"You"re saying he deserved it?"
"I"m saying he"s all right. You don"t have to feel guilty." He led me toward a stone bench that rested under one of the few trees in the garden. A tree that had lost all of its leaves and was now a skeletal remain of its former glory. "We had to do it. Don"t you get that? There was no alternative."
I sank onto the cold, stone bench. Lewis settled beside me, his body warm and comforting. "Did you try talking to him?"
He smiled, the kind of smile you give a child who believes in the Easter Bunny. "You know we did."
Of course I knew. But I still couldn"t help but hope there would be another way out of this mess. What we were doing...what we had done...was wrong. Maddox was a man, a man not much older than me. A man whose memories, his life, had flashed through my mind as if his memories were my own. A man I"d made scream out in pain. A man I might have killed.
Lewis took my hand, his grip strong. "He"s a monster, Cam. The moment you underestimate him is the moment you"re dead. He"ll do whatever it takes to succeed, even if it means killing us. Killing you."
His words should have frightened me. Instead I felt an odd numbing sensation overtake any feelings. "And we"ll obviously do the same. So how does that make us any different?"
His face tensed, his grip on my hand tightening, although I didn"t think he noticed. "We are only protecting ourselves," he snapped. "They are attacking us."
I was quiet, biting my tongue to keep from snapping back. He was angry at me and I didn"t want him angry. He was one of the few allies I had. Besides, I didn"t know enough about this situation to win the argument. Why even try? Instead, I stared up at the dark sky, those twinkling stars a familiar sight. The same stars I"d seen my entire life. The same stars I saw when I traveled in my mind. Was I out there, in the universe, when I was mind reading? For some reason it made me feel less alone.
"You won"t be safe outside these walls." Lewis rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. "We"ve known for months they were hunting us and were desperate to protect you."
I pulled my hand away from his. I couldn"t think when he touched me. Instead I focused on the moon, bright and full, laughing down at us. "Is that why you found me? You needed my ability?"
He was silent for a moment. "Not the only reason. Aaron thought it was time to teach you to use your powers to your fullest."
My sharp gaze dropped to him. "But only because he suddenly needed me?"
"No." He sighed, raking his hands through his hair. "Your father wanted you involved. He wanted you to have this life. Aaron tried to keep you out as long as possible, but they were going to come for you."
Did I believe him? I didn"t dare look into his eyes, for fear he"d read my distrust. I needed time to think, time alone and I didn"t want to be influenced by him or his gorgeous smile.
"Give me your hands," he demanded.
I slid him a sidelong glance, but did as he told. "Trust me." He gripped both my hands in his and turned me so I was facing him. Those eyes were so intense that it was impossibly to look away.
"Stare into my eyes. Take in my thoughts, my memories."
"No!" I tried to pull back, afraid I"d hurt him as I had Maddox, but his hands only tightened around me.
"I want you to." His gaze was unwavering, his touch rea.s.suring. "I"m going to open my mind. I want you to understand me, Cameron."
I hesitated, feeling like I was invading his privacy, yet at the same time I did want to understand.
"Relax," he whispered.
And I did. With the bitterly cold autumn wind tugging at my hair, whipping it across my face and stinging my skin, I closed my eyes and relaxed as they"d taught me.
"Focus on me," his voice was a soft murmur. "You won"t have to dig because I"ll be open."
And it was so easy how his thoughts slipped into mine like the warm rays of the sun. I"d gone so long without hearing any thoughts, besides Maddox"s, that for a moment I wasn"t sure which were mine and which were from Lewis.
I hope she believes me.
I hope she understands why this is so important.
Please, don"t leave. I need you here.
The words rushed through my mind, tangling with my own. Thoughts so emotional, so true, that my eyes stung with tears.
"Why," I whispered. "Why do you want me here? So you can use me?"
At first, but now because I think I might be in love with you.
My entire being froze. You couldn"t stop your thoughts; you couldn"t hesitate and think of the right words, they merely came unbidden. I wanted to open my eyes, I wanted to look at him, to know if his love was true, or if he was playing some mind game Aaron had taught him. But even I knew that a person could speak a lie, but their thoughts would remain true to what they believed.
Lewis might love me. My heart slammed erratically against my ribcage. Did I love him? I"d never been in love. How did I know if I was? But I didn"t have time to dwell over my feelings, because seconds later pictures flashed through my mind...memories...his memories.
A tall man appeared before me, smiling. He had dark hair that glimmered in the sun as he leaned over and handed me...no Lewis...a baseball. We were outside, the day was beautiful, the gra.s.s cool and soft beneath my bare feet. A woman appeared wearing a pink dress. She had blonde hair and a brilliant smile. She wrapped her arm around her husband"s waist and kissed his cheek, then knelt and pulled Lewis into a tight hug. She smelled like vanilla, as if she"d been baking. It was a wonderful scent full of motherly love and happiness.
An odd sensation of warmth and sadness swirled low in my gut. Then the memory changed and I was playing baseball, running the bases. I even felt his euphoria when he hit a homerun. Baseball was gone and I was standing behind a tree, a little girl was in front of me. She couldn"t have been more than ten. She smiled shyly, her long, dark hair shimmering in the sunlight. She leaned forward, puckered her lips and closed her eyes. His first kiss.
I saw so many things...playing sports, going to the beach, going to school...all these memories flashed quickly through my mind in what seemed like a breathless moment. Then, his thoughts and memories slowed. The colors seemed more intense, the memories more detailed.
I was in a bedroom, the area dark...it was night. I was staring at the ceiling listening to voices argue. The fear tasted bitter in my mouth, but I was too afraid to move. My door creaked opened, and light splashed into the room.
Lewis, Lewis wake up, a woman called out.
I sat up in bed, my heart slamming wildly. I was afraid...or Lewis was afraid.
"What is it?" he asked.
"They"re coming, Lewis. They"re coming." She pulled me out of bed and started digging through the dresser, tossing clothes across the room. I was trembling, I was so afraid, and it made it hard to dress.
Suddenly, she was back. Lewis"s mother grasped my shoulders and shook me gently. Her face was pale, her eyes shimmering. "You need to go."
"What? Where?"
"Aaron will take care of you."
Lewis grasped onto her arm as she tried to let go. "I don"t understand. Where are you going?"
"We have to separate, Lewis, it"s the best thing for you...for all of us." She tried to pry Lewis"s hands away, but he wouldn"t let go. "Aaron will take you to your father"s brother."
"No, I"m not leaving you."
"You must." She grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door, her other hand carried a suitcase. In the living room, Aaron was there, a little younger, sadder looking Aaron.
"I"ll keep you safe," he said, taking Lewis"s hand.
And then he was pulling me...pulling Lewis toward the door. Tears stung my eyes, trailing down my cheeks. My tears, or Lewis"s, I wasn"t sure. Just as I reached the door, Lewis"s mom grabbed me. She pulled me into one last hug, her soft cries gut-wrenching. Then we stepped out into the darkness and the memory faded.
"It was the last time I saw them," Lewis whispered, breaking into my thoughts.
I blinked from my trance, feeling the bite of the night wind once more. My cheeks were wet, my head hurt slightly, a soft pounding. Too many memories in too short of a time. I felt heavy, sad with Lewis"s depressing memories. My hands tightened in his grip. I wished I could see his face better in the dark. I wanted to pull him close, hug him tight.
"I couldn"t even go to their funerals because my uncle was afraid something would happen to me," he whispered.
"Lewis, I"m so sorry."
He gave me a sad, half smile and looked out over the dark lawn. "I know. When I was with my uncle..." He shook his head looking distant, as if recalling a memory he"d rather not. "It was like when you were with your grandmother. Constantly running. Constant secrecy."
I released one of his hands and swiped at my damp cheeks. "How"d they die?"
He looked down, nudging the toe of his tennies into the gra.s.s. "They had met with your father and a few others the night before. They were going to bond together, and demand they be released of their duties with S.P.I. Someone betrayed them. We have no idea who. Our parents were...murdered."
I closed my eyes and rested my elbows on my knees. My father had been murdered. I covered my face with my hands as my stomach twisted with fear. My father had been murdered, gunned down like some bad movie.
"How old were you?" I asked him, my voice m.u.f.fled through my fingers.
"Seven," he whispered. "Aaron took me to my uncle"s. When he died, Aaron came for me. I owe him everything."
Seven, so young, not much older than I"d been when Mom abandoned me, yet....something was off, something not quite connecting, something that tapped at the edges of my mind. I jerked upright. "I"m only...a year younger than you."
He nodded, frowning.
"My dad was killed when your parents were killed."
"Right..."
He still wasn"t following, but I was. Oh G.o.d, I felt sick. Angry, horrified. "My dad...I was told my dad died when I was a baby."
Realization dawned, his gaze glimmering with the truth. He looked away, but not before I saw the guilt in his eyes. "He thought you"d be better off without him."
"You knew?"
He didn"t answer, but he didn"t need to.
"All that time...." Tears blurred my vision. "All that time I thought he was dead. All that time I was living with my grandma, he was still alive?"
Lewis swallowed and nodded slowly, still not looking at me.
A warm tear slipped down my cheek. "When did you know? About me?"
"I heard him talking to my parents one night. I heard him talk about you, how much he missed you. He wondered if what he"d done was right." He was silent for a moment. "I"m so sorry, Cam."
I sniffed, my nose stinging. "Not your fault. It"s just that...I could have had time with him."
"Or you could have been killed too," he whispered.
He didn"t wait for my permission, but wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close. I sank into his warm body and closed my eyes. I couldn"t help myself. He was the only one here and he...he thought he loved me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face to his shoulder, breathing deep his scent. He smelled so good, like soap and warmth.
"Stay with me Cameron." Don"t leave me.
He hadn"t closed his thoughts. Did he realize? Had he left himself open on purpose? I tilted my head back and looked up into his face. So gorgeous, so kind. Maybe he was right. Maybe we had to hurt Maddox for our own good. Maybe it would be stupid not to fight back.
I want to kiss her.
I smiled. "So kiss me."
He stiffened, surprised that I had read his thoughts, or surprised that I would be so bold? I didn"t care, all I cared about was Lewis...kissing me. I gripped the front of his shirt, the cotton soft and warm from his body, and tugged him closer. I didn"t want to think anymore of depressing memories.
When he leaned down, I lifted my face eagerly. He pressed his lips to mine and my entire body burst to life. His hand slipped into my hair, cupping my head and deepening the kiss. And I let him. Even though thoughts of Maddox nagged at me, I let Lewis kiss me because I didn"t want to think anymore. I only wanted to feel.
His tongue darted out, slipping across my lips. A shiver raced over my skin. I felt so completely and utterly warm, warmer than I"d ever been. I didn"t want it to end, never wanted that kiss to end.
I realized, with a start, that I might be a little in love with Lewis as well. But how could I love someone I wasn"t sure I fully trusted?
Chapter 15.
For two days I managed not to think about my father, Maddox or death in general. For two days I managed to live in a state of romantic bliss, focusing only on Lewis, thoughts of his smile and his kiss. But once my eyes closed for the night and my mind slipped into dreamland, I could no longer pretend.
So it wasn"t with surprise that I found myself staring at my clock at one a.m. while the house slept silent and still. I wondered if Maddox was well, if he was cold down there in that bas.e.m.e.nt, if they were giving him enough to eat. And then I felt guilty for caring and thoughts slipped to my father. Had he died quickly or had he suffered?
And then my mind returned to Lewis, as it usually did. As thrilled as I was that he cared for me, I couldn"t help but dwell on the fact that in the beginning, Lewis had come to my school to use me. He"d flirted with me, he"d pretended he cared, when in reality he"d had ulterior motives. How did I know he wasn"t doing the same now?
With a groan of frustration, I rolled onto my stomach and pressed my face into my pillow as if that could stop my thoughts from spinning. Grandma had always made me hot chocolate when I couldn"t sleep. Funny how now that I was free of her dictatorship, Grandma didn"t seem so bad. I"d been here for two weeks and she still hadn"t called. As much as I hated the thought of contacting her, I knew I needed to know she was okay. Perhaps, deep down, I was hoping she"d offer some sage advice.
The wind howled outside, autumn in full force. The eerie sound ate at my nerves. It sounded so much like someone crying that I had to resist the urge to go looking. Unable to sleep, I pushed aside my cover and slipped out of my warm coc.o.o.n. But as I made my way out of my bedroom and into the long, dark hall, anxiety overcame my need for freedom. No matter how much I wanted it to be, this mansion would never be home.
Wearing sweats and a t-shirt, I felt under dressed as I moved through the many rooms on the first floor...empty room after empty room. No personal objects. No toys, no video games, not even a family photo. The house was silent and watchful. Not welcoming, not home. I felt like I was doing something wrong by being out of my room unescorted. Like I was invading someone"s privacy.
My foot hit the marble tile of the foyer entry and I immediately thought of the bas.e.m.e.nt below and of course Maddox. Could he hear my footsteps? Or was he dead because of me? My stomach clenched at the thought. Sure, Lewis had said he was fine and of course Lewis never lied. I scoffed at my naivety. Truth was, I wouldn"t rest until I saw Maddox for myself. But how would I? The man was behind a steel, locked door.
Why I cared, I hadn"t the slightest. Lewis was right, because of this man, my father was dead. Well, technically not this man, as Maddox wasn"t much older than me. But considering he worked for S.P.I., weren"t their actions indicative of what he could do as well? If only I hadn"t seen him as a person... seen his life...his parents...his girlfriend...everything. To me he was as human as Lewis. Not a monster.
Walking into the kitchen was like traveling into the future. The room was large, the tiled floor cold through my socks. Just about everything was stainless steel, making the room feel sterile and chilly. The s.p.a.ce was clean, but high tech and impersonal. I couldn"t help but think of our table back home; that stupid, little table where I"d had just about every meal of my life, the table that my Grandma insisted came from England. For some odd, inexplicable reason, my chest felt tight and my nose burned from the sudden sting of tears. Crying over a d.a.m.n table, no less. Believe me, I knew it was ridiculous.
In that brief moment I wanted to do nothing more than return home to Grandma. But my rational brain caught up to my irrational emotions. Could I do it? Could I truly go back to Grandma and leave Lewis? Could I truly go back to my old life in which I"d had to hide my ident.i.ty? I rested my hand on the smooth, polished surface of the stainless steel table. No dents, no scars, no life. Instead of family meals, I could see a person doing an autopsy.
But no. Because of the whole Maddox thing I was merely feeling a bit down. I seriously couldn"t miss my old life, could I? Sniffing, I pulled open a cupboard, looking for hot chocolate. There were energy bars and fruit, nothing fun. Who the h.e.l.l didn"t have hot chocolate in Maine? I closed the door with a frustrated sigh.
"What are you looking for?" Olivia"s voice reached out from the dark.
I shouldn"t have been surprised, the girl liked to shock me. Still, my heart lurched and I spun around, searching through the dim light for her shadow. She was hunkering over the counter at the end of the room, drinking something. Probably blood.