"It won"t matter."
"You don"t know that. You don"t!"
He stood in my way, blocking the doorway. "I do."
"Get out of my way!" I tried to push past him but tears blurred my vision.
He grabbed my shoulders. It was the first time he"d voluntarily touched me since the night I arrived. "Meridian." His voice broke, and for a moment it sounded as if he was going to cry too.
"What?" I knew I sounded like a petulant toddler, but I couldn"t help it.
"You need a medicine dropper. Second drawer down, by the stove." He whispered this, gently turning me around. I don"t know what made him stop fighting me, but I wasn"t going to argue.
I s.n.a.t.c.hed up the dropper and ducked under his arm. In the living room, I tried unsuccessfully to pick up the bundle while carrying the open can of milk and the dropper.
Tens was right beside me, "Where do you want them?"
"By the fire."
I noticed how gently he cradled the baby rabbits, lovingly setting them on the carpet in front of the fire. I sank to the floor and lifted one up. Its bitty body made my hand seem 43a enormous. A tiny bundle of fur and the faintest heartbeat. "Come on, baby, eat. You have to ni *eat." I placed a dropperful of milk against its mouth, but it wouldn"t open. Tears pooled in my eyes and ran down my cheeks.
I kept trying to force milk into the closed mouth. I knelt on the floor, hovering over it, as if by positioning myself I could convince the little bunny to live.
Tens sat down behind me and leaned against a chair. Then he tugged me to lean back against him. "They were out there too long, Meridian. Their mom was cold. They haven"t been weaned yet."
I closed my eyes as I sat and stroked the babies, hoping they could feel my desire for them to live. But my gut told me none of them would eat.
Tens was solid and warm. The fire heated my face and made my cheeks glow. With each breath I inhaled the pine, earth, and manly spice that made up Tens"s aroma. If I paid attention. I could even smell Custos tangled up in his scent.
The fire died down. The flames got smaller and the coals glowed. But Tens didn"t shift or suggest I"d tried long enough.
I felt the faintest shiver, the smallest energy change. I did as Auntie instructed, opening a window in my mind and picturing myself on this earthly side of it. I sat there holding the baby until it was cold, then I picked up the next one, and the next. Eventually, they were all cold.
"They"re gone." Tens brushed my hair out of my eyes. "I"m sorry."
I put them down, nestled them into the bundle of rags. "Why are you being so nice to me?"
I felt him shrug. "I know what"s it like to fight something you can"t win."
"What?"
He didn"t answer. Instead he asked, "Do you feel sick? Headache? Nausea?"
I closed my eyes and tried to breathe as bile rose in the back of my throat. Lying, I said, "I"m okay. Sad, I guess, but okay."
"Are you sure? You"re a little green. Paler than normal and definitely green."
"No, I"m fine." My gag reflex threatened.
He heaved a sigh as if my answer was vitally important. "That"s good then. Right?"
I was about to throw up. I didn"t want to puke. I really didn"t want to puke. I tried to inhale past it.
Tens continued, accepting my answer at face value. "Don"t you get sick? Have pain and stuff? That"s what Auntie said."
44ani *There was a connection between the pain, the illness, and being a Fenestra. I wasn"t simply a walking malady. I stood, quickly, trying to make it to the bathroom in time.
"Meri -"
I raced to a huge vase and leaned over it, puking up last night"s cookies. I heaved until there was nothing left.
"Here." Tens helped me lie down and returned from the bathroom with a cool cloth for my face. "I guess we"ve got practicing to do, huh?" He slid a wingback chair next to the sofa and perched on it.
All I felt at the moment was a sensation like when the elevator drops out, that weightless free falling for a second or less.
"I"m okay." I said, feeling him study me.
"That"s what you said before."
"I know, but I need s.p.a.ce."
"Okay." Tens began gathering the bunnies up.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I"m going to bury them. Call for Custos. Then I have the next lesson for you."
"What?"
"Custos"s dinner tonight is chicken. I"m going to butcher the hens, you"ll help them cross.
Custos"ll eat them."
"No way -"
"Are you a vegetarian?"
That sounded more and more appealing. "No. but -"
"Neither is she. You need the practice with animals, Meridian. Before -"
"I know, but -"
"Meet me outside in a minute, okay?"
I knew he was right. I ate chicken. The least I should be able to do was watch him kill one.
"How?"
"How what?"
45a "How are you going to, you know ..."
ni *"Break the neck. It"s quick, so you"ll have to be on your toes."
I nodded. "Give me a few minutes, okay?"
"Don"t be long. This needs to be easy."
Easy? Was he kidding?
46ani *
Chapter 10.
Tens cleaned up outside while Custos munched on the chickens. Nothing was wasted, and I"
d actually done it. Barely. I was tired, but I didn"t puke this time and my neck didn"t hurt, which was an improvement over the bunnies. And the two hens were now safely in a lovely meadow across the way.
Auntie was still at the neighbors" and I was anxious to report my progress to her. Custos needing fresh meat was entirely different from baby-anything. After grabbing a gla.s.s of juice, I wandered around the house.
The terrible clanging of the phone made me jump out of my skin. I ignored it, hoping Tens would return soon. It stopped.
I picked up a heavy silver frame with a photograph of Auntie and a man I didn"t recognize, both smiling.
The phone rang again. Fifteen times. I counted each ring while I watched out the window for Tens. It finally stopped.
Five minutes pa.s.sed before it started up again. "c.r.a.p." By the twelfth ring, I couldn"t stand it and went to stand in front of the phone.
The ringing stopped. I turned to walk away and it started again.
I inhaled and picked up the phone. "h.e.l.lo?"
"Meridian"
I didn"t recognize the tinny electronic voice. A man"s?
"Who is this?" I felt fear choke my throat.
"We"re watching you. Tick tock."
"Who is this?"
"We"re waiting for you in the darkness. Tickety -"
I slammed down the phone, trying to calm my heartbeat and my breathing.
Tens walked in and dropped his gloves and coat on the floor as he hurried to reach my side.
"What happened?"
"The phone."
"Who called?"
47ani *"I don"t know." I was still answering Tens"s questions when Auntie got home. "I don"t know," I kept repeating.
Auntie rubbed my hands between hers as Tens filled her in. She nodded. "I see. That fits with gossip Winnie"s daughter pa.s.sed along. Meridian, you"ve come during a very volatile time in this community. This church -" "It"s a cult," Tens interrupted. "It"s not a church."
Auntie fluttered her hands. "The leader, Reverend Perimo, is very charismatic and convincing. He calls it the Church of Forging Purity. He uses the Old Testament to turn back the clock on progress and to help people find blame for their dire circ.u.mstances."
"Sounds peachy," I said.
"Did you see the billboards coming into town?" "That"s him?" I asked. "He"s all movie-star-meets-plastic-surgery. He"s a pastor?"
Tens scowled. "Using the term loosely, yeah." Auntie sighed. "His sermon for Christmas was about cleaning up the town. He predicted G.o.d"s wrath visited on outsiders and nonbelievers. He spoke of getting rid of the unrighteous, the unclean by Epiphany. He"s told people the end days will start in Revelation; he"s backed his claim up with signs that he mysteriously predicts ahead of time. Epiphany is the newest date he"s received from above."
"What is that, January sixth? That"s not far away. Are they serious?"
Auntie sat down and picked up her sewing. She started talking, disregarding me, her fingers st.i.tching as though they belonged to a robot. "January sixth is the supposed baptism of Christ -combine that with the New Year and it"s a powerful time. The Hansons" cattle were poisoned last week. They lost half the herd, and that"s only the most recent event. Perimo has inst.i.tuted a prayer list of people whose souls are in the most danger. Guess who"s at the top of the list for pagan practices and witchcraft?"
"He didn"t." Tens stabbed his knife into the floor.
"You?" I asked.
She nodded. "There are many who want us dead. Human and not."
"Are we evil?"
"Heavens no. child. But people fear death, and loved ones often see us at the bedsides of the dying. It"s easy in grief to give explanation to the wrong things."
"Blame by a.s.sociation?" I asked.
"Especially at this time in history. There was a time when death was longed for and celebrated."
"Why?" Who wanted death? Who longs for an ending?
"Life was harder. People grew weary or pained. The old called open their own windows with a purpose. The sick cast about till they, too, found a way. The soul was ready and willing to rest, to try again later. Death was merely a new beginning. But now ..." She 48ani trailed off.
*"Now?" I prompted her.
"Now there are those who fear death more than anything. Other souls have everything they want right here. Plenty to eat. Health. Wealth. They get greedy. There are those who think if they get rid of us, they"ll get rid of death itself."