"Probably Kentucky, at least until I can figure something else out. I"ll be with family there, and I"m sure there are plenty of salons I can get a job at."
"It would make me feel better if you are with the family."
"I will be. I"ll call you every day. You won"t have to worry about me."
"I always worry, honey. I"m your mom. It"s my job. You had me worried sick when you left the party. Where did you go?"
I"m in my twenties, so there"s no need to tell my mother what I do with my time, but I feel as if I owe her the decency to let her know where I went when things turned horrible. "I went to see Lys. I figured I could spend a couple days away and let the drama die down."
"Your sister didn"t mean what she said. She wants you at the wedding. You"re her maid of honor."
"Yeah, I don"t know if that"s true anymore. We"ve changed. Maybe I have. We"re not close like we were."
"You"ll always be blood. Never forget that. No matter where you are or what you decide to do, blood never changes."
I lean my head against her small frame. "I know."
When I hear her sniffling I know it"s time to scoot her out of my room. The last thing I need is to watch my mom cry because I"m breaking her heart. I abruptly stand and head in the direction of the door. "I think I better go visit Cam. Maybe you"re right. I should smooth things out before the wedding."
Halfway to my sister"s house I"m reconsidering the idea. If she doesn"t want me to be a part of the wedding I"ll step aside. Yes, it will hurt me, but what can I do to rectify the situation? Boundaries have been crossed. My true feelings are out in the open, leaving my sister angry and hurt. Even after contemplating, I still make it to Wes and Cammie"s house. The back driveway is how everyone enters, and as I pull in behind my sister"s vehicle I notice the work they"ve done to improve curb appeal. The old Victorian is sporting a new coat of paint, and it appears that the gravel sidewalk has been replaced with a cobblestone walkway leading to the kitchen entrance. I walk up the three steps slowly, all while trying to come up with a good way to start the conversation. Wes opens the door. He seems surprised to see me. I watch his jaw clench before he turns to call my sister. "We have company."
"I come in peace. There"s no need to worry. I"m not here to cause more issues between us. I"m here to promise I"ll stop being a problem."
Wes is quick to reply. "You aren"t a problem for us, Cal. We both want to see you happy."
I know it"s true. "I get it. I"ve been stubborn and a b.i.t.c.h for a long time. I"ve been bitter and irreconcilable. This is my fault. It"s the reason I want to get away. Look, I drove out here tonight to a.s.sure you both I will do everything in my power to help make your special day perfect. It"s not about me or how I feel. I know that."
Cammie comes up behind Wes with baby Maddy in her arms. She"s reluctant to speak until her eyes meet mine. Even so, it takes a few more seconds for her to be certain my apology is genuine. "Do you want to come in? Wes made chicken and vegetables. Are you hungry?"
I shrug. "I don"t want to intrude."
Cammie seems desperate to make amends with me. I can see how much this hurts her. "Please, Cal. Spend time with us. I hate that you"re going to miss out on seeing Maddy all the time."
I don"t want to be emotional. It"s not fair for me to become consumed with fear that my own niece won"t recognize me when I come home to visit. These are the parts that kill me inside; knowing I have to give up the good with bad. It"s like there can"t be one without the other.
I extend my hands for the precious child to have the option to reach for me. When she does I take her into my arms and kiss her chubby cheeks. "I guess I can stay for a bit."
We eat dinner in front of the television. Wes and Cammie are entertained by shows with crude humor. Every once in a while they break into laughter in between bites. Maddy sits in her pack and play chewing on a teething toy. She shakes it about before bringing it back to soothe her gums.
While she"s preoccupied I peer down and take in her pretty pet.i.te features. Her little hands like to grip everything within reach. Her dark hair is beginning to curl at the ends and I swear her dimples have gotten deeper. When she smiles at me I understand what unconditional love means, especially when it comes to the way Wes feels about her. To him she"s always been his. I appreciate knowing that he"ll always be able to provide for them, even after my sister becomes a well known, high paid physician. The love between them radiates, and perhaps it"s the reason I find it uncomfortable to be around them. I"m jealous, to a point where I hate myself for being this way. I don"t want to harbor ill feelings toward my family, and the fact that I continue to dwell on the negative only justifies my need to take my life elsewhere.
"So, the other night. Where did you go?" Cammie asks. "Mom was worried sick. You wouldn"t answer your phone. Was it because of what I said to you? I was p.i.s.sed. You have to know I didn"t mean it."
I shake my head. "It"s fine. I deserved it."
"No, your sister is right. She was upset over it when we got home. We all say things we don"t mean when we"re angry."
I appreciate that Wes is taking up for Cam, but it only leaves me on the spot about my whereabouts. Since I"m determined to prove to them I"m furthering myself from their personal life, I feel it necessary to fill them in. "I went to visit Lys."
Cammie"s eyes light up. "Your friend from high school? I thought she is in college in Pennsylvania?"
"She is. I drove there."
"It was late, Cal. You were clearly upset. You could have been injured."
"I made it there fine."
My sister turns away. "I guess you needed someone other than a sister to be your friend."
"It would have been nice if she were there. She went to some concert with her other roommates. My phone had died, so I didn"t bother calling."
"Did you have to turn back around?"
I shake my head while considering how much of that night I should share. "No. There was still someone there to let me in."
"Good. You got some sleep," Wes states.
"Not exactly. Yeah, so I sort of hooked up with the brother of one of the other girls."
"What?" Cam"s eyes light up. "Like a stranger?"
"No. I met him before. We were familiar with each other."
"Familiar? Did you mess around before?" She inquires.
"For lack of better words I"d describe our relationship as enemies. He"s a pompous p.r.i.c.k, who I wouldn"t care if I never laid eyes on again. He was there. It happened. In some ways it helped at the time, I suppose. Don"t make a big deal out of it." I"m prepared to be judged. It"s fine. I can take the looks of disapproval, because I"ve purposely proven I"m not about to attempt to come between my sister and her soon to be husband.
Wes begins. "I remember this one time I hooked up with this random chick at a party. She was hanging all over me for half the night, so it was easy to seal the deal. Anyway, we both wake up the next morning and realize we never even spoke. She had this deep husky voice like a man that literally scared the p.i.s.s out of me. For a second I thought I"d gone and hooked up with a dude but been too drunk to remember. Beer goggles suck. After we exchanged first names she left and I never saw her again. The point is I hope your experience was better than mine."
I can tell from the look on my sister"s face that she"s disturbed. Nonetheless, it was the past.
"We"ve spoke to each other. He"s definitely a dude. I can attest to that for sure."
Cam giggles. "So you slept with someone you don"t like?"
I shrug. "He served his purpose."
"d.a.m.n, you"re downright scary." Wes looks to Cam. "You Healy women."
"We what?" My sister asks.
"You terrify me," he admits.
While we both laugh I feel it"s important to reiterate. "Look, he knew what it was and he was fine with it. We"d both had a bad day and used each other to make it a little better. I don"t care for him and he doesn"t like me much either. It happened and now it"s over."
"So you"re not planning on seeing him again?"
"Hopefully never." It"s the truth.