Chapter 2: The Too Many Summonings from j.a.pan Have Caused the G.o.ddess to Go on a Rampage
Summary of last week’s episode:
Too many j.a.panese were being abducted to other words, which led to Izanami-sama’s rage.
Afraid of her mother, Amaterasu-sama came upon the rather incomprehensible solution of reverse-summoning one otherworlder for every j.a.panese summoned.
A real life princess got reverse-summoned to j.a.pan.
The entire country of j.a.pan tsukkomi-ed Amaterasu-sama in unison.
(T/N: The ‘Sun G.o.ddess’ mentioned frequently last chapter, she is more commonly known by the name Amaterasu.)
・
・
・
“So, about how the reverse-summoning is being badly received.”
Who is it that started this random thread during daytime on a normal day.
It is none other than the chief G.o.d of the heavenly pantheon of the country of Hinomoto, Amaterasu-sama.
(T/N: Hinomoto is a more traditional name for j.a.pan.)
“But I thought as hard as I could…… what’s so bad about it anyways…… and ‘Enter’.”
The one who is typing with inhuman speed is none other than our dear Amaterasu-sama.
But the way she’s doing it is by poking each key with a single finger. Being as bad with machines as the average grandma in the countryside, there’s no way our dear Amaterasu-sama can perform something as high level as touch typing.
Apparently the internet has advanced even into the place where the heavenly G.o.ds live, Takamagahara, as of late.
There was something about how Omoikane-sama had set it up in one night, but there’s no knowing how Amaterasu-sama managed to pull a line, and frankly no one cares.
(T/N: Omoikane/Omohikane is the G.o.d of wisdom.)
“So, about how our chief G.o.d is information illiterate.”
“Our reliably incompetent G.o.ddess. That’s what’s so moe about her.”
“How are the heavenly G.o.ds going to survive from here on?” 1
The netizens are merciless even against their own country’s chief G.o.d.
But that cannot be helped. Even they could not imagine that the one who started the thread was Amatersu-sama herself.
But on the one-in-a-million chance that they realize the truth, the momentum would probably still go on. Let’s not think about it too deeply.
“…… ki, kinoko sensei?” 1
There was a part that she did not get, but understanding that she’s being severely criticized, Amaterasu-sama hangs her head.
But seeing only criticism and no constructive suggestion is sad.
At this rate, the 672th Ama-no-Iwato Incident might happen. 2
Everyone knows she’s going to come back out soon enough anyways, but chances are high that it would involve Ama-no-Uzume getting naked again and that would be a problem in and of itself.
“Leaving aside the issue of t.i.t for tat summoning, how about first making sure that the summoned j.a.panese are getting proper after care?”
“?!”
Suddenly coming upon constructive gold dust amidst the barren desert of memes, Amaterasu-sama comes to a start.
That’s right, what on earth was she thinking.
How inexcusable it is to focus solely on the world’s balance to the point of forgetting about the people themselves.
It’s a way of thinking that might lead to the revelation that, after defeating an RPG’s last boss, the player was the last boss after all.
“But specifically what can I do for them……”
Being the Sun G.o.ddess, Amaterasu-sama is quite powerful indeed. But with her believers mainly residing only in j.a.pan, she’s pretty much just a local G.o.d who can’t really manifest her powers in another world.
“That’s right! If I talk to the G.o.ds of those other worlds……!”
““Right, ‘talk,’ yes? In a physical meaning, yes?””
All the netizens contributed to this tsukkomi.
After all, she’s the kind of sister who put on full body armor when going out to greet her younger brother.
If she’s like that with her own sibling, how ‘proper’ can her ‘negotiations’ with non-family members be?
“Shaaddduuppp! I can do it if I try!”
Completely oblivious to the failure flag that she just raised, Amaterasu-sama strengthens her resolve.
・
・
・
A country with a long history on the Eastern Continent, the Fitzgald Empire.
In a chamber underneath the temple in the capital, that ritual is being held.
——Summoning a hero from another world.
The imperial prince and his attendant knights, the few people allowed to spectate, are looking on with incredulity.
“The temple priests understand nothing. We don’t have a demon king to defeat, we’re in a war. And there’s no way for a single summoned hero to end an entire war.”
“But there have been numerous cases of a single hero overturning the tide of war, Grimm. Such as my own father once did.”
“……”
The prince’s words cause Grimm to hold his tongue.
That is exactly the reason why he is so against this time’s summoning. The prince cannot change the tide of war as the emperor once did. Or at least, so the priests believe, which is what led to this hero summoning.
The advent of a hero could all too easily lead to the weakening of the imperial family’s authority going forward.
“…… They’ve come.”
The magic circle laid out on the ground begins to shine, to the point where the entire place is wrapped in blinding light.
“Wh-, what is this place?!”
The light subsides to reveal an unreliable-looking teenager.
“…… Umu! It’s been a while since I’d last breathed surface air!”
……Accompanied by a super macho ossan.
““Wh-, who are YOU?!””
Not only the prince, but everyone present for the summoning shouted out in unison.
The teenager who has yet to grasp the situation and is looking very confused is most likely the summoned hero.
In that case, who on earth is the ossan who seems to fully understand the situation and is standing arrogantly like he owns the place?
“Oh, me? My name is Thor! G.o.d of war and lightning!!”
The instant the ossan…… ahem, Thor-sama names himself, lightning flashes in his background.
On top of being indoors, this place is actually underground, but that’s no obstacle to the G.o.d of lightning.
“By Thor, you mean that Thor, from earth?! Are you the real one?! AWESOME! THREE CHEERS FOR OTHER WORLDS!!”
Then there’s the j.a.panese teenager standing beside him.
Knowing that the one he’s with is a G.o.d that he knows from his previous world, he is almost jumping with excitement.
Just because it’s a different world, it doesn’t mean that G.o.ds descend left and right, but ah, who cares.
“U-, umm, Thor-sama. Why are you here?”
“Umu, the explaining is going to take a while……”
・
・
・
On a certain day, one of the chief G.o.ds of earth, Odin-sama, suddenly says this:
“d.a.m.n, Amaterasu is coming?! Freya, I’ll leave her to you!”
“Why are you running away? Isn’t she coming because she has something to talk with you about?”
“I mean, she’s the freaking Sun G.o.ddess, alright? When G.o.ds like her get mad, they shine like crazy, so I’m really bad at handling them. I only have one eye left, f.u.c.k me if this one gets blinded too.”
“As if a G.o.d’s eye would go blind that easily……”
“The only one among us who has resistance against the sun…… oh right! Thor, I’ll leave her to you!”
“Are you listening to me?”
・
・
・
“…… And so that’s what happened.”
““What. The. f.u.c.k.””
For some reason Thor-sama is giving off this “story’s over, guys” vibe, but not a single thing is over.
The teengaer beside him is apparently impressed at the weirdest point in the story and going “Amaterasu-sama, so cool~”.
“Well, you know Amaterasu-dono. She loves you humans like her own children, so she was worried whether you’d make it or not in another world. So I thought, why don’t I just accompany you over and take care of you for a while!”
““What. The. FLYING. f.u.c.k?!””
Every single person present could not help but to tsukkomi at hearing this absolutely absurd solution.
How bored was this G.o.d of lightning anyways?
“So, yea! Rejoice, young man! I’m going to turn you into a fine warrior!”
“Awesome, I get a G.o.d as my shishou?! Would I become strong enough to defeat a dragon?!”
“You bet! I’ll train you till you can defeat dragons and giants and anything else!”
The j.a.panese and the G.o.d’s excitement only continue climbing, in complete disregard of the bewildered locals.
Today, too, this world is—generally—at peace.
・
・
・
On the other hand, at the j.a.panese National Diet.
“Hou, so this is the country of Hinomoto. For it to be shining this brightly despite being indoors!”
““Wh-, who are youuuu?!””
The one who’s suddenly appeared in the middle of the Diet hall is a middle-aged man wearing a splendid red mantle.
On his face and body are innumerable scars, and from every which angle he looks completely like a gangster.
“Ahh, I am currently serving as the Minister of Foreign Affairs of this country of j.a.pan, going by the name of Adachi. I beg your forbearance, but your name is……?”
“Mu? Did you not hear from Amaterasu-dono? She said that she’s explained the situation already.”
Amaterasu again?!?!
This tsukkomi involved the entire Diet, but seeing as how the summoned person himself seems informed, apparently Amaterasu-sama has grown a bit.
Surely she will give us advance notice before the next reverse-summoning occurs.
“In that case, then I must name myself. I am Graios von Fitzgald! The emperor of the Fitzgald Empire!”
It’s an emperor this time.
The Diet members who have comprehended the situation are looking off into the distance with gla.s.sed-over eyes.
Today, too, j.a.pan is at peace.
1 In order to understand this joke, let me first introduce a j.a.panese word, ‘ginata-yomi (ぎなた読み)’ which is pretty much a j.a.panese meme based on mondegreen (wikipedia: “a mishearing or misinterpretation of a phrase as a result of near-h.o.m.ophony, in a way that gives it a new meaning”). Just as “Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue” can be misread as “Doughnuts Make My Brown Eyes Blue,’ so the the phrase “この先／生きのこるには (kono saki, ikinokoru ni ha)” can be misread as “この先生／きのこるには (kono sensei, kinokoru ni ha)”. The second one makes absolutely no sense, but you know how the internet is. It caught on, and now is sometimes referenced with the characters all jumbled in other meaningless orders, such as the “きのこ先生 (kinoko sensei)” mentioned at the second 1superscript. If you can read j.a.panese (or listen to; there’s a video at the bottom) and are interested or tickled by this, click here for a more thorough exposition.)
2 There’s a myth about how Amaterasu’s brother Susanoo had done something terrible to her, so Amaterasu holed herself up in a cave, Ama-no-Iwato. The G.o.ds came up with the idea of hosting a feast outside the cave, and Ama-no-Uzume danced lewdly in front of the cave, which evoked the G.o.ds’ laughter and thus Amaterasu’s curiosity. Click here for the full story.)