"Sword exercise," answered the other. "Very good thing to work off a heavy dinner. What do you do here? Boat it, eh? That"s better yet, I fancy."
"But the sword exercise is just the thing for your profession."
"Pshaw!--beg pardon. But do you suppose that we in these times ever fight hand to hand? No sir. Gunpowder has killed all that."
"Perhaps there never was much real hand to hand fighting," suggested Colburne. "Look at the battle of Pharsalia. Two armies of Romans, the best soldiers of antiquity, meet each other, and the defeated party loses fifteen thousand men killed and wounded, while the victors lose only about two hundred. Is that fighting? Isn"t it clear that Pompey"s men began to run away when they got within about ten feet of Caesar"s?"
"By Jove! you"re right. Bully for you! You would make a soldier. Yes.
And if Caesar"s men had had long-range rifles, Pompey"s men would have run away at a hundred yards. All victories are won by moral force--by the terror of death rather than by death itself."
"Then it is not the big battalions that carry the day," inferred Colburne. "The weakest battalions will win, if they will stand."
"But they won"t stand, by Jove! As soon as they see they are the weakest, they run away. Modern war is founded on the principle that one man is afraid of two. Of course you must make allowance for circ.u.mstances, strength of position, fortifications, superior discipline, and superior leadership. Circ.u.mstances are sometimes strong enough to neutralize numbers.--Look here. Are you interested in these matters? Why don"t you go into the army? What the devil are you staying at home for when the whole nation is arming, or will soon have to arm?"
"I"--stammered Colburne--"I _have_ thought of applying for a quartermaster"s position."
"A quartermaster"s!" exclaimed the Lieutenant-Colonel, without seeking to disguise his contempt. "What for? To keep out of the fighting?"
"No," said Colburne, meekly. "But I do know a little of the ways of business, and I know nothing of tactics and discipline. I could no more drill a company than I could sail a ship. I should be like the man who mounted such a tall horse that he not only couldn"t manage him, but couldn"t get off till he was thrown off. I should be dismissed for incompetency."
"But you can learn all that. You can learn in a month. You are a college man, aint you?--you can learn more in a month than these boors from the militia can in ten years. I tell you that the fellows who are in command of companies in my regiment, and in all the volunteer regiments that I know, are not fit on an average to be corporals. The best of them are from fair to middling. You are a college man, aint you? Well, when I get a regiment you shall have a company in it. Come up to my quarters, and let"s talk this over."
Arrived at his room, Carter rang for Scotch ale and segars. In the course of half an hour he became exceedingly open-hearted, though not drunk in the ordinary and disagreeable acceptation of the word.
"I"ll tell you why I am on here," said he. "It"s my mother"s native State--old Baratarian family--Standishes, you know--historically Puritan and colonial. The Whitewoods are somehow related to me. By the way, I"m a Virginian. I suppose you think it queer to find me on this side. No you don"t, though; you don"t believe in the State Right of secession.
Neither do I. I was educated a United States soldier. I follow General Scott. No Virginian need be ashamed to follow old Fuss and Feathers. We used to swear by him in the army. Great Scott! the fellows said. Well, as I had to give up my father"s State, I have come to my mother"s. I want old Barataria to distinguish herself. Now"s the chance. We are going to have a long war. I want the State to be prepared and come out strong; it"s the grandest chance she"ll ever have to make herself famous. I"ve been to see the Governor. I said to him, "Governor, now"s your chance; now"s the chance for Barataria; now"s my chance. It"s going to be a long war. Don"t depend on volunteering--it won"t last. Get a militia system ready which will cla.s.sify the whole population, and bring it into the fight as fast as it"s needed. Make the State a Prussia. If you"ll allow me, I"ll draw up a plan which shall make Barataria a military community, and put her at the head of the Union for moral and physical power. Appoint me your chief of staff, and I"ll not only draw up the plan, but put it in force. Then give me a division, or only a brigade, and I"ll show you what well-disciplined Baratarians can do on the battle-field." Now what do you think the Governor answered?--Governor"s a dam fool!"
"Oh, no!" protested Colburne, astonished; for the chief magistrate of Barataria was highly respected.
"I don"t mean individually--not a natural-born fool," explained the Lieutenant-Colonel--"but a fool from the necessity of the case; mouthpiece, you see, of a stupid day and generation. What can he do? he asks. I admit it. He can"t do anything but what Democracy permits. Lose the next election, he says. Well, I suppose he would; and that won"t answer. Governor"s wise in his day and generation, although a fool by the eternal laws of military reason.--I don"t know as I talk very clearly. But you get at my meaning, don"t you?--Well, I had a long argument, and gave it up. We must go on volunteering, and commissioning the rusty militia-men and greasy demagogues who bring in the companies.
The rank and file is magnificent--can"t be equalled--too good. But such an infernally miserable set as the officers average! Some bright young fellows, who can be licked into shape; the rest old deacons, tinkers, military tailors, Jew pedlars broken down stump orators; wrong-headed cubs who have learned just enough of tactics to know how not to do it.
Look at the man that I, a Virginian gentleman, a West Pointer, have over me for Colonel. He"s an old bloat--an old political bloat. He knows no more of tactical evolutions than he does of the art of navigation. He"ll order a battalion which is marching division front to break into platoons. You don"t understand that? It"s about the same as--well, never mind--it can"t be done. Well, this cursed old bloat is engineering to be a General. We don"t want such fellows for Generals, nor for Colonels, nor for Captains, nor for privates, by Jove! If Barataria had to fit out frigates instead of regiments, I wonder if she would put such men in command of them. Democracy might demand it. The Governor would know better, but he might be driven to it, for fear of losing the next election."
"Now then," continued the Lieutenant-Colonel, "I come to business. We shall have to raise more regiments. I shall apply for the command of one of them, and shall get it. But I want gentlemen for my officers. I am a gentleman myself, and a West Pointer. I don"t want tinkers and pedlars and country deacons. You"re a college man, aint you? All right. College men will do for me. I want you to take a company in my regiment, and get in as many more of your set as you can. I"m not firing blank cartridge.
My tongue may be thick, but my head is clear. Will you do it?"
"I will," decided Colburne, after a moment of earnest consideration.
The problem occurred to him whether this man, clever as he was, professional soldier as he was, but apparently a follower of rash John Barleycorn, would be a wiser leader in the field than a green but temperate civilian. He could not stop to settle the question, and accepted the Lieutenant-Colonel"s leadership by impulse. The latter thanked him cordially, and then laughed aloud, evidently because of that moment of hesitation.
"Don"t think I"m this way always," he said. "Never when on duty; Great Scott! no man can say that. Indeed I"m not badly off now. If I willed it I could be as logical as friend Whitewood--I could do a problem in Euclid. But it would be a devil of an effort. You won"t demand it of me, will you?"
"It"s an odd thing in man," he went on gravely, "how he can govern drunkenness and even sickness. Just as though a powder-magazine should have self-control enough not to explode when some one throws a live coal into it. The only time I ever got drunk clear through, I did it deliberately. I was to Cairo, caught there by a railroad breakdown, and had to stay over a night. Ever at Cairo? It is the dolefullest, cursedest place! If a man is excusable anywhere for drinking himself insensible, it is at Cairo, Illinois. The last thing I recollect of that evening is that I was sitting in the bar-room, feet against a pillar, debating whether I would go quite drunk, or make a fight and stay sober.
I said to myself, It"s Cairo, and let myself go. My next distinct recollection is that of waking up in a railroad car. I had been half conscious two or three times previously, but had gone to sleep again, without taking notice of my surroundings. This time I looked about me.
My carpet-bag was between my feet, and my over-coat in the rack above my head. I looked at my watch; it was two in the afternoon. I turned to the gentleman who shared my seat and said, "Sir, will you have the goodness to tell me where this train is going?" He stared, as you may suppose, but replied that we were going to Cincinnati. The devil we are! thought I; and I wanted to go to St. Louis. I afterwards came across a man who was able to tell me how I got on the train. He said that I came down at five in the morning, carpet-bag and over-coat in hand, settled my bill in the most rational manner possible, and took the omnibus to the railroad station. Now it"s my belief that I could have staved off that drunken fit by obstinacy. I can stave this one off. You shall see."
He emptied his gla.s.s, lighted a fresh segar big enough to floor some men without other aid, and commenced walking the room, taking it diagonally from corner to corner, so as to gain a longer sweep.
"Don"t stir," he said. "Don"t mind me. Start another segar and try the ale. You won"t? What an inhuman monster of abstinence!"
"That is the way they bring us up in New Boston. We are so temperate that we are disposed to outlaw the raising of rye."
"You mean in your set. There must be somebody in this city who gets jolly! there is everywhere, so far as I have travelled. You will find a great many fellows like me, and worse, in the old army. And good reason for it; just think of our life. All of us couldn"t have nice places in charge of a.r.s.enals, or at Newport, or on Governor"s Island. I was five years on the frontier and in California before I got to Baton Rouge; and that was not so very delightful, by the way, in yellow fever seasons.
Now imagine yourself in command of a company garrisoning Fort Wallah-Wallah on the upper Missouri, seven hundred miles from an opera, or a library, or a lady, or a mince pie, or any other civilizing influence. The Captain is on detached service somewhere. You are the First Lieutenant, and your only companion is Brown the Second Lieutenant. You mustn"t be on sociable terms with the men, because you are an officer and a gentleman. You have read your few books, and talked Brown dry. There is no shooting within five miles of the fort; and if you go beyond that distance, the Blackfeet will raise your hair. What is there to save you from suicide but old-rye? That"s one way we come to drink so. You are lucky. You have had no temptations, or almost none, in this little Puritan city."
"There are some bad places and people here. I don"t speak of it boastingly."
"Are there?" laughed Carter. "I"m delighted to hear it, by Jove! When my father went through college here, there wasn"t a chance to learn anything wicked but hypocrisy. Chance enough for that, judging from the stories he told me. So old Whitewood is no longer the exact model of all the New Bostonians?"
"Not even in the University. There used to be such a solemn set of Professors that they couldn"t be recognized in the cemetery because they had so much the air of tombstones. But that old dark-blue lot has nearly died out, and been succeeded by younger men of quite a pleasant cerulean tint. They have studied in Europe. They like Paris and Vienna, and other places that used to be so wicked; they don"t think such very small lager of the German theologians; they accept geology, and discuss Darwin with patience."
"Don"t get out of my range. Who the devil is Darwin? Never mind; I"ll take him for granted; go on with your new-school Professors."
"Oh, I havn"t much to say about them. They are quite agreeable. They are what I call men of the world--though I suppose I hardly know what a man of the world is. I dare say I am like the mouse who took the first dog that he saw for the elephant that he had heard of."
The Lieutenant-Colonel stopped his walk and surveyed him, hands in pockets, a smile on his lip, and a silent horse-laugh in his eye.
"Men of the world, are they? By Jove! Well; perhaps so; I havn"t met them yet. But if it comes to pointing out men of the world, allow me to indicate our Louisiana friend, Ravenel. There"s a fellow who can do the universally agreeable. You couldn"t tell this evening which he liked best, Whitewood or me; and I"ll be hanged if the same man can like both of us. When he was talking with the Professor he seemed to be saying to himself, "Whitewood is my blue-book;" and when he was talking with me his whole countenance glowed with an expression which stated that "Carter is the boy." What a diplomatist he would make! I like him immensely. He has a charming daughter too; not beautiful exactly, but very charming."
Colburne felt an oppression which would not allow him to discuss the question. At the same time he was not indignant, but only astonished, perhaps also a little pleased, at the tone of indifference with which the other spoke of the young lady. His soul was so occupied with this new train of thought that I doubt whether he heard understandingly the conversation of his interlocutor for the next few minutes. Suddenly it struck him that Carter was entirely sober, in body and brain.
"Colonel, wouldn"t you like to go on a pic-nic?" he asked abruptly.
"Pic-nic?--political thing? Why, yes; think I ought to like it; help along our regiment."
"No, no; not political. I"m sorry I gave you such an exalted expectation; now you"ll be disappointed. I mean an affair of young ladies, beaux, baskets, paper parcels, sandwiches, cold tongue, biscuits and lemonade."
"Lemonade!" said Carter with a grimace. "Could a fellow smoke?"
"I take that liberty."
"Is Miss Ravenel going?"
"Yes."
"I accept. How do you go?"
"In an omnibus. I will see that you are taken up--say at nine o"clock to-morrow morning."
CHAPTER IV.
THE DRAMATIC PERSONAGES GO ON A PIC-NIC, AND STUDY THE WAYS OF NEW BOSTON.
When the Lieutenant-Colonel awoke in the morning he did not feel much like going on a pic-nic. He had a slight ache in the top of his head, a huskiness in the throat, a woolliness on the tongue, a feverishness in the cuticle, and a crawling tremulousness in the muscles, as though the molecules of his flesh were separately alive and intertwining themselves. He drowsily called to mind a red-nosed old gentleman whom he had seen at a bar, trying in vain to gather up his change with shaky fingers, and at last exclaiming, "Curse the change!" and walking off hastily in evident mortification.