Hilda, Rita and Jock sat open-mouthed as Joycie ordered both Joey and Dominic to stand up. Tell "em you"re gay, Joey. Go on Dominic, tell "em you"re both h.o.m.os.e.xuals," she ordered.
Extremely embarra.s.sed, Joey and Dominic looked at one another in horror.
Go on tell "em. I"ve been reading up on the subject and there"s nothing to be ashamed of. One of the Krays was gay and so was that John Inman, you know, he was in that programme, Are You Being Served? Then there was Larry Grayson and Rock Hudson. You tell "em, boys; there"s nothing to be embarra.s.sed about."
Dominic was the first to speak. Yes, I am gay," he said awkwardly, not knowing where to look.
Joyce patted Joey on the arm. Come on, love. Stand up and be proud. Tell "em you like a bit of w.i.l.l.y."
For f.u.c.k"s sake, Joycie," Stanley shouted. How could she show him up like this in front of Jock?
Joyce ignored her husband"s pleas and began to cackle. She"d just thought of something extremely funny. She pointed at both Stanley and Jock.
Yous two have more in common with these boys than you think. All you ever do is talk about your c.o.c.ks. And you"re always playing with one another"s."
As Stanley bolted from the room, Joycie pulled her grandson out of his chair. Now that miserable old goat"s sodded off, you can tell everyone, Joey."
By this time Joey was as red as a beetroot. I"m gay," he whispered.
Clapping her hands with delight, Joyce broke into song. Congratulations and celebrations," she sang gleefully.
CHAPTER ELEVEN.
You"re popular, Mitch.e.l.l," the screw said as he waved a pile of letters in front of Eddie.
The post had been up the creek for well over a week now and all the inmates had been up in arms about it. At a time like Christmas, receiving cards and letters was the only thing to keep some of the lags going. One poor sod had hung himself two days ago because he hadn"t heard a word from his wife.
Ed s.n.a.t.c.hed at the letters. Now, now, Mitch.e.l.l. Where"s your manners? Say thank you."
Desperate for some correspondence with the outside world, Eddie begrudgingly mumbled the word thanks". He hated Carter, the new screw on his wing. He was a c.o.c.ky f.u.c.ker and seemed to get a kick out of winding the inmates up. Unfortunately for Ed, he hadn"t seen young Johnny or Fred since the day he"d attacked Big Baz. Word had it that both had been suspended, then moved to another wing.
Eddie had the cell all to himself as Stuart was at a meeting with his brief. Feeling excited, Ed studied the envelopes and put the letters in order. He knew who most of them were from by the handwriting or postcode, but there were two or three he didn"t recognise at all.
He read the two sent from his uncles first. Neither Reg nor Albert ever seemed to have much of interest to say, but he still enjoyed receiving their letters. In prison, any contact with the outside world was better than none.
Eddie immediately recognised the handwriting on the next two he opened. Both his Aunts, Vi and Joan, had become a bit shaky in their old age and their writing stood out like a sore thumb. Ed laughed out loud as he read what Joan had written about her recent visit. Reg had brought her up to see him last week and Eddie had happened to mention how much he hated Carter, the new screw on his wing.
When the bell rang, Carter had picked on Eddie first.
Come on, say goodbye, Mitch.e.l.l. Visiting time"s over," he yelled.
Why don"t you f.u.c.k off? I ain"t going nowhere until everyone else has gone," Auntie Joan shouted back.
Furious, Carter tried to grab her arm and march her out. Auntie Joan was having none of it. Don"t you dare touch me! Get off me, you f.u.c.king nonce-case," she screamed, as she booted him in the shin.
You keep your chin up, Ed, don"t let these b.a.s.t.a.r.ds grind you down," Joan yelled, as she marched out of the building with her head held high.
All the other lags had p.i.s.sed themselves laughing. None of them liked Carter and they thought Eddie"s Auntie Joan was the b.o.l.l.o.c.ks. Joan had been the talk of the prison for the next few days. Ed was only a nipper when his mum died, and his aunt had all but brought him up. Joanie had always been a real card, and Eddie had great pleasure entertaining the other lags with stories of his childhood.
Putting Joan"s letter back in its envelope, Ed opened the next one. It was from his pal, Dougie.
Hi Ed, I hope you"re doing OK, mate. Sorry I haven"t been in touch for a while, but as you can imagine, life gets pretty hectic this time of year. Anyway, I wanted to be the first to tell you that Vicki gave birth to a little girl last weekend. She was adamant we call her Jessica I didn"t get a say in the matter.
As Ed"s eyes welled up, he screwed up the letter. He couldn"t read the rest; it was far too upsetting for him. Jessica would have been blooming herself by now and they would have had a wonderful Christmas this year. Jess was so full of plans for the new baby, G.o.d rest her soul. Overcome by emotion, Ed turned over, lay flat on his mattress and sobbed his heart out.
Over in icy Rainham, Joyce was all of a fl.u.s.ter as she prepared for the arrival of Polly"s parents.
Raymond and Polly had arranged their wedding for June next year and, with the parents not having yet met, Raymond had reluctantly agreed to Joyce inviting her soon-to-be in-laws over on Christmas Eve.
As soon as her husband walked into the room, Joyce put her hands on her hips. What have you got on? You"re not wearing that, Stanley. I thought I told you to put your nice grey suit on. Polly"s parents are upper cla.s.s, for goodness" sake!"
Stanley for once argued his point. This is my best shirt and trousers, Joycie. I feel ridiculous wearing a suit indoors. Can"t I just wear this?"
Joyce shook her head vehemently. I won"t have you embarra.s.sing me in front of Polly"s parents. Now go and put that suit on. I"ve bought you a new red tie, so make sure you wear that as well."
Annoyed, Stanley punched the wall as he trudged upstairs. I preferred you when you were ill, you f.u.c.king old bat," he mumbled.
A few hundred yards down the road, Frankie"s day was going from bad to worse. Jed"s father always threw a big party on Christmas Eve and Frankie was absolutely dreading it.
Frankie, take these sandwiches into the other room and then you can help me prepare the meat platters," Alice ordered.
Aware that his girlfriend had barely said a word all day, Jed followed her into the lounge. What"s up? You"ve had a face like a smacked a.r.s.e since you woke up this morning."
I don"t feel up to this party, Jed. Do you mind if I go back to the trailer and have an early night?"
Jed grabbed her arm roughly. He was getting sick of Frankie"s black moods. You"re my girlfriend and you"ll stay "ere and make an effort with my family and friends. My mum and dad have fallen over backwards to make you feel welcome and all you do is throw their kindness back in their faces. Well, I ain"t putting up with it no more, so you"d best start pulling your f.u.c.king socks up."
As Jed let go of her arm and stormed from the room, Frankie ran to the toilet and locked the door. She felt so lonely. She couldn"t even ring Joey, because he was at his work"s Christmas party. Frankie sat on the toilet seat and cried. Memories of Christmases with her mum and dad came flooding back and she wished she could go back in time.
Her mum had always made such a big fuss about Christmas. Frankie used to love it as a child, but over the years she"d felt too old and cool to bother with the preparation or the big day itself.
Frankie guiltily put her head in her hands. Last year, her mum had asked her and Joey to help her with the Christmas shopping and she"d begged them to decorate the tree and the house with her. Both she and Joey had laughed in Jessica"s face. Neither had known it would be their mum"s last Christmas and Frankie now felt full of remorse. She hadn"t appreciated her family life at the time, but after living with Jed"s parents, she b.l.o.o.d.y well did now.
Her reminiscing was ended by her boyfriend"s angry voice. Frankie, get out "ere now. You"re meant to be helping my mum," he yelled.
Frankie took a deep breath. I"ll be out in five minutes. I"ve just been sick, Jed," she lied, as she pulled the chain.
Hearing his footsteps walk away, Frankie checked her eyes in the mirror. They weren"t red and there were no signs that she had been crying. She unlocked the bathroom door. The guests had started to arrive, and their loud, coa.r.s.e voices could be heard a mile off.
Determined to make Jed happy, Frankie plastered a smile on her face and walked into the kitchen. Sorry about that, Alice, I came over a bit queasy. Now, what can I do to help you?"
Alice patted her arm. You go and sit yourself down with Jed," she said kindly. I"m all done here now."
Jed was sitting in the lounge talking to a couple Frankie had never seen before. You all right, babe?" he asked, nodding at her to sit down on the sofa next to him.
Frankie smiled and sidled up to him. I feel much better now."
Jed cuddled her. About time too," he whispered sarcastically.
As the Bentley pulled on to the gravel, Joyce clapped her hands in glee. They"re here! Oh, my G.o.d, look at the car, Stanley. Thank Christ I made you hide yours."
Stanley said nothing while Joyce first checked her appearance in the mirror, then ran to answer the door. She looked ridiculous in the full-length blue dress she was wearing. She looked like she was going to a f.u.c.king ball. As for making him leave his car at Dougie and Vicki"s house, Stanley was lost for words.
We can"t have Polly"s parents thinking that we have no money, Stanley," she said. That Sierra of yours is an utter embarra.s.sment, you"ll have to get rid of it for the day."
As his mother opened the front door, Raymond looked at her in horror. Not only was she speaking like she had a plum in her mouth, she was also dressed as though she was going to a film premiere.
Welcome to my home. Do come in," Joyce said, adding a little curtsey.
h.e.l.lo. Pleased to meet you," Polly"s mum said.
All right, sweetheart," said Polly"s dad.
Overcome by her own self-importance, it wasn"t until Polly"s parents stepped inside the house that Joyce noticed their clothes. Polly"s dad, d.i.c.kie, was the spitting image of the character Boycie out of Only Fools and Horses.
d.i.c.kie was wearing blue jeans, tan shoes and a tan leather jacket and instead of sounding extremely upper cla.s.s, which Joyce had imagined, his voice had a strong south London lilt to it.
Jenny, his wife, also had jeans on. With her knee-high boots, short fur jacket and short blonde hair, she reminded Joycie of the famous singer, Lulu.
Joycie was mortified. She and Stanley were all done up to the nines and Polly"s parents were dressed as if they were off to some seedy strip club.
Now, would you like a drink or something?" Joyce asked in her ultra-posh voice.
d.i.c.kie slapped Joyce on the a.r.s.e and winked at Jenny. I"ll have whatever"s on offer, you little raver!"
Back in south London, Eddie waited until he heard Stuart snoring before he opened the rest of his letters.
It was Johnny, his little mate the screw, who had got hold of a torch for him. Ed wasn"t a great sleeper at the best of times and the torch had proved to be a lifeline for him, because he sometimes read under the covers well into the early hours.
The letter from Dougie earlier had upset Eddie immensely. Doug"s wife, Vicki, had been Jessica"s best friend. Ed had introduced them years ago at a party and they"d been inseparable ever since.
Truth be known, Eddie was honoured that Vicki was naming her child in memory of his wife, but seeing it written in black and white brought everything back that he"d tried so hard to move on from. Over the last couple of months, he"d hardly thought about Jessica"s death, but reading that letter had done him up like a kipper.
Eddie put his hand under his bunk. He"d Sellotaped the torch underneath, so nosy screws like Carter couldn"t find it. He could see that one of the envelopes contained a Christmas card, so he opened that first.
h.e.l.lo Ed.
Hope you"re doing OK, bruv? I hate the fact we"ve fallen out. We went through so much together and I want to make things right between us. Please send me a VO so I can visit you in the New Year.
Happy Christmas, Ronny Ed looked at the front of the card and smiled. Ronny had always had the brains of a rocking horse and only he could send a card with the words May your Christmas be jolly" scrawled across the front whilst Eddie was sitting in clink for murdering his wife.
Everybody else had just sent letters, apart from two, who had sent cards inscribed Thinking of you".
Eddie was down to his last two letters now. He knew from the writing and the air-mail sticker that one was from Gary and Ricky, who were currently on holiday, and he decided to save that until last. He loved hearing from his sons. He"d had a right go at them for not telling him that the O"Haras had turned up at Jessica"s funeral. Raymond had made him see sense and Ed had soon after made it up with both of them.
In prison, lots of things got blown out of proportion. Living your life in a goldfish bowl wasn"t exactly easy and lags had far too much time on their hands to mull things over and get paranoid. That"s why that poor sod had hung himself recently when he hadn"t heard from his old woman. The unfortunate b.a.s.t.a.r.d had convinced himself that she was having an affair with his brother.
Ed put Gary and Ricky"s envelope to one side and studied the other. The handwriting was kind of unique and professional and the postmark was from Southend-on-Sea. Eddie ripped it open. He had no idea who the letter was from, but guessed by the handwriting that it had to be a woman.
Hi Eddie, I hope you don"t mind me writing to you, but I just felt that I had to.
Firstly, I would like to say how upset I am by what has happened to you. I understand your predicament more than most as, in a way, I obviously played a big part in it. I have read all the press coverage and I would really like to help you. I am willing to stand up in court on your behalf. I would love to come and visit you so that we can have a proper discussion about this. If you do not want my help and do not reply, I will not think any less of you.
My thoughts are constantly with you.
Take care, Mrs Smith x Eddie knew immediately who the letter was from. He"d called himself Mr Smith when he"d hired Gina, the private detective, and he knew that by using the same name, she was talking in code.
He read the letter again. Gina had fancied him rotten he had known that at the time.
Eddie lay back on his bed and smiled. He couldn"t wait to ring Larry, his solicitor. Gina had been, and obviously still was, under his spell and if Ed could keep her sweet, she could be the difference between him doing fifteen years or seven.
Frankie stood in the corner of the O"Hara"s living room. Apart from her dad"s old friend Patrick Murphy, she didn"t know a soul and she felt as out of place as a cat in a dogs" home.
Even though she loved Jed, Frankie wasn"t at all comfortable with the gypsy culture. In her opinion, the women were rough and common, spoke in a language of their own and there had already been one big punch-up. One youngish mum had accused another bird of stealing her gold and, seconds later, had started walloping her with her baby buggy.
As the argument between the two women started up again, Frankie"s eyes scanned the room for Jed. He was nowhere to be seen, as usual.
Suddenly all h.e.l.l broke loose and, frightened for her own safety and that of her unborn baby, Frankie ducked a flying gla.s.s and ran from the room, screaming. Visibly shaken, she finally found Jed in the garden. He was talking to his cousin Sammy and two scantily dressed girls.
What"s up?" he asked as she fell into his arms.
Everybody"s fighting in the lounge, Jed. I nearly got hit in the face by a gla.s.s."
Winking at Sammy and the two birds, Jed led Frankie towards the trailer. Let"s get you to bed, babe. I"m sorry for shouting at you earlier. This Christmas must be really difficult for you and sometimes I"m such a dinlo, as I forget what you"ve been through this year."
Frankie put her pyjamas on and smiled as Jed handed her a cup of hot chocolate. Thanks," she said gratefully.
Jed insisted that Frankie got into bed and then sat on the edge as he tucked her in. You don"t mind if I go back to the party, do ya?"
Frankie shook her head. Just because she didn"t feel part of the gypsy way of life, it didn"t mean to say that Jed shouldn"t enjoy himself. Frankie kissed him on the lips. You go and have fun," she told him.
As Jed shut the trailer door, he smirked. Have fun he most certainly would.
Still unable to sleep, Eddie switched on his torch again. He"d wanted to save Gary and Ricky"s letter, so he had something to look forward to on Christmas morning, but his insomnia had made him change his mind. Ripping open the envelope, Eddie grinned. Now he had banished the twins from his world, Gary and Ricky were his life.
As much as Ed had loved Jess, what Frankie and Joey had done was unforgivable in his fragile mind, and even though they were all he had left of his beloved deceased wife, he no longer cared about either of them. One had turned out to be a poof and the other had fallen in love with the gypsy son of his biggest enemy, so the pair of them were now history as far as he was concerned.
Ed chuckled as he began to read the letter. Both Ricky and Gary were f.u.c.kers for the birds and they always filled him in on their escapades.
The paragraph at the bottom was the moment Ed"s smile turned into an angry snarl: PS You told us not to keep anything from you, so here goes. Rumour has it that Joey is gay and he has a boyfriend called Dominic. He turned up at . . .
Eddie"s pride wouldn"t allow him to read the last line. If the lags found out about Joey, he"d be the laughing stock of the poxy prison.