Xue Jinxu had been unconscious for several hours. She was confined at the hospital, and Chen Linyun was alone in the corridor, waiting for the doctor"s feedback.The doctor had already been checking her status. A few more minutes, the doctor emerged from inside the intensive care unit.
"Mister Chen, you"re wife is out of danger. However, she had a miscarriage. She"s five weeks pregnant. Her fall caused a tremendous impact on her womb, causing excessive bleeding. Unfortunately, nothing can be done to stop the miscarriage once it"s began. I"m sorry for your loss, Mister Chen."
"She"s pregnant? She would have told me about it."
"It seems that the missis might not have known it either. Her pregnancy was of the early stage which usually does not have its manifestations yet. Nausea and vomiting usually start at sixth week. Some experience it earlier. Were there no observed unusual health concerns of late with the missis?"
"She was frequently having headaches which made her a bit dizzy, but that"s it. She said it"s just fatigue from working in her shop."
"Mhmm, fatigue, yes. Pregnant women get tired easily. The lightheadedness and headaches she felt could be due to lower blood pressure."
"Mister Chen, your wife will be needing emotional support after her miscarriage. Her body will heal readily but her emotional well-being will incur more damage from this incident. She will be needing you and the support of your family and friends."
Chen Linyun was engulfed by grief. He had thanked the doctor, and wasted no more time to be with his wife. She had been moved to a private room. She was still unconscious. He stayed with her, beside her for hours, his hands clasping hers. "Our first child, gone. Just like that."
Her finger from her hand clasped in his twitched a bit. Then her brows furrowed, her head moved slightly. "Dear, dear. Jinxu."
----
Xue Jinxu felt a hand caressing her cheek.
She had been sleeping for a while. She had felt so much lighter, like a feather floating against the wind. She was having this bizarre dream, against a s.h.i.+ning white backdrop, of her hand outstretched, her index finger was gripped tightly by an infant"s clasp. The dream was so vivid that she could swear she felt it as if it was real - the infant"s tight grip on her index finger.
She felt her cheek was being caressed repeatedly. She was drawn from the white light. Suddenly her body wasn"t floating anymore. It was feeling heavy, and weak. She couldn"t even control it.
She twitched one finger, her index finger. She could not feel the tight grip of the infant on her finger anymore. Her brows twitched, and soon enough, she opened her eyes. At first her vision was blurred, and there was a distant sound calling her name. Her vision improved, and revealed her husband"s worried, anguish-torn face. She would have wanted to extend her hand to caress his face, but it simply would not lift. It was too heavy.
"Chen Linyun." She whispered too softly weakly, barely audible. "What happened?"
Chen Linyun had contacted Mother Xue, Zhao Feiyan, Xue Guangxi and Mo Wenbin once Xue Jinxu was admitted to the hospital. They had waited with him while the doctors had been initially monitoring Xue Jinxu"s condition. They had known what had happened, and were saddened by the news as well.
They rushed towards Xue Jinxu"s side when she opened her eyes.
"Hush, my love. Rest first. We"ll talk later." Chen Linyun said lovingly to the weak Xue Jinxu. All of them who surrounded her had a consensus not to break the news immediately to her. They will wait first until she had regained her strength.
She noddeded slightly then dozed off to sleep again. She slept for two more days. On the third day, she regained both consciousness and strength.
"Chen Linyun."
"I"m here." He held her extended hand and placed it on his cheek. He kissed her palm. "Jinxu, are you feeling better?"
"Yes." She propped herself up and sat upright on the bed, the pillows supporting her back. "What happened? I can"t remember anything. My body hurts though."
Chen Linyun looked grim. He tightened his clasp on her hand, inhaled deeply first, then he spat the truth. "You fell. You had a miscarriage. You were five weeks pregnant."
Xue Jinxu"s pale complexion got much paler. Her eyes wide, she felt as if the whole world sank against her, her dreams fell as her teardrops downed themselves on her cheeks.
"I"m pregnant?" She touched her belly. True enough, she found it tender and sore to touch. "I had a miscarriage? Why hadn"t I known? My baby. Our baby."
One teardrop fell. Then another, and another. Soon, her tears became waterfalls on her slightly swollen cheeks.
"Is it true? Why didn"t I know it? Why hadn"t I known? Chen Linyun. Our baby. Is it gone? For real?" More sobbing came from the lady. She was overcome by grief.
Xue Jinxu had always been affected by failures. Even as simple as a bland food that she cooked for her husband had made her agitated and disappointed at herself. What more now, that she lost a baby – her baby. It was her responsibility to carry their baby. She had been waiting for it all this time. She failed to even secure their baby.
"Chen Linyun. It"s my fault. My fault. My poor baby." She caressed her tummy repeatedly, while Chen Linyun tried to sooth her. He was rubbing her arms while she was wrapped in his warm embrace.
"Calm down, Jinxu. You"re not well yet. Don"t tire out yourself too much."
"Chen Linyun, I don"t deserve to live. My baby… It"s my fault…" She was crying her heart out. Her eyes were puffed and swollen but she had kept on wailing without any signs of stopping. Strength was evading her.
The husband panicked with the wife"s hysterics. They said that the loss of a miscarriage was so much harder to bear by the mother who carried the child.
Chen Linyun repeatedly pressed the b.u.t.ton which alerted the nurses and doctors. They came soon enough. The doctors decided to inject tranquilizer into Xue Jinxu"s intravenous drop.
Temporarily, Xue Jinxu calmed down. Her anxiety was replaced by sleepiness as an effect of the sedation. She succ.u.mbed into deep induced slumber.
Chen Linyun left the room and sat himself on one of the chairs lined up along the empty corridors. He rested his head on the wall adjacent to the seats, behind his back. He closed his eyes, while his head was tilted up as its back leaned on the wall. His body started trembling. Eyes closed, he wept quietly. Xue Jinxu was blaming herself for what had happened. But he, too, was blaming himself. "If I didn"t push that b.a.s.t.a.r.d, Xue Jinxu wouldn"t have fallen onto the ground. It"s my fault." He thought grimly.