On the 7th of the Twelfth Month Elizabeth Yeardley was suddenly prostrated by an alarming attack of illness, from which, however, she soon rallied, though she never entirely regained her previous state of health. Possibly her husband alludes to this afflictive occurrence in the following memorandum:--
12 _mo_. 10.--How varied is our pa.s.sing along in this vale of tears!
First-day last was a day of brightness, and this day has been one of comparative death and darkness. I have been made to know something of the saying recorded by the prophet,--"Who is among you that feareth the Lord,"
&c., "that walketh in darkness and hath no light." This has appeared to be my portion this day, and I find it hard work to "trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon my G.o.d."
Some further remarks in his diary for this day turn upon the subject of the ministry, and the pa.s.sage he quotes shows how deep and heart-searching is the work of preparation for an enlarged and effectual gospel ministry, whatever be the denomination among men to which the preacher belongs:--
In the course of reading the life of Mary Fletcher I find much deep instruction and encouragement. Many of her remarks have proved like a goad to spur me on in the way of holiness. An extract made by her from Dr.
Doddridge"s life aptly speaks the language of my heart, when in my silent breathing to the Almighty I am led to crave an enlargement of my gift in spiritual things:--
"There must be an enlargement of soul before any remarkable success on others; and a great diligence in prayer and strict watchfulness over my own soul previous to any remarkable and habitual enlargement in my ministry; and deep humiliation must precede both."
1821.--The first entry in the diary of this year turns upon the ever-present subject of his going abroad, and is penned under feelings of the deepest solemnity. It is followed the next day by another on the great duty of self-examination.
1 _mo_. 2. This day I have felt singularly impressed with a desire to be more devoted to my Maker. I believe it is his will that I should be more given up to serve him; and if spared with life and strength, my few remaining days must be spent in his cause. A presentiment of this kind has for some time past prevailed with me; and from the calm, awful, and weighty manner in which it is at times brought over my spirit, I am induced to think it cannot be the mere phantom of the imagination. The prospect of a temporary residence on the ---- seems rather to increase than otherwise. How it may terminate, or the time when to move, is yet uncertain to me. O, how the prospect humbles me! I trust I can, in some degree say, with the good old patriarch, that his G.o.d shall be my G.o.d, and if He will only give me bread to eat and raiment to put on, I desire to serve him.
1 _mo_. 3.--This day I am thirty-five years old. Whether I may be spared as many more, or whether I may only survive as many months, weeks, days or hours, as I have now lived years, is altogether in the breast of Him who has. .h.i.therto preserved me as a monument of his mercy. How awful the consideration! To think that we may be called to give an account at any hour of the day, and not frequently to examine the state of affairs between us and our G.o.d, is complete infatuation. Strange as it may seem, as it regards myself I stand condemned. I am sensible sufficient attention is not paid to the important work of self-examination. O that this fresh year may produce fresh vigilance!
In the Second Month, Ann Jones, accompanied by her husband and Isabel Richardson, visited Bentham on a religious mission. Ann Jones had much service, both in public and private. What she had to declare to John Yeardley in particular was very remarkable, and reminded him of the discourse of Sarah Lamley in 1814. He says;--
She said a good deal which so struck home to my feelings, that I have not been so deeply reached in the same manner since dear Sarah Lamley visited families at Barnsley. (_Letter to his brother._)
In the Third Month he found it to be his duty to attend some meetings of Friends in going and returning from the Quarterly Meeting at Leeds. In his diary of the 14th of the Third Month he speaks of making the necessary application to the Monthly Meeting for its sanction, and, in that and some succeeding entries, records his feelings on the occasion, and the help which he received by the way.
This was new work to me; how I was humbled before I could be made willing to mention my concern to my friends! which was done in such a faltering manner that I believe many sympathized with me. When I had received the meeting"s approbation, I was thoughtful how I should get most conveniently on my way. After our meeting I received a letter from dear S.S., saying that he had felt a prayer raised in his heart, that I might be helped in my undertaking by Him from whom best help comes, and that he was most easy to propose accompanying me on my way in his gig. A very agreeable companion he proved to be, and for this little act of dedication he shall not lose his reward.
I left home on First day, the 25th, for Newton, over the Fells. There fell much rain the day before, which swelled the waters so that my wife and I became very thoughtful how I should get over the river to Newton, over which there is no bridge. I thought that should I be favored to get over safe and dry I would take it as a sign for good in the journey; and so it was in mercy granted; for when I came to the water-side, I met a man on horseback who let me ride his horse over. This was in a wild part of the country, with not a house near. Simple as this may appear to some, I could not but acknowledge in it a providence for which I was thankful.
At Newton, where I expected to meet only three or four, more a.s.sembled than the larger end of the house would hold. I was met by dear D.W. from Stockton; I could not but think we looked like two poor striplings before a great army. I should have sunk under my fears, had I not been enabled to get down to that Power which can bear up above the fear of man.
In the afternoon I went to Thornton, and sat down with the family. This was a precious season, and it felt doubly so from our having been on the barren mountains, both literally and spiritually.
I went next morning, accompanied by D.W., to Lothersdale. This was also a good meeting: I had reason to believe the G.o.d whom I was endeavoring to serve had answered my prayer in sending his angel before to prepare the way; I seemed almost borne off my feet by the power of Divine love.
We dined at S.S."s; and after dinner I could not quit the room without expressing what I felt towards him, which melted us all into tears. S.S.
joined me, and we went to Skipton to be at the meeting at five o"clock.
Before we came there I felt such a sense of poverty that it seemed as if my spiritual life was going to be taken from me; and even when I got to meeting, the same feeling remained, which introduced my spirit into a state of suffering not easily to be conceived. On our sitting down I felt there was something on the mind of S.S., and I feared lest, by suffering the reasoner to prevail, he should be unfaithful; but he expressed a few words which seemed as the key to the treasury.
I went that evening to Addingham, and had a meeting next morning, where I sensibly found a little strength: we seemed to sit under our own vine and fig-tree, where none could make us afraid. We lodged and dined at our kind friend J. Smith"s, in whose family I had something given to me to minister.
From Addingham they went to the Quarterly Meeting at Leeds, where John Yeardley received intelligence of the sudden decease of his beloved friend Joseph Wood. J.W. had been engaged in testimony and supplication in the meeting at Highflatts on First-day morning, and was taken unwell during the evening, and died in a few hours. After the Quarterly Meeting John Yeardley went to attend the interment, and on his way had a meeting with the Friends at Barnsley.
It was, he says, a favored time, and we were humbled and instructed together. We went to Highflatts to tea; when I got to the place where the remains of my dear friend were laid, I stood silently by the coffin in tears, saying in spirit, If it be thy mantle I am designed to wear, may I receive it with humility, reverence and fear! This feeling awfully impressed my mind, because my dear friend had said more than once to me, If I have any place in the body, I bequeath it to thee. The meeting was very large and was a precious season; the occasion on which we were met seemed to give wings to our spirits to fly upwards.
This spring Elizabeth Yeardley"s disorder began to a.s.sume a serious form.
A short memorandum from her hand discloses in a touching manner her state, both physical and spiritual.
3 _mo_. 29.--"Regard not distant events: this uneasiness about the future is in opposition to the grace received." This sentence from my old favorite, Fenelon, was much blest to my spirit this evening, when I had foolishly been thinking about future sufferings. O, sufficient for the day is the evil thereof. Perhaps a few rolling suns may, through the merits and mercies of my Lord, see this poor worm translated to his Paradise.
The first direct allusion to anxiety on her account which appears in her husband"s diary bears date the 5th of the Fifth Month. Her debilitated state seems to have been the cause of their deferring to a future day their contemplated removal to Germany, which was otherwise to have taken place about this time.
In the summer of this year he was himself laid for some weeks upon a bed of sickness, with a complaint of the stomach. He viewed this time of suffering as profitable in a.s.sisting his resolution to undertake the religious mission to which his mind was still continually directed. In a letter to Thomas Yeardley, of the 1st of the Ninth Month, he says, "Such is my stubborn will that I am not to be effectually pleaded with, until I am brought down into the valley of Jehoshaphat, or judgment." His wife, who was too ill to leave her chamber, has a memorandum respecting her husband"s illness, under date of the 29th of the Eighth Month. It seems to have been the last which her pen ever traced.
Since I wrote, my dear husband has had an awful attack; but the Lord has again been merciful in restoring him to ease once more. Yesterday (may the Lord enable us to keep covenant) we laid our _Isaac_ on the altar. O, to be wholly our kind, our Heavenly Master"s, who cares to provide for us, for soul and body; who takes nothing from us but what he knows would harm us, and gives us a hundred-fold of that which is good in lieu.
Prior to this time John Yeardley had not confided to his brother the thought which so long had occupied his mind. In the letter just referred to he speaks of it as "an important concern which had long been the companion of his secret thoughts by day and his visions by night,"
and says:--
It now seems to be approaching so near a state of maturity that I feel freedom to communicate it to thee.
For about three years past I have had an increasing apprehension that it would be required of me to take up a _temporary residence_ among those who profess with Friends on the other side of the water, particularly with the few in the neighborhood of Minden and Pyrmont, and probably at some time with those in the South of France. But my visit is likely to be paid in a way different from any that have been made before.
I have never seen that the nature of my concern would require any doc.u.ment from the Quarterly or Yearly Meetings; neither do I think it would answer my present views; because the secret language of my heart has been for many months past, "Go dwell among them, go dwell with them."
I should be in want of some employment, and the first thing that presents to my view is to offer my services to a few of my friends in the yarn and flax trade; articles which are largely imported into Yorkshire, and which seem to be the natural production of the country, within the circle where I should be likely to reside.
His brother"s answer to this letter was most consoling and encouraging: in reference to it he says, it seemed with him as it was with Peter in the prison, when the angel smote him and the irons fell off.
And O, he adds, that I may be willing, now that a little light begins to shine, to gird myself, bind on my sandals, cast my garment about me, and follow my Lord, thinking no hardship too much to endure for so good a Master. (_Diary, 9 mo. 21_.)
Although in reality not far from her end, his wife"s state had not as yet excited immediate alarm. On the 23rd of the Ninth Month J.Y. writes:--
My precious E.Y. is yet so weak that there is a probability of its being an obstacle in the way of our removal; but there is this consolation,--if the work be of the Lord he will not frustrate his own design; if it be not his doing we must submit to have the whole overturned.
In a few days he became aware of her critical state.