9 _mo_. 29.--The indisposition of my dear wife has taken such an alarming turn that I yesterday began to have serious apprehensions as to the issue. I have watched with her night and day, and my prayers have been unceasing for her restoration, I trust not without a due reverence to the divine will. But I did not feel as though nature could give her up until yesterday, when as I stood retired by the bed-side of my dear lamb, endeavoring to feel after resignation, I gave her up as fully as human nature, through divine aid, was capable of. Then it sprang in my heart, Where is the man that can offer up an Isaac? He shall go for me, and I will send him. There seems a spark of hope that even now, when the knife is lifted up, the voice may yet be heard,--"Lay not thy hand upon the lad, for now I know that thou fearest me."
My precious dear has been to me in my late exercise a never-failing instrument of strength, comfort, and encouragement: in general her faith has been much stronger than my own. Should it please Heaven to restore her, O that there may be an increased desire that it may be for no other cause, but that her heart, her hands and her feet, may unite with mine in sounding forth our Redeemer"s praise, if required, even to the ends of the earth.
The following entries record the last hours of the dying Christian wife, and the feelings of her bereaved husband:--
10 _mo_. 25.--Last night we expected my dear lamb would have sunk away. How the awful event is to terminate is known only to Him on whose bosom I trust she has always rested; for in no other place could she be preserved in the state of peace which she appears to possess.
29_th_.--A most awful morning; my dear lamb is no more! She sweetly fell asleep in the bosom of her Saviour, at one o"clock this morning. The closing scene was perfect ease and peace. From the first of her illness she seemed aware how it would terminate, and was perfectly resigned.
During our being at Bentham she has often said it was a place provided by Providence to afford her that religious retirement she had long desired, and which she took the most scrupulous care to improve. When in health she would tell me of late that perhaps she might be taken away in order to set me more fully at liberty to do the Lord"s work.
11 _mo_. 18.--This day two weeks was the solemn ceremony of committing to the silent dust the remains of my very precious and dearly beloved Elizabeth. I had dreaded the day very much; but through prayer, mixed with a degree of faith, which was mercifully granted, I was wonderfully supported. In the meeting I felt the divine influence so near, and so to prevail over my spirit, that I was constrained publicly to thank the Father of mercies for his goodness.
This day I visited, perhaps for the last time, the place which encloses the cold relics of one so dearly beloved; and as I stood weeping over the grave, it sprang in my heart, She is not here but (she) is risen. What an unspeakable consolation to be enabled to leave the dust behind, and hold sweet communion and converse with the spirit. Ever since her departure it feels as though her spirit had never left me, but was hovering and fluttering around me to administer comfort on every afflicting occasion; and O, saith my spirit, that this precious feeling may remain with me for ever.
12 _mo_. 20.--I feel to lament the loss of my dear lamb more than ever, at least so far as I dare. No one but myself knows the comfort which the late awful event has deprived me of; but I no sooner remember the hand which administered it than all complaining is hushed into silence, and I am made to rejoice that she is so safely deposited where trouble cannot reach.
From this moment John Yeardley felt himself quite free to pursue the path of duty which had been opened before him, viz., to go and reside in Germany.
In the Eleventh Month he left Bentham to sojourn awhile with his brother, and on the 9th of the First Month, 1822, he received a certificate of removal from Settle Monthly Meeting, addressed to the Friends of Pyrmont and Minden, which certified that he was a member of the Society of Friends, and a minister well approved by the church.
Before we pursue further the sequence of events, two pa.s.sages from the diary may be here transcribed, which could not have been inserted in the order of time without interrupting the narrative. The first of these conveys a lesson of practical wisdom, and exhibits the method by which the writer was able to succeed and to excel in what he undertook. It is the true comprehension and resolute acting upon maxims such as these, which makes so much of the difference between one man and another.
1821. 7 _mo_. 2.--No man can excel in everything; therefore it is highly important for each mind to consider attentively for what it is calculated, and what end it is designed to answer by him who created it.
As secular affairs are often more expedited by a judicious arrangement, than by hard doing indiscriminately at the ma.s.s; so will undertakings of superior importance be more advantageously attained by keeping a single eye, and looking for best direction to make a proper selection of what ought to be done and what ought not to be done. I was long too much wavering on this head, to my great loss; but I now hope it is become a settled point, find I have clearly seen for what service I am designed in the church militant here on earth; therefore, through the a.s.sistance of divine grace, I hope to pursue nothing but in subordination to this main design. For a little mind to aim at great things would be to thwart the whole; but to endeavor to be faithful in small things, seems to be the way to attain the end.
From the other entry we shall extract only a few words, but they are words fraught with deep instruction:--
9 _mo_. 7.--"Without holiness no man shall see the Lord." Without purity of heart we cannot see the pointing of the Divine Finger.
On the 18th of the Second Month, John Yeardley attended Pontefract Monthly Meeting, held at Wakefield.
It was, he says, a precious season; I felt my friends very near to me in spirit, and expressed to them in tenderness and love what lay on my mind; and in the conclusion the power and goodness of the Most High were so awfully felt that I could not forbear kneeling down to offer him thanks, and to supplicate that he would he pleased once more to bind up the breaches in the walls of our Zion, and grant that when we were separated one from another we might never he separated from his presence.
I now begin, he continues, to feel very anxious to set forward for my destination on the other side of the water. What an awful situation mine appears to be! O that faith and patience may be granted equal to the occasion!
1822. 2 _mo_. 26.--I never read in my dear lamb"s diary but it feels to season my heart with good. It is as though her writings were impregnated with a degree of sincerity and resignation which, were so eminently the characteristics of her innocent spirit. O, I repeat it, that my precious Saviour may be pleased to appoint her angel spirit to be my guardian through life, until I shall be joined with her in heaven and we both unite in singing his praise.
About this time his brother, Thomas Yeardley, began to exercise the ministerial office.
3 _mo_. 3.--Attended Woodhouse Meeting, which was to me a very trying one. My brother Thomas spoke the feeling of my heart in something like these words:--"They come unto thee as the people cometh, and they sit before thee as my people, and they hear thy words, but they will not do them."
3 _mo._ 18.--This day was held the Monthly Meeting at Barnsley. The Testimony concerning our much-esteemed friend Joseph Wood was read and signed by the meetings at large. When I consider the legacy, so to speak, which this dear friend used to say he should bequeath to me, this language seems to prevail in my heart:--"Moses my servant is dead; now therefore arise. As I was with Moses, so I will he with thee; I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."--Joshua i. 2, 5. This is an awful consideration; but why should any despair? May not the faithful mind say, "This G.o.d is our G.o.d; he will be our guide, even unto death." I desire most sincerely to be kept in humility, whatever the probations may be which are necessary to fit me for the design of Him who hath given me life, breath and being.
On the 2d of the Fourth Month he quitted Barnsley, accompanied by his brother Thomas.
I think it a favor indeed, he says, to be relieved from a doubting mind as to whether I should go or stay; for I can truly say that, let the result prove what it may. I go with an undivided heart.
Elizabeth Dell had a meeting at Pontefract this day, where I met her; it was a very satisfactory meeting, and it was pleasant to meet with several Friends here whom I did not expect to have seen again. The parting opportunity with E.D. has left a savor on my mind which I hope will not soon be forgotten.
Before he left England he opened negotiations with several mercantile houses, who gave him orders for linen yarn from Germany. At Hull he writes:
4 _mo._ 12.--My detention here, waiting for a fair wind to Hamburg, has not been unpleasant; my friends are exceedingly kind, but my feelings in a religious sense have been rather depressing.
His heart was full of serious thoughts in antic.i.p.ation of the voyage, which was then more formidable than it is now; but the joyful hope of a glorious immortality, if death should be suffered to overtake him, bore him up above his fears.
14_th_.--May I be preserved in a holy reliance on the Arm of strong Power for help. "O Lord G.o.d, who is a strong Lord like unto Thee, or to thy faithfulness round about Thee? Thou rulest the raging of the sea: when the waves thereof arise, Thou stillest, them." O may it please him to carry me in his bosom, and protect me from the dangers of the sea. But should it please him to permit that I go down to the bottom, may I be fully resigned in humble confidence that I shall again arise to shine brighter with him in everlasting glory. Amen.
We shall conclude this chapter with a few extracts from Elizabeth Yeardley"s letters, which well depict her character and experience; and with a copy of the weighty and pertinent testimony regarding Joseph Wood which was issued by Pontefract Monthly Meeting.
7 _mo._ 13, 1818.--The broad way seems more and more crowded, while the road to Zion is thinly scattered with poor wayworn travellers; each, or nearly so, of the former living as if there were to be no hereafter, and earth was to be their eternal home. I have thought that as our Blessed Redeemer"s arms were extended wide on the cross to embrace perishing sinners, so do these short-sighted mortals extend their arms and their wishes in grasping unsubstantial vanities, and that craving one of _Mammon_, the most fascinating of all, as it increases with age.
9 _mo_. 24, 1819.--I hope by what I have felt of the keen arrow of adversity piercing the heart, it will teach me, when I see it wounding any of my fellow-mortals, to endeavor to soothe, if I have nothing else in my power towards healing the wound. Let thee and me be determined, in the name of the holy Jesus, to follow him and not look on others. He is leading us into the pure green, ever green, pasture of humiliation, where the sheep of his pasture love to lie. I own the road is not very pleasant; the descent is rugged, and many times the poor traveller is ashamed of being seen hobbling down by his former acquaintance; but when once within the sacred enclosure, the sweet air that breathes humility hushes all stormy pa.s.sions to rest. I read and read again of all those holy folks being divested of self, and anxiously do I desire to be so too, but by the marks they lay down I am very far from that attainment. However, He who said, Let there be light, and there was light, can add this to the rest of his inestimable blessings showered on my unworthy head.
4 _mo_. 14, 1820.--We are sometimes led to expect pity from people where we think we have a sort of claim, and here we often feel disappointed. Persons at ease cannot feel for the sensations of pain in others, any more than prosperity can feel the seasons of adversity.
Couldst thou have a look into the houses and bosoms of the inmates of most in B. or other places, thou wouldst find a something sorrowful, a burden the possessor would be glad to be quit of. Let us, then, go forward with hope, and endeavor to be truly thankful for the many mercies showered on our heads, who have not rendered as we ought that grat.i.tude so greatly His due. O look at the bulk of the population in England, whose children are looking up to them for a meal, and they have it not for them; and then let the tear of thankfulness fall. To be thankful is to feel a spark of heavenly flame; to be thankful is to increase the blessing already poured forth. O that I possessed more of this blessed spirit; for truly it is angelic!
_A Testimony of Pontefract Monthly Meeting concerning_ JOSEPH WOOD, _deceased_.
This our esteemed friend was born at Newhouse, near Highflatts, within the compa.s.s of this Monthly Meeting, on the 26th of the Fourth Month, 1750.
His parents, Samuel and Susanna Wood, members of our Society, were concerned for the best interest of their children. In his youth he gave way to some of the vanities incident to that period of life, but when approaching manhood he was happily brought under the restraining power of Truth, and often humbled in deep inward exercise. Once being in the fields in the night season, he exclaimed, Lord what shall I do, or whither shall I go? The answer in the secret of his own heart was as intelligible as if spoken to his outward ear,--Whither wilt thou go, Have not I the words of eternal life? Soon after this he attended a neighboring meeting, when a ministering Friend, who was a stranger, stood up with the words which he had received as an answer to his inquiry, and enlarged upon the subject in a manner suited to his tried state of mind.
In the year 1779, in the twenty-ninth year of his age, was his first appearance in the ministry, in great fear and broken-ness of spirit: but being obedient to the manifestations of truth, he experienced an advancement therein, and was a good example, adorning his profession by a circ.u.mspect life. His testimony was not with the enticing words of man"s wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power. Neither was he forward to offer his gift, patiently abiding in the deep till he felt the holy fire burn. He was at times led in a plain close manner to the unfaithful professors of truth, but had the word of consolation to the rightly exercised, unto whom he was indeed a nursing father. He was especially useful to such as the Lord was gathering from the barren mountains of an empty profession to the knowledge of the truth, and he was frequent, in solemn supplication for these, and for the awakening of those who were at ease in Zion. His heart being enlarged in gospel love, he was anxious for the salvation of all, and was frequently engaged to appoint meetings amongst those not in profession with us. For this service he was eminently gifted, and his ministry on these occasions was often attended with the powerful baptizing influence of the Spirit, to the convincement of many. He was concerned to impress on the minds of his friends the necessity of a due attendance of week-day meetings, believing that such as were negligent in this duty never experienced an attainment to the state of strong men in the truth. That our dear friend was zealous for the proper support of discipline in our religious body was sufficiently evident from the part he took in the exercise of it in his own Monthly Meeting; for active service in this important branch of church government he was eminently gifted.
In the course of his religious labors, he visited the meetings of Friends generally in most of the Quarterly Meetings in England, and many meetings within the princ.i.p.ality of Wales; and divers of them repeatedly.
During the latter period of his life, feeling his bodily strength decline, he was anxiously desirous that no service required of him should be omitted. His zeal increased with his years, and he became more abundant in labor for the promotion of the Christian cause. In a memorandum made about a year before his death, he writes, "This day I attained the seventieth year of my age. May the remainder of my days be so devoted to the Lord"s service, as, when the solemn message of death is sent, I may have nothing to do but to render up my accounts with joy!" In the last Monthly Meeting he attended, he expressed amongst us that he had seen in the vision of life that day, that there were of the youth there present those who, if they were faithful and kept in their innocency, would become instruments of good, and finally would shine as the stars, for ever and ever.