Then followed a series of banks and subheads:
"Loses temper and offers insults to women voters! Excoriates his own profession whilst in violent temper and ridicules bench of which he is member! Admits that all he seeks is office. After amazing outburst, proving unfitness for any public trust, narrowly avoids tar and feathers and escapes. Present whereabouts unknown."
Special pa.s.sages from the now famous speech were carefully selected, duly edited to make them sound the worst, and printed in black-faced pica. Other pa.s.sages in the speech were in italics. The whole plant of the newspaper had been utilized to give adequate expression to this unparalleled forensic outburst. A much garbled report "in full" was given of the wording, and as lurid yellow as was ever mixed went to make up the account of the incidents in Yimville. According to the report the mob numbered thousands and strong men of both parties wept and gnashed their teeth in their frantic craving to wreak vengeance on the orator for the insults offered to their mothers, wives, daughters, and sweethearts. Indignant women, forgetting the softness of s.e.x, had arisen in just wrath to execute this brazen-faced apostle of mammon. Half a column was devoted to the mystery of the Judge"s disappearance from the scene and it was stated that he was believed to have terrorized a boy into driving him away into the mountains, in which case, it was feared, owing to the blizzard, that unless they found refuge in some isolated farm house they might have perished. Jimmy noticed that most of the concern expressed by the newspaper was for the welfare of the boy. He was chuckling gleefully to himself when interrupted by the return of the waiter.
"Pity they didn"t get that buzzard and hang him, isn"t it, sir?" he commented indignantly.
"It certainly is," agreed Jimmy.
"Not as I believe in votes for women myself," added the waiter, "but I don"t believe in openly insultin" "em in public. And think of the likes of him sayin" as all he wanted was to get elected and as if he didn"t care how! Why he ought to be in that Tammany Hall gang back in New York!
That"s the only place in all this United States, I reckon, where folks stand for that sort of stuff. It"s understood back there that all they want is a fat job and the people be d.a.m.ned, but people out here ain"t educated up to looking at things that way. They ain"t any people in the world that"d stand for what them people in New York does! I worked there one time for about three year and I know. I"ll bet that galoot murdered that boy. Probably took him as far as he wanted to, then threw the poor little feller out of the sled into the snow to freeze. All that they"ll ever find of that poor little kid"ll be an icicle."
"I"ll bet you"re right!" agreed Jimmy, again, vociferously. "This paper says the Judge said some nasty things about Union Labor. I should think some of you chaps would start something on what Union Labor thinks of him and his kind."
"By jingoes! You"re right about that!" the waiter declared, and then added, as if overcome by the brilliant opportunity for advertising himself, "I"m president of the local Waiters" Union, and I"ll lay off this afternoon and look after that myself. We"ll show them that thinks they can knock us a thing or two before we"ve done with "em! Down on honest labor, is he? And he thinks he can get elected if all of us is agin" him!"
Jimmy read a column on the weather in which it was stated that the storm was the most unprecedented in twenty years and that on nearly all the branch lines, where wires were down and a snow blockade complete, conditions would have to remain as they were until traffic was restored on the main trunks; but that the railway company hoped to clear the branch lines within twenty-four hours, and that already telephone and telegraph linemen were out on snow shoes.
At four o"clock that afternoon Jimmy boarded the train bound for the last city he would visit in the state, and attracted by the cries of a newsboy, "All about Judge Granger! Latest news from Yimville," bought a paper and settled himself down to read.
The latest advices from the scene of his latest escapade told of the return of Tim. They were published in a Republican paper which began by stating that the reports of the Judge"s speech were mangled distortions of what the speaker had, in his well known eloquent manner, expressed, or deliberate lies manufactured by his enemies; that there had been no riot at all, and that neither had there been a demonstration save a small uproar created by a branch of the Militant Suffragettes, headed by that modern prototype of Carrie Nation and her hatchet, the state leader of that body, whose previous records of disturbances were sufficient in themselves to convince all thoughtful-minded women, as well as men, that probably the speaker was justified in whatever he had said to this professional heckler. Furthermore, as evidence of the depths to which a totally unscrupulous and irresponsible press could descend in its efforts to ridicule a great leader, the whole story of flight was, from the beginning to end, a malicious controversion of fact. This was proven by the statement of the driver, Timothy Jones, who had that morning returned to Yimville. The driver was known as completely trustworthy and honest, and, furthermore, his statements were fully corroborated by his employer, Mr. Wade, general manager of the Emporium, one of the most prominent business men in that part of the state.
Judge Granger, after making a most eloquent, lucid, and brilliant speech which had been unduly prolonged by his patience in replying to questions addressed by the disturbing element, had found his time for boarding the regular train so curtailed that he had but a few minutes in which to reach the station. He had very courteously asked young Jones if he could drive him thither, there having been an unfortunate lack of foresight in providing an equipage for his return. Jones drove him to the station, where, to the Judge"s distress, he learned that, owing to the storm, there would be no train through for an indefinite time. Having other highly important engagements, he found it necessary to drive to Mountain City, where he could be more certain of catching a train near midnight.
"All those who are familiar with the great punctiliousness and responsibility of Judge Woodworth-Granger will therefore not be surprised to learn that, despite all the fatigues of the day, and the hardships of such traveling, he courageously braved the blizzard, fearless in his sense of duty to be performed. That he made such a difficult night drive merely to keep his pledged word and engagements, when others might have quailed, or accepted the storm as sufficient excuse for remaining comfortably in shelter, is in itself a sufficient tribute to the sterling worth of this distinguished man"s character. He must have inherited from those ancesters of his, who with bleeding feet trudged through the snows of Valley Forge, some of that patriotism and high fealty to duty which has ever been the stamp of the true American.
This courageous self-sacrifice to public duty alone is sufficient evidence that he is the man to guide the destinies of one of the greatest states in the Union, and those who are to meet in convention for the choice of a leader will do well to reflect upon what must be considered as a sterling achievement bespeaking the character of this honored and distinguished jurist who has somewhat reluctantly yielded to the demands of his fellow citizens. Those who mendaciously accused him of office seeking, should hide their heads for shame. Failing to find a single flaw in the private, public, or professional life of this distinguished man, his political enemies now seek by ridicule and innuendo to attack him. To such depths as these has the Democratic party in this state fallen. Had there ever been the slightest doubt that the Hon. J. Woodworth-Granger will be the nominee for governor of this state, it is now dissipated by the scurrilous attack made upon him--an attack of desperation that must and shall inevitably bring its own reward. Verily a man is known by the enemies he makes!"
After reading this editorial Jimmy reverted to the news page where the faithful Tim"s defense was given. It was eulogistic. It was colorful. It told of the vicissitudes of the trip, although it neglected to mention the episode of losing their way and what was said by the farmer"s wife.
Jimmy thought that either Tim or the reporter who wrote the alleged interview had shown tact in that suppression. But it was beautifully written! There was no doubt of that. Stinging sleets, biting winds, desperately fatigued horses, valiant and persistent battles with snow drifts, icy cold temperatures and everything pertaining to heroism in the Arctics were there.
"Tim and I have got Scott, Peary and Admunsen all looking like a lot of pikers!" thought Jimmy as he read. "If the fellow who wrote this can write stuff as warm, comforting and appetizing on chocolates as he can about coldness, courage and cramps on that trip to Mountain City, he"ll make a world-beater in the advertising line! He"s a whirlwind--no--a cyclone--when it comes to throwing the guff."
The interview told of the great man"s magnanimity and generosity. Not even his solicitude for old Bill"s comfort was overlooked. In fact the great man wouldn"t trust the hostler, but fed Bill bran mash with a spoon. The suit of clothes he bought "Mister Timothy Jones" was lined with silk. The underwear might have been of red gold instead of red flannel. Thus did a brave man reward those who served him in time of stress. It even intimated that Timothy Jones might retire for life on his monetary rewards.
It was the next day at luncheon when the cheerful James was given reason to think less happily of his exploit, and to wonder what happened to a worm that turned once too often. The newspapers contained the statements that the wires were now open to Princetown and that in that flourishing city dwelt a man whose feelings were outraged, who was indignant, who a.s.serted he had not been in Yimville on the day of the speech, in fact had never in his life made a speech in Yimville, and that if he had made a speech in Yimville he most certainly would not--never, never, never--have expressed the sentiments so brazenly attributed to him. He was an office seeker in the interests of public rather than personal welfare, and for no other reason. He had yielded to the overwhelming pet.i.tions of his friends, indeed, not without considerable pain. And then Jimmy read something that for the first time caused him to appreciate the possible grave consequences of his ebullient imposture:
""I am not at the moment in a position to make any definite and specific charges," his Honor told the representative of the _Morning Star_: "but I have certain well-defined grounds for believing that the citizens of Yimville, for whom I have the most profound respect and admiration, knowing that they include some of the most intellectual and patriotic ladies and gentlemen in the whole of the United States, have been imposed upon by an individual who (I have been told) faintly resembles me as far as personal appearance is involved. Yet how this person, who is, I regret to say, but a common, vulgar ignoramus, could have the barefaced effrontery to address an intelligent audience either in his own or an a.s.sumed character, I can not comprehend. Needless to say I shall at once take steps to learn the truth, and the impostor shall be made to suffer the extreme penalties of the law providing for the punishment of such flagrant acts against the public and private welfare of duly const.i.tuted citizens. The world must be made safe for Democracy. Those who are guilty of lack of observance for those common and well-defined and closely stipulated rules that govern the intercourse existing between individuals or those collections of individuals which are in turn by mutual consent formed into committies, must hereafter be consistently regulated by those able to dictate either by force of arms or the divine influence of reason, until they can no longer prove a menace to the rules governing, by consent of the governed and the voice of the governed, human relations in general, in particular, and in private.""
Jimmy pondered over the last sentence a long time.
"I suppose he means "The guilty shall be punished,"" he said, and then added, admiringly, "By gosh! If he were a Democrat he"d be president of the United States yet. He surely would! He can use more words to say less than any other man living, and, come to think of it, he has the greatest a.s.sets of stupidity, which are pompous silence, and a patronizing grin. The art of so obfuscating his expression with words that neither his friends nor his enemies can come to any positive conclusion as to what he means. But if I"m not mistaken, this same J.
Woodworth-Granger, Judge by election, is after the scalp of one James Gollop, drummer for a living, and--humph!--wonder when the next train leaves that will take me out of this state"s jurisdiction? It seems to me, Jim, that you should be on your way. Good Lord! Some men can never take a joke! The idea of raising such a fuss over a little thing like that!"
And, so potent was his increasing apprehension, Mr. James Gollop did not actually smile again until seven-thirty that evening, when he received a reply to a question addressed to the conductor of the eastbound train.
"Are we over the state line yet?" was the question asked.
"By about thirty miles, I should reckon," was the reply.
"Thank heaven for that!" said Mr. Gollop, resuming a placid mental att.i.tude, and the celebrated Gollop grin. "It"s a wise man who knows where he"s not welcome. Both celebrity and notoriety are distinctions to be shunned. A mud-cat is the most secure of all fish because n.o.body wishes to either catch and eat, or play with and caress him. His sole virtue is his obscurity, the sharpness of his bones his only protection.
I"d rather be a catfish than a salmon after all!"
And the conductor, pa.s.sing on his way with his nickel-plated lantern deftly anch.o.r.ed by his arm and his nickel-plated punch industriously working in his hand, mumbled, "Happy man! He"s got just what he wants.
Wish I was general pa.s.senger agent of this line. I"m not a catfish because I want to be one. He seems to be--just that!"
CHAPTER IX
Jimmy retired to the smoking compartment in the Pullman and sat down to think it all over. It had but one other occupant, a huge man with heavy shoulders who lowered the paper he had been reading and looked at Jimmy through a pair of clear, gray, appraising eyes that conveyed such a sense of directness as to slightly disconcert one with a guilty conscience.
"Great Scott!" thought Jimmy. "Hope he"s not a sheriff or a United States marshal looking for me," and then indulged in an inward smile at the absurdity of his being of sufficient importance to have a federal officer on his trail. He seated himself and took a furtive glance at the man"s face. It was a distinctly attractive face, due to its marked indications of character. It expressed not only firmness and intelligence but a sense of humor. Jimmy decided that this individual should appreciate a joke and wondered who he was.
"Funny old chap," he thought. "Might be a banker, but I think he"s a drummer. Wonder who he"s out for? Somehow he"s mighty familiar; but surely I"d never forget an old Trojan like that. Maybe I"ve met him sometime, and he"s got all that gray around his temples since then. Gray hairs do make a difference."
He was still puzzling over this lost ident.i.ty when the man laid the newspaper to one side, lighted a fresh cigar and, turning toward Jimmy, said, "Funny about that affair over in Yimville, isn"t it? Have you read about it?"
Jimmy had to look away lest the twinkle in his eyes betray him, and then decided his best policy would be to take it with a laugh. A laugh he decided was the most disarming of human manifestations. He emitted one.
"Yes, I read about it in the papers yesterday and to-day. That fellow at Yimville does seem to have kicked up an amusing controversy. One set of papers says he was mobbed, and the other that he made a hit.
But--pshaw!--of course it has no effect whatever on Judge Granger"s chances for the nomination! Tempest in a child"s teapot that will last about as long."
"Perhaps! I"m not to sure about that. Moreover, I"m not so certain that Granger, unmolested, could have got the nomination. He would have been up against a good stiff fight. I understand that he"s a trifle too self-satisfied to be a very popular candidate. Nothing hurts a man with a swelled head like ridicule. Ridicule will trim men that can"t be touched with any other weapon under the sun. And--" he chuckled as if amused--"the whole state has something to laugh over now, whether he made that speech, or whether he didn"t!"
The man looked out of the window for a moment and then, as if no longer interested in the Yimville episode, inquired, "Didn"t I see you getting some sample cases aboard the train? What"s your line?"
"Chocolates. Columbus Chocolate Co. of New York. Are you on the road?"
"Well, not exactly. I"m in water power plants at present."
"Something I don"t know much about," said Jimmy. "But I wish I did.
Mighty interesting. In fact I never took the trouble to look one over until a little while ago."
"Where was that?" inquired the man.
"Up at a place called Princetown. Good water power there. Big plant, I suppose you would call it."
"Yes, I suppose they have good power up there. I have heard so," said the man, inspecting the ash of his cigar as if interested in how long it would last without breaking. "Let"s see--automobile factory there, isn"t there?"
"Yes. Sayers Automobile Company. Fine cars, too, but unknown except out here. At least I should say so. That"s the trouble with half the enterprises in the country. They can make first cla.s.s articles but they can"t sell them. Sometimes I think we Americans aren"t such good hustlers after all. We"ve got the reputation in Europe, I am told, of blowing about our stuff; but I"m not certain that we do. If I were a manufacturer, I"d not make anything that wasn"t the best I could make.
I"d put everything I knew and everything I could learn into whatever I made. I"d not have a man work for me fifteen minutes if he didn"t believe that it was the best thing of its kind on earth. And then I"d know that when that man went out and talked about my line of goods, whether he was a salesman or not, he"d swear that it was the best on earth."
The man smiled, "In other words, even your workmen blowing, eh?"
"I don"t think it"s blowing to say what you honestly believe about your line. When a man is absolutely convinced that he is offering the very best thing on the market and gets hot under the collar if anybody questions it, he becomes a good salesman. He never can be that unless he is honestly positive that he is talking truth. Telling the truth isn"t boasting. It"s the way to sell goods. Blowing means ignorance or lying.
A man can not lie about anything he has to sell--if it"s nothing bigger than hairpins--and get away with it very long. I never lie about my line--never! I really believe that some of our stuff is the best of its kind made. I say so. I honestly admit it when some other house brings out a certain line that beats ours, and then I hustle back home and put on my spurs, and get out my hammer, and try to get my firm to see it, and to meet the new stuff and if possible to go it one better."