Newton enters from behind the tower. He is wearing an English gentleman"s outfit of blue velvet coat with lace ruffs, white breeches, and silk stockings, and he is carrying a cane. He appears, smoothing a dent from his three-cornered hat.
NEWTON (muttering) That travel agent shall hear of this. "Tis not safe to walk abroad by day in these parts. (He puts his hat back on his head, looks up, and shouts toward the top of the tower.) And what, sir, is the meaning of this outrage? Thou art a menace to decent, G.o.d-fearing citizens. What hast thou to say for thyself?
GALILEO (shouting back) I already said, was accidente. Ees not expected for people to be out there in midday sun. You Engleesh?
NEWTON I do have that distinct honor.
GALILEO You okay?
NEWTON It"s hardly any thanks to you if I am. Had the luncheon box not fallen a matter of mere seconds after the apple was despatched-as was evidently the case-me brains would have been done in as well as me feather. A negligence suit would have been incontestable, and I can a.s.sure you that the sum involved would not have been a trifling one.
GALILEO (curiously) Why you so sure that box falla after apple, eh?
NEWTON A matter of observation and simple logic, my good man. Both objects arrived at the same instant. It is common knowledge, is it not, that in falling, a heavier body will acquire a greater velocity than a lighter one. The box was clearly heavier than the apple. Therefore one is obliged to conclude that it commenced its descent later.
GALILEO Well, ees not so, see. Both falla from "ere at same time. I am up "ere. I see.
NEWTON (sighs) That"s quite absurd. I have no doubt whatsoever that the two trajectories terminated simultaneously, which contradicts your a.s.sertion. Obviously your recollection has been distorted by preconceived notions or a subjective error.
GALILEO Ees no so, Engleesh. I know what I see. Maybe itsa your observations that not so wonderful.
NEWTON (to himself) Hrrmph! What an extraordinary suggestion. (He resumes shouting.) Very well.
We"ll see about that. Kindly repeat the experiment, and this time watch closely.
GALILEO No, you watch. (He takes another apple and picks a brick from the pile of rubble, then leans out over the parapet.) You ready?
NEWTON (backing to a safe distance) Proceed.
Galileo releases the brick and the apple together. They fall and land at the same time. Newton stares in amazement.
NEWTON "Pon me soul, the fellow"s right! This is indeed a more intriguing business than I had given mind to pondering before. (He looks up.) Perforce I must retract my words. It seems I owe you an apology, sir.
GALILEO Grazie.
NEWTON Do it again.
GALILEO Certamente.
Galileo continues dropping pairs of apples and bricks from the top of the tower. While this is going on, various people enter from left and right. Some exit again, shaking their heads, while others stay to watch.
Eventually the stage around the foot of the tower is littered with apples and bricks, and a crowd of curious bystanders has gathered behind Newton. Oblivious to them, Newton looks up once more, and as he does so, he sees the moon above the tower. He straightens up slowly, staring at it.
GALILEO Whatsa matter now down there?
NEWTON (after a pause) I have a conundrum to exercise your wits, sir. Consider as an hypothesis that the tower were constructed as high as the moon itself. That condition satisfied, and given the apple and brick were released without imparted momentum, would they plunge to the ground in the manner we have been observing, or would they remain suspended as does the moon? If the former, then why, pray, does the moon itself fail to obey that same compulsion? And if the latter, what form of agency would preserve them in seeming in defiance of the nature of all objects to fall to the earth? Well, sir, answer me that.
GALILEO You losta me somewhere. Say again.
NEWTON (muttering) Oh, G.o.d help us. (In a louder voice) Would they stay up? If so, why? If not, what keeps the moon up?
Galileo looks up at the sky and scratches his head. After a moment or two he looks down again.
GALILEO I gotta one for you. Ask question other way round. Moon goes around Earth like stone on string, yes? So, where ees string? Why Moon not go off on straight line?-not, why doesn"t eet fall down?
NEWTON (to himself) Egad, a conundrum for a conundrum. Would not the apple and the brick partic.i.p.ate also in the tendency to be propelled tangentially? Methinks we have the elements of a contradiction.
GALILEO One force up, one force down. Both forces same, so notheeng moves-just like moon. Ees okay, no?
NEWTON (thinks, then shakes his head and shouts back) The outward force on the apple and the brick would differ by virtue of their different ma.s.ses. How, then, a.s.suming equality of angular velocity, could equilibrium be preserved for both?
GALILEO Ees okay eef downward forces different too. Brick ees "eavy, apple not so "eavy.
NEWTON Hmm, were that true, then the ma.s.ses would tend to cancel. All objects would describe similar trajectories . . . Aha! And that would imply that all bodies would experience equal acceleration towards the ground.
GALILEO Which ees what I "ave been saying. Everytheeng "its ground at same time. Makesa no difference. What you theenk we just been looking at?
Newton stands thinking to himself. For the first time, the sound of the wind becomes audible in the background.
NEWTON This could be a matter of some considerable import unless I"m mistaken. Does there exist, I wonder, some method of formulation whereby these astounding truths might be reduced to some lawful mathematick? (He calls up again toward the top of the tower.) I say, how view you the possibility that these principles might be committed to some system of orderly symbolic brevity? (aside) I"m d.a.m.ned if I can understand anything written in this wretched olde worlde English meself.
GALILEO Ees getting windy up "ere. What you say?
NEWTON (cupping a hand to his mouth) I said, perhaps we should essay the construction of a precise formulation of these discoveries. Might I suggest that we repair forthwith to an alehouse-provided such establishments be not unknown in these lat.i.tudes-in search of more congenial surroundings, suitably conducive to discussion. What sayest thou to that?
GALILEO (as the sound of the wind rises) Eh?
NEWTON Oh d.a.m.nation! (He draws a deep breath and cups both hands to his mouth.) How can we put this into numbers? Are there any pubs near here? . . . Pubs-vino, or whatever? . . . Sit down and talk.
GALILEO (nodding vigorously) Ah, si. (He gestures toward the far side of the plaza) There am one or two over de square. One meenute. I come down. (He disappears from sight.)
Newton stands frowning to himself while he waits.
NEWTON What did that fellow say? It sounded like m-one m-two over d squared . . . (He gazes down at the objects strewn around the foot of the tower and rolls one of the apples absently with his foot.
Suddenly he gasps.) Good grief, that"s it! Why, the man must truly be a genius!
Galileo appears from the tower door. He points offstage and begins walking to the right. Newton remains transfixed. After a few paces Galileo stops and looks back.
GALILEO Why you standa like that, Engleesh? I thought you wanna talk somewhere.
NEWTON (disbelievingly) My dear fellow . . . An insight of sheer brilliance! I am overcome with respect, and I must confess, not a little humbled.
GALILEO What you talkeeng about?
NEWTON You mean . . . (His expression changes at once.) What exactly did you say up there?
GALILEO I said there are a couple of pubs over de square. Ees what you ask, no? (He waits impatiently as Newton produces a notebook and begins scribbling furiously.) What you doeeing now?"
NEWTON (breezily) Oh, merely a few purchases that I was reminded of, which I would not wish to escape my mind. (He stuffs the notebook back in his pocket, straightens his hat, and takes a tighter grip on his cane.) There, that should suffice. Now, where were we? Ah yes, to a tavern. Very good. Lead on, my dear fellow. Lead on.
Black-out. They exit right.
CURTAIN.
MERRY GRAVMAS.
It is a fact that Sir Isaac Newton was born on December 25 (in 1642). I mentioned this one evening when Jackie and I were with a group of friends in a Sonora bar. After some debate, we decided that the date is too much to be a coincidence: Providence is trying to tell us something.
We finally agreed that the time has come for a change. We"re all part of Western scientific civilization, after all, and things have been dominated for too long by traditions rooted in ancient Palestinian mysticism. In future, therefore, we decided that as far as we are concerned, the customary holiday season celebrates the birthday of the intellectual founder of mathematical, a.n.a.lytical method. Further, to commemorate the formulation of his famous universal law, the name of the feast shall be changed from "Christmas" to "Gravitational ma.s.s," or, more simply, "Gravmas."
Who knows?-the whole thing could spread like wildfire. Two thousand years from now, it might form the basis for the philosophy and worldview of a whole, new global culture, which by that time may revolve around a race of supertech, s.p.a.cegoing Chinese. . . .
"Is that you, Li?" Cheng Xiang called, looking up from the notescreen propped against his knee. He had been amusing himself with a few tensor integrals to clear his mind before taking his morning coffee.
The sounds of movement came again from upstairs. Moments later, his ten-year-old son appeared, floating down the staircase on an anti-g disk. "Good morning, father."
"Merry Gravmas."
"And to you." Li hopped off the disk and stood admiring the decorations that the family robot had put up overnight. There were paper chains hanging in hyperbolic catenary curves and sinusoids, Gaussian distribution bells, and pendulums wreathed in logarithmic spirals. In the corner opposite the total-sensory ca.s.sette player, there stood a miniature apple tree with binary stars on top, a heap of gaily wrapped gifts around its base, and its branches adorned with colored ma.s.ses of various shapes, a string of pulsing plasma glows, and striped candies shaped like integral signs. "It looks nice," Li said, eyeing the presents.
"I wonder what Santa Roid has brought this year."
"You"ll have to wait until your brother and sister get here before you can open anything," Xiang told him.
"What are they doing?"
"Yu is sending off a last-minute Gravmas present to a schoolfriend over the matter transmitter to Jupiter.
Yixuan is helping Mother program the autochef to cook the turkey."
"Why does everyone in this family always have to leave everything until the last minute?" Xiang grumbled, setting down the screen and getting up. "Anyone would think it wasn"t obvious that the ease of getting things done varies inversely as the square of procrastination."