I picked up the top batch; the envelopes were still white and smooth. All were addressed to Nurse M. Laine Fulbright.
I glanced at the door and sat down in a chair, ignoring the plume of dust that enveloped me.
I untied the ribbon and opened the first letter.
Dear friend, Our little prophet grows stronger each day. But these weary bones are fading and will be called home soon. I have given him lessons in hunting and scavenging, He does well for a young man of eleven, G.o.ds willing. I will put him on a plane when I know I"m close and let you know when to pick him up. I"d trust him to no one but you. He will be quite a man, one we will be very proud of. His mother would have adored him. He has her eyes and her loyalty. He has memorized your address so he can find you on his own if he must. The 83an future is not clear and it frustrates me. I can"t see the visions as I used to. But I know he i needs you and you him. This I trust.
*Your friend, Tyee I picked up the next letter. They were s.p.a.ced about three months apart. I riffled through the other piles. None were more recent than this batch, from seven years ago. I scanned them all -the prophet Tyee wrote about had to be Tens.
Friend, I have seen beings - not in a vision, but trailing steps behind me for the past week. I fear they"ve come for Tens- his destiny is tangled in that of your great-niece, this I feel, I have asked a policeman friend to watch him this weekend. I must try to lead them away from him.
I pray he"ll find you- the fabric of my life is unraveling. Tyee It was as if Tyee had stopped midstride before finishing the story. His penmanship was sloppy and hurried, as if he had been writing under great duress. What does Tens know?
How are we tied together?
I found letters from my mother chronicling events in my life and asking Auntie questions about what to tell me. I questioned whether she"d followed any of Auntie"s advice, since I"d known nothing of Fenestras before coming here. There were postcards from all over the world, signed by people I"d never heard of.
I opened the bottom drawer and found shears that were perfect for cutting cardboard.
They"d do for hair. I grabbed the pile of letters from Tyee and my mom, and the scissors. I didn"t lock the door behind me, certain no one would notice.
Back in my room, I spread old newspapers on the floor and positioned the mirrors so I could see the back of my head. I inhaled an ample breath and began hacking.
84ani *
Chapter 16.
My head felt lighter instantly. With each chunk of hair that fell to the floor, I stood straighter and felt older. My new haircut curled and cupped my chin and made my eyes look bigger. I evened it up as best I could and decided that while I certainly didn"t have any talent for haircutting, it worked.
I smiled at myself.
"I"m pretty." The realization made my eyes light up. I"d never stopped carrying death around long enough to consider my own attractiveness. But the circles under my eyes were now mauve rather than their usual dark plum, and a light pink tinged my cheeks where before there had only been gray or green. Even to my most critical self, I didn"t appear as haunted.
I wanted to show Tens. I wanted to show Auntie. I raced out of my room and down the stairs, speeding along until I stopped, worried they wouldn"t appreciate the change. I decided to play it cool and wait for one of them to mention it.
I pursued the scent of garlic and onions into the kitchen. Glenn Miller played on an old tape deck, and Tens, his back to me. Tapped his foot as he stirred.
I stopped, hesitating, feeling like I was intruding. All my newfound confidence and joy dispersed like smoke. This was the real world. I was an outsider.
"Can I help?" I asked Tens"s back.
He didn"t glance up. "We"re having lazy lasagna. You like Italian food?"
I nodded. "I like trying new things."
"Why don"t you b.u.t.ter the bread?" Without looking up. Tens pushed a thick round loaf across the counter to me.
"Kay." I gave up and slumped into a chair. He wasn"t going to notice anytime soon.
Silence fell like a foot of fresh snow. I watched the muscles play under Tens"s thin wool sweater. His shoulders were broad, and straight as a razorblade. I liked the way he flipped his hair out of his eyes with a shrug and a tilt. He needed a haircut, because it kept getting in his way. I remembered tangling my fingers in his hair when he carried me upstairs. It felt as shiny and silky as it looked.
I struggled with the quiet, words clawing at the back of my throat.
"So?" I finished b.u.t.tering the loaf and wrapped it in foil. I stood and walked over to Tens, who had finished filling a bowl with ricotta, basil, and mozzarella. "What now?"" I sidled closer to him. He smelled of woodsmoke and pine sap and soap.
85ani *He stepped away, but I couldn"t tell if the rejection was intentional. "Layer the sauce, noodles, and cheese. Ladle sauce into the pan to start." All said without a glance at me.
Nothing.
I picked up the ladle and dipped it into the pot as I was instructed. "Where are you from?"
"Around." Tens spread the sauce with the end of a noodle, then layered more noodles on top. He"d yet to look at me.
I decided to shock him into at least acknowledging my presence. "Are you Auntie"s love child?"
If he"d been drinking, liquid would have come out his nose. As it was, he blinked and shot me a hard glance. "You"re kidding, right?"
"I don"t know. You"re here. She"s here. It"s like you"ve been here forever and you belong."
I didn"t say that he seemed to fit much better than me. "Are you sure you aren"t a Fenestra too?"
"What the h.e.l.l did you do to your hair?" he blurted.
Hurt slapped me, but I lifted my chin. "I like it." I slopped the cheese mixture in globs on top of the noodles and sauce.
Tens all but shoved me out of the way. "Uh-uh. So why?"
"What?"
"Why did you cut your hair?"
"I wanted to. Are you a Fenestra?"
"I don"t like it." He turned away.
"I didn"t do it for you." But G.o.d, I had wished him to like it. I growled, wanting to bare my teeth and bite. "So who are you?" "No one."
"Yeah, and I"m Oprah."
"Who?" Tens put the lasagna in the oven and turned on the timer.
"Are you going to answer my question?"
"No." He began to walk away.
"That"s it? Around" and no"?" I wanted to stamp my feet like a toddler. He made me regress. And feel like a full-grown woman, both at the same time. How was that possible?
"That"s it."
86ani "You have to tell. You have to give me more than that."
*"No, I don"t."
"You"re in a c.r.a.ppy mood."
He shrugged, not disagreeing but not apologizing, either.
"Who wants pizza for dinner?" Auntie glided into the kitchen as if completely unaware of the tension. She looked at the two of us and stopped. "Oh dear me. What"s going on?"
I didn"t know what to say.
Tens sighed and wiped his hands on a dish towel, but didn"t speak.
Auntie crossed her arms and held her ground. She tried to stare both of us down. "What is it? Tens, I can see the stick up your a.r.s.e from here. I"m dying, remember? Dying people don"t have time for silly moods.""
I blanched. How can she be so nonchalant about it?
"Little one. What happened to your hair?" She fluffed it with her hands. "I like it."
Tens snorted.
I raised my eyebrows at him.
"Oh. I see. That"s it." Her eyes crinkled at the corners. "Tens, cough it up -what"s going on? Sit. Sit." She shooed us to the table.
"I didn"t mean it like that." Tens reached out as if to touch my hand but caught himself.
"Sorry."
I wasn"t sure if he was apologizing for his comments or for almost touching me. "Thanks."
"And?" Auntie prompted.
"How am I supposed to do this? By myself?" Tens asked her.
"Be a Protector, you mean?" She seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. She turned to me. "Has he told you that part yet?"
Tens shook his head.
"I guess not." I watched him rub the tabletop.
"Shall I?" Auntie asked him.
He nodded.
"The Creators watch over Fenestras with angels -warriors-the Sangre, whom we"ve 87a already talked about a little. The Creators have humans who are urged to help by their faith ni or an inner moral compa.s.s. Sometimes people don"t even know they"re acting on behalf of *the Creators. And the Creators give most Fenestras a Protector. Sometimes these are angels, but mostly they"re human, granted extra gifts of bravery, intelligence, courage, compa.s.sion.
They can sense the presence of their Fenestra, can empathically know their emotions."
"Okay?" I asked, wanting her to continue. I noticed a red flush creep up Tens"s neck.
"In terms of the window metaphor we"ve been using, they are the walls that hold the window, the structure that helps the window do her job."
"Oh my G.o.d, you"re Auntie"s Protector, aren"t you?" I gasped. Jealousy, irrational though it was, sang in my blood.
"Hers?" Tens"s gaze snapped to mine.
"No, child, he"s yours." Auntie patted my hand "Mine?" I swallowed, dumbfounded.
Tens nodded.
"You can read my mind, can"t you?"
Auntie chuckled. "No, he can"t. He can sense your mood, your feelings, but he doesn"t always understand what he"s sensing. That entails practice. And time."
"Who is yours, then?" I couldn"t wrap my mind around this.
Her face changed. "Charles was as close to a Protector as I got. I never had one destined for me. They are even rarer than Fenestras these days. Rarer still are those with the power to fight darkness by themselves."
"Oh."
"I"m hungry for pepperoni. Tens, child, can the lasagna be frozen?"
"Sure," he muttered.
"I"m going to get my coat. Give me a minute."" Auntie whisked her fingers through my hair again. "So pretty." She smiled and left the room.
"You probably wanted someone better, right? Someone more worthy?" I asked Tens. I was sure he was upset because he"d expected a real superhero to show up instead of me.
"No. No!" He grabbed my hand. "You were so sad. And lonely. And scared. And I couldn"t do anything. I couldn"t help. I thought when you got here, it would be better. And now you"re here and you"re still -"
"Sad and lonely and scared?" I asked with a frown.
88a "I don"t really know how to do this -you"re changing and I can"t keep up."
ni *"I can"t either, I guess we figure it out together."
"I"m ready!" Auntie called from the front door.
He smiled. "I"m sorry -for everything. Your hair is nice."
"Don"t apologize. We"re fine." I squeezed his fingers, then dropped them. "Let"s start over." I held out my hand. "It"s very nice to meet you Tenskatawa Valdes. I"m Meridian Sozu."