"Sh," Siggy answered softly. "Sh."
Siggy felt as nervous as a virgin at her wedding, more dreading than longing for what was to come. What if Nixon thinks I"m a fool? he thought. He needn"t have worried. As he stood in the sand, Nixon emerged from the house, came down to the beach, and stopped at the waterline, staring out to sea. He was alone.
Taking a deep breath, Siggy walked to him. The sand kept slipping under his feet, so that every step forward tried to turn him out of his path. He persevered, and stood beside Richard Nixon. It was the face, the nose, at once the heavily shadowed evil face of the Herblock cartoons and the hopeful, strong face of the man Siggy had voted for three times.
"Mr. Nixon," Siggy said.
Nixon did not turn at first. He just said, "How did you get here?"
Siggy shrugged. "I had to see you."
Then Nixon turned to him, his face set to smile. Siggy watched as Nixon"s eyes met his, then glanced over his shoulder at the boy, who was walking up, who stopped just behind Siggy.
The boy spoke. "We"ve come to kill you," he said.
And the boy had his hand in his pocket, where the gun was, and Siggy felt a moment of panic. But the voice of the fairy G.o.dmother sounded gently in his ear. "Don"t worry," she said. "Take your time."
So Siggy shook his head at the boy, who frowned but did not shoot, and then Siggy turned back to Nixon. The former president was still smiling, his eyes narrowed a bit, but not showing any fear. Siggy felt a moment of satisfaction. This was the Nixon he had admired, the man with such great physical courage, who had faced mobs of Communists in Venezuela and Peru without flinching.
"You wouldn"t be the first to want to," Nixon said.
"Oh, but I don"t want to," Siggy said. "I have to. For America."
"Ah." Nixon nodded, knowingly. "We all do the most unpleasant things, don"t we, for America."
Siggy felt a stab of relief. He understood, which would make it all so much easier.
"You"re lucky," Nixon said. "I came out here alone, this once. To say good-bye. I"m leaving here. Tomorrow I would have been gone." He shook his head slightly, slowly, from side to side. "Well, get on with it. I can"t stop you."
"Oh," Siggy said. "I"m not going to shoot you. All I have to do is wish wish you dead." Behind him Siggy heard the boy gasp a little. And Nixon sighed slightly. For a moment it sounded to Siggy like disappointment. Then he realized it was relief. And the smile returned to Nixon"s face. you dead." Behind him Siggy heard the boy gasp a little. And Nixon sighed slightly. For a moment it sounded to Siggy like disappointment. Then he realized it was relief. And the smile returned to Nixon"s face.
"But not today," Siggy went on. "I can"t just wish for you to be a.s.sa.s.sinated now, Mr. Nixon. Or for you to die in bed or in an accident. The damage is done. So I"ll have to have you die in the past."
The boy made a soft noise behind him.
Nixon nodded wisely. "That will be much better, I think."
"So I"ve decided that the best time will be right after you"re sworn into office the second time. In 1972, before the Watergate thing got out of hand, right after you got a peace treaty from the Vietnamese and right after your landslide victory. Then an a.s.sa.s.sin picks you off, and you"re a bigger hero and a greater legend than Kennedy."
"And everything since then?" Nixon asked.
"Changed. They won"t keep after you, you see, after you"re dead. You"ll be a pleasant memory to almost everybody. Their hate will be gone, mostly."
Nixon shook his head. "You said your wish was supposed to be for the good of America, didn"t you?"
Siggy nodded.
"Well, if I had been a.s.sa.s.sinated then, Spiro Agnew would have become president."
Siggy had forgotten. Spiro Agnew. What a b.u.m. There was no way that could be good for the country. "You"re right," Siggy said. "So it"ll have to be before. Right before the election. It"ll be almost as good then, you were leading in the polls."
"But then," Nixon said, "George McGovern would have been president."
Worse and worse. Siggy began to realize the difficulties involved in carrying out his responsibility. Everything he changed would have consequences. How could he fix the country"s woes, if he kept increasing them with the changes he made?
"And if you have me killed in 1968, it"s either Spiro Agnew or Hubert Humphrey," Nixon added. "Maybe you"ll just have to wish for me to win in 1960."
Siggy thought of that. Thought very carefully. "No," he said. "That would be good for you you. It would have made you a better president, not to have those bad experiences first. But would you have taken us to the moon? Would you have kept the Vietnam War as small as it was?"
"Smaller," Nixon said. "I would have won it by 1964."
Siggy shook his head. "And been at war with Red China, and the world might have been destroyed, and millions of people killed. I don"t think the wrong man won in 1960."
Nixon"s face went kind of sad. "Then maybe it would be kindest of all if you simply wished for me to lose every election I ever tried. Keep me out of Congress, out of the vice-presidency. Let me be a used car salesman." And he smiled a twisted, sad smile.
Siggy reached out and touched the man"s shoulder. "Maybe I should," he said, and the boy behind him made another soft sound.
"But no," Nixon said. "You wanted to save America. And it wouldn"t make any difference to keep me out of government. If it hadn"t been me, it would have been someone else. There would have been a Richard Nixon anyway. If they hadn"t wanted me, I wouldn"t have been there. If Richard Nixon hadn"t existed, they would have made one."
Siggy sighed. "Then I don"t know what to do," he said.
Nixon turned and looked out over the water. "I only did what they wanted me to do. And when they changed their minds, they were surprised at what I was." The beach was cold and damp between waves. The breeze from the land carried the air of Los Angeles with it, and it made the beach smell slimy and old. "Maybe," Nixon said, "there"s nothing you can wish for that will save America. Maybe there"s nothing you can do at all."
And the noise the boy made was loud enough that Siggy at last turned to look at him. To his surprise, the boy was no longer standing up. He was sitting cross-legged in the sand, bowed over, his hands gripping each other behind his neck. His body shook.
"What"s wrong, Son?" Nixon asked. He sounded concerned.
The boy looked up, anger and grief in his face. "You," he said, and his voice shook. "You can call me Son." can call me Son."
Nixon knelt in the sand, painfully as if his leg hurt, and touched the boy"s shoulder. "What"s wrong, Son?"
"His brother was killed in Vietnam," Siggy said, as if that explained anything.
"I"m sorry," Nixon said. "I"m really sorry."
The boy threw off Nixon"s hand. "Do you think that matters? Do you think it makes any difference how sorry sorry you are?" The words stung Nixon, clearly. He shuddered as if his face had been slapped. you are?" The words stung Nixon, clearly. He shuddered as if his face had been slapped.
"I don"t know what else I can do," Nixon said softly.
The boy"s hand shot out and grabbed him by the lapels of his suit, pulling him down until they were face to face, and the boy screamed, "You can pay for it! You can pay and pay and pay-" and the boy"s lips and teeth were almost touching Nixon"s face, and Nixon looked pathetic and helpless in the boy"s grip, flecks of the boy"s spit beginning to dot his cheeks and lips. Siggy watched, and realized there was nothing that Nixon could do that would pay it all, that would give the boy back what he had lost, realized that Nixon had not really taken it from the boy. Had not taken it, could not return it, was as much a victim as anyone else. How could Siggy, with a single wish, set it all right? How could he even up all the scales?
"Think, idiot," said the fairy G.o.dmother. "I"m losing patience."
"I don"t know what to do," he said to her.
"And you"re the one with the plan," she answered contemptuously.
The boy was still screaming, again and again, and Nixon was weeping now, silently letting the tears flow to join the spittle on his face, as if to agree, as if to make it unanimous.
"I wish," said Siggy, "for everyone to forgive you, Mr. Nixon. For everyone in America to stop hating you, little by little, until all the hate is gone."
The fairy G.o.dmother danced in his mind, waving her wand around and turning everything pink.
And the boy stopped screaming and let go of Nixon, gazed wonderingly into the old man"s eyes at the tears there, and said, "I"m sorry for you," and meant it with all his heart. Then Siggy helped the boy to his feet and they turned away, leaving Nixon on the beach. The world was tinged with pink and Siggy put his arm around the boy and they smiled at each other. And they headed back to the cab. Siggy saw the fairy G.o.dmother flying away ahead of them, north and east from San Clemente, trailing stars behind her as she flew.
"Bibbity bobbity boo," she cried, and she was gone.
THE P PORCELAIN S SALAMANDER.
THEY CALLED THEIR country the Beautiful Land, and they were right. It perched on the edge of the continent. Before the Beautiful Land stretched the broad ocean, which few dared to cross; behind it stood the steep Rising, a cliff so high and sheer that few dared to climb. And in such isolation the people, who called themselves, of course, the Beautiful People, lived splendid lives. country the Beautiful Land, and they were right. It perched on the edge of the continent. Before the Beautiful Land stretched the broad ocean, which few dared to cross; behind it stood the steep Rising, a cliff so high and sheer that few dared to climb. And in such isolation the people, who called themselves, of course, the Beautiful People, lived splendid lives.
Not all were rich, of course. And not all were happy. But there was such a majesty to living in the Beautiful Land that the poverty could easily be missed by the undiscerning eye, and misery seemed so very fleeting.
Except to Kiren.
To Kiren, misery was the way of life. For though she lived in a rich house with servants and had, it seemed, anything she could possibly want, she was deeply miserable most of the time. For this was a land where cursing and blessing and magic worked-not always, and not always in the way the person doing it might have planned-but sometimes the cursing worked, and in her case it had.
Not that she had done anything to deserve it; she had been as innocent as any other child in her cradle. But her mother had been a weak woman, and the pain and terror of giving birth had killed her. And Kiren"s father loved his wife so much that when he learned of the news, and saw the baby that had been born even as her mother died, he cried out, "You killed her! You killed her! May you never move a muscle in your life, until you lose someone you love as much as I loved her!" It was a terrible curse, and the nurse wept when she heard it, and the doctors stopped Kiren"s father"s mouth so that he could say no more in his madness.
But his curse took hold, and though he regretted it a million times during Kiren"s infancy and childhood, there was nothing he could do. Oh, the curse was not all that that strong. Kiren did learn to walk, after a fashion. And she could stand for as much as two minutes at a time. But most of the times she sat or lay down, because she grew so weary, and her muscles only weakly did what she told them to. She could lift a spoon to her mouth, but soon became tired, and had to be fed. She scarcely had the energy to chew. strong. Kiren did learn to walk, after a fashion. And she could stand for as much as two minutes at a time. But most of the times she sat or lay down, because she grew so weary, and her muscles only weakly did what she told them to. She could lift a spoon to her mouth, but soon became tired, and had to be fed. She scarcely had the energy to chew.
And every time her father saw her, he wanted to weep, and often did weep. And sometimes he even thought of killing himself to finally wipe away his guilt. But he knew that this would only injure poor Kiren even more, and she had done nothing to deserve injury.
When his guilt grew too much for him to bear, however, he did escape. He put a bag of fine fruits and clever handwork from the Beautiful Land on his back, and set out for the Rising. He would be gone for months, and no one knew when he would return, or whether the Rising would this time prove too much for him and send him plunging to his death. But when he returned, he always brought something for Kiren. And for a while she would smile, and she would say, "Father, thank you." And things would go well, for a time, until she again became despondent and her father again suffered from watching the results of his ill-thought curse.
It was late spring in the year Kiren turned eleven when her father came home even happier than he usually was after a trip up the Rising. He rushed to his daughter where she lay wanly on the porch listening to the birds.
"Kiren!" he cried. "Kiren! I"ve brought you a gift!"
And she smiled, though even the muscles for smiling were weak, which made her smile sad. Her father reached into his bag (which was full of all kinds of wonders, which he would, being a careful man, sell to those with money to pay, not just for goods, but for rarity) and he pulled out his gift and handed it to Kiren.
It was a box, and the box lurched violently this way and that.
"There"s something alive in there," Kiren said.
"No, my dear Kiren, there is not. But there"s something moving, and it"s yours. And before I help you open it, I"ll tell you the story. I came one day in my wanderings to a town I had never visited before, and in the town were many merchants. And I asked a man, "Who has the rarest and best merchandise in town?" He told me that I had to see Irva.s.s. So I found the man in a humble and poor-looking shop. But inside were wonders such as you"ve never seen. I tell you, the man understands the bright magic from over the sky. And he asked, "What do you want most in the world?" and of course I said to him, "I want my daughter to be healed.""
"Oh, Father," said Kiren. "You don"t mean-"
"I do mean. I mean it very much. I told him exactly how you are and exactly how you got that way, and he said, "Here is the cure," and now let"s open the box so you can see."
So Kiren opened the box, with more than a little help from her father, but she dared not reach inside. "You get it out, Father," she suggested, and he reached inside and pulled out a porcelain salamander. It was shiny yet deep with fine enameling, and though it was white-not at all the normal color for salamanders-the shape was unmistakable.
It was, in fact, a perfect model of a salamander. And it moved.
The legs raced madly in the air; the tongue darted in and out of the lips; the head turned; the eyes rolled. And Kiren cried out and laughed and said, "Oh, Father, what did he do to make it move so wonderfully!"
"Well," said her father, "he told me that he had given it the gift of movement-but not the gift of life. And if it ever stops stops moving, it will immediately become like any other porcelain. Stiff and hard and cold." moving, it will immediately become like any other porcelain. Stiff and hard and cold."
"How it races," she said, and it became the delight of her life.
When she awoke in the morning the salamander danced on her bed. At mealtimes it raced around the table. Wherever she lay or sat, the salamander was forever chasing after something or exploring something or trying to get away from something. She watched him constantly, and he in turn never got out of sight. And then at night, while she slept, he raced around and around in her room, the porcelain feet hitting the carpet silently, only occasionally making a slight tinkling sound as it ran lightly across the brick of the hearth.
Her father watched for a cure, and slowly but surely it began to come. For one thing, Kiren was no longer miserable. The salamander was too funny not to laugh at. It never went away. And so she felt better. Feeling better was not all of it, though. She began to walk a bit more often, and stay standing more, and sit when ordinarily she would have lain. She began to go from one room to another by her own choice.
By the end of the summer she even took walks into the woods. Though she often had to stop and rest, she enjoyed the journey, and grew a little stronger.
What she never told anyone (partly because she was afraid that it might be her imagination) was that the salamander could also speak.
"You can speak," she said in surprise one day, when the salamander ran across her foot and said, "Excuse me."
"Of course," he said. "To you you."
"Why not anyone else?"
"Because I"m here for you you," he answered, as he ran along the top of the garden wall, then leaped down near her. "It"s the way I am. Movement and speech. Best I can do, you know. Can"t have life. Doesn"t work that way."
And so on their long walks in the forest they also talked, and Kiren fancied that the salamander had grown as fond of her as she had grown of him. In fact, she told the salamander one day, "I love you."
"Love love love love love love love," he answered, scampering up and down a tree.
"Yes," Kiren said. "More than life. More than anything at all."
"More than your father?" asked the salamander.
It was hard. Kiren was not a disloyal child, and really had forgiven her father for the curse years before. Yet she had to be honest to her salamander. "Yes," she said. "More than Father. More than-more than my dream of my mother. For you love me and can play with me and talk to me all the time."
"Love love love," said the salamander. "Unfortunately, I"m porcelain. Love love love love love. It"s a word. Two consonants and a vowel. Like sap sap sap sap sap. Lovely sound." And he leaped across a small brook in the way.
"Don"t-don"t you love me?"
"I can"t. It"s an emotion, you know. I"m porcelain. Beg your pardon," and he clambered down her back as she leaned her shoulder on a tree. "Can"t love. So sorry."
She was terribly, terribly hurt. "Don"t you feel anything toward me at all?"
"Feel? Feel? Don"t confuse things. Emotions come and go. Who can trust them? Isn"t it enough that I spend every moment with you? Isn"t it enough that I talk only to you? Isn"t it enough that I would-that I would-"
"Would what?"
"I was about to start making foolish predictions. I was about to say, isn"t it enough that I would die for you? But of course that"s nonsense, because I"m not I"m not alive. Just porcelain. Watch out for the spider."
She stepped out of the path of a little green hunting spider that could fell a horse with one bite. "Thank you," she said. "And thank you." The first was for saving her life, but that was his job. The second was for telling her that, in his own way, he loved her after all. "So I"m not foolish for loving you, am I?"
"Foolish you are. Foolish indeed. Foolish as the moons are foolish, to dance endlessly in the sky and never never never go home together."
"I love you," said Kiren, "better than I love the hope of being whole."