"You"ll pay now, or I"ll--" the cabby began.
And just then, fortunately for all, Mollie"s father, who had been looking all over London for his missing daughter, appeared, and in his joy over finding his little one, paid the cabby and saved the Unwiseman from what promised to be a most unpleasant row.
VI.
THEY GET SOME FOG AND GO SHOPPING
The following day the Unwiseman was in high-feather. At last he was able to contemplate in all its gorgeousness a real London fog of which he had heard so much, for over the whole city hung one of those deep, dark, impenetrable mists which cause so much trouble at times to those who dwell in the British capital.
"Hurry up, Mollie, and come out," he cried enthusiastically rapping on the little girl"s door. "There"s one of the finest fogs outside you ever saw. I"m going to get a bottle full of it and take it home with me."
"Hoh!" jeered Whistlebinkie. "What a puffickly "bsoyd thing to do--as if we never didn"t have no fogs at home!"
"We don"t have any London fogs in America, Whistlebinkie," said Mollie.
"No but we have very much finer ones," boasted the patriotic Whistlebinkie. "They"re whiter and cleaner to begin with, and twice as deep."
"Well never mind, Whistlebinkie," said Mollie. "Don"t go looking around for trouble with the Unwiseman. It"s very nice to be able to enjoy everything as much as he does and you shouldn"t never find fault with people because they enjoy themselves."
"Hi-there, Mollie," came the Unwiseman"s voice at the door. "Just open the door a little and I"ll give you a hatful of it."
"You can come in," said Mollie. "Whistlebinkie and I are all dressed."
And the little girl opened the door and the Unwiseman entered. He carried his beaver hat in both hands, as though it were a pail without a handle, and over the top of it he had spread a copy of the morning"s paper.
"It"s just the finest fog ever," he cried as he came in. "Real thick. I thought you"d like to have some, so I went out on the sidewalk and got a hat full of it for you."
Mollie and Whistlebinkie gathered about the old gentleman as he removed the newspaper from the top of his hat, and gazed into it.
"I do-see-anthing," whistled Whistlebinkie.
"You don"t?" cried the Unwiseman. "Why it"s chock full of fog. You can see it can"t you Mollie?" he added anxiously, for to tell the truth the hat did seem to be pretty empty.
Mollie tried hard and was able to convince herself that she could see just a tiny bit of it and acted accordingly.
"Isn"t it beautiful!" she e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed, as if filled with admiration for the contents of the Unwiseman"s hat. "I don"t think I ever saw any just like it before--did you, Mr. Me?"
"No," said the Unwiseman much pleased, "I don"t think I ever did--it"s so delicate and--er--steamy, eh? And there"s miles of it outdoors and the Robert down on the corner says we"re welcome to all we want of it. I didn"t like to take it without asking, you know."
"Of course not," said Mollie, glancing into the hat again.
"So I just went up to the pleeceman and told him I was going to start a museum at home and that I wanted to have some real London fog on exhibition and would he mind if I took some. "Go ahead, sir," he said very politely. "Go ahead and take all you want. We"ve got plenty of it and to spare. You can take it all if you want it." Mighty kind of him I think," said the Unwiseman. "So I dipped out a hat full for you first.
Where"ll I put it?"
"O----," said Mollie, "I--I don"t know. I guess maybe you"d better pour it out into that vase up there on the mantel-piece--it isn"t too thick to go in there, is it?"
"It don"t seem to be," said the Unwiseman peering cautiously into the hat. "Somehow or other it don"t seem quite as thick inside here as it did out there on the street. Tell you the truth I don"t believe it"ll keep unless we get it in a bottle and cork it up good and tight--do you?"
"I"m afraid not," agreed Mollie. "It"s something like snow--kind of vaporates."
"I"m going to put mine in a bottle," said the Unwiseman, "and seal the cork with sealing wax--then I"ll be sure of it. Then I thought I"d get an envelope full and send it home to my Burgular just to show him I haven"t forgotten him--poor fellow, he must be awful lonesome up there in my house without any friends in the neighborhood and no other burgulars about to keep him company."
And the strange little man ran off to get his bottle filled with fog and to fill up an envelope with it as well as a souvenir of London for the lonesome Burglar at home. Later on Mollie encountered him leaving the hotel door with a small shovel and bucket in his hand such as children use on the beach in the summer-time.
"The pleeceman says it"s thicker down by the river," he explained to Mollie, "and I"m going down there to shovel up a few pailsful--though I"ve got a fine big bottleful of it already corked up and labelled for my museum. And by the way, Mollie, you want to be careful about Whistlebinkie in this fog. When he whistles on a bright clear day it is hard enough to understand what he is saying, but if he gets _his_ hat full of fog and tries to whistle with that it will be something awful. I don"t think I could stand him if he began to talk any foggier than he does ordinarily."
Mollie promised to look out for this and kept Whistlebinkie indoors all the morning, much to the rubber-doll"s disgust, for Whistlebinkie was quite as anxious to see how the fog would affect his squeak as the Unwiseman was to avoid having him do so. In the afternoon the fog lifted and the Unwiseman returned.
"I think I"ll go out and see if I can find the King"s tailor," he said.
"I"m getting worried about that Duke"s suit. I asked the Robert what he thought it would cost and he said he didn"t believe you could get one complete for less than five pounds and the way I figure it out that"s a good deal more than eight-fifty."
"It"s twenty-five dollars," Mollie calculated.
"Mercy!" cried the Unwiseman. "It costs a lot to dress by the pound doesn"t it--I guess I"d better write to Mr. King and tell him I"ve decided not to accept."
"Better see what it costs first," said Whistlebinkie.
"All right," agreed the Unwiseman. "I will--want to go with me Mollie?"
"Certainly," said Mollie.
And they started out. After walking up to Trafalgar Square and thence on to Piccadilly, the Unwiseman carefully scanning all the signs before the shops as they went, they came to a bake-shop that displayed in its window the royal coat of arms and announced that "m.u.f.fins by Special Appointment to H. R. H. the King," could be had there.
"We"re getting close," said the Unwiseman. "Let"s go in and have a royal cream-cake."
Mollie as usual was willing and entering the shop the Unwiseman planted himself before the counter and addressed the sales-girl.
"I"m a friend of Mr. King, Madame," he observed with a polite bow, "just over from America and we had a sort of an idea that we should like to eat a really regal piece of cake. What have you in stock made by Special Appointment for the King?"
"We "ave Hinglish m.u.f.fins," replied the girl.
"Let me see a few," said the Unwiseman.
The girl produced a trayful.
"Humph!" e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.ed the Unwiseman looking at them critically. "They ain"t very different from common people"s m.u.f.fins are they? What I want is some of the stuff that goes to the Palace. I may look green, young lady, but I guess I"ve got sense enough to see that those things are _not_ royal."
[Ill.u.s.tration: "THESE ARE THE KIND HIS MAJESTY PREFERS," SAID THE GIRL]
"These are the kind his majesty prefers," said the girl.
"Come along, Mollie," said the Unwiseman turning away. "I don"t want to get into trouble and I"m sure this young lady is trying to fool us. I am very much obliged to you, Madame," he added turning to the girl at the counter. "We"d have been very glad to purchase some of your wares if you hadn"t tried to deceive us. Those m.u.f.fins are very pretty indeed but when you try to make us believe that they are m.u.f.fins by special appointment to his h. r. h., Mr. Edward S. King, plain and simple Americans though we be, we know better. Even my rubber friend, Whistlebinkie here recognizes a bean when he sees it. I shall report this matter to the King and beg to wish you a very good afternoon."
And drawing himself up to his full height, the Unwiseman with a great show of dignity marched out of the shop followed meekly by Mollie and Whistlebinkie.