"But, my dear fellow, I don"t care. It doesn"t matter a twopenny d.a.m.n to me one way or the other."
I laughed.
"Oh, come now; you mustn"t think us such fools as all that.
We happen to know that you came away with a woman."
He gave a little start, and then suddenly burst into a shout of laughter. He laughed so uproariously that people sitting near us looked round, and some of them began to laugh too.
"I don"t see anything very amusing in that."
"Poor Amy," he grinned.
Then his face grew bitterly scornful.
"What poor minds women have got! Love. It"s always love.
They think a man leaves only because he wants others.
Do you think I should be such a fool as to do what I"ve done for a woman?"
"Do you mean to say you didn"t leave your wife for another woman?"
"Of course not."
"On your word of honour?"
I don"t know why I asked for that. It was very ingenuous of me.
"On my word of honour."
"Then, what in G.o.d"s name have you left her for?"
"I want to paint."
I looked at him for quite a long time. I did not understand.
I thought he was mad. It must be remembered that I was very young, and I looked upon him as a middle-aged man. I forgot everything but my own amazement.
"But you"re forty."
"That"s what made me think it was high time to begin."
"Have you ever painted?"
"I rather wanted to be a painter when I was a boy, but my father made me go into business because he said there was no money in art. I began to paint a bit a year ago. For the last year I"ve been going to some cla.s.ses at night."
"Was that where you went when Mrs. Strickland thought you were playing bridge at your club?"
"That"s it."
"Why didn"t you tell her?"
"I preferred to keep it to myself."
"Can you paint?"
"Not yet. But I shall. That"s why I"ve come over here.
I couldn"t get what I wanted in London. Perhaps I can here."
"Do you think it"s likely that a man will do any good when he starts at your age? Most men begin painting at eighteen."
"I can learn quicker than I could when I was eighteen."
"What makes you think you have any talent?"
He did not answer for a minute. His gaze rested on the pa.s.sing throng, but I do not think he saw it. His answer was no answer.
"I"ve got to paint."
"Aren"t you taking an awful chance?"
He looked at me. His eyes had something strange in them, so that I felt rather uncomfortable.
"How old are you? Twenty-three?"
It seemed to me that the question was beside the point.
It was natural that I should take chances; but he was a man whose youth was past, a stockbroker with a position of respectability, a wife and two children. A course that would have been natural for me was absurd for him. I wished to be quite fair.
"Of course a miracle may happen, and you may be a great painter, but you must confess the chances are a million to one against it. It"ll be an awful sell if at the end you have to acknowledge you"ve made a hash of it."
"I"ve got to paint," he repeated.
"Supposing you"re never anything more than third-rate, do you think it will have been worth while to give up everything?
After all, in any other walk in life it doesn"t matter if you"re not very good; you can get along quite comfortably if you"re just adequate; but it"s different with an artist."
"You blasted fool," he said.
"I don"t see why, unless it"s folly to say the obvious."
"I tell you I"ve got to paint. I can"t help myself. When a man falls into the water it doesn"t matter how he swims, well or badly: he"s got to get out or else he"ll drown."
There was real pa.s.sion in his voice, and in spite of myself I was impressed. I seemed to feel in him some vehement power that was struggling within him; it gave me the sensation of something very strong, overmastering, that held him, as it were, against his will. I could not understand. He seemed really to be possessed of a devil, and I felt that it might suddenly turn and rend him. Yet he looked ordinary enough.
My eyes, resting on him curiously, caused him no embarra.s.sment. I wondered what a stranger would have taken him to be, sitting there in his old Norfolk jacket and his unbrushed bowler; his trousers were baggy, his hands were not clean; and his face, with the red stubble of the unshaved chin, the little eyes, and the large, aggressive nose, was uncouth and coa.r.s.e. His mouth was large, his lips were heavy and sensual. No; I could not have placed him.
"You won"t go back to your wife?" I said at last.
"Never."
"She"s willing to forget everything that"s happened and start afresh.
She"ll never make you a single reproach."