Oh, f.u.c.k it, he thought. A little beer won"t hurt her. Didn"t hurt me when I was her age, swilling home brew in the bas.e.m.e.nt of the biology department.
On the porch just outside, Victoria and Satoshi stood face to face, framed by the open French window, talking and laughing softly. Just watching them together218 shot a ray of happiness through his depression, like light probing a thick curtain that cut Stephen Thomas off from the world. Victoria stroked the back of her hand down Satoshi"s cheek, a gesture so loving, so erotic, that Stephen Thomas"s eyes filled with tears.
His body responded to his s.e.xual impulse with a stab of pain so sharp he nearly fainted. He caught his breath and froze. His left hand clenched. The chopsticks snapped, ramming splinters into the new web between his thumb and forefinger. His right hand gripped the arm of the bamboo chair, his nails bending against the hard wood.
He breathed cautiously and shallowly for several minutes. When he finally chanced a deeper breath, the pain had faded. He sighed shakily, with relief, put the broken chopsticks into the bento box, and released his death grip on the chair arm. As far as he could tell, no one had noticed his distress, no one knew or cared that he felt disoriented and dizzy. He picked chopstick splinters from his hand.
"I"m disappointed in you, Stephen Thomas."
He looked up.
Florrie Brown glared at him. Her feathery voice had an edge like a paper cut, invisible and shocking.
"Disappointed?"
"I didn"t think you were a tease," she said.
Oh, f.u.c.k, he thought. What did Fox tell her?
He decided to take no chances on his answer.
"Florric, what are you talking about?"
"I think you know."
Up till now, he had found her coquettish way of dancing around a subject to be old-fashioned and charming. Up till now.
"No.,, "You make promises, but you never intend to keep them."
"Promises?" What had Fox told her. "What promises?"
"For one*thing, you promised me a tea ceremony."
Thank G.o.d, they weren"t talking about Fox after all. 219."Jesus, the tea ceremony? Florrie, that takes a whole day. You can"t just do it, you have to prepare for it. When have I had a whole day free since your welcome party?" Her welcome party seemed like months ago. He had promised her a tea ceremony, and the truth was he had not thought about it since. He still intended to do it, but he still had to finish teaming the d.a.m.ned thing. Not that he was about to admit it to Florrie.
She pressed on, insistent. "You shouldn"t make a promise you don"t intend to keep."
"I do intend to keep it," he said. "I just haven"t kept it yet. There was this rebellion, remember? And then some aliens-it complicated my schedule."
"And you flirt with people without any intention of carrying through."
He laughed. He could not help it. Victoria and Satoshi teased him-even Merry had teased him, and Merry was hardly one to talk-about carrying through all too often.
Florrie brought her hand down fast and slapped his forearm, surprisingly hard.
11OW-F,.
"Don"t you laugh at me!"
"What"d you do that for? And I wasn"t laughing at you, I was just-"
"Don"t change the subject!"
"What is the subject?"
"You toyed with Fox"s affections and then you broke her heart."
"Now wait a minute-"
"You counseled her-"
"Counseled her! Christ on a couch, I listened to her b.i.t.c.h about her family!"
"And you let her sit in on your seminars-"
Stephen Thomas tried to think of a seminar Fox had sat in on. The impromptu discussion on the hillside? Not that it made any difference.
"I let anybody sit in on my seminars. That"s what seminars are for. You sit in on my seminars."
"Don"t patronize me!"220 She raised her hand.
Stephen Thomas lifted both arms to ward off the blow he expected.
"Don"t hit me again!"
"Why shouldn"t IT" Florrie clenched her fragile fist. "Because you"re too good for anybody to touch you?"
"Because it hurts!"
The rest of the company had tried hard to pretend nothing unpleasant was going on. This was too much; they had to notice. When the hush fell, Victoria glanced inside. A moment later she and Satoshi were hurrying across the room.
"Florrie, stop it!" Satoshi said. He got between her and Stephen Thomas without actually shouldering the old woman aside.
"Aunt Florrie, what are you doing?" Fox was still carrying the two gla.s.ses of beer, but her hands shook. Foam dribbled down the sides of the gla.s.ses and splatted on the floor.
"I"m giving Mister Stephen Thomas Gregory a piece of my mind, that"s what."
"You"re making a spectacle of yourself, Ms. Brown." Victoria"s calm voiceheld the coolness that meant fury.
"Florrie, how could you?" Fox cried. "I told you what I told vou because . . . because "I thought you wanted my help!"
"I only wanted you to listen. What could you do to help? He already said no!"
"Sometimes . . ." Florrie"s voice faltered for the first time. "Sometimes people say it and don"t mean it."
"I don"t say it unless I do mean it," Stephen Thomas said. "Fox, I thought you understood that you shouldn"t take it personally-"
"Personally? Why should I take it personally? All you did was tell me to f.u.c.k off and die!"
"I told you I don"t sleep with graduate students."
"And now I"m being humiliated in public-"
"Not by me!"
Tears streamed down her face. She looked around, distraught, at her fellow students, and her major profes- 221.sor, and her professor"s partners, one of whom she loved.
Lehua tried to change the subject. "About time to pack this party in,"
she said. People began to edge toward the door.
"Don"t anybody leave on my account," Fox said.
As Fox turned to flee, Florrie s.n.a.t.c.hed at her arm.
"Fox, my dear, let me-"
Fox turned back angrily, trying to speak. The beer sloshed out of the gla.s.s in her free hand and splashed down the front of Florrie"s black tunic. Florrie gasped and stepped away. The gla.s.s slipped out of Fox"s hand and shattered on the floor, gouging the smooth rock foam. Droplets spattered on Stephen Thomas"s bare calf.
Fox looked at Florrie, looked at the broken gla.s.s, looked at the full gla.s.s in her other hand. It was as if nothing she could do could possibly make things any worse. Stephen Thomas saw it coming, and did not move.
Fox splashed the second gla.s.s of beer in his face, flung the mug on the floor, and fled to the explosion of shattering gla.s.s.
"Are just going to let her run out of here?"
Florrie sounded so mad that Stephen Thomas had no idea whether she meant someone should go after Fox to comfort her, or go after her to berate her for bad manners.
Stephen Thomas started to rise, painfully. Cold beer dripped down his front and plastered his silk T-shirt and his running shorts to his body.
"I guess--"
"Don"t, you"re barefoot!" Satoshi said. "There"s gla.s.s all over."
"I don"t think it"s a good idea for you to go," Victoria said.
"So you"ll just let the child run all alone into the dark-"
"Ms. Brown," Victoria said patiently, "there aren"t any wolves out there."222 "This is no time for humor. You"re a very cruel young woman."
Victoria turned her back on Florrie Brown. "Satoshi?"
Satoshi had already started for the door. "I"ll try to find her. I wish I knew if she"s even speaking to me. . . .
"I"ll go with you," J.D. said.
"Thanks."
Stephen Thomas sagged gratefully back into the squeaky bamboo chair, surrounded by shards of broken gla.s.s. What he would have said to Fox, if he found her, he had no idea. He was d.a.m.ned if he would apologize for doing what he thought was right.
J.D. and Satoshi and Zev crossed the yard. Starfarer"s bright night turned the blossoms in the gra.s.s and on the banks to pale shadows on dark shadows.
J.D. hesitated at the break in the garden wall. Satoshi stopped beside her.
"Any idea where she might"ve gone?"
"Home, I guess," Satoshi said. "I don"t know." He sounded resigned. "She didn"t exactly tell me her secrets. She kind of gave up on me when I couldn"t get her a waiver to come on the expedition."
"I didn"t think anybody under age got one."
"n.o.body did."
"I did," Zev said.
"Chandra invented you a new name and a new occupation and a new family, and changed your subspecies!" Satoshi said. "If she didn"t add five years to your age, too, she"s not as smart as I thought she was."
"Oh," Zev said. "Yes. She probably did that too."
"Fox"s family"s so wealthy," J.D. said. "And so powerful . . . She"s probably used to getting her own way. Except about the expedition."
"And Stephen Thomas."
"And Stephen Thomas." J.D. knew more or less 223.how Fox felt, though she had not compounded her problem by telling Stephen Thomas. Or Florrie Brown.
"We"d better try her house-"
"She"s over there," Zev said. He pointed.
"Are you sure?"
"I can hear her."
They went with him down the path.
"She"s crying," Zev said.
"Fox?" J.D. called softly.
She heard no answer, but a moment later someone came toward them through the darkness.
One of Stephen Thomas"s grad students-J.D. tried in vain to remember his name-appeared from between the small young trees. J.D. had met him at the party, but she had not seen him follow Fox.
"She doesn"t much want to see anybody," he said apologetically.
"I"m worried about her, Mitch," Satoshi said.
"Yeah, she"s pretty upset. Embarra.s.sed, mostly."
Satoshi hesitated. "I"d better talk to her."