As it chanced, naturally, perhaps, not only was Billy thinking of Arkwright that morning, but Arkwright was thinking of Billy.
Arkwright had thought frequently of Billy during the last few days, particularly since that afternoon meeting at the Annex when the four had renewed their old good times together. Up to that day Arkwright had been trying not to think of Billy. He had been "fighting his tiger skin."
Sternly he had been forcing himself to meet her, to see her, to talk with her, to sing with her, or to pa.s.s her by--all with the indifference properly expected to be shown in a.s.sociation with Mrs. Bertram Henshaw, another man"s wife. He had known, of course, that deep down in his heart he loved her, always had loved her, and always would love her.
Hopelessly and drearily he accepted this as a fact even while with all his might fighting that tiger skin. So sure was he, indeed, of this, so implicitly had he accepted it as an unalterable certainty, that in time even his efforts to fight it became almost mechanical and unconscious in their stern round of forced indifference.
Then came that day at the Annex--and the discovery: the discovery which he had made when Billy called his attention to Calderwell and Alice Greggory across the room in the corner; the discovery which had come with so blinding a force, and which even now he was tempted to question as to its reality; the discovery that not Billy Neilson, nor Mrs.
Bertram Henshaw, nor even the tender ghost of a lost love held the center of his heart--but Alice Greggory.
The first intimation of all this had come with his curious feeling of unreasoning hatred and blind indignation toward Calderwell as, through Billy"s eyes, he had seen the two together. Then had come the overwhelming longing to pick up Alice Greggory and run off with her--somewhere, anywhere, so that Calderwell could not follow.
At once, however, he had pulled himself up short with the mental cry of "Absurd!" What was it to him if Calderwell did care for Alice Greggory?
Surely he himself was not in love with the girl. He was in love with Billy; that is--
It was all confusion then, in his mind, and he was glad indeed when he could leave the house. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to think. He must, in some way, thrash out this astounding thing that had come to him.
Arkwright did not visit the Annex again for some days. Until he was more nearly sure of himself and of his feelings, he did not wish to see Alice Greggory. It was then that he began to think of Billy, deliberately, purposefully, for it must be, of course, that he had made a mistake, he told himself. It must be that he did, really, still care for Billy--though of course he ought not to.
Arkwright made another discovery then. He learned that, however deliberately he started in to think of Billy, he ended every time in thinking of Alice. He thought of how good she had been to him, and of how faithful she had been in helping him to fight his love for Billy.
Just here he decided, for a moment, that probably, after all, his feeling of anger against Calderwell was merely the fear of losing this helpful comradeship that he so needed. Even with himself, however, Arkwright could not keep up this farce long, and very soon he admitted miserably that it was not the comradeship of Alice Greggory that he wanted or needed, but the love.
He knew it now. No longer was there any use in beating about the bush.
He did love Alice Greggory; but so curiously and unbelievably stupid had he been that he had not found it out until now. And now it was too late.
Had not even Billy called his attention to the fact of Calderwell"s devotion? Besides, had not he himself, at the very first, told Calderwell that he might have a clear field?
Fool that he had been to let another thus lightly step in and win from under his very nose what might have been his if he had but known his own mind before it was too late!
But was it, after all, quite too late? He and Alice were old friends.
Away back in their young days in their native town they had been, indeed, almost sweethearts, in a boy-and-girl fashion. It would not have taken much in those days, he believed, to have made the relationship more interesting. But changes had come. Alice had left town, and for years they had drifted apart. Then had come Billy, and Billy had found Alice, thus bringing about the odd circ.u.mstance of their renewing of acquaintanceship. Perhaps, at that time, if he had not already thought he cared for Billy, there would have been something more than acquaintanceship.
But he _had_ thought he cared for Billy all these years; and now, at this late day, to wake up and find that he cared for Alice! A pretty mess he had made of things! Was he so inconstant then, so fickle? Did he not know his own mind five minutes at a time? What would Alice Greggory think, even if he found the courage to tell her? What could she think?
What could anybody think?
Arkwright fairly ground his teeth in impotent wrath--and he did not know whether he were the most angry that he did not love Billy, or that he had loved Billy, or that he loved somebody else now.
It was while he was in this unenviable frame of mind that he went to see Alice. Not that he had planned definitely to speak to her of his discovery, nor yet that he had planned not to. He had, indeed, planned nothing. For a man usually so decided as to purpose and energetic as to action, he was in a most unhappy state of uncertainty and changeableness. One thing only was unmistakably clear to him, and that was that he must see Alice.
For months, now, he had taken to Alice all his hopes and griefs, perplexities and problems; and never had he failed to find comfort in the shape of sympathetic understanding and wise counsel. To Alice, therefore, now he turned as a matter of course, telling himself vaguely that, perhaps, after he had seen Alice, he would feel better.
Just how intimately this particular problem of his concerned Alice herself, he did not stop to realize. He did not, indeed, think of it at all from Alice"s standpoint--until he came face to face with the girl in the living-room at the Annex. Then, suddenly, he did. His manner became at once, consequently, full of embarra.s.sment and quite devoid of its usual frank friendliness.
As it happened, this was perhaps the most unfortunate thing that could have occurred, so far as it concerned the att.i.tude of Alice Greggory, for thereby innumerable tiny sparks of suspicion that had been tormenting the girl for days were instantly fanned into consuming flames of conviction.
Alice had not been slow to note Arkwright"s prolonged absence from the Annex. Coming as it did so soon after her most disconcerting talk with Billy in regard to her own relations with him, it had filled her with frightened questionings.
If Billy had seen things to make her think of linking their names together, perhaps Arkwright himself had heard some such idea put forth somewhere, and that was why he was staying away--to show the world that there was no foundation for such rumors. Perhaps he was even doing it to show _her_ that--
Even in her thoughts Alice could scarcely bring herself to finish the sentence. That Arkwright should ever suspect for a moment that she cared for him was intolerable. Painfully conscious as she was that she did care for him, it was easy to fear that others must be conscious of it, too. Had she not already proof that Billy suspected it? Why, then, might not it be quite possible, even probable, that Arkwright suspected it, also; and, because he did suspect it, had decided that it would be just as well, perhaps, if he did not call so often.
In spite of Alice"s angry insistence to herself that, after all, this could not be the case--that the man _knew_ she understood he still loved Billy--she could not help fearing, in the face of Arkwright"s unusual absence, that it might yet be true. When, therefore, he finally did appear, only to become at once obviously embarra.s.sed in her presence, her fears instantly became convictions. It was true, then. The man did believe she cared for him, and he had been trying to teach her--to save her.
To teach her! To save her, indeed! Very well, he should see! And forthwith, from that moment, Alice Greggory"s chief reason for living became to prove to Mr. M. J. Arkwright that he needed not to teach her, to save her, nor yet to sympathize with her.
"How do you do?" she greeted him, with a particularly bright smile. "I"m sure I _hope_ you are well, such a beautiful day as this."
"Oh, yes, I"m well, I suppose. Still, I have felt better in my life,"
smiled Arkwright, with some constraint.
"Oh, I"m sorry," murmured the girl, striving so hard to speak with impersonal unconcern that she did not notice the inaptness of her reply.
"Eh? Sorry I"ve felt better, are you?" retorted Arkwright, with nervous humor. Then, because he was embarra.s.sed, he said the one thing he had meant not to say: "Don"t you think I"m quite a stranger? It"s been some time since I"ve been here."
Alice, smarting under the sting of what she judged to be the only possible cause for his embarra.s.sment, leaped to this new opportunity to show her lack of interest.
"Oh, has it?" she murmured carelessly. "Well, I don"t know but it has, now that I come to think of it."
Arkwright frowned gloomily. A week ago he would have tossed back a laughingly aggrieved remark as to her unflattering indifference to his presence. Now he was in no mood for such joking. It was too serious a matter with him.
"You"ve been busy, no doubt, with--other matters," he presumed forlornly, thinking of Calderwell.
"Yes, I have been busy," a.s.sented the girl. "One is always happier, I think, to be busy. Not that I meant that I needed the work to _be_ happy," she added hastily, in a panic lest he think she had a consuming sorrow to kill.
"No, of course not," he murmured abstractedly, rising to his feet and crossing the room to the piano. Then, with an elaborate air of trying to appear very natural, he asked jovially: "Anything new to play to me?"
Alice arose at once.
"Yes. I have a little nocturne that I was playing to Mr. Calderwell last night."
"Oh, to Calderwell!" Arkwright had stiffened perceptibly.
"Yes. _He_ didn"t like it. I"ll play it to you and see what you say,"
she smiled, seating herself at the piano.
"Well, if he had liked it, it"s safe to say I shouldn"t," shrugged Arkwright.
"Nonsense!" laughed the girl, beginning to appear more like her natural self. "I should think you were Mr. Cyril Henshaw! Mr. Calderwell _is_ partial to ragtime, I"ll admit. But there are some good things he likes."
"There are, indeed, _some_ good things he likes," returned Arkwright, with grim emphasis, his somber eyes fixed on what he believed to be the one especial object of Calderwell"s affections at the moment.
Alice, unaware both of the melancholy gaze bent upon herself and of the cause thereof, laughed again merrily.
"Poor Mr. Calderwell," she cried, as she let her fingers slide into soft, introductory chords. "He isn"t to blame for not liking what he calls our lost spirits that wail. It"s just the way he"s made."
Arkwright vouchsafed no reply. With an abrupt gesture he turned and began to pace the room moodily. At the piano Alice slipped from the chords into the nocturne. She played it straight through, then, with a charm and skill that brought Arkwright"s feet to a pause before it was half finished.
"By George, that"s great!" he breathed, when the last tone had quivered into silence.
"Yes, isn"t it--beautiful?" she murmured.