Several cars were already in the parking lot. Standing at the top of the hill, she scanned the beach and saw the sand curve emptily toward the west. She sauntered down between the dunes and turned, strolling along the sh.o.r.e away from the few beachcombers. The surf pounded dramatically, driven by the day"s wind, the whitecaps blazing like jewels in the sun"s light. She took a long, deep breath of the fresh salt air. The crazy froth of the leaping waves excited her. She wanted to run into the cold surf, to dance in the waves, to be knocked over, drenched and dragged by the ocean. But she knew the undertow was dangerous here, so she resisted the urge.
One lone figure rode the waves on his surfboard, the crimson and black of his wet suit flashing in and out of the turquoise water like flying fish. Lexi found shelter between the dunes, spread her beach blanket, and settled down to watch. She"d never surfed, she"d always been afraid to, especially out here where the undertow was so strong, but she loved watching others ride the waves like mythical half-fish, half-human creatures.
Sitting cross-legged, she opened the wine and poured herself a gla.s.s. Except for the occasional cry of a gull, the only noise was the seething of the surf. She felt her shoulders relax and her heartbeat slow.
And then the surfer came out of the waves, carrying his surfboard, and her heart jumped like a dolphin surfacing because it was Jesse who was walking up the sh.o.r.e toward her.
"Hey," he said. "I thought that was you."
His blond hair, darkened by the water, was plastered around his face and the wet suit displayed the strong lean lines of his body with perfect clarity.
Could he tell how she couldn"t tear her eyes away from him? "Hi, Jesse. Good surf?"
He nodded. "The best. The wind came from the right direction today to get it going just right."
Suddenly Lexi felt lit up, vividly alive, like an Alice in Wonderland who"d just drunk a magic potion and walked through a shining gla.s.s into another world. This world was all summer sky and sea, and Jesse, Jesse wet and masculine. "I...I"d offer you some wine, but I only brought one gla.s.s."
"No problem. I"ll drink from the bottle. Just let me get out of this." He nodded toward the east. "I"ll grab my stuff." Dropping the surfboard, he sprinted away, sand flying up from his feet.
In a few moments he was back, carrying a towel and a sweatshirt.
"What a day," he said as he unzipped his wet suit and pulled it away from him. Lexi couldn"t tear her eyes away from his lean body as it emerged, one arm, another arm, his slender back, his muscular chest with swirls of hair matted between his nipples, twisting down past his belly b.u.t.ton to the top of his swim trunks. He tossed the suit aside like a husk, yanked the sweatshirt on over his head, then dropped down next to Lexi.
"Mind?" he asked, gesturing toward the bottle.
"Help yourself." She was overwhelmed by his presence. His legs, furred with blond hair, seemed so physical, so naked; his bony, sand-encrusted feet so masculine and somehow primitive.
Jesse took a swig of wine, then accepted the cheese and bread she held out. "Thanks. Come here often?"
It sounded like such a pickup line, they both laughed. "Actually, no. I"ve been too busy getting the shop up and running to enjoy myself."
"I know what you mean. Well, everyone who works in the summer knows. But I decided a long time ago I was going to enjoy myself."
"I"m so surprised," Lexi said with obvious sarcasm.
"Hey." Jesse punched her shoulder softly.
"Ow." Impulsively, Lexi grabbed his fist.
Jesse unfolded his fist and slid his palm against hers, slipping his fingers around hers, so that a delicate s.e.xual heat rose against their skin.
"Life is short," Jesse said. "I can"t let it be all about money."
"Of course not," she answered, glad her voice worked.
"You were brave, Lex. You got to live your life."
She was shaking now. She pulled her hand away. "You mean when I married Ed? Well, I got to travel, that"s for sure. But I wouldn"t say it was exactly living."
"Why not?" Jesse tilted the bottle again. Lexi watched his mouth circle the bottle"s rim. She saw his throat work as the liquid slid down.
"Because I didn"t love Ed. And he didn"t love me."
Jesse stared at Lexi. "How could any man not love you?"
She felt his eyes on her, a steady gaze. Her heartbeat tripled. "Well, love is pretty complicated."
"I"ve always thought it was pretty easy," Jesse said quietly.
"Easy," she echoed. What she wanted was as easy as her dreams.
"Life can be just about the moment," Jesse told her. "Just about now. The beach, the sun on our skin."
She tried to joke. "Now you"re getting philosophical on me."
"No," Jesse told her. "Just the opposite. I"m getting physical on you."
With one strong movement, Jesse shoved the bottle of wine so that it stood anch.o.r.ed in the sand. He took Lexi"s winegla.s.s from her and laid it in the wicker basket next to the bread and cheese. Gripping her shoulders, he pressed her firmly onto the ground. She was aware of the shifting pockets of sand beneath her, the cotton towel beneath her legs. Jesse stretched out next to her, lying not quite on top of her, and very intently, as if he were about to give CPR, he stroked her hair away from her face and brought his mouth down on hers. His breath was sweet, his lips slightly chapped, and strands of his hair tickled her face. His kiss was soft, his tongue salty. He lifted himself so she could get her arms around him, and he slowly drew his fingers over her face, and chin, and neck, and then he touched her b.r.e.a.s.t.s.
A low moan moved through her. Her body arched up, seeking his. His fingers fumbled for the zipper on her shorts. The sun had moved toward the horizon, and shadows from the dune draped them in an indigo blue. Jesse tugged off her shorts. Slowly, he slid his fingertips along the line of her jaw, around her neck, over her collarbone, over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s.
Jesse moved his hand down and down, over her belly, over her pubic hair, and then, with such languor, he parted her legs. A sweetness surged through her like she"d never known before. She had never known a man could be so gentle. It was as if Jesse were hypnotizing her, and as he stroked her, she sensed the delicacy of her skin as everything once dormant and cringing awakened with delight.
The dunes rose around them, enclosing them, and the light of day softened, sheltering them, and the sand beneath her surged into little hills and valleys, supporting her body as Jesse circled his fingertips and slipped his fingers against the silk of her skin, and like a magician, conjured up a rich cream between her legs that had never been there before. Gulls sang out as they flew overhead. She spread her legs and arched her hips, and Jesse moved down inside the V she made.
He thrust inside her. She felt a pressure, a deep internal shifting, like a bolt of liquid silk uncoiling within. Jesse"s face was next to her ear, his breath warm and labored. He lifted himself up to give himself leverage as he shoved himself deeper into her. She closed her eyes, abandoning herself to sensation, as her body allowed itself to be a cup, a channel, a basin, flooded and foaming with pleasure. Still he pressed into her, like a creature forcing his way home. Something broke off inside her, something was unlatched and unleashed. Pleasure spilled through her like the sea breaking through the jetties, tumbling, frothing, undeniable.
Jesse lifted himself off her. She was shivering, and he covered her with the towel, and laid his sweatshirt across her legs. Lying on his side, he held her close to him, and stroked her hair, and whispered, "Sssh."
But tears filled Lexi"s eyes and dripped down her face, and she couldn"t stop them. Half-laughing, she admitted in a choked, embarra.s.sed voice, "I don"t even know why I"m crying."
Jesse kissed her forehead. "It"s all right," Jesse said, and his voice sounded so tender. "It"s good to cry."
"Oh, Jesse." Rolling sideways, she buried her face in his chest.
He held her against him. She could feel her heart and his both subsiding from their pounding. Her blood spun a warm mist of ease through her limbs. A kind of happiness she"d never known before enfolded her in the softest arms. Perhaps she drifted into a kind of sleep.
After awhile she opened her eyes and looked up at Jesse. "Could we do that again?"
"Of course," Jesse said.
Darkness was falling. The breeze off the water chilled their skin, so they"d pulled on their clothing and huddled together, with the beach towel over their legs like a blanket. Sitting cross-legged, side by side, they faced the ocean, and though they couldn"t see it, they could hear it surging and plowing toward them.
Lexi"s body felt heavy, drugged, and sated, but her mind was waking up.
"Clare," she murmured.
Jesse snorted. "I was wondering how long it would take for you to bring her up."
"Well, Jesse, you were engaged to her. I"m one of her oldest friends."
"I know, babe," Jesse agreed. "You"re right."
"Oh, Jesse." Lexi ran her hands through her hair. "Now I feel terrible."
Jesse wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. "Hey, it"s not the end of the world we"re talking about here." He nuzzled his mouth into the top of her head, and she could feel his words come out against her skin like warmth. "I think this was a good thing, what happened between us just now, Lexi."
She lifted her head and looked at him, stunned. "You do?"
"What? You think I"m so trigger-happy I would have jumped anyone?" He kept his arm around her shoulder, but his voice was angry.
"I...I don"t know what I thought, Jesse." Reaching out, she drew her fingers gently along his face. Just looking at him made her smile. "I don"t think I was exactly thinking."
He smiled and brought his forehead to meet hers. "We"re a pair of brain surgeons, aren"t we?" He kissed the tip of her nose, her cheeks, her chin, her mouth. "I"ll tell you this much, whatever happened between us just now, I want more of it."
A thrill streaked through Lexi at his words.
Jesse drew back a little, so he could look Lexi right in the eyes. "And of course you should tell Clare. She won"t mind. She broke off with me, remember? And if rumor"s right, she"s got something going with your brother."
"Incestuous little island, isn"t it?" Lexi mused.
"Look, tell Clare," Jesse said. "That"s all I want to say about her. I don"t particularly want to talk about her, and I certainly don"t want what"s between you and me to be about Clare in any way."
Lexi was surprised. She wished she"d been the one to say that. Had she a.s.sumed he didn"t run so deep, wasn"t quite so perceptive? "I know," she agreed quietly. "You"re absolutely right."
He reached out his hand. "Come on. It"s getting chilly, and we"ve both got to work tomorrow."
Lexi set the wine bottle and gla.s.s into the basket and folded her towel over her arm. The waves sighed like the breath of a watching creature as they walked barefoot through the sand along the ocean"s edge and up between the dunes to the parking lot.
Jesse walked Lexi to her Range Rover, like a gentleman seeing his date home, waiting patiently as she stowed her sandy picnic gear in the back. He opened the door for her and watched her settle in. "I"ll call you," he promised. "I don"t know how soon, but I"ll call you."
Lexi nodded. Jesse gently closed the door and walked across the lot to his truck.
As she turned the key in the ignition and steered the car onto Surfside Road, she realized she was shaking all over. The sea breeze chilled her, but it wasn"t only the temperature that had her trembling. She hit the heater onto high and a blast of warm air roared into the car. She felt so...so everything. Happy, but kind of guilty. Astonished, and terrified. Hopeful, and frightened. She wanted to push back all the other thoughts, just for a moment, just for one brief moment, and allow herself to indulge in a pure hit of joy. Making love with Jesse had been a revelation. His mouth, his arms, his body-she nearly swerved off the road, remembering.
THIRTY-TWO.
Marlene was at the dentist, so Clare was in Sweet Hart"s by herself. Usually mornings were slow, so she hoped to get some special orders filled while she was behind the counter waiting for walk-in business. When the phone rang, she answered it absentmindedly, searching the desk behind the counter for her favorite pen.
"Clare?" It was Lexi.
"Lexi, hey, listen, I"m busy-"
"I know, Clare, but we have to talk." Lexi"s voice was shaky. "Look, I"m coming over right now." The phone went dead.
The door opened and a young mother with a little boy wandered into Sweet Hart"s. The child"s eyes grew large at the sight of a chocolate whale.
"Whatever you want, Forest," the mother said, dreamily eyeing the delicacies.
Lexi burst in the door. She wore a tiny gold tank top and a gauzy full skirt embroidered with beads. Her blond hair was pulled back into a sweeping ponytail and her arms were ringed with gold bracelets. She looked like a G.o.ddess.
"Clare! Listen, I"ve got to-" She went quiet when she noticed the mother and child.
The little boy lifted up a chocolate whale wrapped in plastic while his mother studied a box of almond crunch.
More calmly, Lexi said, "Listen, Clare, I can"t stay, I have to open my shop, but I didn"t want you to hear it from anyone else..."
Clare had childproofed her shop as well as possible, but the child clutched another chocolate whale, and another, while the mother meandered obliviously off to the other end of the shop. "Hear what?" she asked, only half listening.
Lexi slid behind the counter and stood close to Clare. "Clare." She touched Clare"s arm. Leaning close, she whispered, "Clare, last night I slept with Jesse."
"What?" She stared at Lexi, whose words didn"t seem to make any sense.
"On the beach. I ran into him. He was surfing. I was having some wine. We just-It just happened. And maybe, well, maybe I"ll see him again..."
"Cool!" The little boy dropped the chocolate whales on the floor as he spotted a bag of gold-foil-wrapped chocolate pennies. He stood on his toes but couldn"t quite reach it, so he jumped, grabbing out, and knocked a pyramid display of boxed chocolate truffles onto the floor.
"Careful," Clare cautioned, zipping around the counter. She took the boy gently by the hand and pulled him back. "Better not step on any of the boxes."
The mother turned and looked at the mess her child had made. "Oh, Forest, you"ve dropped your whales. Now they won"t be pretty anymore. Silly boy." She took her son"s hand and led him out of the shop.
"Well, that was nice." Lexi bent, almost knocking heads with Clare as they gathered up the fallen candies. "These boxes look okay, Clare, they aren"t dented or anything."
"Thanks, Lexi." Clare rearranged the display, focusing on the material objects, which seemed much easier to arrange than the emotions colliding within her.
"I don"t want you to be mad, Clare." Lexi wrung her hands nervously.
"I"m not mad, Lexi." Clare put her hand to her forehead. "I actually don"t know what I am right now."
"Then stop messing with those boxes and look at me," Lexi begged. "If you want me to stop seeing Jesse, tell me now."
Clare frowned. "Seeing Jesse?"
"Well, you know..."
"I"m not sure I do. Do you mean dating Jesse? Sleeping with Jesse? Getting serious with Jesse?"
"I guess I mean that. All of those. I mean, I don"t know yet, Clare. I"m not sure of my feelings and I certainly don"t have a clue about Jesse"s." Moving closer, she put her hand on Clare"s arm. "What I do know is that I don"t want to lose your friendship again. So if you don"t want me to see Jesse, I won"t."
"I wouldn"t ask that of you, Lexi. You should do what you want. I"m over Jesse. Completely, so don"t worry about that. But still, it just seems...so weird. I mean, if you do keep "seeing" Jesse, I don"t want to know all the intimate stuff. It"s just too strange..."