"Because," said Whistlebinkie, "I was afraid if he didn"t he"d begin to talk like me and that would be perf"ly awful."
X.
THE ALPS AT LAST
When the Unwiseman came out of the carpet-bag again the travellers had reached Switzerland. Every effort that Mollie and Whistlebinkie made to induce him to come forth and go about Paris with them had wholly failed.
"It"s more comfortable in here," he had answered them, "and I"ve got my hands full forgetting all that useless French I learned last week. It"s very curious how much harder it is to forget French than it is to learn it. I"ve been four days forgetting that wazzoh means bird and that oofs is eggs."
"And you haven"t forgotten it yet, have you," said Whistlebinkie.
"O yes," said the Unwiseman. "I"ve forgotten it entirely. It occasionally occurs to me that it is so when people mention the fact, but in the main I am now able to overlook it. I"ll be glad when we are on our way again, Mollie, because between you and me I think they"re a lot of frauds here too, just like over in England. They"ve got a statue here of a lady named Miss Jones of Ark and I _know_ there wasn"t any such person on it. Shem and Ham and j.a.phet and their wives, and Noah, and Mrs. Noah were there but no Miss Jones."
"Maybe Mrs. Noah or Mrs. Shem or one of the others was Miss Jones before she married Mr. Noah or Shem, Ham or j.a.phet," suggested Whistlebinkie.
"Then they should ought to have said so," said the Unwiseman, "and put up the statue to Mrs. Noah or Mrs. Shem or Mrs. Ham or Mrs. j.a.phet--but they weren"t the same person because this Miss Jones got burnt cooking a steak and Mrs. Noah and Mrs. Ham and Mrs. Shem and Mrs. j.a.phet didn"t.
Miss Jones was a great general according to these people and there wasn"t any military at all in the time of Noah for a lady to be general of, so the thing just can"t help being a put up job just to deceive us Americans into coming over here to see their curiosities and paying guides three dollars for leading us to them."
"Then you won"t come with us out to Versailles?" asked Mollie very much disappointed.
"Versailles?" asked the Unwiseman. "What kind of sails are Versailles?
Some kind of a French cat-boat? If so, none of that for me. I"m not fond of sailing."
"It"s a town with a beautiful palace in it," explained Mollie.
"That settles it," said the Unwiseman. "I"ll stay here. I"ve seen all the palaces without any kings in "em that I need in my business, so you can just count me out. I may go out shopping this afternoon and buy an air-gun to shoot alps with when we get to--ha--hum----"
"Switzerland," prompted Mollie hurriedly, largely with the desire to keep Whistlebinkie from speaking of Swiz-izzer-land.
"Precisely," said the Unwiseman. "If you"d given me time I"d have said it myself. I"ve been practising on that name ever since yesterday and I"ve got so I can say it right five times out of "leven.
And I"m learning to yodel too. I have discovered that down in--ha--hum--Swztoozalum, when people don"t feel like speaking French, they yodel, and I think I can get along better in yodeling than I can in French. I"m going to try it anyhow. So run along and have a good time and don"t worry about me. I"m having a fine time. Yodeling is really lots of fun. Trala-la-lio!"
So Mollie and Whistlebinkie went to Versailles, which by the way is not p.r.o.nounced Ver-sails, but Ver-sai-ee, and left the Unwiseman to his own devices. A week later the party arrived at Chamounix, a beautiful little Swiss village lying in the valley at the base of Mont Blanc, the most famous of all the Alps.
"Looks-slike-a-gray-big-snow-ball," whistled Whistlebinkie, gazing admiringly at the wonderful mountain glistening like a huge ma.s.s of silver in the sunlight.
"It is beautiful," said Mollie. "We must get the Unwiseman out to see it."
"I"ll call him," said Whistlebinkie eagerly; and the little rubber-doll bounded off to the carpet-bag as fast as his legs would carry him.
"Hi there, Mister Me," he called breathlessly through the key-hole.
"Come out. There"s a nalp out in front of the hotel."
"Tra-la-lulio-tra-la-lali-ee," yodeled the cracked little voice from within. "Tra-la-la-la-lalio."
"Hullo there," cried Whistlebinkie again. "Stop that tra-la-lody-ing and hurry out, there"s a-nalp in front of the hotel."
"A nalp?" said the Unwiseman popping his head up from the middle of the bag for all the world like a Jack-in-the-box. "What"s a nalp?"
"A-alp," explained Whistlebinkie, as clearly as he could--he was so out of breath he could hardly squeak, much less speak.
"Really?" cried the Unwiseman, all excitement. "Dear me--glad you called me. Is he loose?"
"Well," hesitated Whistlebinkie, hardly knowing how to answer, "it-ain"t-exactly-tied up, I guess."
"Ain"t any danger of its coming into the house and biting people, is there?" asked the Unwiseman, rummaging through the carpet-bag for his air-gun, which he had purchased in Paris while the others were visiting Versailles.
"No," laughed Whistlebinkie. "Tstoo-big."
"Mercy--it must be a fearful big one," said the Unwiseman. "I hope it"s muzzled."
Armed with his air-gun, and carrying a long rope with a noose in one end over his arm, the Unwiseman started out.
"Watcher-gone-"tdo-with-the-la.s.soo?" panted Whistlebinkie, struggling manfully to keep up with his companion.
"That"s to tie him up with in case I catch him alive," said the Unwiseman, as they emerged from the door of the hotel and stood upon the little hotel piazza from which all the new arrivals were gazing at the wonderful peak before them, rising over sixteen thousand feet into the heavens, and capped forever with a crown of snow and ice.
[Ill.u.s.tration: "OUT THE WAY THERE!" CRIED THE UNWISEMAN]
"Out the way there!" cried the Unwiseman, rushing valiantly through the group. "Out the way, and don"t talk or even yodel. I must have a steady aim, and conversation disturbs my nerves."
The hotel guests all stepped hastily to one side and made room for the hero, who on reaching the edge of the piazza stopped short and gazed about him with a puzzled look on his face.
"Well," he cried impatiently, "where is he?"
"Where is what?" asked Mollie, stepping up to the Unwiseman"s side and putting her hand affectionately on his shoulder.
"That Alp?" said the Unwiseman. "Whistlebinkie said there was an alp running around the yard and I"ve come down either to catch him alive or shoot him. He hasn"t hid under this piazza, has he?"
"No, Mr. Me," she said. "They couldn"t get an Alp under this piazza.
That"s it over there," she added, pointing out Mont Blanc.
"What"s it? I don"t see anything but a big snow drift," said the Unwiseman. "Queer sort of people here--must be awful lazy not to have their snow shoveled off as late as July."
"That"s the Alp," explained Mollie.
"Tra-la-lolly-O!" yodeled the Unwiseman. "Which is yodelese for nonsense. That an Alp? Why I thought an Alp was a sort of animal with a s.h.a.ggy fur coat like a bear or a chauffeur, and about the size of a rhinoceros."
"No," said Mollie. "An Alp is a mountain. All that big range of mountains with snow and ice on top of them are the Alps. Didn"t you know that?"
The Unwiseman didn"t answer, but with a yodel of disgust turned on his heel and went back to his carpet-bag.
"You aren"t mad at me, are you, Mr. Me?" asked Mollie, following meekly after.