13. HUMILITY.
My intention being to acquire the _habitude_ of all these virtues, I judged it would be well not to distract my attention by attempting the whole at once, but to fix it on _one_ of them at a time; and when I should be master of that, then to proceed to another; and so on till I should have gone through the thirteen: and as the previous acquisition of some might facilitate the acquisition of certain others, I arranged them with that view as they stand above. _Temperance_ first, as it tends to promote that coolness and clearness of head which is so necessary where constant vigilance was to be kept up, and a guard maintained against the unremitting attraction of ancient habits and the force of perpetual temptations. This being acquired and established, _Silence_ would be more easy; and my desire being to gain knowledge at the same time that I improved in virtue; and considering that in conversation it was obtained rather by the use of the ear than of the tongue, and, therefore, wishing to break a habit I was getting into of _prattling_, _punning_, and _jesting_ (which only made me acceptable to trifling company), I gave _Silence_ the second place. This and the next, _Order_, I expected would allow me more time for attending to my project and my studies _Resolution_, once become habitual, would keep me firm in my endeavours to obtain all the subsequent virtues. _Frugality_ and _Industry_, relieving me from my restraining debt, and producing affluence and independence, would make more easy the practice of _Sincerity_ and _Justice_, &c., &c. Conceiving then, that, agreeably to the advice of Pythagoras in his Golden Verses, daily examination would be necessary, I contrived the following method for conducting that examination.
I made a little book, in which I allotted a page for each of the virtues. I ruled each page with red ink, so as to have seven columns, one for each day of the week, marking each column with a letter for the day. I crossed these columns with thirteen red lines, marking the beginning of each line with the first letter of one of the virtues; on which line, and in its proper column, I might mark, by a little black spot, every fault I found upon examination to have been committed respecting that virtue upon that day.[10]
_Form of the pages._
TEMPERANCE.
Eat not to dulness: drink not to elevation.
+------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | | Sun. | M. | T. | W. | Th. | F. | S. | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Tem. | | | | | | | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Sil. | * | * | | * | | * | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Ord. | * | * | * | | * | * | * | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Res. | | * | | | | * | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Fru. | * | | | | | * | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Ind. | | | * | | | | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Sinc.| | | | | | | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Jus. | | | | | | | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Mod. | | | | | | | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Clea.| | | | | | | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Tran.| | | | | | | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Chas.| | | | | | | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+ | Hum. | | | | | | | | +------+------+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+-----+
I determined to give a week"s strict attention to each of the virtues successively. Thus, in the first week, my great guard was to every the least offence against _Temperance_; leaving the other virtues to their ordinary chance, only marking every evening the faults of the day. Thus, if in the first week I could keep my first line marked T. clear of spots, I supposed the habit of that virtue so much strengthened, and its opposite weakened, that I might venture extending my attention to include the next, and for the following week keep both lines clear of spots. Proceeding thus to the last, I could get through a course complete in thirteen weeks, and four courses in a year. And like him who, having a garden to weed, does not attempt to eradicate all the bad herbs at once (which would exceed his reach and his strength), but works on one of the beds at a time, and having accomplished the first, proceeds to a second, so I should have (I hoped) the encouraging pleasure of seeing on my pages the progress made in virtue, by clearing successively my lines of their spots, till, in the end, by a number of courses, I should be happy in viewing a clean book, after a thirteen week"s daily examination.
This my little book had for its motto these lines from Addison"s Cato:
"Here will I hold; if there"s a power above us (And that there is, all nature cries aloud Through all her works), he must delight in virtue; And that which he delights in must be happy."
Another from Cicero:
O vitae philosophia dux! O virtutum indagatrix et expultrixque vitiorum!
Unus dies bene, et ex praeceptis tuis actus, peccanti immortalitati est anteponendus."
"Oh Philosophy, guide of life! Diligent inquirer after virtue, and banisher of vice! A single day well spent, and as thy precepts direct, is to be preferred to an eternity of sin."
Another from the Proverbs of Solomon, speaking of wisdom or virtue:
"Length of days is in her right hand, and in her left hand riches and honour. Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace."
And conceiving G.o.d to be the fountain of wisdom, I thought it right and necessary to solicit his a.s.sistance for obtaining it; to this end I formed the following little prayer, which was prefixed to my tables of examination, for daily use.
"O powerful Goodness! bountiful Father! merciful Guide! Increase me in that wisdom which discovers my truest interest: Strengthen my resolution to perform what that wisdom dictates! Accept my kind offices to thy other children as the only return in my power for thy continual favours to me."
I used also, sometimes, a little prayer which I took from Thomson"s Poems, viz.,
"Father of light and life, thou G.o.d supreme!
Oh teach me what is good; teach me thyself!
Save me from folly, vanity, and vice, From every low pursuit; and fill my soul With knowledge, conscious peace, and virtue pure; Sacred, substantial, never-fading bliss!"
The precept of _Order_, requiring that _every part of my business should have its allotted time_, one page in my little book contained the following scheme of employment for the twenty-four hours of a natural day.
SCHEME.
Hours.
_Morning._ { } Rise, wash, and address _Powerful The Question { 5} Goodness_! Contrive day"s business, and What good shall { 6} take the resolution of the day; prosecute I do this day? { 7} the present study, and breakfast.
8} 9} Work.
10} 11}
_Noon._ {12} Read, or look over my accounts, and { 1} dine.
{ 2} _Afternoon._ { 3} Work.
{ 4} { 5}
_Evening._ { 6} The Question, { 7} Put things in their places. Supper, What good have { 8} music, or diversion, or conversation.
I done to-day? { 9} Examination of the day.
{10} {11} {12} _Night._ { 1} Sleep.
{ 2} { 3} { 4}
I entered upon the execution of this plan for self-examination, and continued it, with occasional intermissions, for some time. I was surprised to find myself so much fuller of faults than I had imagined; but I had the satisfaction of seeing them diminish. To avoid the trouble of renewing now and then my little book, which, by sc.r.a.ping out the marks on the paper of old faults to make room for new ones in a new course, became full of holes, I transferred my tables and precepts to the ivory leaves of a memorandum book, on which the lines were drawn with red ink, that made a durable stain; and on those lines I marked my faults with a black lead pencil; which marks I could easily wipe out with a wet sponge. After a while I went through one course only in a year; and afterward only one in several years; till at length I omitted them entirely, being employed in voyages and business abroad, with a multiplicity of affairs that interfered; but I always carried my little book with me. My scheme of _Order_ gave me the most trouble; and I found that though it might be practicable where a man"s business was such as to leave him the disposition of his time, that of a journeyman-printer, for instance, it was not possible to be exactly observed by a master, who must mix with the world, and often receive people of business at their own hours. Order, too, with regard to places for things, papers, &c., I found it extremely difficult to acquire. I had not been early accustomed to _method_, and having an exceeding good memory, I was not so sensible of the inconvenience attending want of method. This article, therefore, cost me much painful attention, and my faults in it vexed me so much, and I made so little progress in amendment, and had such frequent relapses, that I was almost ready to give up the attempt, and content myself with a faulty character in that respect. Like the man who, in buying an axe of a smith my neighbour, desired to have the whole of its surface as bright as the edge, the smith consented to grind it bright for him if he would turn the wheel: he turned while the smith pressed the broad face of the axe hard and heavily on the stone, which made the turning of it very fatiguing. The man came every now and then from the wheel to see how the work went on; and at length would take his axe as it was, without farther grinding. "No," said the smith, "turn on, we shall have it bright by-and-by; as yet "tis only speckled." "Yes,"
said the man, "but _I think I like a speckled axe best_." And I believe this may have been the case with many, who having, for the want of some such means as I employed, found the difficulty of obtaining good and breaking bad habits in other points of vice and virtue, have given up the struggle, and concluded that "_a speckled axe was best_." For something that pretended to be reason was every now and then suggesting to me, that such extreme nicety as I exacted of myself, might be a kind of foppery in morals, which, if it were known, would make me ridiculous; that a perfect character might be attended with the inconvenience of being envied and hated; and that a benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself, to keep his friends in countenance. In truth, I found myself incorrigible with respect to _Order_; and, now I am grown old and my memory bad, I feel very sensibly the want of it. But, on the whole, though I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it; as those who aim at perfect writing by imitating the engraved copies, though they may never reach the wished-for excellence of those copies, their hand is mended by the endeavour, and is tolerable while it continues fair and legible.
It may be well my posterity should be informed, that to this little artifice, with the blessing of G.o.d, their ancestor owed the constant felicity of his life down to the 79th year, in which this is written.
What reverses may attend the remainder is in the hand of Providence: but if they arrive, the reflection on past happiness enjoyed ought to help his bearing them with more resignation. To _temperance_ he ascribes his long-continued health, and what is still left to him of a good const.i.tution. To _industry and frugality_, the early easiness of his circ.u.mstances and acquisition of his fortune, with all that knowledge that enabled him to be a useful citizen and obtained for him some degree of reputation among the learned. To _sincerity_ and _justice_, the confidence of his country, and the honourable employs it conferred upon him: and to the joint influence of the whole ma.s.s of the virtues, even in the imperfect state he was able to acquire them, all that evenness of temper and that cheerfulness in conversation which makes his company still sought for, and agreeable even to his young acquaintance: I hope, therefore, that some of my descendants may follow the example and reap the benefit.
It will be remarked that, though my scheme was not wholly without religion, there was in it no mark of any of the distinguishing tenets of any particular sect; I had purposely avoided them; for being fully persuaded of the utility and excellence of my method, and that it might be serviceable to people in all religions, and intending some time or other to publish it, I would not have anything in it that would prejudice any one of any sect against it. I proposed writing a little comment on each virtue, in which I would have shown the advantages of possessing it, and the mischiefs attending its opposite vice; I should have called my book _The Art of Virtue_, because it would have shown the means and manner of obtaining virtue, which would have distinguished it from the mere exhortation to be good, that does not instruct and indicate the means; but is like the apostle"s man of verbal charity, who, without showing to the naked and hungry how or where they might get clothes or victuals, only exhorted them to be fed and clothed James ii., 15, 16.
But it so happened that my intention of writing and publishing this comment was never fulfilled. I had, indeed, from time to time, put down short hints of the sentiments, reasonings, &c., to be made use of in it, some of which I have still by me: but the necessary close attention to private business in the earlier part of life, and public business since, have occasioned my postponing it. For it being connected in my mind with _a great and extensive project_, that required the whole man to execute, and which an unforeseen succession of employs prevented my attending to, it has. .h.i.therto remained unfinished.
In this piece it was my design to explain and enforce this doctrine, _that vicious actions are not hurtful because they are forbidden, but forbidden because they are hurtful_; the nature of man alone considered: that it was, therefore, every one"s interest to be virtuous, who wished to be happy even in this world: and I should, from this circ.u.mstance (there being always in the world a number of rich merchants, n.o.bility, states, and princes who have need of honest instruments for the management of their affairs, and such being so rare), have endeavoured to convince young persons, that no qualities are so likely to make a poor man"s fortune as those of _probity_ and _integrity_.
My list of virtues contained at first but twelve: but a Quaker friend having kindly informed me that I was generally thought proud; that my pride showed itself frequently in conversation; that I was not content with being in the right when discussing any point, but was overbearing, and rather insolent (of which he convinced me by mentioning several instances), I determined to endeavour to cure myself, if I could, of this vice or folly among the rest; and I added _humility_ to my list, giving an extensive meaning to the word. I cannot boast of much success in acquiring the _reality_ of this virtue, but I had a good deal with regard to the appearance of it. I made it a rule to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiments of others, and all positive a.s.sertion of mine own. I even forbid myself, agreeably to the old laws of our junto, the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fixed opinion; such as _certainly_, _undoubtedly_, &c., and I adopted, instead of them, _I conceive_, _I apprehend_, or _I imagine_ a thing to be so or so; or it so _appears to me at present_. When another a.s.serted something that I thought an error, I denied myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing immediately some absurdity in his proposition; and in answering I began by observing that in certain cases or circ.u.mstances his opinion would be right, but in the present case there _appeared_, or _seemed to me_, some difference, &c. I soon found the advantage of this change in my manners; the conversations I engaged in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I proposed my opinions procured them a readier reception and less contradiction; I had less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily prevailed with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I happened to be in the right. And this mode, which I at first put on with some violence to natural inclination, became at length easy, and so habitual to me, that perhaps for the fifty years past no one has ever heard a dogmatical expression escape me. And to this habit (after my character of integrity) I think it princ.i.p.ally owing that I had early so much weight with my fellow-citizens when I proposed new inst.i.tutions or alterations in the old, and so much influence in public councils when I became a member: for I was but a bad speaker, never eloquent, subject to much hesitation in my choice of words, hardly correct in language, and yet I generally carried my point.
In reality, there is, perhaps, no one of our natural pa.s.sions so hard to subdue as _pride_; disguise it, struggle with it, stifle it, mortify it as much as you please, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself; you will see it perhaps often in this history.
For even if I could conceive that I had completely overcome it, I should probably be _proud_ of my _humility_.
[Here concludes what was written at Pa.s.sy, near Paris.]
MEMORANDUM.
_I am now about to write at home (Philadelphia), August, 1788, but cannot have the help expected from my papers, many of them being lost in the war. I have, however, found the following_:
Having mentioned a _great and extensive project_ which I had conceived, it seems proper that some account should be here given of that project and its object. Its first rise in my mind appears in the above-mentioned little paper, accidentally preserved, viz.:
OBSERVATIONS on my reading history, in library, May 9, 1731.
"That the great affairs of the world, the wars, revolutions, &c., are carried on and effected by parties.
"That the view of these parties is their present general interest; or what they take to be such.
"That the different views of these different parties occasion all confusion.
"That while a party is carrying on a general design, each man has his particular private interest in view.
"That, as soon as a party has gained its general point, each member becomes intent upon his particular interest, which, thwarting others, breaks that party into divisions and occasions more confusion.