matilda; "light grey that would show every spot. I told her it wasn"t a very serviceable colour and she had the impudence to laugh at me. "It"ll clean, won"t it?" she says, just like that, and Frank says, right after her, "Yes, it"ll clean." He knew a lot about it, he did. She had psychologised him."
"You mean hypnotised," interrupted Grandmother. "There ain"t no such word as "psychologised.""
[Sidenote: Resentment]
"Well, if there ain"t, there ought to be."
"The pink has come out in the blood, too," Grandmother remarked, adjusting her spectacles firmly upon the ever-useful and unfailing wart.
"She was wearin" pink roses on her bonnet and pink ribbon strings. It wouldn"t surprise me if it was the very strings what Rosemary has found in the trunk and is layin" out to wear."
"Me neither," Matilda chimed in.
"She was wearin" lace on her petticoats and high-heeled shoes, and all her handkerchiefs was fine linen," Grandmother continued. "Maybe you"d like some lace ruffles under your grey alpaca, wouldn"t you, Rosemary?"
The girl got to her feet blindly. She gathered up the dishes with cold hands that trembled, took them out into the kitchen, and noiselessly closed the door. Her heart was hot with resentment, even though she had heard the story, with variations, ever since she was old enough to understand it.
"Poor little mother," said Rosemary, to herself. "Dear little mother!
Why couldn"t you have taken me with you!"
As Grandmother had said, for the hundredth time and more, Frank Starr had brought home his young wife unexpectedly. The surprise, in itself, was a shock from which she and Matilda had never recovered. Even now, they were fond of alluding to the years of ill-health directly caused by it, and of subtly blaming Rosemary for it.
[Sidenote: An Orphan]
At the end of the third day, the young couple had departed hastily, the bride in tears. A year or so afterward, when Rosemary was born, the little mother died, having lived only long enough to ask that the baby be named "Rosemary"--Rose for her own mother and Mary for Grandmother Starr.
Stern, white-faced, and broken-hearted, Frank Starr brought his child to his mother and sister, and almost immediately went West. Intermittently he wrote briefly, sent money, gave insufficient addresses, or none at all, and, at length, disappeared. At the time his last letter was written, he had expected to take a certain steamer plying along the Western coast. As the ship was wrecked and he was never heard from again, it seemed that Rosemary was an orphan, dependent upon her grandmother and aunt.
In their way, they were kind to her. She was sent to school regularly, and had plenty to eat and wear, of a certain sort. Every Spring, Aunt Matilda made the year"s supply of underclothing, using for the purpose coa.r.s.e, unbleached muslin, thriftily purchased by the bolt. The brown alpaca and brown gingham, in which she and her grandmother and aunt had been dressed ever since she could remember, were also bought by the piece. The fashion of the garments had not changed, for one way of making a gown was held to be as good as another, and a great deal easier, if the maker were accustomed to doing it.
[Sidenote: Year after Year]
So, year after year, Rosemary wore full skirts of brown alpaca, gathered into a band, and tight-fitting waists, boned and lined, b.u.t.toning down the front with a row of small jet b.u.t.tons. The sleeves were always long, plain, and tight, no matter what other people were wearing. A bit of cheap lace gathered at the top of the collar was the only attempt at adornment.
The brown ginghams were made in the same way, except that the waists were not boned. The cheap white muslin, which served as Rosemary"s best Summer gown, was made like the ginghams. Her Winter hat was brown felt, trimmed with brown ribbon, her Summer hat was brown straw, trimmed with brown ribbon, and her Winter coat was also brown, of some heavy material which wore surpa.s.singly well.
For years her beauty-loving soul had been in revolt, but never before had she dared to suggest a change. The lump in her throat choked her as she washed the dishes, heedless of the tears that fell into the dish-pan. But activity is a sovereign remedy for the blues, and by the time the kitchen was made spotless, she had recovered her composure.
She washed her face in cold water, dusted her red eyes with a bit of corn-starch, and put the cups and plates in their proper places.
[Sidenote: Toiling Cheerfully]
She listened half-fearfully for a moment before she opened the door, dreading to hear the dear memory of her mother still under discussion, but Grandmother and Aunt Matilda were wrangling happily over the hair-wreath in the parlour. This was a fruitful source of argument when all other subjects had failed, for Grandmother insisted that the yellow rose in the centre was made from the golden curls of Uncle Henry Underwood"s oldest boy, while Aunt Matilda was equally certain that it had come from Sarah Starr"s second daughter by her first husband.
Throughout the day Rosemary toiled cheerfully. She swept, dusted, scrubbed, cooked, did errands, mailed the letter which made certain another bolt of brown alpaca, built fires, and, in the afternoon, brought down the heavy roll of unbleached muslin from the attic. Aunt Matilda cleared off the dining-room table, got out the worn newspaper patterns, and had sent Rosemary out for a paper of pins before she remembered that it was Friday, and that no new task begun on a Friday could ever be a success.
So, while Rosemary set the table for supper, the other two harked back to the fateful day when Frank Starr brought his wife home. They were in the next room, but their shrill voices carried well and Rosemary heard every word, though she earnestly wished that she need not.
[Sidenote: A Lucky Friday]
"It was Friday, too, if you"ll remember, when Frank brought her," said Aunt Matilda, indicating Rosemary by an inclination of her untidy head.
"Then you can"t say Friday"s always unlucky," commented Grandmother. "It may have been bad for us but it was good for her. Supposin" that b.u.t.terfly had had her to bring up--what"d she have been by now?"
"She resembles her ma some," answered Matilda, irrelevantly; "at least she would if she was pretty. She"s got the same look about her, somehow."
"I never thought her ma was pretty. It was always a mystery to me what Frank saw in her."
"Come to supper," called Rosemary, abruptly. She was unable to bear more.
The meal was unexpectedly enlivened by Grandmother"s discovery of a well-soaked milk ticket in the pitcher. From the weekly issue of _The Household Guardian_, which had reached her that day, she had absorbed a vast amount of knowledge pertaining to the manners and customs of germs, and began to fear for her life. At first, it was thought to be Rosemary"s fault, but upon recalling that for many years the ticket had always been left in the pitcher, the blame was shifted to the hapless milkman.
[Sidenote: At the Close of the Day]
Some discussion ensued as to what should be said to the milkman and who should say it, but Rosemary observed, with more or less reason, that if his attention was called to the error, he might want another ticket. At length it was decided to say nothing, and Grandmother personally a.s.sumed charge of the ticket, putting it to dry between newspapers in the hope of using it again.
After supper, Rosemary washed the dishes, set the table for breakfast, and sat quietly, with her hands folded, until the others were ready to go to bed. She wrapped a hot brick in red flannel for each of them, put out the lamp, and followed them up-stairs. Rejoicing in the shelter afforded by a closed door, she sat in the dark, shivering a little, until sounds suggestive of deep slumber came from the two rooms beyond.
Then she lighted the two candles that Alden Marsh had given her, and hurriedly undressed, pausing only to make a wry face at her unbleached muslin nightgown, entirely without tr.i.m.m.i.n.g. She brushed her hair with a worn brush, braided it, tied it with a bit of shoestring, and climbed into bed.
After a.s.suring herself of the best light possible, she unwrapped the little red book he had given her a few days before, and began to read, eagerly, one of the two wonderful sonnet sequences of which the English language boasts:
"Love"s throne was not with these; but far above All pa.s.sionate wind of welcome and farewell He sat in breathless bowers they dream not of;"
[Sidenote: Upon the Heights]
As by magic, the cares of the common day slipped away from her and her spirit began to breathe. Upon the heights she walked firmly now, and as surely as though she felt the hills themselves beneath her feet.
"Born with her life, creature of poignant thirst And exquisite hunger, at her heart Love lay Quickening in darkness, till a voice that day Cried on him and the bonds of birth were burst."
And again:
"Lo! it is done. Above the enthroning threat The mouth"s mould testifies of voice and kiss, The shadowed eyes remember and foresee.
Her face is made her shrine. Let all men note That in all years (Oh, love, thy gift is this!) They that would look on her must come to me."
The divine melody of the words stirred her to the depths of her soul.
Hunger and thirst ran riot in her blood; her heart surged with the fulness of its tides.
[Sidenote: The Unknown Joy]
"But April"s sun strikes down the glades to-day; So shut your eyes upturned, and feel my kiss Creep, as the Spring now thrills through every spray, Up your warm throat to your warm lips, for this...."
Rosemary put the book aside with shaking hands. "I wonder," she thought, "how it would be if anyone should kiss me. Me," she whispered; "not the women in the books, but the real me."
The book slipped to the floor unheeded. She sat there in her ugly nightgown, yearning with every fibre of her for the unknown joy. The flickering light of the candles was answered by the strange fire that burned in her eyes. At last her head drooped forward and, blind with tears, she hid her face in her hands.
"Oh, dear G.o.d in Heaven," she prayed, pa.s.sionately. "Open the door of the House of Life to me! Send someone to love me and to take me away, for Christ"s sake--Amen!"