"I"m sorry I did not intend to spout these things tonight. I must have been losing my head. I"m sorry, am I ruining our date? I"m really sorry." She said while intermittently looking at him but most of the time, keeping her head bowed down. "It"s just that, it"s really too overbearing already that I thought I should let it all out in the open once and for all. You deserve to know, too, how I"m taking it. You"re a friend first, after all.""Don"t apologize. I appreciate the effort of you opening up to me and being honest. This is good – having an open communication." Said the man in response to her little speech.
"I have to apologize too, if I had been putting unnecessary pressure on you. I don"t want you to ever get inconvenienced by me, believe me."
"I… I don"t know what to say, actually…"
His eyes flickered with lack of confidence, and the newfound awareness. "Man Rui, believe me, what I show you are my purest, deepest intentions, and that"s exactly what I sincerely believe that you, as a person, as a woman, deserves."
"Yes I highly think of you, and yes I"m most of the time delusional and idealistic, and even naïve. But Man Rui, I wasn"t born just yesterday either. And believe it or not, I"ve seen so much more truth to the world than your eyes could ever set on. I am capable of giving out fair judgement."
"Yes, I venerate you, and that, I am extremely guilty of. That"s something I cannot help doing."
"I cannot apologize enough if it turned out this way. I can only ask for you to trust me. Maybe it"s you who"s not seeing how much precious of a gem you are. Maybe you"re the one who"s looking down on yourself."
"Please don"t do that."
"I treat you most especially because you are special."
"I treat you so well because you deserve it, and that"s the only acceptable way of treating you based on my own standards. Any less than that is unforgivable."
"I think so highly of you because you are respectable, and respect is something that is earned through time, through one"s own efforts."
"You have it in you, Man Rui."
Zhu Li Qiang poured his sentiments as well.
Perhaps, being with the devil of an ex-boyfirend she had, developed such a strong self-contempt within Teng Man Rui. Although she had all the characteristics to boast – pretty face, good character, rich family, secured future, profound talent, but because she herself knew that she made a big mistake in choosing the person to love, everything that"s good had been wiped clean. All that was left was the fact that she had been loving unconditionally such a socially unacceptable person, and it"s taking its toll on her. But what could she do or have done? She was helplessly, deeply in love with him.
"Is that so?" Teng Man Rui said meekly.
For a few minutes they were enveloped in silence.
"Can you help me open my eyes?" She said while slowly raising her bowed down head to look at him in the eye.
Instantly, Zhu Li Qiang"s face burned red. "What does she mean?"
"Mhmm?" Teng Man Rui urged, waiting patiently for his answer.
"I"m afraid I don"t understand what you are asking of me, Man Rui." He admitted slowly, ashamed of not being able to read between the lines. He scratched the back of his head with his palm.
"Help me. Please help me see my worth. Make me see myself as how you are seeing me." She said almost pleadingly.
"Can you do that?" Teng Man Rui asked worriedly. Her brows were knitted together. "I can"t reconcile what I"m hearing now from you, and what I, myself, believe in. It"s still too much to believe in as truth. But I somehow felt that you"re not mocking me, or fooling me. I am feeling your sincerity."
Zhu Li Qiang was looking at the lady, expectant. About what he was expecting, he could not voice out into words, or even construct the idea in his mind. He did not want to preempt it.
"What"s next? What"s next?" He was asking in his mind. "What is she going to say next?"
"I cannot promise anything, Zhu Li Qiang. But somehow, I want to try reciprocating your efforts. I would like to try to be open to your advances. I don"t know where this will lead, but I feel that I should at least give it a try."
Zhu Li Qiang was clenching his fists. No matter how ecstatic he already was, he held his breath, waiting for the lady to finish. There might be an unwelcome "but" at the end.
"I don"t want to be unfair to you either. To tell you honestly, there"s still someone inside my heart. It"s difficult to change that…"
"It"s up to you if you want to gamble. I wouldn"t know if I will be able to develop the same intense feeling you have towards me." The lady caught up with her breath, and sipped a little from the four seasons juice she was having.
"Man Rui, I"ll kick that someone out of your heart and place myself there instead. As long as you"re willing, Teng Man Rui, it"s already leaps and bounds to where we were before."
"I"ll help you. We"ll do this together."
"Thank you, Man Rui."
He stood up and guided the lady to stand up herself, then he enveloped her into a warm, secure, tight hug. The lady returned the hug, also having so much hope in her, inspite of.
"Thank you for not closing the doors on me, Man Rui. Thank you for this chance."
They returned to their seats eventually and continued their dinner a lot livelier than before. They were smiling and laughing a little and were sharing good stuff between them.
In her mind, she thought, "I don"t know how I"m going to do this… Isn"t it two-timing? I"ve already laid the situation on the table, and Zhu Li Qiang decided on it himself. He"ll help me. We"ll do this together, he said." Her mind was trying to calm and convince her deeply perturbed heart.