_June 9, 1905._--Some three weeks later, not having in the interval seen anything of Bettesworth, I was on the point of starting to look him up, when his niece came to the door. She had called expressly to beg that I would go and visit him, because he seemed anxious to see me. He was considerably worse, in her opinion; indeed, for the greater part of the week--in which there had been cold winds with rain--he had kept his bed and lain there dozing. Whenever he woke up, he had the impression either that it was early morning or else late evening; and once or twice he had asked, quite early in the day, whether Jack was come home yet.
On reaching the cottage I found him in his bed upstairs. Certainly he had lost strength since I saw him. At first his voice was husky, and he was inclined to cry at his own feebleness; soon, however, he recovered his habitual quick, quiet speech, though a touch of weariness and debility remained in it. Stripping back the sleeve of his bed-gown he exhibited his arm: the muscle had disappeared, and the arm was no bigger than a young boy"s. He shed tears at the sight, himself. Nor was he without pain. As he lay there that morning his legs, he said, had felt "as if somebody was puttin" skewers into "em, right up the shins"; but he had rubbed vaseline over them, and after about half an hour the pain diminished. The doctor, visiting, had said "Poor old gentleman"; and, to him, not much more. "Old age--worn out,"
was the simple diagnosis he had furnished downstairs, to Liz.
Another visitor had called--who but the owner of that cottage from which the Bettesworths had been compelled to turn out two years ago? I do not think Mr. ---- recognized Bettesworth. He had merely heard of an old man in bad plight--an old Crimean soldier, too--and he wished to be helpful. "And a very good friend to me he was!" Bettesworth said heartily, in a sort of emotional burst, losing control of his voice and crying again. Mr. ---- had "come tearin" up the stairs--none o"
they downstairs didn"t know who he was," and had spoken compa.s.sionately. ""What you wants," he says, "is feedin" up--port wine!--and you shall have it."" He was told that the doctor had recommended whisky. ""Very well. When I gets home I"ll send ye over a bottle, the best that money can buy."" Having left, "he come hollerin"
back again: "Here! here"s five shillin"s for him!"" But, said Bettesworth to me, "I never spent it on jellies an" things; I thought it might be put to better use than that."
Besides this unexpected friend, Bettesworth told me that a Colonel resident in the parish was moving on his behalf, endeavouring to get him a pension for his services in the Crimea. "But that en"t no use,"
the old man said; "I en"t got my papers," or at any rate he had not the essential ones. He tried to account for their disappearance: "Ye see, I"ve had several moves, an" this last one there was lots o"
things missin" that I never knowed what become of "em."
He chatted long, and rationally enough, in his customary vein, but saying nothing very striking or particularly characteristic. There were some pleasant remarks on one "Peachey" Phillips, a coal-cart man.
Peachey "looks after his old mother at Lingfield," and is "a good chap to work" (a "chap" of fifty years old, I should judge), but has been hampered by want of education. According to Bettesworth, "he might have had some _good_ places if he"d had any schoolin"," and he had regretfully confessed it to Bettesworth. "Cert"nly he"s better "n he was. His little "ns what goes to school--he"ve made they learn him a little; but still.... Well, you can"t get on without it. n.o.body ever ought to be against schoolin".... Yes, a good many is, but n.o.body never ought to be against it. I don"t hold with all this drillin" and soldierin"; but readin", and summin", and writin", and to know how to right yourself...."
As Bettesworth lay in bed there upstairs, and unable to see much but his bedroom walls and their cheap pictures, for the window was rather high up and narrow, his mind was still out of doors. He inquired about several details in the garden; and particularly he wanted to know if a young hedge was yet clipped, in which he had taken much interest. It chanced that a man was working on it that afternoon; and Bettesworth"s thought of it therefore struck me as somewhat remarkable. Evidently he was longing to see the garden; and though we did not know then that the desire would never be gratified, still that was the probability, and perhaps he realized it. He was a little tearful, as the time came for me to leave him.
After this I tried to make a point of seeing him once a week. Friday afternoons were the times most convenient, and the following Sunday commonly afforded the leisure for recording the visits. I give the accounts of them pretty much as they stand in my book.
_June 18, 1905 (Sunday Morning)._--I saw Bettesworth on Friday afternoon. His voice was husky, and feebler than I have before heard it; but then in every way he was weaker, and seemed to have given up hope; in fact, he said that he wished it was over, though not quite in those words. He complained of pain in his chest and about the diaphragm, and in his legs. I did not acknowledge to him that he seemed worse to me; but visitors of his own sort practise no such reticence. He told me that Mrs. Blackman, Mrs. Eggar and others had seen him, and they all said, "Oh dear, Fred, how bad you looks!"
Carver Cook"s observation was yet more pointed: "Every time I sees ye, you looks worse "n you did the time afore." Bettesworth related all this almost as if talking of some third person.
The Vicar, lest the higher purpose of his visits should be overlooked if he went to Bettesworth as alms-giver too, had entrusted me with a few shillings for the old man, who received them gladly, but seemed equally pleased to have been remembered. When I handed the money over, and named the giver, "Oh ah!" he said, "he come to see me. I was layin" with my face to the wall, and Liz come up and says, "Here"s the Vicar come to see ye." "The Vicar!" I says, "what do _he_ want to see me for?" I reckon he must have heard me say it. He set an" talked...."
But Bettesworth did not vouchsafe any information as to the interview.
When well and strong, he had been suspicious of the clergy; now, I believe, he was a little uncomfortable with a feeling that he had made a hole in his manners.
Feeble though he was, on the previous day he had crept downstairs, he said, and even out and to the corner of the road forty yards away. I think it must have been on some similar expedition that those women saw him, and uttered their discouraging exclamations upon his look of ill-health; but the desire to be up and out was incurable in him.
Yesterday, however, he fell, and had to be helped home, where he literally crawled upstairs on hands and knees, exhausted and breathless. So now, since the breathlessness troubled him, and since he knew me to have had bronchitis, did I know, he asked, "anything as "d ease it"? Eagerly he asked it, with a most pitiful reliance upon me; but I had to confess that I knew no cure; and the poor old man seemed as if a support he had clutched at had disappeared. Drearily he spoke of his condition. He couldn"t eat: a pint of milk was all he had been able to take yesterday; the same that morning. Liz had said, ""We got a nice little bit o" hock--couldn"t ye eat a bit o" that?"" and had brought him a piece, but he "couldn"t face it." "But what"s goin"
to become of ye?" she exclaimed, "if you don"t eat nothing?" But he couldn"t. His mouth was so dry; he was unable to swallow anything solid. Was there anything I could get him, that he would fancy? He hesitated; then, "Well, ... I _should_ like a bit o" rhubarb. They had some here t"other day--little bits o" sticks no bigger "n your finger.
And they boys set down to it.... "En"t ye goin" to spare me _none_?" I says." ... The story wilted away, leaving me with a belief that none had been spared for him. So I promised him some rhubarb, and the next day a small tart was made and sent over to him. The bearer returned saying that Liz, seeing it, had laughed: "We got plenty, and he"s had several lots." If this is true, as it probably is, Bettesworth"s delusion on the point is the first instance of senility attacking his intellect.
For although on this Friday his usual garrulity about other topics than his illness was noticeably diminished, still in his handling of the subjects he did touch upon his strong mental grip was no wise impaired. From Alf Stevens, who helped him home, he went on to Alf"s father, old George, who "en"t so wonderful grand" in health, and to Alf"s brother, who "boozes a bit," being out of work and unsettled, "or may wander off no tellin" where" in search of a job. Being now quartered at home, "he don"t offer to pay his old father nothin".
P"r"aps of a Sat"day he"ll bring home a joint o" meat.... But a very good bricklayer." Bettesworth has the whole situation in all its details under review before him. Moreover, this bricklayer out of work led him to speak of a serious matter, not previously known to me getting about the world, but to him lying in bed very well known--the alarming scarcity of work this summer. He named a number of men unemployed in the parish. I added another name to the list--that of a carpenter. "Ne"er a better tradesman in the district; but en"t done nothin" for months," Bettesworth murmured unhesitatingly in his enfeebled voice. "And So-and-so" (he mentioned a local contractor) "is goin" to sack a dozen of his carters to-morrow, I"m told...."
The old man lay there, aware of these things; and as I write the thought crosses my mind that a valuable organizing force has been left undeveloped and lost in Bettesworth.
It looks more and more doubtful if he will linger on until the autumn.
_June 25, 1905 (Sunday)._--It did not occur to me at the time, but after I got away from seeing Bettesworth on Friday a resemblance struck me between his look of almost abject helplessness and that of poor old Hall, whom I saw at the infirmary and who is since dead.
In the morning, with extreme difficulty, and his niece helping him, Bettesworth had got into the front bedroom while his own bed was being made and his room cleaned. To that extent has he lost strength in the last few weeks. Sometimes his niece chides him (kindly, I feel sure) for being so cast-down, but he says, "I can"t help it, and "ten"t no use for anybody to tell me not. It hurts me to think that a little while ago I was strong and ready to do anything for anybody else, and now I got to beg "em to come an" do anything for me."
I suspect that he gives some trouble. Fancies and the unreason characteristic of old age appear--for instance, about his food. He cannot take solids: they go dry in his mouth and he is unable to swallow them; yet he begged for some one to buy him a slice or two of ham the other day. He "seemed to have had a fancy for it this fortnight." All he takes, on his own evidence, is a little milk.
He confessed to being occasionally light-headed. "I sees all the people I knows, in this room here. After I got back into bed to-day, there was three fellers leanin" over the foot o" the bed, lookin" at me; and one of "em said, "I reckon I shall get six months if I don"t quit the neighbourhood." I sprung forward--"I"ll break your head if you don"t clear out of _here_!" and I was goin" to hit "n, an" then he was gone."
In telling this the old man suited his action to the tale, and again sat upright, his thin grey hair tumbled, his jaw fallen, his eyes hopeless for very weakness. It was then that he looked so much like old Hall.
He was wishing to be shaved, but could get n.o.body to do it for him. A labourer across the valley had been sent to: "He"d ha" come an" done it right enough, only he has rheumatics so bad he can"t hold the razor."
There was not much talk of the old kind; and for the first time in my acquaintance with Bettesworth I had to search for topics of conversation. One subject was raised by my mention of a neighbouring farmer who proposed to begin cutting his late hay next week. "Ah, with a machine," said Bettesworth; "he can"t git the men. "R else he used to say he"d never have a machine so long as he could git men to mow for him. Billy Norris and his brother" (elder brother to Kid Norris) "mowed for "n eighteen years" in succession.... "They"d _live_ in a fashion n.o.body else couldn"t. Never no trouble to they about their food. They"d just gather a few old sticks an" bits o" rubbish, and make a fire--nothin" but a little smoke an" flare--an" stick a bloater or a rasher on a pointed stick and hold it up again" the flare an"
smoke jest to warm it, and down he"d go, and they"d be up and on mowin" again. Then there was a barrel o" beer tumbled down into the medder--they used to roll "n into one o" they water-gripes and put a little o" the damp gra.s.s over "n, and the beer "d keep as _cool_....
And when he was empty then he"d be took away and another brought in.... But "twas tea--that"s what they drunk for breakfast. Jest have a drink o" beer when they started mowin"; then go on for an hour or two. Then one of "em "d go back to where their kit was, an" make the tea in the drum, an" get a little flare an" smoke; an" they"d jest hold their bloater on a pinted stick again" the smoke--I"ve laughed at "em many"s a time. d.i.c.k Harding over here used to say "t"d starve he to work "long with "em; he could do the mowin" but he couldn"t put up with the food. That was their way, though. If they was out with the ballast-train or the railway-cuttin", they"d sit down on the bank--all they wanted was a little smoky fire." Bettesworth laughed a little, amused at these st.u.r.dy men, and at his own description of their cooking.
I asked: "You never did much mowing yourself, did you?"
He hesitated, yet scarcely two seconds, and then replied: "Not much. I helped mow Holt Park once. My father-in-law--_Foreman_, we used to call "n--was at it--what lived where Mrs. Warner is, and I lived where Porter do. And the Foreman sent for me to go and help. I didn"t want to go--"tis hard work; anybody might have mowin" for me; but at last I agreed to go. But law! the second mornin" I was like that I didn"t hardly know how to crawl down there" the three miles. "It got better after an hour or two.... But if a feller goes mowin" for eight or nine weeks on end, it do give "n a doin"."
Thus for a little while Bettesworth chatted, in the vein that had first attracted me to him. Shall I ever hear him again, I wonder? We tried other subjects: the washed-out state of our lane and the best way to remedy it, the garden, the celery, the position of this or that crop. It entertained him for a few minutes; then he failed to seize some quite simple idea, and knew that he had failed, and said despondently, "I can"t keep things in my mind like I used to."
_July 2 (Sunday)._--Perhaps Bettesworth would have been more like himself on Friday, if I had called at the usual afternoon hour, instead of in the morning. As it was, he seemed fretful and impatient, and his face was flushed. I did not perceive that he was noticeably weaker, but rather that he was irritable. He had pain in his chest and side; and he said that at night, when he lies with his hands clasped over his waist, his chest is full of "such funny noises, enough to frighten ye to hear "em." His temper was embittered and angry, especially angry, when some reference was made to his being in the infirmary in the spring. For he affirmed, "If I hadn"t ha" went there, I should ha" bin a man, up and at work _now_. I told the doctor there, "If I was to bide here, you"d _starve_ me to death.""
Embittered he was against his acquaintances, so that he almost wept.
"It hurts me so, to think how good I bin to "em; and now when I be bad myself there en"t none of "em comes near me." He instanced his sister and her two sons at Middlesham; and his brother-in-law too: "Look what I done for him!" If only he could get about! Get so that he could sit and feel the air! But his bedroom is upstairs, and he is too weak to leave it. The previous night, trying to get out of bed, he "almost broke his neck," falling backwards with his head against the bedstead.
"I thought I"d split "n open," he said, "but I never called n.o.body.
Jack said, "Why hadn"t ye called me?"" ... The old man"s talk was too incoherent, too rambling, to be followed well at the time or remembered now.
We discussed a local beanfeast excursion to Ramsgate, which was to take place the following day; and he brightened up to recall how he had joined a similar trip to Weymouth some years ago. It was his last holiday, in fact. Even now it made him laugh, to remember how old Bill Brixton had gone on that day; and he laughed a little scornfully at the trouble they had taken to enjoy themselves, and the fatigues they endured. Then there came just a touch of his old manner: "I had a little bottle with me and filled it up with a quarte"n o" whisky; and when we was comin" home it seemed to brighten ye up. I says to old Bill, "Put that to your lips," I says. So he tried. "Why, it"s whisky!" he says. But that little wouldn"t hurt "n. "Tis a _lot_ o"
whisky you gets for fo"pence! "Twouldn"t have hurt "n, if he"d took it bottle and all."
These monster excursions had never really appealed to Bettesworth"s old-fashioned taste. Rather than be cooped up in a train, I remember he used to say, give him a quiet journey on the open road, afoot or by waggon, so that a man may "see the course o" the country," and if he comes to anything interesting, stop and look at it. And now, on his bed, the ill-humour he was displaying that morning vented itself again, in reference to a project he had heard of for another excursion. The Oddfellows" annual fete was at hand; and, he said, with a sneering intonation, "The secretary and some of they" (respectable new-fangled people, he meant) "wanted "em to go to Portsmouth. So they called a full meetin", an" the meetin""--ah, I have forgotten the turn of speech. It suggested that these officious persons, interfering to dictate how the working man should take his pleasure, had met with a well-deserved snub, since the excursion was voted down and the customary dinner was to be held. To myself, as to Bettesworth, this seemed the preferable course: "It"s really better," I said. Then he, "So _"tis_, sir. It"s the old, natural _way_. We _al_ways reckoned to have _one day_ in the year, when we all had holiday. And then everybody could join in--the women with their little childern, and all. "Tis _nice_...."
Mentioning the endeavours of the Colonel and Mr. ---- to get a pension for him, I said, "They"re very interested in it." "More so than what I be," he answered. Still, I urged, it was worth trying for; and as for the lost papers, duplicates of them might be obtained, if we knew the regiment. I was saying this, when with a sort of pride, though still irritably, the old man broke in, "I can tell ye _all_ that: regiment, an" regimental number, and officers, and all." At that I asked what was his regiment?
He stiffened his head and neck (was it just one last flicker of the so long forgotten soldier"s smartness?) and said, "Forty-eighth, and my number was three nought nought seven.... I could name twenty people that knowed about my service. There"s old Crum Callingham. He used to work for Sanders then, the coal merchant. The day I came back, didn"t we have a booze, too! He was at work in Sanders"s hop-garden, and I found "n out, and two more, and I kep" sendin" for half-gallons....
Yes, that was the same day as I got "ome--from Portsmouth."
That afternoon I happened to meet old Beagley--the retired bricklayer, and recently Bettesworth"s landlord. He spoke of Bettesworth with more than usual appreciation, saying that he had been a strong man, as if he meant unusually strong. His sight must have been bad "thirty or forty years," Beagley estimated. He (Beagley) remembered first noticing it when he dropped his trowel from a scaffold, and sent Bettesworth down the ladder for it. He observed that Bettesworth could not see the trowel, but groped for it, as one gropes in the dark, until his hand touched it. But, added Beagley, "he"d mix mortar as well as any man I ever knew. I"ve had him workin" for me, and noticed.
I"d as soon have had him as anybody. He couldn"t have _seen_ the lumps of lime, but I suppose "twas something in the _feel_ of it on the shovel. At any rate, he always _done_ it; and I"ve often thought about it."
_July 14 (Friday)._--I saw Bettesworth this afternoon, and it looks as if I shall not see him many times more.
Since my last visit to him a fortnight ago, the change in him is very marked. His niece, downstairs, prepared me for it. He was very ill, she said, and so weak that now they have to hold him up to feed him.
Of course he can take no solids; not even a mouthful of sponge-cake for which he had had a fancy. His feet and the lower parts of his body are swelling: the doctor says it is dropsy setting in, and reports further that his heart is "wasting away." Hearing all this--yes, and how Mrs. Cook thought he should be watched at night, for he could not last much longer--hearing this, I fancied when I got upstairs that there was a look as of death on the shrunken cheeks: they had a corpse-like colour. Possibly it was only my fancy, but it was not fancy that his flesh had fallen away more than ever.
It has been an afternoon of magnificent summer weather, not sultry, but sumptuous; with vast blue sky, a few slow-sailing clouds, a luxuriant west wind tempering the splendid heat. The thermometer in my room stands at 80 while I am writing. So Bettesworth lay just covered as to his body and legs with a counterpane, showing his bare neck, while his sleeves falling back to the elbow displayed his arms. From between the tendons the flesh has gone; and the skin lies fluted all up the forearm, all up the neck. But at the foot of the bed his feet emerging could be seen swollen and tight-skinned. His ears look withered and dry, like thin biscuit.
He did not complain much of pain. Sometimes, "if anything touches the bottom o" my feet, it runs all up my legs as if "twas tied up in knots." Again, "what puzzles the doctor is my belly bein" like "tis--puffed up and hard as a puddin" dish." The doctor has not mentioned dropsy, to him. Enough, perhaps, that he has told him that his heart was "wasting away." "That"s a bad sign," commented Bettesworth, to me. He said he had asked the doctor, ""Is there any chance o" my gettin" better?" "Not but a very little," he said. "If you do, it"ll be a miracle."" At that, Bettesworth replied, "Then I wish you"d give me something to help me away from here." "Why, where d"ye want to go to?" the doctor asked; and was answered, "Up top o"
Gravel Hill" to the churchyard. "I told him that, straight to his head," said the old man.
He lay there, thinking of his death. Door and window were wide open, and a cooling air played through the room. Through the window, from my place by the bed, I could see all the sunny side of the valley in the sweltering afternoon heat; could see and feel the splendour of the summer; could watch, right down in the hollow, a man hoeing in a tiny mangold-field, and the sunshine glistening on his light-coloured shirt. Bettesworth no doubt knew that man; had worked like that himself on many July afternoons; and now he lay thinking of his approaching death. But I thought, too, of his life, and spoke of it: how from the hill-top there across the valley you could not look round upon the country in any part of the landscape but you would everywhere see places where he had worked. "Yes: for a hundred miles round," he a.s.sented.
It came up naturally enough, I remember, in the course of desultory talk, with many pauses. He had had "gentry" to see him, he was saying, and he named the Colonel, and Mr. ----. "Who"d have thought ever _he_"d ha" bin like that to me?" he exclaimed gratefully. And each of these visitors had spoken of his "good character"; had "liked all they ever heared" about him, and so on; and it was then that I remarked about the places where he had worked, as proof that his good character had been well earned. But as we talked of his life, all the time the thought of his death was present. I fancied once that he wished to thank me for standing by him, and could not bring it off, for he began telling how the Colonel had said, ""You"ve got a very good friend to be thankful for."" But it was easy to turn this. The Colonel too is a friend. He had left an order for a bottle of whisky to be bought when the last one sent by Mr. ---- is empty; and he has not given up yet the endeavour to get Bettesworth"s Crimean service recognized with a pension.
I cannot recall all that pa.s.sed; indeed, it was incoherent and mumbling, and I did not catch all. He revived that imaginary grievance against his neighbour, for drawing money from me to pay his club when he went to the infirmary. It appeared that Jack had been going into the matter, and had satisfied Bettesworth that the payments had never been really owing; so they hoped that, now I knew, I should take steps to be righted. Bettesworth seemed to find much relief in the feeling that his own character was cleared from blame. "Some masters might have give me the sack for it," he said, "when I got back to work." To this he kept reverting, as if in the hope of urging me to have justice; and then he would say, "There, I"m as glad it"s all right as if anybody had give me five shillin"s." To humour him I professed to be equally glad; it was not worth while to trouble him with what I knew very well to be the truth--that Mrs. Eggar was in the right, and had really done him a service.